dasein Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I think it's a valid observation about porn causing ED. Legalize prostitution and the problem would go away.
KathyM Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I think it's a valid observation about porn causing ED. Legalize prostitution and the problem would go away. Yes, porn causes ED. It reprograms the brain to be stimulated by porn instead of real sex. But to legalize prostitution would just be trading one addiction for another. People that visit a lot of prostitutes also screw up their ability to be stimulated by sex with a woman in a relationship. They program their brain to be stimulated by sex with a variety of strangers, and then they lose the ability to be stimulated by sex with one woman in a relationship.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I don't see why porn should be illegal. It's consensual adults, having consensual sex. In fact, I don't see what is so bad about porn? It fills a void that too many men face. Take away porn, and you'll see a lot more angry serial killers out there.
Red Arremer Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I've tried cutting down but I can't seem to attract women lately and if I don't watch porn I'll be more horny and thus depressed. Yeah that about sums it up. I haven't been with anyone in going on 2 years and I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for porn at this point. That said, I watched porn just as much then and I never had any trouble performing, in fact I would almost always end up performing more than once, if you catch my drift.
mike1988 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Yeah that about sums it up. I haven't been with anyone in going on 2 years and I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for porn at this point. That said, I watched porn just as much then and I never had any trouble performing, in fact I would almost always end up performing more than once, if you catch my drift. My problem is I've never slept with a girl my age (almost 23). I've slept with girls from 25 years old to 40 years old. The younger ones seem to be totally turned off by the "game" that gets me laid by the older ones. It's really insanity how women's minds work.
AHardDaysNight Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Hey, I can't figure out game for any age, so you've got one up on me, mike!
Feelin Frisky Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Excellent post! Thanks, Farm. I could use a pat just then.
thatone Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I think it's a fairly common aftermath. Although I've been with men whom were porn junkies but who also had very high "natural" libidos. In my own experience (though I am not male), I had found that porn desensitized me. Not worth the brevity... haven't viewed/used it for years. I went through a phase of being unable to be aroused by "normal" sex etc... when I ceased the porn, it took a couple of years before my sexual drive returned (and of course, encountering a wonderful man, lol). I'm currently indifferent to pornography (having tasted a deeper sexual intimacy with someone helps I think). I've also changed my ideas of sex in general. But more power to those who can use it and derive benefits from it whilst finding it morally sound and the like. I don't think it cheapens sexual experiences for everyone, it just happened to for me. I should mention I also had a fair share of "wild" experiences with people that I also found unsatisfying (I really need intellectual stimulation to enjoy sex) and it seems many others don't. I can't really blame it all on pornography, but rather correlations to it were ones I just also found unsatisfying. i would bet it's a lot more of the latter than the former. i suspect a lot of people who have never really had normal healthy relationships simply don't understand, because they've never had what you're talking about. and staying in bad relationships for years due to a fear of being alone doesn't count. there are just as many people out there like that, too.
A O Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Guys must be losing some connection with the sociology of women--thoughts, conduct, manners and so forth that establishes that a whole person is involved in sex who doesn't cease to exist when the act it over like porn stars do when you turn the off. This is serious stuff in many regards. You're forgetting the other side of this equation - women. Only women who do not want to be treated as a whole person will allow guys to view/treat them as you've suggested. Your premise is not anywhere near as serious as you think because of this. Matter of fact its just pure scare mongering. There are two people in a relationship folks. And both have equal say in what befalls them. It is not a case of one side doing whatever it pleases and the other having to put up with that. .
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) There are two people in a relationship folks. And both have equal say in what befalls them. It is not a case of one side doing whatever it pleases and the other having to put up with that. . Ideally... I suppose you haven't really dabbled in mental health/illnesses much though... have you? Not to mention just... general human behavior... ? "too" many people feel stuck within a "relationship" (arrangement)... and some people are just ... lost. As well as struggling with their own ideas of what's "right" and "best" and all the other things they get entangled with... all the other webs they get spun in... the nasty things we can insensibly weave, and or be oblivious to others weaving around us. It would be nice if the majority of people viewed things as within their control ... but often those crazy about having control oppress others anyway lol... goodness... I suppose I just wonder what world you are living in, where people can clearly see what is enabling, what is hurtful, what is right and what is wrong and how to behave and act and teach others how to treat them as well as treat others well etc etc etc. Edited August 30, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
AHardDaysNight Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I imagine many porn stars have low self esteem. That being said, many virgins who are porn addicts also have low self esteem. Both are destructive, and both can hurt the person. I think it's ideal to have sex within a relationship, but can you fault someone if he/she gets so sexually frustrated that they turn to porn? After all, we're all adults.
