Love-sick for ex gf very bad and not sure nd...

[LoveSickGuy911]

Sorry I'm dropping a bomb on you guys in my first post... but here it goes.

 

I dated my ex for about 2 years, very serious relationship at the end (we saw each other about 4 days out of the week, we each others best friend, talked daily pretty much all day, etc etc) and long story short we broke up because she had a family (kids) and I wasn't ready for the family life yet. Basically I was being really stupid and immature. We are both 28 years old and we started dating when I was 26, still in the non-committed single mode. I was late to grow up.

 

Well that was about 5-6 months ago. For the first few months after breaking up "officially" nothing really changed in our relationship, we still talked all the time, went out all the time, and had sex all the time. Then maybe 2 months ago things started to slow down and we didnt see each other as much as stopped having sex. Still talked though and are still talking.

 

Fast forward to the past 2 weeks... I finally realized that I loved her and wanted to be with her again and become part of the family with her kids. I confessed to her last week and her response was basically she was over me and didn't really want to try again. Thats after really telling her all of my feelings and tell her that I want to marry her (when we were dating she told me she wanted to marry me on multiple occasions). I was devastated and depressed, since I have deeply fallen in love with her and basically want to give her everything she wanted only a few months ago.

 

Last week she agreed to meet me over drinks both wednesday and friday were I tried to convince her to come back to me.... I don't know if I actually made progress as I almost got her to agree to at least go out on a date with me but in the end I think she decided it wouldn't be a good idea. This is after talking for about 5 hours both days where I think we talked and drank till about 1 in the morning. In the end I asked if I could go to her little brothers birthday part at her house (she live with her parents and brother). She said definitely not.

 

The next day she changed her mind and invited me over and we had a great time. She had lots of family over here and I spent a lot of time playing with her kids and brother. We didn't talk about our relationship or my feelings at all, we just had a great time. Well that night we stayed up late drinking with her old cousin and her husband and just chatted for a few hours. After they left we went up to her room, and had sex (first time in about 2-3 months).

 

However, right before we had sex, she told me that she started dating another guy about a month ago. I asked her why am I here in your bed if you're dating another guy, she simply said "because I wanted you here, not him" and said "you're the only guy who has ever been in my bedroom". We proceed to have sex, no condom, and I came inside her. So after sex I'm holding her very confused as to why she has no problem with having sex with me, not caring if I blow inside her, the day after she says she didn't want to try again? She is not the type of girl who gets drunk and has sex with random guys. And the fact that she felt the need to disclose she was dating another guy before we had sex at least told me she wasn't really drunk or anything. I didn't ask her if she and the guy she is dating as had sex before and honestly that's something I don't want to know.

 

The next day I spent most of the day at her house and we did random things. Before I left I brought up the relationship issue and she basically said her feelings haven't changed and she wants to just remain friends. Very confusing messages, I left very happy about the time I spent with her that night and that day but also very depressed that after all that she didn't at least say she wanted to try again.

 

 

What should I do in this situation? I love her very much and cannot imagine myself with anybody else. I'm basically very love sick over her and do not want to "move on" under any circumstances. Last week she mentioned to me that while we were dating she wished I took her out of town more on day trips, so I made reservations at a hotel out of town for this friday and I plan on asking her if she wants to accompany me on a weekend trip... I already spent about $500 reserving the hotel, so it's a big gamble. I have a feeling she is not going to want to go, or say no at first, with a small chance she will change her mind. Other than that, I don't know what to do. Please help me.

Edited August 29, 2011 by LoveSickGuy911

[OnyxSnowfall]

Hmm... it's really hard to say.

 

It may be that she's just trying to see if you have a resolve now and will not be fickle, or it may be that she's just genuinely moved on from you but that she retains a sexual attraction towards you... i.e, you've been filed into the FWB category and are no longer in the "potential long-term and exclusive" one. You could be someone she has a good time with...

 

Honestly, having been a single mother myself, if a guy was unsure about his commitment to me and my children, he was out and I was done. The "screening" process for me is kind of heavy and harsh but... I didn't want to bring multiple guys around my children... so if in her shoes, I would just be highly skeptical of you.

