SelfControl Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 LiveSickGuy...LISTEN to Eddie. He knows EXACTLY what he's talking about for your situation. One thing I'll add is that everything you are going through, like the losing your mind sensation, is perfectly natural. Withdrawling from love is just like withdrawling from a drug addiction. Your brain craves the chemicals that made you feel good when you were with her. And, with that being said, please stay away from the booze. I can speak from experience. I stuck around in a situation, 'fighting for it' for six months while my ex talked about what was wrong with 'us' and sometimes specifically 'me'. During that time I listened to her tell me about her new job, the new people she was meeting, the going out, the guy at the new job that she liked, etc. All the time I kept thinking I was showing her how much I cared by 'making an effort' and trusting that all of the time and memories we had prior to that would 'win out'. In the end I only ended up prolonging the ineveitable and hurting my cause because my actions lowered her interest even more. And since she didn't have the courage to flat out tell me to get lost (she didn't want to hurt my feelings) she took the side shot approach, which was to tell me all these things in hopes that eventually I would 'get it'. Eventually, I did. And let me tell you, listening to all those things makes you not like yourself very much. And that's when I turned to drinking, to 'forget' and 'have fun'. During that drinking phase I made the biggest mistakes of my life, not to mention the damage I did to my body and my mind. I put myself in some very risky situations. The good thing is, by the grace of God, I survived. I am in a much better place now. The point is that there are other ways to cope and pass the time besides alcohol. And, until you are motivated to get out of the house, use Eddie's suggestion and get a dvd series and watch it all the way through. Watch all of the Godfather movies, all of the James Bond movies, all of the old Cary Grant movies or all of The Office seasons. In between each movie/episode, post/surf on LS or sleep as long as you possibly can. Then watch another. Eventually you will get to that one moment where you say to yourself, "I think I just got a little better". Once that moment hits you'll start to believe that more moments like that will follow and you'll be on your way.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Thats good stuff SC, perfectly said. I hope hes OK.
Author LoveSickGuy911 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 *snip* Sadly, I think this might be exactly what my ex is doing... She says she still cares about me (which I believe), so she probably just doesn't want to tell me to "get lost" and will try to at least accommodate my feelings while she doesn't really have any for me herself. I, however, am honestly at the point now where I rather knowingly get stringed along just at the chance of talking to her/seeing her/seeing her kids rather than to cut her off cold. I know that's not a very smart thing to say, but it's true. I'm going to try not to talk to her all day today and see how that goes. We'll see from there. I know last night I was tossing and turning all night and didn't sleep at all.
sun_moon Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Your post in the Coping forum led me to here. I have a few things to say. Looking at the number of posts I can see that you are new here. I strongly suggest re posting this story in the breaks/breaking up/coping forum, specifically in the break up sub forum. You will get a more centered and balanced feedback more than the current 2 people with opposing views. I would also like to add that you will find a great support community on here so keep posting and keep reading, you are in a very fragile state of mind and it will take time. As far as my personal opinion, while I can see the value in both opinions placed on here, I tend to agree with the more negative/realistic outcome. She did want you, you rejected her time and time again, and now she's beginning her moving on process. You are currently in rejection/devastation/panic mode, acceptance will take a lot of hard work and a long time to get there but you will get there. Honestly, its your fear of losing her and being alone that's messing with your intentions, you may think you are ready for a family all the sudden, but don't let the loss of her fool you. You are desperate to win her back and if she told you to jump off a cliff, you would. This is your time to find out what you want and who you want to be so take this time and work on yourself. You should begin the process of letting go and losing hope, but that comes internally and only you can get there. Through my personal experience and many others can back me up on this, I can tell you that it usually takes hitting rock bottom mentally/emotionally to finally give up/let go/ let the false hope go and re build yourself. Eddie Edirol knows what he's talking about. While I don't agree with everything he's said (esp his current dating situation ) he's speaking from past experience and pain. I recognize him from the breakup/coping section so he's not just blowing hot air. Eddie a woman doesnt have to cook and clean for you to be a good catch btw! But she may be perfect for YOU. LOL One last point, the forums are set up in a natural flow and mirror the stages of grief you will be going through. I suggest starting at the break up section and moving down, ie onto the coping section. Breakup is for the newbies that are in utter shock (you will get a lot of great advice and a lot of responses) and it tends to have more readers and activity. Once you are not in shock/denial any more and have accepted your situation, you can move to the coping forum and just stroll through till you are growing/ getting better. That being said, good luck on your journey and welcome to LS!
Author LoveSickGuy911 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Thank you for your post sun_moon. This may sound really stupid but I'm going to go down to the local mma gym today and sign up for boxing. I've always wanted to get into amateur boxing and now I really don't have anything to lose. I kind of hoping I get seriously injured soon. I really don't want to live anymore, but also don't want to commit suicide, so I'm going to start doing dangerous things.
sun_moon Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 It doesn't sound stupid, it actually sounds very normal. I was hoping you were going to the gym because you wanted a distraction and to release some of your anger/frustration, besides physical activity actually releases endorphins which helps you feel better and 'happier'. The lack of motivation and desire for anything, it will pass. Just don't let yourself get to the point where you are injuring yourself. Fresh after my break up I signed up for swimming classes. I desperately needed something to keep me busy after my work day. While I was still devastated, that one hour of physical activity after work really helped me. I slept better because I was physically exhausted and it kept my mind occupied with other things for a short amount of time. Looking back on it now, those 2 weeks of classes stopped me from doing stupid things like wanting to contact him when I knew I shouldn't. I think the boxing is a wonderful idea and it will help you. A structured class isn't going to hurt you to the point of serious injury so stop hoping for it. Good luck LoveSickGuy and dont hesitate to ask for help. Have you considered counseling?
Author LoveSickGuy911 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 I went out drinking tonight again...by myself... didn't really work. I will make a post about it in the coping forum. And I haven't considered conseuling because the entire psycologist field is a scam... but thats another thread for another day.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Alright, I concede. The window of opportunity has probably passed... I do think you should try to find something that isn't so "self-destructive" like alcohol/fighting... something that can still be physically demanding/exert energy (like a sport) but... otherwise you risk forming potential habits that may effect you long after your mourning process has ended (and or interrupt it from following through well)... didn't mean to mislead you, I suppose I just have an optimistic view about "love". Take it one day at a time. Also, there may be free counseling services in your area that would be worth looking into (especially if you don't have close friends/family whom you can make plans with and seek support from).
Author LoveSickGuy911 Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 Well no contact does work apparently. After not contacting her for two days she contacted me for some chit chat. We texted for about 45 mins about our week and just idle conversation. Did not bring up anything related to the relationship, or what happened last weekend, or try to make any plans with her. Just a simple conversation and a good night. I plan on no contact tomorrow (it's getting easier) then I'm going to "randomly" invite her to "hang out" on friday night. If she declines I won't make a big deal out of it, just a "its cool maybe next time" or something. That's my plan, in which after I won't make any further effort in getting back together with her. If she wants to try again it's going to have to come 100% from her.
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