michelangelo Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Because people throw away the good things in their lives, the good people in their lives because they've met their "soulmate". Usually it is after they are married to someone they previously thought was their "soulmate." So can we dispense with that useless term?
jthorne Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 It's a romantic term used (here) to justify the unjustifiable.
nyrias Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 It has NOTHING to do with the term. If we don't call it "soulmate", we have to call it something else. romantic lover, brain chemistry lover, ..... Take your pick.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Soulmate. Jeez. Believed that term when I was 17. Boy was I wrong. What happens when you are married to one person and they get hit by a semi and die, then you remarry? Is one the 'soulmate' and the other the 'fill-in?' or was the semi hitting your spouse the good thing that happened so you could find your 'soulmate' and that your now-dead spouse just missed their chance (unless the semi driver was their soulmate and didn't want fate to tie him down to anything long-term.)
LilyBart Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Because people throw away the good things in their lives, the good people in their lives because they've met their "soulmate". Obviously you have never experienced anything as mindblowing as being with/connecting with/loving and being loved by said, "soulmate". But this is a moot point - trying to explain something to someone who (currently) is not capable of understanding it. Usually it is after they are married to someone they previously thought was their "soulmate." So can we dispense with that useless term? Uh not necessarily. A LOT of people get married KNOWING they are not getting married to their soulmate. They get married knowing they love each other "enough" (although not as soulmates), it's a good choice, a decent life partner, it's the next step, they got pregnant, everyone else is getting married, fill-in-the-blank at that point in their lives. If people waited until they actually found their soulmates in order to get married and procreate, the human population would drop swiftly.
Woman In Blue Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 LMAO! I crack up everytime I see that overused cliche uttered by some OW or MM posting on an affair board. 99.9% of the time, a year or two later, they're posting about what a piece of sh*t the guy was, what a liar he was, how STUPID they were to think he was anything but a scumbag, and how he (or she) did 'em wrong. And I also can't help but notice that the word "soulmate" has suddenly disappeared from their vocabulary. :laugh:
woinlove Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I guess whoever was handing out the souls, kind of messed up on mine, because I met at least 4 soulmates by the time I married - if by soulmate you mean the amazing connection that makes you dream about the person all the time, can't get enough of them, can't imagine life without them....until, well, until you can. Fortunately, I knew enough by the time I married that I wanted that connection, along with shared values and both of us willing and able to make a real commitment. I have an open M, so I've had a couple soul mates since being married too, but my H remains my one true life partner, who I've been with through good, illness, tragedy, children, crises, celebrations, and everything in between. It's kind of a soul-mate squared and you can't really know what it is and can be until the decades pass. Meanwhile, I can usually spot a soulmate of mine within a week, or month tops. I suspect there are a lot more of them running around than I'll have time to identify.
linwood Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 If people waited until they actually found their soulmates in order to get married and procreate, the human population would drop swiftly. So, what if you settle on one of these "decent" mates and start pro-creating because you really don't want to take the chance of waiting for the rarest of rare creatures (the soulmate) AND THEN You meet your soul-mate? Of course you should have an affair or break up your marriage because ain't no way the soulmate should be denied. I mean God,Allah,Vishnu, or the very fabric of the cosmos itself has given you this gift! Who are you to refuse this perfect happiness? I'll pass on the "soulmate" thanks.
rafallus Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Obviously you have never experienced anything as mindblowing as being with/connecting with/loving and being loved by said, "soulmate". But this is a moot point - trying to explain something to someone who (currently) is not capable of understanding it. Or maybe you won't try to explain it, because you're afraid concept of soulmate won't hold to scrutiny? IMO "soulmate" is just an arbitrary concept thrown into the mix just to present current situation in more dramatically romantic way, without actually giving any specifics. And how many situations you can use it in to make whatever look okay in your mind? This is just a silver bullet of rationalization: I cheated on my husband with 20 different men? So what, he's my soulmate, you won't understand. I've beaten my wife up? She's my soulmate, you will never understand that special thing between us. (apparently, not special enough, to, uh, not beat your wife up). I'm sitting in the bushes, stalking that girl I've known since forever? Because she's my soulmate, we're meant to be, dammit! Stop judging me! (then tell it to the cops).
bentnotbroken Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Solemate(heel) something that picks up everything that should remain on the curb.
CarrieT Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I believe in sole-mates... With a filet of sole meuniere, I would mate it with a White Burgundy...
jthorne Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Obviously you have never experienced anything as mindblowing as being with/connecting with/loving and being loved by said, "soulmate". But this is a moot point - trying to explain something to someone who (currently) is not capable of understanding it. Uh not necessarily. A LOT of people get married KNOWING they are not getting married to their soulmate. They get married knowing they love each other "enough" (although not as soulmates), it's a good choice, a decent life partner, it's the next step, they got pregnant, everyone else is getting married, fill-in-the-blank at that point in their lives. If people waited until they actually found their soulmates in order to get married and procreate, the human population would drop swiftly.A perfect example of why the term soulmate is complete silliness. I have a lot of trouble figuring out how true "soulmates" can carry on an affair for over 5 years. It seems if they were true "soulmates", he would have divorced by now to be with said "soulmate". But over 5 years later, he's still with that mean ol wife. Huh. Guess being "soulmates" doesn't mean that much after all.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I believe in sole-mates... With a filet of sole meuniere, I would mate it with a White Burgundy... mmm...
Author michelangelo Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Solemate(heel) something that picks up everything that should remain on the curb. Now that is truly priceless! I've just been spelling it wrong!