 

I suppose all you can do now is try to demonstrate that you really want to be with her and are serious about it. Depending upon what kind of woman she is, giving her too much space may send the wrong signal but smothering her could too.

 

How old are her children? Are you able to plan outings with them too? That may communicate you are able to accept her family (and hopefully enjoy it. My current boyfriend treats my kids as his own and that's reallllly crucial to me... especially since we live together... but we didn't live together until I was already pretty sure of how he'd treat my children).

Edited August 29, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[Eddie Edirol]

You lost her permanently bro. She knew long ago that you didnt want the family life. She also thinks that you are talking about marrying her just to get her back, and you wont want the family life down the line when another honeymoon period wears off. So right now, theres nothing you can do to convince her that you will be the man she wanted long ago.

 

Just so you know, ever since you told her you didnt want the family life, she lost pretty much her ability to fall for you. Once you dont accept a womans family package, you blew it, theres no way back if she didnt fall for you before. She has been probably indifferent to you for 1 out of the 2 years when you told her that. You fell for a woman without figuring out first if she fell for you, or watching the distant signs.

 

Now she is still having sex with you because she is still sexually attracted to you, and likes the sex, but that doesnt connect to her heart now that shes over you. She moved on, and told you about it hoping you would give up on her. Right now, as long as youre contacting her, there is no way she will be attracted to you again, as long as she knows you need her and youre trying. Theres nothing you can do about this now except leave her alone, dont contact her, and hope she contacts you if this new guy doesnt work out. But dont count on it. Right now, shes probably so over you, that she started having sex with a guy who isnt her type, who is nothing like you, which is what she wants right now.

 

SO you have to move on, make her look for you, and if she wants to hang out, make her jump through hoops for dumping you. Make her earn your affection again, dont just give it to her. And know this, you have a chance to start over now. Find another woman who DOESNT have a family already, and you can make your own family. Dont do it to have what you had with your ex, do something completely new. You will feel much better that you didnt have to raise some other guys children. Theres a much better bond when you make a baby that is yours with a woman whom you planned it with, and you will wonder why you even CONSIDERED taking on another mans seed. As nice as her kids might be, its always better when they are yours.

 

You have to follow your true heart and calling, you knew early on that family wasnt what you wanted, stick to that. You were alot more objective then. There will always be a new woman who will cook and clean for you, make you feel like a king, and be more fun to hang around with, and better looking. Youre 28, you have plenty of time to find her. And since youre of the age where women start settling down to have families, you should have no shortage of dates with women who are ready to commit to YOU.

 

How do I know? Right now Im dating a woman who already has 3 kids, she knows i hate kids, so we both know this is more of a fling than anything. I cannot get attached to her now, because I already drilled it into her head that I never wanted a family. So I can play with her kids all I want now, but she will always have it in her head that I could be acting, or that one day I will wake up and leave her because I dont have to stay with her family. So I can never fall for her, because she could leave me hanging too. If I go loveblind, I might not see the signs of her getting distant, and start dating a guy behind my back who tells her from the beginning that he wants a family. I realized this right from the beginning, so we are both protecting ourselves.

 

So forget about this woman, let her have her family, let her have her new guy, and you know what? She isnt going to find the type of guy she wants now, because not many guys want to date a woman with a tribe on her hands, and she knows it. (unless shes ridiculously hot of course) YOU on the other hand have a chance to do what you want, and you can do SO much better at 28 years old. Trust me.

[LoveSickGuy911]

Hmm... it's really hard to say.

 

It may be that she's just trying to see if you have a resolve now and will not be fickle, or it may be that she's just genuinely moved on from you but that she retains a sexual attraction towards you... i.e, you've been filed into the FWB category and are no longer in the "potential long-term and exclusive" one. You could be someone she has a good time with...

 

Honestly, having been a single mother myself, if a guy was unsure about his commitment to me and my children, he was out and I was done. The "screening" process for me is kind of heavy and harsh but... I didn't want to bring multiple guys around my children... so if in her shoes, I would just be highly skeptical of you.

 

I suppose all you can do now is try to demonstrate that you really want to be with her and are serious about it. Depending upon what kind of woman she is, giving her too much space may send the wrong signal but smothering her could too.

