JohnEl Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I am still a mess. i cant stop thinking about my ex. i am mad that i let her go. im so alone now and dont know what to do. shes already dating someone else and is happy. i cry everyday and want her to come back. i dont know what im going to do without her. im seeing a counselor but its not helping a whole lot. i try to stay busy but it doesnt help either. nothing i do can et my mind off her. im so depressed about this. she was my best friend and i love her so much and shes not even in my life anymore. she doesnt care about me at all anymore and im so sad. she loved me so much and i took it for granted. i dont think ill ever find someone who could love me as much as she did. how much longer am i going to be depressed about this? its been two months since the breakup and coming up on three weeks of NC. i wonder if shes thinking about me at all or not. i dont think she is. i dont think she cares. she left bc she felt unloved. but i did love her. i was just scared to show it. she wanted to get married and have a family together. i did too but i just wasnt ready to tell her yet. she broke up with me bc i didnt know how to make her feel loved bc i was scared. i just want her to come back but she wont. she says i hurt her too much. i didnt mean to hurt her, i was just having a hard time. it bothers me bc when i met her, she was immature. in college and drank a lot. she did some things that really bothered me and nine guys out of ten would have left her. but i stayed with her when she was at her worst. then. for the last couple months of our relationship, i was having some problems bc i was having these feelings of wanted to get married etc but they scared me so much. i kinda pushed her away a little bit bc i was terrified. she took it as if i didnt care about her. she would fight with me about it. we kept fighting til she eventually left. i wish she didnt fight with me about things. i wish she would have sat down with me and had a serious talk bc things werent going well. she left me when i was at my worst. thats not fair. i was just having some issues with the feelings i was having and she bailed on me. i cant believe shes gone. i dont know what im going to do without her. i miss her SO much. i cry myself to sleep and wake up throughout the night thinking about it. this sucks.
Author JohnEl Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 I am still a mess. i cant stop thinking about my ex. i am mad that i let her go. im so alone now and dont know what to do. shes already dating someone else and is happy. i cry everyday and want her to come back. i dont know what im going to do without her. im seeing a counselor but its not helping a whole lot. i try to stay busy but it doesnt help either. nothing i do can et my mind off her. im so depressed about this. she was my best friend and i love her so much and shes not even in my life anymore. she doesnt care about me at all anymore and im so sad. she loved me so much and i took it for granted. i dont think ill ever find someone who could love me as much as she did. how much longer am i going to be depressed about this? its been two months since the breakup and coming up on three weeks of NC. i wonder if shes thinking about me at all or not. i dont think she is. i dont think she cares. she left bc she felt unloved. but i did love her. i was just scared to show it. she wanted to get married and have a family together. i did too but i just wasnt ready to tell her yet. she broke up with me bc i didnt know how to make her feel loved bc i was scared. i just want her to come back but she wont. she says i hurt her too much. i didnt mean to hurt her, i was just having a hard time. it bothers me bc when i met her, she was immature. in college and drank a lot. she did some things that really bothered me and nine guys out of ten would have left her. but i stayed with her when she was at her worst. then. for the last couple months of our relationship, i was having some problems bc i was having these feelings of wanted to get married etc but they scared me so much. i kinda pushed her away a little bit bc i was terrified. she took it as if i didnt care about her. she would fight with me about it. we kept fighting til she eventually left. i wish she didnt fight with me about things. i wish she would have sat down with me and had a serious talk bc things werent going well. she left me when i was at my worst. thats not fair. i was just having some issues with the feelings i was having and she bailed on me. i cant believe shes gone. i dont know what im going to do without her. i miss her SO much. i cry myself to sleep and wake up throughout the night thinking about it. this sucks. would it be a bad idea to send her an email and tell her how im upset that i stayed with her when she was having issues with the r/e but she bailed on me when i was having problems. she needed to talk to me about it all instead of starting a fight about it all.
antinko Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 No. Don't contact her at all. It'll just hurt you more.