A O Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Ideally... I suppose you haven't really dabbled in mental health/illnesses much, have you? Not to mention just... general human behavior... Yeah, ten years, actively, still a newbie compared to many. "too" many people feel stuck within a "relationship" (arrangement)... and some people are just ... lost. As well as struggling with their own ideas of what's "right" and "best" and all the other things they get entangled with... all the other webs they get spun in... the nasty things we can weave, and or be oblivious to others weaving around us. Understand this, its unfortunate, its sad, understand this all to well. But, in most of these circumstances, porn is not the cause of them - poor upbringing will tend to be the root cause for most people caught in these situations. It would be nice if the majority of people viewed things as within their control ... but often those crazy about having control oppress others anyway lol... goodness... I suppose I just wonder what world you are living in?Depending on who you talk to - control - isn't the best term to use when dealing with folk with boundary issues. Management, managing, coping, they are some of the terms I tend to see the most. People can learn to better manage their relationships without doubt. It's a long road for many, but it can be done. Health professionals are available to help folk better manage all the situations you have mentioned. There is a way out, those circumstances you have mentioned - they don't have to be. There is another way. .
AHardDaysNight Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I know that porn has given me unrealistic expectations. Perhaps it's time to turn off the porn, and go out and talk to real girls?
somedude81 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I know that porn has given me unrealistic expectations. Perhaps it's time to turn off the porn, and go out and talk to real girls? If you haven't been, then by all means, go and do that. As for the whole unrealistic expectation thing, that hasn't happened to me at all. I don't compare the girls in real life to girls I see in porn. The key difference between the two, is that porn girls don't give a damn about you. Once you start talking to real girls, you'll see that some of them don't care about you at all, they can be safely ignored as they are as real as the porn girls. So just focus on the ones who seem like they want to talk.
dasein Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 People that visit a lot of prostitutes also screw up their ability to be stimulated by sex with a woman in a relationship. Disagree, prostitutes cost significant money, limiting the availability of such activities for average men. Internet porn OTOH does not cost much money, but it would be conceivable that a man who was getting laid by a prostitute every couple of weeks would cut down his porn use, as several men allude to in this thread, reducing the bad effects of porn while not incurring any bad (IMO imaginary) effects of prostitution. And if the discussion progresses, remember that there is a very broad swath of women today conducting their sex lives essentially as prostitutes as far as frequency is concerned, several FWB, impulsive promiscuity, just doing it with a select group of top percentile men and not being paid. Does their promiscuity cause a desensitizing to sex with an exclusive partner?
EnigmaticClarity Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I know that porn has given me unrealistic expectations. Perhaps it's time to turn off the porn, and go out and talk to real girls? That's not the only reason people use it. I've used it when my girlfriends are on their period, out of town, not in the mood, wanted less sex than myself (some weeks I want it 10+ times), or just because I was looking for variety. I've stopped using it entirely for a while now because it sometimes, maybe 1 in 4 times, led to not being able to finish, or for it taking 40+ minutes to finish. I try to limit fantasies to something not too exotic and always involving my girlfriend to prevent delayed or inability to finish as well so that I don't condition myself to occasionally preferring something other than her. It has never caused erectile problems for me, just energy/focus problems. It definitely doesn't cause unrealistic expectations with my current girlfriend--I prefer her to 80%+ of the women in porn anyway. Just the natural desire for variety makes it of interest...to deny that people enjoy looking at variety in the human form is to deny human nature. I'm certainly not saying people HAVE to engage in it, there are definitely great reasons to not use porn and it's not a necessity.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 You're forgetting the other side of this equation - women. Only women who do not want to be treated as a whole person will allow guys to view/treat them as you've suggested. Your premise is not anywhere near as serious as you think because of this. Matter of fact its just pure scare mongering. There are two people in a relationship folks. And both have equal say in what befalls them. It is not a case of one side doing whatever it pleases and the other having to put up with that. . I forget nothing. I leave out lesser relevancies to shorten a post so that I get read.
KathyM Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Disagree, prostitutes cost significant money, limiting the availability of such activities for average men. Internet porn OTOH does not cost much money, but it would be conceivable that a man who was getting laid by a prostitute every couple of weeks would cut down his porn use, as several men allude to in this thread, reducing the bad effects of porn while not incurring any bad (IMO imaginary) effects of prostitution. And if the discussion progresses, remember that there is a very broad swath of women today conducting their sex lives essentially as prostitutes as far as frequency is concerned, several FWB, impulsive promiscuity, just doing it with a select group of top percentile men and not being paid. Does their promiscuity cause a desensitizing to sex with an exclusive partner? You raise an interesting point. Does a permiscuous lifestyle desensitize a person to sex? Well, I certainly believe that it can. As far as the prostitute debate, I recently did a research project for a class I'm taking in counseling psychology, and the finding was that frequent visits to prostitutes can cause men to have trouble with ED in normal relationships because they have reprogrammed their brain to associate sexual stimulation or excitement with multiple strangers, rather than a woman they are in a relationship with. Of course, most men would never go to see a prostitute in the first place, since there is a high risk of contracting an STD, and they would feel grossed out at the prospect of doing it with someone who has been used by multiple men. But I have read a lot about the subject for this research project I did, and it does show that for some men who frequent prostitutes, just like men who frequent porn sites, they condition themselves to get turned on by those activities, and their brain then associates that activity with sexual stimulation, and then their brain has trouble getting turned on by sex from a normal relationship. You're suggesting replacing the internet porn addiction with frequenting prostitutes. That can also be an addiction that screws up a person's ability to perform in a normal relationship, according to the articles and testimonies I have read. As far as having frequent permiscuous sex with people who you don't have romantic feelings for, and whether that can cause future sexual problems for when you are in a relationship, that would be an interesting topic of research that I could do for a project. I, personally, feel that people can desensitize themselves to sex if they have a long string of meaningless sexual encounters with people that they have no feelings for, and that sex then becomes to them just a sexual act rather than a demonstration of romantic love, and that it does take away from the specialness and uniqueness of sex.