 

How old are her children? Are you able to plan outings with them too? That may communicate you are able to accept her family (and hopefully enjoy it. My current boyfriend treats my kids as his own and that's reallllly crucial to me... especially since we live together).

 

First of all, thanks for reading my post, I know it's very long but I had a lot of stuff in my brain I needed to get out there.

 

I really hope she didn't categorize me as a FWB but I suppose you're right that's a real possibility... but the confusing thing is why would she let a "FWB" interact with her kids/relatives/family like I did. When I was with her and even last week she said she is very strict with who she lets meet her kids and she doesn't have her kids meet different guys unless they are serious... Friday was the first time I met her kids and brother (didn't meet them while we were dating). I only met her mom and grandma (took them out to dinner).

 

And yes I understand how you are with her kids... my ex basically "screened me out" except it took her two years to screen me out as a potential lifetime partner instead of 2 dates. The past week I have been trying to convince her I am serious about being the family man she wants me to be. Maybe this weekend was some kind of test? If it were, I passed with flying colors, but at the end of the day she says nothing has changed? That was the very confusing part.

 

And yes you're right, there is a fine line between me letting her go too much and doing too much... I don't know how to walk that line. I definitely would like to error on the side of doing too much. I just wish I knew for sure what would work me back in.

[LoveSickGuy911]

How old are her children? Are you able to plan outings with them too? That may communicate you are able to accept her family (and hopefully enjoy it. My current boyfriend treats my kids as his own and that's reallllly crucial to me... especially since we live together... but we didn't live together until I was already pretty sure of how he'd treat my children).

 

Sorry forgot to answer this. Her children are not young, they are 6 and 7. I asked last week if I could take them out for pizza, but she said no because she doesn't want to send them mixed messages about me... then a few days later she invites me to her house and to her brothers bday party... which is exactly what she said she didn't want only a week ago. Also her kids know I slept in her room and mentioned it multiple times the next morning. She didn't mind at all, as in she is comfortable in her kids knowing some guy is sleeping with their mom. Just a week ago I couldn't imagine her being fine with that.

[LoveSickGuy911]

*snip*

 

Well, you're right I may have lost her permanently now... but it's definitely a recent development...maybe within the past 2-3 months. Even after we broke up 6 months ago she tried to get back with me multiple times but I stupidly declined.

 

As for the rest of your post... I for the most part agree, but it's very hard to drill it into my head that I am better off and that there are plenty of fish in the sea because I honestly don't believe it in my heart. I may find another girl, but it won't be the girl I want. The girl that I want, in my heart, is this one. Right now I'm convinced that won't ever change.

[OnyxSnowfall]

How do I know? Right now Im dating a woman who already has 3 kids, she knows i hate kids, so we both know this is more of a fling than anything. I cannot get attached to her now, because I already drilled it into her head that I never wanted a family. So I can play with her kids all I want now, but she will always have it in her head that I could be acting, or that one day I will wake up and leave her because I dont have to stay with her family. So I can never fall for her, because she could leave me hanging too. If I go loveblind, I might not see the signs of her getting distant, and start dating a guy behind my back who tells her from the beginning that he wants a family. I realized this right from the beginning, so we are both protecting ourselves.

 

Wow... I realize you put a lot of time and effort into your reply (it's very detailed and thorough) but it's one of the most chauvinistic and self-absorbed ones I've yet to read on this forum

 

You're talking about women like they don't have emotions etc... like they're "things" you can just upgrade and trade in etc etc. You obviously don't value bonds or ... beings.

 

The best point you bring up is that there will likely be other women to become involved with... that's about it. The OP already stated he doesn't see himself moving on (at least yet) and "LOVE" is not just something you can throw away and find again... not in my world, anyway.

 

Good luck with your "relationships" nonetheless...

[OnyxSnowfall]

First of all, thanks for reading my post, I know it's very long but I had a lot of stuff in my brain I needed to get out there.

 

I really hope she didn't categorize me as a FWB but I suppose you're right that's a real possibility... but the confusing thing is why would she let a "FWB" interact with her kids/relatives/family like I did. When I was with her and even last week she said she is very strict with who she lets meet her kids and she doesn't have her kids meet different guys unless they are serious... Friday was the first time I met her kids and brother (didn't meet them while we were dating). I only met her mom and grandma (took them out to dinner).

