diamondette Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 omg so where do i start. im 27, my long term BF is 36. his mother is a total nightmare. its driving me mad how she treats him and manipulates him but what do i do? do i tell her how its effecting him maybe in a letter? do i keep my mouth shut and pick up the pieces again each time or what? basically she is THE most awful mother ever!! ... ill give u an idea how- he is army and been to war alot, most mothers woul be proud but no- she calls him a murderer and said she hope he rots in hell (yet his army friends are all heroes!) shes so rude to me that i refuse to see her and he refuses to let me see her for my sake, its been that way for a year now. he doesnt smoke but when she comes to his house she smokes IN HIS HOUSE! she even told me once (the day i first met her) if i dont like the smoke then I should go outside!! he told her to stop smoking in his house years ago and she walked out saying he "picks on her" and she didnt speak to him in months over that! when he goes to her house he has to sit up straight, cant even look at his phone and is on egg shells the whole time, he rarely goes! They cannot even talk without argueing. She has made up lies about him to her friends, she always plays the victim, she has made up lies about ME to him (he didnt believe them anyway) she makes out to her ex husband (his dad) that he is horrible to her and tells lies about my BF to his Dad.. but she was recently caught out about it. She is just such a *****, she has no man, no friends (except one) and has turned the whole family against him. my BF has severe depression from war and she makes it so much worse. ive seen a big strong soldier cry cos of the stuff she has said to him. theres so much more to it but if she was my mum i would of "left her" years ago but he is dying for a family so he hangs on in there. It was her birthday recently and she invited the whole family out for dinner...except him! it breaks my heart. what shall i do? ive told him to leave her to it and delete her but he doesnt and its making his depression worse, makes him sooo sad and angry its awful to watch this happen every few days. she has even told him that her dog means more to her than he does and she chooses to see his half sisters and brothers (no relation to her) over her actual son. he hasnt actually done anything to her. when he was a boy she got a new man for a while so she kicked him out of the home and he had to live with his nan for ages but when she broke up from the man she dragged him back home to live their again. I think this is one reason he joined the army-to get away from her. i dont speak or see her at all, i havent in over a year but i just hear from him what is happening etc. ive seen her rude texts to him, heard her slag him off down the phone to him. He tries to stay away from her but then she puts on a guilt trip and my BF feels bad and contacts her again, only to fight within minutes. to me its the most pointless relationship she only does bad for him and nothing good but he has no family except her.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) She sounds a bit like my mom ... okay, I shouldn't laugh but... there's really nothing *you* can do. Until your boyfriend is willing to stand up to her and do something about it, she's probably just going to be there.... What *I* did was cut off all contact with my mother (she is an un-medicated schizophrenic, volatile and just... yes). I figured if she wasn't going to stop being violent, abusive and vulgar and get help, that was the best option. Haven't talked to her in years now... so be it. Her treatment of everyone was terrible and I honestly felt I was allowing it so... unless you can encourage your boyfriend to get it through his mother's head that he's not going to put up with her treatment anymore, she will probably continue being cruel. Edited August 29, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
sm1tten Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 YOU can't do anything. It's his mother and his problem. Other than supporting him, stay out of it.
FitChick Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 He should stop all contact and get on with his life. He is an adult.
carhill Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 OP, it's an obviously dysfunctional and unhealthy relationship and, if your intent is to have a healthy family life with this man, including children, you should seriously consider if he's an appropriate and compatible partner for such an endeavor. Set your own boundaries and leave him to deal with his mother. A man knows how to handle his mother. Trust me. How he does determines the type of man he is. Good luck.
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