kaos066 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Interesting post... I saw the title and clicked it right away. This is my first post on these forums, however I feel like I'm getting to that ED point and I really, really want to reverse it as soon as possible. I'm 22 years old and have been watching porn for a long, long time... since I was about 11 or 12. For a lot of years I watched it every day... I didn't have a girlfriend for a long time and it was a good way to escape from everything I suppose. When I was bored I would watch it as well... for no apparent reason. Over the past few weeks I have been on and off, mostly off watching porn because I feel it is in fact desensitizing me. I recently just broke off a two year relationship with my girlfriend, and although we never actually had intercourse, whenever we would kiss or anything like that I would get instantly hard... which was great, but now I'm not sure if I would have the same reactions. I've noticed lately when I do look at porn I'm not as hard as I normally am and am worried if that would translate into a real life situation. Unfortunately, I have no girlfriend to test this theory... I'm just worried I'm only 22 and experiencing this. I need to stop with porn altogether anyways.
Elysian Powder Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Of course, most men would never go to see a prostitute in the first place, since there is a high risk of contracting an STD, I don't carry around statistics with me, but I've seen several studies that suggest the presence of stds in most sexually active people. There must be a reason for condoms selling so much(beyond the double security) and govts wanting to give the HPV vaccine to young girls. I know several guys who have too much to lose if they have sex for free, and they test the courtesans quite frequently. It does make sense. How many guys and gals in relationships ask their SO to get periodically tested?
EnigmaticClarity Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 How many guys and gals in relationships ask their SO to get periodically tested? PERIODICALLY tested? Why do it beyond the beginning? Periodic testing suggests somebody's cheating.
Elysian Powder Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 PERIODICALLY tested? Why do it beyond the beginning? Periodic testing suggests somebody's cheating. Would you eat an orange everyday if consuming the fruit was believed to prevent cancer? What if doctors, researchers, people who deal with stds everyday, told you that many, many people cheat on their SO's and spouses? I look both ways before crossing the street.
dasein Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 @kathym, no problem agreeing that becoming addicted to prostitutes could have similar effects, ED etc., as porn, when taken to extreme degrees. And also no problem agreeing that the whole focus of the current black market prostitution business is to get the client addicted and take all his money. That's one aspect of that game that is rarely discussed. However, removing prostitution from the black market to an extent, legalizing, regulating and taxing it, could in fact remove lots of that type of danger. Finally, with porn, one is often masturbating to a near perfect body, customised to one's desires from many, many options, and can literally find the "exact" kind of visual for the best stimulation. I think this is a big factor in the porn ED effect. The same is not available in prostitution generally.
EnigmaticClarity Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Finally, with porn, one is often masturbating to a near perfect body, customised to one's desires from many, many options, and can literally find the "exact" kind of visual for the best stimulation. I think this is a big factor in the porn ED effect. The same is not available in prostitution generally. With porn you can also focus upon a particular fetish that your significant other may be uninterested in--bondage, S&M, specific acts, etc. If you focus on those, you could eventually become less interested in "regular" sex. I've never found it to be a permanent problem--just stop focusing on the fetish and you eventually readjust, sex is pretty nice no matter how you do it.
Elysian Powder Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 @kathym, no problem agreeing that becoming addicted to prostitutes could have similar effects, ED etc., as porn, when taken to extreme degrees. And also no problem agreeing that the whole focus of the current black market prostitution business is to get the client addicted and take all his money. That's one aspect of that game that is rarely discussed. However, removing prostitution from the black market to an extent, legalizing, regulating and taxing it, could in fact remove lots of that type of danger. Finally, with porn, one is often masturbating to a near perfect body, customised to one's desires from many, many options, and can literally find the "exact" kind of visual for the best stimulation. I think this is a big factor in the porn ED effect. The same is not available in prostitution generally. Prostitution is legal in Germany, Holland, and ignored by the authorities in several other Countries. The women are usually clean, pay taxes, have access to health care and are productive members of society. It's not the profession most of the of the women in it wanted, but working the mines as a man ain't easy either.
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