 

And yes I understand how you are with her kids... my ex basically "screened me out" except it took her two years to screen me out as a potential lifetime partner instead of 2 dates. The past week I have been trying to convince her I am serious about being the family man she wants me to be. Maybe this weekend was some kind of test? If it were, I passed with flying colors, but at the end of the day she says nothing has changed? That was the very confusing part.

 

And yes you're right, there is a fine line between me letting her go too much and doing too much... I don't know how to walk that line. I definitely would like to error on the side of doing too much. I just wish I knew for sure what would work me back in.

 

It is confusing as to why she'd want to bring you around her children/sleep with you.

 

It is still possible she's willing to give you another chance, it's possible she's even unsure of what she really wants. She may go back and forth right now. She may still feel something for you if that's the case... but perhaps her "mind" is bringing her conflict. It'd be lovely if she'd communicate more deeply with you about the contradictions she's portraying.

 

Otherwise, it's really tough to say. The only thing I can suggest is to just fight for it if you think it's worth it. She may or may not come around... if she doesn't, at least you know you tried... if she does, you'll be glad you did.

 

Everyone's at least a bit different, but I think I would appreciate the reassurance of intentions... and if you haven't already, acknowledgment in regards to why you've changed your mind etc.

 

And maybe just occasionally let her know you're interested in spending time with her and her children, but that she can decide when and how. Showing you're willing to wait but taking an initiative is nice, IMO.

[breakfastmeat]

LoveSickGuy, funny how people can be. This seems to happen so often. It doesn't sound like she's that into you anymore. If she were, she should be delighted that you love her and want to marry her, no? Sounds like she has possible maturity problems, is wishy-washy and doesn't really know what she wants.

 

I don't know what to tell you, I'm in somewhat of that boat right now. You have to decide for yourself what the line is in the relationship; what you're willing to put into it and if the returns are what you want, etc.

 

I only wished that the man I care about was like you.

[Eddie Edirol]

Wow... I realize you put a lot of time and effort into your reply (it's very detailed and thorough) but it's one of the most chauvinistic and self-absorbed ones I've yet to read on this forum

 

You're talking about women like they don't have emotions etc... like they're "things" you can just upgrade and trade in etc etc. You obviously don't value bonds or ... beings.

 

The best point you bring up is that there will likely be other women to become involved with... that's about it. The OP already stated he doesn't see himself moving on (at least yet) and "LOVE" is not just something you can throw away and find again... not in my world, anyway.

 

Good luck with your "relationships" nonetheless...

 

Nope, you read what you wanted to see. Everyone has emotions, i only told him what pertained to his situation. I never said women didnt have emotions. i have no idea where you got that from. But in reality, people dont have many feelings for you when they are emotionally done with you. People change drastically and lie to you when they dump you, and the evidence is all over the threads made on this board.

 

Lovesick, OSF is telling you what most people without enough experience tells you, and shes trying to make you feel better but isnt telling you what you need to hear. Once more people chime in that are more objective to the situation, you will get the more realistic answer which is to keep away from your ex, for your own well being.

 

Right now your heart isnt into thinking about an other woman, and Ive been there. It will take a few months or more for you to move on completely, but know that you will move on, the only way for you to start is to cut her off completely. Otherwise you will wait for her to be done with this new guy, which wouldnt be the way to go. Youre basically at her beck and call, which isnt attractive to anyone ever. So theres nothing you can do to work your way back in, while she is in the mindset of working you out.

 

Theres no balance line to walk, because she doesnt want to commit to you. You have to let her miss you, and let her know that you are NOT waiting for her. It seems like the total wrong thing to do, and you think she will forget about you. But she wont forget about you if she doesnt WANT to. You were with her for 2 years, she cant forget you just like that. she will keep comparing you to the new guy. but every time you contact her, it will remind her of what turns her off about you, plus the fact that you are waiting for her, which is never a good thing...thats why you have to stay away.