Author michelangelo Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Obviously you have never experienced anything as mindblowing as being with/connecting with/loving and being loved by said, "soulmate". But this is a moot point - trying to explain something to someone who (currently) is not capable of understanding it. Uh not necessarily. A LOT of people get married KNOWING they are not getting married to their soulmate. They get married knowing they love each other "enough" (although not as soulmates), it's a good choice, a decent life partner, it's the next step, they got pregnant, everyone else is getting married, fill-in-the-blank at that point in their lives. If people waited until they actually found their soulmates in order to get married and procreate, the human population would drop swiftly. Utter nonsense that I don't know the intensity of connection between two people. I just object to the term "soulmate", especially since it is used to justify harming so-called loved ones with infidelity. For example, is infecting your spouse with HPV warts that a "soulmate" gave to you justified because, well, that person was your "soulmate"? The whole destructive blank check approach to relationships is what the term represents to me. It does not represent love and affection.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Because people throw away the good things in their lives, the good people in their lives because they've met their "soulmate". Usually it is after they are married to someone they previously thought was their "soulmate." So can we dispense with that useless term? Sure, right after we dispense with God, luck, fate, and a whole number of other stupid mythical concepts.
OpenBook Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I still believe in soulmates. I have not met mine yet. None of my past loves or even my exH were my soulmates, although I loved them madly. Wondering if I will encounter him in this lifetime. It hasn't stopped me from living a rich, full life.
Summer Breeze Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I think it's a little silly just saying how silly the term soulmate is used with OW and WSs. The term is just plain silly as far as I'm concerned. I believe you fall in love depending on where you are in life. In your 20s you look for something different than your 30s and your 40s. If you happen to be alone and looking for someone you'll value different things. If you're lucky you'll find one person who can change with you and your siutation and you can grow together. I don't believe in soulmates but I do believe that true love isn't around every corner. I married a man I truly loved with all of my heart and soul. I went another 20 years and met someone who made me feel the same and I eventually had an A with him. I don't regret a moment spent with either man and I feel so blessed I had love like that twice in my life. I have friends who haven't had anything like it just once. I have to say I sincerely doubt I'll ever feel it again and know what-that's ok. Soulmates in any context is just a way of expressing something and describing something.
no expectations Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I don't know one way or the other if such exists, but I have many married friends who refer to their husband/wife as their soulmate and they have never cheated. Its a term of endearment like any other but seems to pack a huge amount of emotion and defensiveness for many.
2long Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Obviously you have never experienced anything as mindblowing as being with/connecting with/loving and being loved by said, "soulmate". But this is a moot point - trying to explain something to someone who (currently) is not capable of understanding it. Someone in such a relationship is the last one capable of putting it in2 perspective. Romantic love is a powerful feeling, but it is only a feeling that lasts a few years at a time. Uh not necessarily. A LOT of people get married KNOWING they are not getting married to their soulmate. They get married knowing they love each other "enough" (although not as soulmates), it's a good choice, a decent life partner, it's the next step, they got pregnant, everyone else is getting married, fill-in-the-blank at that point in their lives. Likewise, a lot of people get married "knowing" they are marrying their soulmates. If people waited until they actually found their soulmates in order to get married and procreate, the human population would drop swiftly. If people waited until they ac2ally unders2d what love is, and why it's not a feeling but a conscious choice involving personal integrity, responsibility, and values, the human population might drop swiftly, but only because it SHOULD (7 billion people on this planet is 2 many by a factor of 5 or 10). There are either hundreds of millions of potential soulmates for each of us out there, or there is no such thing. -ol' 2long
woinlove Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 . There are either hundreds of millions of potential soulmates for each of us out there, or there is no such thing. Aside from some factors of ten, I agree with your statement. Hundreds of millions is too high, though.
Summer Breeze Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Someone in such a relationship is the last one capable of putting it in2 perspective. Romantic love is a powerful feeling, but it is only a feeling that lasts a few years at a time. Likewise, a lot of people get married "knowing" they are marrying their soulmates. If people waited until they ac2ally unders2d what love is, and why it's not a feeling but a conscious choice involving personal integrity, responsibility, and values, the human population might drop swiftly, but only because it SHOULD (7 billion people on this planet is 2 many by a factor of 5 or 10). There are either hundreds of millions of potential soulmates for each of us out there, or there is no such thing. -ol' 2long Sorry but I don't think love is simply a conscious choice. If it were we'd marry the first person we dated and that would be that. Love has everything to do with attraction and connection and then everything else is either negotiated around that or there is too much to negotiate and it fizzles. I coudln't imagine living in a world where love was a cerebral thing and not a warm feeling that doesn't really have a description.
Owl Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Sorry but I don't think love is simply a conscious choice. If it were we'd marry the first person we dated and that would be that. Love has everything to do with attraction and connection and then everything else is either negotiated around that or there is too much to negotiate and it fizzles. I coudln't imagine living in a world where love was a cerebral thing and not a warm feeling that doesn't really have a description. Love is very much a conscious choice. We can't always control who we're attracted to. But we ALWAYS have the choice as to whether or not we FEED that attraction by increasing our interaction with that person and letting it grow to the point where we LOVE them. I've been attracted to many women in my life. But...because I'm married, and I understand how attraction blossoms into love, I deliberately and intentionally PREVENT further interaction with those women in order to PREVENT the possibility for us to "fall in love". It's a choice, a process. We don't "fall in love" in some uncontrollable fashion. We start out attracted to them. Then we increase our interaction with them over time...both how much we interact, and the emotional depth of that interaction, until it reaches a point where we feel that we "love" them.
Recommended Posts