cdm369 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Isn't asking for the right to privacy the same thing as the right to have secrets? How is this a good thing?
TigerCub Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Although what anyone does in the bathroom is no secret, I sure do appreciate the privacy there.
denise_xo Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Although what anyone does in the bathroom is no secret, I sure do appreciate the privacy there. That was my first thought, too
Feelin Frisky Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Answer yes, And, everyone of us has secrets or things that we wish to show only with our own spin if at all. People are territorial animals who judge others often with emotion and in ways that facilitate their agendas. Privacy i a base-line right to keep others who have not received permissions to explore personal information, judge it and/or use it for their own purposes. I have a big ass problem with FaceBook in that regard as people frequently don't know today what a simple approval will allow in the way of presenting a picture of them that skews the real truth. Why anyone would willingly buy into that baffles me. That's for businesses and professionals who actually engineer their image.
Author cdm369 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 I mean like knowing who she talks to ....who texts her....especially at odd hours....I personally don't care if she goes through anything of mine...mail...car...phone...whatever. cause im not hiding nothing.
Woman In Blue Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 There's a big difference between privacy and secrecy, cdm. Privacy would include the thoughts or fantasies one has, the gossip shared over coffee with girlfriends, maybe the journal or diary they keep, the mail they might receive, etc. etc. And then there's secrecy - the hiding of things, the lying about where one's been and what they've done or with whom they've spent time, etc. When they're doing their very best to keep it hidden from you, then yes, that would be secrecy.
make me believe Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I mean like knowing who she talks to ....who texts her....especially at odd hours....I personally don't care if she goes through anything of mine...mail...car...phone...whatever. cause im not hiding nothing. She is getting texts at odd hours and won't tell you who they are from? HUGE red flag. She should have absolutely no problem telling you who she is talking to and what they are talking about. Even showing you the text messages for your peace of mind. If she won't agree to that, you'll know she's hiding something inappropriate. Sorry
TigerCub Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 She is getting texts at odd hours and won't tell you who they are from? HUGE red flag. She should have absolutely no problem telling you who she is talking to and what they are talking about. Even showing you the text messages for your peace of mind. If she won't agree to that, you'll know she's hiding something inappropriate. Sorry I would totally agree with that, but I would also consider if OP is asking her these questions ALL the time, "who are you talking to?" "what did you talk about?" "tell me tell me tell me" if its constant badgering, I would see how someone would actually get stubborn and not show anything at all. so OP, how did this all start? but really late night texts or chats have some shady potential...
Turtles Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 She is getting texts at odd hours and won't tell you who they are from? HUGE red flag. She should have absolutely no problem telling you who she is talking to and what they are talking about. Even showing you the text messages for your peace of mind. If she won't agree to that, you'll know she's hiding something inappropriate. Sorry Another red flag to me, is have some control freak on my ass who starts freaking out every time I receive a text message. But, that's just me
Author cdm369 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 If said person wasn't acting shady with some texts but not with others it would be no big deal. My thing is if you ain't hiding anything what does it matter. She can pick my phone up go thru it any time and I wouldn't give a s#!t. People ask for trust but they don't want to put in the effort to earn it or keep it.
make me believe Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Another red flag to me, is have some control freak on my ass who starts freaking out every time I receive a text message. But, that's just me Right, because simply asking your partner who texted them last night at 3am & why they are being secretive about it is soo controlling. cdm, you are right that people need to put in the effort to earn and keep trust. Acting shady with your phone, receiving texts at strange hours & refusing to tell you who they are from, stuff like that, is just not ok. I hate it when people freak out, call you controlling, and insist that you HAVE to trust her or you're the one with the problem. Why SHOULD you trust her if she's getting texts at odd hours & refusing to explain them to you?? If it was nothing, then the first time you asked her about it she should have said "oh it was just Kelly confirming our plans for tomorrow" or whatever. Great. No problem whatsoever. Instead, she's making you worry & wonder with her behavior. All I know is that I personally have nothing to hide from my husband, so I hide nothing from him. He is free to go through my phone, computer, whatever, anytime he wants to. He doesn't do that because he has no reason to, but the option is there. I wouldn't care because I know he wouldn't find anything.