Edited August 29, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[OnyxSnowfall]

You lost her permanently bro.

and you can predict the future and how people feel and think (ones you've never even met)? Awesome...

 

Right now, as long as youre contacting her, there is no way she will be attracted to you again, as long as she knows you need her and youre trying.

 

He said he declined her attempts at getting back together with him. IF HE wants her at this point, she needs to KNOW that... she already began pulling away from him from the rejection or whatever...

 

Find another woman who DOESNT have a family already, and you can make your own family. Dont do it to have what you had with your ex, do something completely new. You will feel much better that you didnt have to raise some other guys children. Theres a much better bond when you make a baby that is yours with a woman whom you planned it with, and you will wonder why you even CONSIDERED taking on another mans seed. As nice as her kids might be, its always better when they are yours.

Lol... if you love someone and they haven't hurt you gravely, you just don't say "god what was I thinking when I wanted them..." THAT is just some artificial consolation born straight out of the ego.

 

You have to follow your true heart and calling, you knew early on that family wasnt what you wanted, stick to that.

People change and go from being hesitant about having a family to wanting one. WTF is this follow your heart crap now, when the OP stated he wants to follow his heart and his heart wants this woman?

 

There will always be a new woman who will cook and clean for you, make you feel like a king, and be more fun to hang around with, and better looking. Youre 28, you have plenty of time to find her. And since youre of the age where women start settling down to have families, you should have no shortage of dates with women who are ready to commit to YOU.

 

... really? seriously...

 

How do I know? Right now Im dating a woman who already has 3 kids, she knows i hate kids, ...so we are both protecting ourselves.

 

To each their own. But if you want to experience "intimacy", you have to lower the barriers. If you don't want to experience that with a woman because she has kids, and she's well aware of it, that's between you two.

 

Finally.

Lovesick, OSF is telling you what most people without enough experience tells you, and shes trying to make you feel better but isnt telling you what you need to hear. Once more people chime in that are more objective to the situation, you will get the more realistic answer which is to keep away from your ex, for your own well being.

 

I already stated it's a possibility she is just sexually attracted to him but has moved on. BUT IT's silly to JUMP to conclusion and insist that is EXACTLY what went down...

 

All I know is that if I felt something for a guy, who didn't want to be serious about me and my children... and I began moving on, but he came back and proclaimed an interest in me... "I" would probably be confused. I believe in second chances, but I guarantee that him "pulling" away from me at that point would only CONFIRM I was right to let go (IF I was even willing to let him inside again).

[LoveSickGuy911]

Very sobering I guess and for the most part probably true. It really sucks and I suppose at this point there is nothing I can really do to change the situation. Sadly I still do and have been feeling literally sick to my stomach about the situation and don't have any motivation to do anything at all. I'm half absent minded at work and I don't want to do anything other than sleep at home.

 

Even though it hurts to be in love with her, it's almost if I rather stay in love with her and hurt than to even chance my feelings for her going away.

 

But you're right, it's probably not attractive to her to keep pursuing her and swooning over here.

[LoveSickGuy911]

Onyx, I don't think you should give Eddie too much hate. There's a really good chance he is right about the situation, he just doesn't understand what being in love is like and it's not that easy to drop someone just because they may not share your feelings. Especially if it's an ex girlfriend that you dated for 2 years and already told you before she wanted to marry you.

 

It's really hard to move on, or even want to move on given the fact that only a few months ago I could married her but now she doesn't even want to date me again. It's just hard to believe that someones emotions can change that quick and not even want to try to give it a second chance. She has even said I was a great boyfriend, a lot better than the ex she had kids with (hes a deadbeat). Yet I'm the opposite of a deadbeat (I have a good job, treat her great, etc) and she can't give a second chance? It's mind blowing.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Very sobering I guess and for the most part probably true. It really sucks and I suppose at this point there is nothing I can really do to change the situation. Sadly I still do and have been feeling literally sick to my stomach about the situation and don't have any motivation to do anything at all. I'm half absent minded at work and I don't want to do anything other than sleep at home.

 

Even though it hurts to be in love with her, it's almost if I rather stay in love with her and hurt than to even chance my feelings for her going away.

