Jonnyy Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 So i have been NC with my ex for about a week and a half. She had texted me, messaged me on fb, and all of that, but i never replied to anything she said. After i removed her from my friends on facebook, she sent me a friend request which i didnt accept, and she had her cousin like beg me to talk to her. She then sent me a message on facebook saying "since i already know your not going to accept my request just decline it right away that way i can give you all the space you need" and now, after reading caliguys guide to second chances, i feel like i ruined my chances for a second chance by not replying at all. Do i wait until she contacts me again to reply? What if she never contaccts me again? Caliguy said that if you do reply take at least a day or two to reply. We just moved into college, we are at the same college, and now idk what to do. Because i do want her back, but if i never replied maybe she thinks that i dont care anymore? I am the dumpee in a GIGS breakup btw. Any help, input, advice, or opinions would be greatly appreciated.
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 So i have been NC with my ex for about a week and a half. She had texted me, messaged me on fb, and all of that, but i never replied to anything she said. After i removed her from my friends on facebook, she sent me a friend request which i didnt accept, and she had her cousin like beg me to talk to her. She then sent me a message on facebook saying "since i already know your not going to accept my request just decline it right away that way i can give you all the space you need" and now, after reading caliguys guide to second chances, i feel like i ruined my chances for a second chance by not replying at all. Do i wait until she contacts me again to reply? What if she never contaccts me again? Caliguy said that if you do reply take at least a day or two to reply. We just moved into college, we are at the same college, and now idk what to do. Because i do want her back, but if i never replied maybe she thinks that i dont care anymore? I am the dumpee in a GIGS breakup btw. Any help, input, advice, or opinions would be greatly appreciated. Man send that women an invitation already.. Seriously if she wasn't interested she wouldn't have made all of those attempts to get you back online. In her mind right now you have ended it and want nothing to do with her. She is probably just as hurt about this as you are. once again SEND her an invite and TALK about whatever it was that started this. You have to work it out. In short no you haven't but if you don't try you may end up regreting it.
Author Jonnyy Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Man send that women an invitation already.. Seriously if she wasn't interested she wouldn't have made all of those attempts to get you back online. In her mind right now you have ended it and want nothing to do with her. She is probably just as hurt about this as you are. once again SEND her an invite and TALK about whatever it was that started this. You have to work it out. In short no you haven't but if you don't try you may end up regreting it. The thing is though is that she broke up with me about a month ago, and she now has a thing with this 24 year old guy that she was crushing on while we were dating. She changed her profile picture to of her and that guy and ive seen them holding hands. I feel like i should wait for her to contact me again, wait a little to reply, but reply none the less. She lives in the same dorm building as me and i guess im just kinda of scared. If do reach out for contact with her, i wouldnt know what to say, i dont want it to just be small talk, i guess i just want her to know im still here ya know? Any other opinions or advice?
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 The thing is though is that she broke up with me about a month ago, and she now has a thing with this 24 year old guy that she was crushing on while we were dating. She changed her profile picture to of her and that guy and ive seen them holding hands. I feel like i should wait for her to contact me again, wait a little to reply, but reply none the less. She lives in the same dorm building as me and i guess im just kinda of scared. If do reach out for contact with her, i wouldnt know what to say, i dont want it to just be small talk, i guess i just want her to know im still here ya know? Any other opinions or advice? No matter what you do from this point forward you will not change anything if you cut off communications. If you cut yourself off she will have nothing to remind her of what she did have while you were together. At this point you have taken yourself out of the picture. If things go wrong with whoever she is with she doesn't have an open door to even talk to you because you in a sense slammed it shut. Open the door and you never know what might happen. I'm not saying that you are going to have her running back into your arms but what I am saying is leave the open door.
Author Jonnyy Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 No matter what you do from this point forward you will not change anything if you cut off communications. If you cut yourself off she will have nothing to remind her of what she did have while you were together. At this point you have taken yourself out of the picture. If things go wrong with whoever she is with she doesn't have an open door to even talk to you because you in a sense slammed it shut. Open the door and you never know what might happen. I'm not saying that you are going to have her running back into your arms but what I am saying is leave the open door. you have opened my eyes. Thankyou so much. That is the exact advice i needed. any advice though on how to contact her/what to say?
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Start off slow contact her however you like possibly a chance encounter or even an email. Haven't her from her in a while and was just checking to see how she was doing. This will let her know that the door is open.
Treasa Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I have to disagree. She left you to be with some other guy, and you want to stay friends hoping they'll break up and she'll come back to you? Nuh uh. For one thing, you shouldn't accept breadcrumbs and be willing to be play second fiddle. Secondly, if she ever realizes you were her true love, she'll track you down and tell you so in no uncertain terms. In this scenario all you're doing is letting go of your dignity and making her think she can always go to you as a fall back guy.