Author cdm369 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Exactly how I feel..make me believe..I don't hide anything from her...don't care what she asks or wants to know...knows my passwords and can pick up my phone anytime and I could care less. I know there are controlling people out there but there are also people who throw that word around. If roes were reversed she would feel the same way. If you want me to trust you make me trust you. Earn and keep it
TBH Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 privacy is respecting a person's belongings etc. and not poking your nose around in their stuff, reading their mail etc. because ITS NOT FOR YOU. I mean you wouldnt look at your best friend's texts and emails would you? so how does simply going out with someone give you that right? its not like you own them or anything. but if you ask 'who was that on the phone'? and they dont want to reply and ask for privacy, then thats secrecy. I understand what you're saying but the act of looking through someone's stuff (for no good reason) is kind of implying you dont trust them. Like you think you will find something (cos why would you look otherwise?) You should start a relationship with trust and take what the person says as the truth. then if they do behave in a distrustful manor (not telling you who they're talking to etc ) then you have every right to become suspicious.
Author cdm369 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Thought I established the fact of shady behavior...texts at 3 am...the behavior is what triggered the questions
TBH Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Thought I established the fact of shady behavior...texts at 3 am...the behavior is what triggered the questions yes and i referred to that in this sentence but if you ask 'who was that on the phone'? and they dont want to reply and ask for privacy, then thats secrecy. but your original post was saying whats the difference between secrecy and privacy which is what i was answering. if you have a reason to be suspicious thats something totally different
BeyondtheClouds Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I'm wrestling with this issue as my boyfriend and I continually mesh our lives together. I'm not sure what the answer should be which is why I am exploring here but one thing I want to remind anyone who is in an exclusive relationship is......if you are taking the relationship seriously, you are giving up a lot for the other person. If the other person still feels that it's ok to hang out, check out other people (even under the innocent guise of "just friends"), effectively, they are still shopping AND on your clock. IF they're still shopping, they MAY decide that they have got the best deal that they can possibly get (never mind the best deal that they could possibly want) AND then again, they may decide that they can do better. Well, if my boyfriend wants to still shop around, I just want to know about it. That's all. This is why when people throw around terms like trust and insecurity, I really want to drill down on these things. 1. How much do you have to trust someone before they meet you halfway with regular disclosure. 2. How much is it about being insecure versus just being confident about the future.
Author cdm369 Posted September 5, 2011 Author Posted September 5, 2011 That's where I am...don't want to feel like I have to wonder. I know where I want to be and I show that to her in every way. Trust and insecurity are and always will be linked. Another thing people don't realize is that they put themselves in bad spots and disrespect the op with some of their behaviors.
Avery Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. 3 am phonecalls/texts? Hell yeah, you have a right to question. And if your partner refuses to divulge that should set up HUGE red flags.
anmolmark Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 Privacy is the ability of an individual or group to seclude themselves or information about themselves and thereby reveal themselves selectively. The boundaries and content of what is considered private differ among cultures and individuals, but share basic common themes. Privacy is sometimes related to anonymity, the wish to remain unnoticed or unidentified in the public realm. When something is private to a person, it usually means there is something within them that is considered inherently special or personally sensitive. The degree to which private information is exposed therefore depends on how the public will receive this information, which differs between places and over time. Privacy is broader than security and includes the concepts of appropriate use and protection of information.
2sunny Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 Those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. 3 am phonecalls/texts? Hell yeah, you have a right to question. And if your partner refuses to divulge that should set up HUGE red flags. this! i'd be demanding answers! my spouse is texting at 3am - and i'm not allowed to understand what it's about? hell no! THAT is our time together - spouse should be snuggling up and feeling CONNECTED to ME - not some random person texting. the person she's texting has now taken precedence over being connected with you. i'd have something to say about that... "get out". since THAT person is more important than sleeping with me - get out now!!!! she can have her "privacy" when she's alone!
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