 

But you're right, it's probably not attractive to her to keep pursuing her and swooning over here.

 

If you're not willing to try for it then I guess it's probably best to work on healing. I personally think it's pretty silly to be dissuaded by some random emotionally detached guy on a forum but so be it. If there's no way to converse with the woman and really see what her concerns and thoughts are then you just have to go with your gut. If your gut says you shouldn't pursue her, then don't.

[LoveSickGuy911]

If you're not willing to try for it then I guess it's probably best to work on healing. I personally think it's pretty silly to be dissuaded by some random emotionally detached guy on a forum but so be it. If there's no way to converse with the woman and really see what her concerns and thoughts are then you just have to go with your gut. If your gut says you shouldn't pursue her, then don't.

 

I'm not willing to try? I have been spending 100% of my time trying for the past week. And like I already mentioned in the OP, I yesterday I spent almost $500 reserving a hotel for 2 nights out of town just for the possibility she'll agree, and there's not a good chance she will, maybe 10% chance. It's not a money thing either (she doesn't care about money and is not materialistic at all), I'm just trying to show I am paying attention to her when she said last week that she wish we went on more trips when we were together.

 

I AM trying hard. Very hard. I was just saying Eddie can possibly me right in that me trying like this could end up looking very unattractive.

[OnyxSnowfall]

It's really hard to move on, or even want to move on given the fact that only a few months ago I could married her but now she doesn't even want to date me again. It's just hard to believe that someones emotions can change that quick and not even want to try to give it a second chance. She has even said I was a great boyfriend, a lot better than the ex she had kids with (hes a deadbeat). Yet I'm the opposite of a deadbeat (I have a good job, treat her great, etc) and she can't give a second chance? It's mind blowing.

 

I wasn't there so I don't really know, but there's a good chance she was just very hurt and felt rejected. She probably lost emotionally security with you and who knows what was going on in her mind, what she thought were reasons why you didn't want to marry her etc. She probably just went into a "protective" mode herself... one she may or may not be able to get out of... doesn't mean she doesn't feel anything for you now, but it "could" mean that too.

[OnyxSnowfall]

I'm not willing to try? I have been spending 100% of my time trying for the past week. And like I already mentioned in the OP, I yesterday I spent almost $500 reserving a hotel for 2 nights out of town just for the possibility she'll agree, and there's not a good chance she will, maybe 10% chance. It's not a money thing either (she doesn't care about money and is not materialistic at all), I'm just trying to show I am paying attention to her when she said last week that she wish we went on more trips when we were together.

 

I AM trying hard. Very hard. I was just saying Eddie can possibly me right in that me trying like this could end up looking very unattractive.

 

Let me clarify... I mean "continue to try". Yes, I would say you've been. But if you're looking for instant results I'm not sure things really work that way... stuff like this could take weeks... don't invest into that if you're not willing to accept the chance of a less than ideal outcome.

[LoveSickGuy911]

Let me clarify... I mean "continue to try". Yes, I would say you've been. But if you're looking for instant results I'm not sure things really work that way... stuff like this could take weeks... don't invest into that if you're not willing to accept the chance of a less than ideal outcome.

 

I'm definitely not looking for instant results and can definitely afford to wait but at the same time I just wanted to make sure I'm doing everything I can. It's just that sometime doing something might actually hurt my cause, as in walking that fine line.

[breakfastmeat]

It's really hard to move on, or even want to move on given the fact that only a few months ago I could married her but now she doesn't even want to date me again. It's just hard to believe that someones emotions can change that quick and not even want to try to give it a second chance.

 

Things like that, imo, are a clue that the emotions that were there weren't all that geniune. Personally, I just couldn't imagine myself doing a 180 like that. If I geniunely care for someone, then I care for them. The only thing that would make me question that is something gone severely wrong or them not returning my affections. That is all.

[LoveSickGuy911]

Things like that, imo, are a clue that the emotions that were there weren't all that geniune. Personally, I just couldn't imagine myself doing a 180 like that. If I geniunely care for someone, then I care for them. The only thing that would make me question that is something gone severely wrong or them not returning my affections. That is all.