Dblock10 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I have to disagree. She left you to be with some other guy, and you want to stay friends hoping they'll break up and she'll come back to you? Nuh uh. For one thing, you shouldn't accept breadcrumbs and be willing to be play second fiddle. Secondly, if she ever realizes you were her true love, she'll track you down and tell you so in no uncertain terms. In this scenario all you're doing is letting go of your dignity and making her think she can always go to you as a fall back guy. agreed, why degrade yourself! your better than that
fetish1980 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 No disrespect to anyone else on this board, but Treasa makes the most sense of all. Allowing someone back in to your life after they make a decision to walk out on you really is putting your self respect in jeapordy. I encourage anyone to take a look at homebrew's posts. In one of his threads, i htink it was "For me part 2" he makes a sensible statement where he says " If my girlfriend breaks up with me, it's not my job to prove to them that I want them, but it's their job to prove to me that they want me." It was something along those lines, maybe not verbatum, but it makes sense. If you find yourself having to do too much work and reciprcate to somebody who left you (unless there was cheating on your part, abuse, selfishness, or any other self absorbed reasoin), then it's clearly not worth it. I have to tell myself this stuff everyday! fetish
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 So based on that concept that means that individuals are not worth a second chance. If that were the case then this thread wouldn't exist. The truth is People make mistakes going through life (God knows i've made my fair share) Does this mean we turn our back on them? I say no we don't especially if we truely Love a person. That is the true meaning of love. Loving an individual even though they may have hurt you or done you wrong. You are able to look past the imperfections and sometimes hurtful things and press forward. Now i'm not saying stand there and be a human punching bag obviously in this situation you would do best to just move on..
fetish1980 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Now i'm not saying stand there and be a human punching bag obviously in this situation you would do best to just move on.. And that's all i'm saying. Don't be a doormat. There's other factors involved too goodmn. How long the two of the people were together? How many times has this happened? Were they able to communicate? In my opinion, if communication is cut off, that's it. There's nothing. A person that leaves someone for another person is salvageable. But for someone like me, it would make it difficult for me to fully trust that person again depending on how emotionally attached i was. If they cheated on me and then left, there's no forgiving that. Even if i tried to ignore it, it would forever be in the back of my mind. fetish
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Do you think she's making contact to restart the relationship or just be friends? If the other guy is still around, then it's clear it's a friendship only deal, or at the very most, keeping you around in case things don't work out and to feed her ego. As much as I want to say yeah make contact and see what happens, I can't help but remember that this is a GIGS situation - she left you for someone else, may have cheated on you even. As Fetish says, trust is a big issue and she broke that when she left. Right now you still have very strong feelings for her and therefore you will be weak to whatever she says. She could quite easily get exactly whatever it is she wants from you, admit that. If she truly wants you back then she will continue to make the effort. She has to show you she can be trusted again, otherwise you are just forgiving her and allowing her back in with no concerns - in a way, you're saying it's okay to cheat as you'll still be here. I think you need to consider that it's only been less than two weeks of NC and that's less than a holiday. She's barely had time to miss you. That said though, you don't want to have these regrets as your title suggests. I don't know - I'm mostly for staying no contact and seeing what she does, but I also would like to know what her intentions are for making contact now. What does she want or expect from you?
Author Jonnyy Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Do you think she's making contact to restart the relationship or just be friends? If the other guy is still around, then it's clear it's a friendship only deal, or at the very most, keeping you around in case things don't work out and to feed her ego. As much as I want to say yeah make contact and see what happens, I can't help but remember that this is a GIGS situation - she left you for someone else, may have cheated on you even. As Fetish says, trust is a big issue and she broke that when she left. Right now you still have very strong feelings for her and therefore you will be weak to whatever she says. She could quite easily get exactly whatever it is she wants from you, admit that. If she truly wants you back then she will continue to make the effort. She has to show you she can be trusted again, otherwise you are just forgiving her and allowing her back in with no concerns - in a way, you're saying it's okay to cheat as you'll still be here. I think you need to consider that it's only been less than two weeks of NC and that's less than a holiday. She's barely had time to miss you. That said though, you don't want to have these regrets as your title suggests. I don't know - I'm mostly for staying no contact and seeing what she does, but I also would like to know what her intentions are for making contact now. What does she want or expect from you? I believe that her intentions for making contact with me are tojust talk. She had messaged me on facebook saying, ok well i just kinda wanted to talk since we are going to be running into each other at college and so it wouldnt be awkward but its cool if you dont want to. Basically i feel like she just wanted to avoid the awkwardness if we bumped into each other. but the thing is is that i have run into her like 3 times already and everytime i just smiled and said hi to her and her/my friends.
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 In that case, just carry on as you are. You owe her nothing as she left you. If she wants more then she will make the effort.
Author Jonnyy Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 In that case, just carry on as you are. You owe her nothing as she left you. If she wants more then she will make the effort. Thankyou very much. Your advice really means alot to me.
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