Is this a myth? Or are men really like this?

[FrustratedStandards]

This is just a thought I have been having after my latest situation. I have heard (mostly from women) that a man loves a child depending on how much he loves the mom.

 

Not saying they dont love their kids, they do! But ive often heard of wives or children say the dad had previous kids (unplanned) and then had the current kids (planned and with wife) whom they love and treat so good.

 

I had heard instances where a man loves more the kids he had with the woman he loves, because they are a product of the person he is inlove with. Other children are still loved of course, but not to the same degree.

 

True?

 

Not trying to bash anyone or degrade children, just a curious thought I have been wondering about. No man will ever admit loving one child more or less, they always say its "different". Thats why its best to ask online where no one would be scrutinized for an honest answer.

 

Once a man told me that he loved both his step child and biological child a great deal, but admitted that he somehow had a stronger pull to his biological.

 

Wondering if there is a similar effect depeding on who the mother is?

[KR10N]

Any good parent would never admit to loving one (their) child more or less. Why? Because crappy parents have favorites.

[grkBoy]

I don't know about that. I think it more comes down to the guy's character.

 

The problem is there are too many BOYS making babies, and they still want to remain BOYS, which doesn't bode well when that kid needs a father.

 

Seen guys who knocked up a lover they didn't want to be with, but they unconditionally loved that child, even if things ended up in drama with the guy and the kid's mother.

 

Seen others who simply never really thought about or wanted kids, ended up with one, and pretty much take a negligent approach...even to the point of dumping the kids on a new girlfriend for a day so he can go drinking with the fellas.

[Pierre]

Once a man leaves his wife he may have a hard time being a part time dad. The standard is to see the kids two weekends a month, in other words 4 out of 30 days.

 

If the dad wants more time with the kids he has to get permission from the mom who almost always has custody. Over the time dad is never there to do homework, put the kids to bed, and to nurture them. Sometimes a step dad takes over.

 

After wards the kids grow up and rather spend time at home than to go away for two weekends a month. This is evident as they make friends.

 

At his moment some dads perceive they are not that important and subconsciously back away. Then it becomes a habit and the calls and meetings with the kids decrease over time. Then the dad meets a new woman and has children; those kids are younger and around 24/7. This causes more distancing from the original family. The more distant the relationship gets the harder is to reconnect and then it feels awkward.

 

That is my take and is only an opinion.

[carhill]

While I'm loving and protective of all children, I would definitely give a slight to significant margin to those I've sired or adopted, regardless of the woman involved, with slight being other children in a step-family situation to more significant if the other children were from strangers.

 

This perspective doesn't have to be reflected in obvious behavior, but I think it important to acknowledge to one's self. A common complaint I've heard, mainly from women, is that another child in the family, regardless of biology, was the 'favorite'. I have no frame of reference being an only child but that sounds reasonable. It's nearly impossible to love separate humans perceptively equally, so someone is bound to feel 'less'. Some get past that; others don't. This dichotomy appears more marked in step/half-families, another dynamic I have no experience with. Such is life.