 

I'm 100% certain her emotions and intentions were genuine. She was very much in love with me, wanted to marry me, and pretty much spent all her time/resources on me. When she wasn't with her kids she was with me, and spent a lot of money on me even though she is pretty poor (I always ask her not to but she did it anyway), always kept my apartment in immaculate condition, etc etc. She was the type of girlfriend where you has zero question whether her attention was divided (if she was looking for other guys or even considered looking for other guys).

[Eddie Edirol]

Onyx, I don't think you should give Eddie too much hate. There's a really good chance he is right about the situation, he just doesn't understand what being in love is like and it's not that easy to drop someone just because they may not share your feelings. Especially if it's an ex girlfriend that you dated for 2 years and already told you before she wanted to marry you.

 

It's really hard to move on, or even want to move on given the fact that only a few months ago I could married her but now she doesn't even want to date me again. It's just hard to believe that someones emotions can change that quick and not even want to try to give it a second chance. She has even said I was a great boyfriend, a lot better than the ex she had kids with (hes a deadbeat). Yet I'm the opposite of a deadbeat (I have a good job, treat her great, etc) and she can't give a second chance? It's mind blowing.

 

Trust me, Ive gone through what youre going through right now, and I WISH I had someone to tell me the real deal when i didnt know what to do about it. I did all the wrong things when I should have done nothing. A few times. Took a while to get over that women. Which is why Im alot more careful who I get attached to.

 

But anyway, after two years, people dont change feelings just like that, they slowly build up a non-attraction case over time, until theres enough there to make her want to pull the trigger. Of course this happens so much on here. You'll see it the more you cruise this site. Plus as time goes on you will start to remember actions that didnt match words, or strange behaviors that you overlooked before in a fog. People tell you what you want to hear, possibly to work on getting their attraction back, or to keep you there until they find someone else. Thats where they tell you all the things they should be saying up until they dump you. Theres threads on here where one morning a guy says to his gf: "I could marry you tomorrow.." and then he dumps her that night. But no one knows to look for the signs until its too late, at least not the first time.

 

Bottom line is she doesnt want to work on it, for whatever reason, and like many others, she might never give you the real reason. She could care for you genuinely, and be physically attracted to you, but once you fall out of love for someone, its tough to fall back in again when youve built up a non-attraction case.

 

Like I said before, you can fight for her, but how long will you hear no before you decide to stop wasting time and move on? Will you feel better about leaving her alone if she cuts you off completely out of frustration? Being freshly heartbroken isnt the time to make decisions like this. Even if she said yes, theres no guarantee that she will fall for you again. Its hard to fall for someone again after youve written them off emotionally, and had someone new to move on to. Its hard to change someones mind when they dont want you to. Thats why I advise you to leave her be. The attraction has to happen naturally and organically, like in the beginning, it cannot be forced. People dont get attracted to people that they know need or depend on them. If she doesnt hear from you, she has to WANT to hear from you, and then you have to make her work for it so she appreciates it, which is generally how it works naturally, to varying degrees.

 

Its gonna be hard to move on for months, that whole brain wiring, emotional conditioning, massive void, all that. Plus you miss her even more because you cant have her anymore. Im just trying to tell you that you wont realize it now, but you will feel, in time, that there will be better women for you, you just have to wait out the depression part. Just keep yourself busy.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[LoveSickGuy911]

Thanks for the swift kick in the ass Eddie...it's very very hard to take advice such as yours because of the way I feel. My stomach is in knots constantly and I just feel emotionally detached from the world...I almost want to just give up with my life, it's that bad. It's like a huge piece of my soul is gone.

[LoveSickGuy911]

Sadly I'm in a neighborhood bar getting drunk.

[LoveSickGuy911]

I am litterally going crazy right now. I really think I might need to be checked into a mental hospital.

[Eddie Edirol]

I am litterally going crazy right now. I really think I might need to be checked into a mental hospital.

 

No you dont, youre coping just the way people usually do. Youre feeling her essence taken away from you. You will feel this way for a while, but you will get through it, it just takes time, just tough it out. Get a dvd tv series and watch it all the way through at home. We wouldnt want you getting addicted to drinking to drown your sorrows. Keep writing about it in the coping forum. vent to make yourself feel better.