FinOuch Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 JohnEl... I went to glance over the first post you wrote to try and figure out how long you've been broken up. While I didn't glean this info while skimming through that post, I did notice that you made reference that it had only been 2 days since you initiated NC - and that was on August 13th. I'm assuming the breakup must have been around this time frame, correct? A couple/few of weeks of NC is certainly not enough time to really make much (if any) progress. It is not uncommon to be an absolute mess, to cry yourself to sleep, to be haunted by dreams, and to find yourself struggling just to hold it together for a good month or so after the breakup. Progress comes later in your post-break up period. And even then, there will still be times when you feel like you aren't making progress. It isn't until another month or so down the road that you are able to look back and go "wow...even though I didn't feel like it at the time, I was actually in a better place than I was when <we first broke up / the previous week / the previous month / etc>". Progress is one of those things that is best evaluated in hindsight. And even then, when you do hit that point a couple/few months down the road where you realize you HAVE and will continue to make progress, you will still think about your ex all the time. [As an example, I'm over three months post break up. I'm feeling a lot more at peace. I've accepted the breakup. But I still think about him probably every hour. There are still times I get mad. I've seen progress, but I've got a while before I could really consider myself "healed".] You need need need to weather the storm, and give it time to pass. My advice to you is this: 1) Try not to focus on whether you're seeing yourself make progress, and instead focus on just surviving through the grieving process for now. Take baby steps to regain your life and your identity as a single person. 2) Stay NC. Don't write her letters. Don't email, text, IM, stalk her FB page. Nothing. The more distance you put between her and yourself, the easier it is for progress to be made.
LelouchIsZero Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Anyone who sticks with you while they're going through a bad time, but can't handle things when you're struggling has bad character & is simply not worth the pain that you're going through. I'm not sure how soon she got into another relationship, after she was over with you, but its a bit suspicious how quickly she moved. I seriously doubt that you took her for granted, you made some mistakes, but everyone does. She chose to walk out on you, even though you were having problems, so honestly you deserve better. Yes it would be a bad idea, which i'm sure you realise that.
Author JohnEl Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 She started dating someone within a week of us breaking up. We were together for three years. We loved eachother very much but were long distance for the last six months she broke up with me two weeks before she moved home to be with me. Now her and her new guy are long distance. It's a really hard situation to handle. She moved here to be with me but she's not with me. I feel like she walked away too easily considering the length of our relationship and the major plans we had for our future. Although i wasnt ready to tell her my plans for marriage, I still loved her and wanted to make her happy but she wasn't happy bc I wasn't able to show her that I loved her and it's bc I was scared. I was excited too but also scared and just not quite ready to let her in on my plans for our future. I was saving for a wedding ring but I wasn't going to tell her that. Sure, I made mistakes but she could never forgive me for my mistakes. She held them Against me and every time we would argue, she would bring up things from a year or two ago. I just don't know how to move on. It hurts that she's already dating someone else and im nothing to her anymore.
antinko Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 She started dating someone within a week of us breaking up. We were together for three years. We loved eachother very much but were long distance for the last six months she broke up with me two weeks before she moved home to be with me. Now her and her new guy are long distance. It's a really hard situation to handle. She moved here to be with me but she's not with me. I feel like she walked away too easily considering the length of our relationship and the major plans we had for our future. Although i wasnt ready to tell her my plans for marriage, I still loved her and wanted to make her happy but she wasn't happy bc I wasn't able to show her that I loved her and it's bc I was scared. I was excited too but also scared and just not quite ready to let her in on my plans for our future. I was saving for a wedding ring but I wasn't going to tell her that. Sure, I made mistakes but she could never forgive me for my mistakes. She held them Against me and every time we would argue, she would bring up things from a year or two ago. I just don't know how to move on. It hurts that she's already dating someone else and im nothing to her anymore. Who are 'you' to you mate? Embrace the grief and do it with dignity (by not letting her know), but ask yourself what you're doing to build yourself back up.
Nohbody Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Don't set unreasonable expectations for yourself. This is going to take time and commitment to feeling better. It took me a month before my heart stopped feeling like it was bleeding and on fire at the same time. That was a bad month, let me tell you. After that, it became marginally easier - and spending 30 days out of doors also helped a good deal. Time, time, time.
antinko Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Don't set unreasonable expectations for yourself. This is going to take time and commitment to feeling better. It took me a month before my heart stopped feeling like it was bleeding and on fire at the same time. That was a bad month, let me tell you. After that, it became marginally easier - and spending 30 days out of doors also helped a good deal. Time, time, time. This makes sense.
Dblock10 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 i hate people/girls that do what they have done to you. its so hurtful. its like did they even care that you were with them for 3 f"ing years. its outrageous. it happened to me and it took me a year to get over her and what she did. again, you will get over her i promise you mate. it literally is a case of time. it sucks, but the funny thing is when you are finally over it, you will look back and in a way laugh to yourself for taking so long to move on! i know i did.
ConfusedT Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Fin- good to know the first couple of weeks i will continue to be a couple mess. pretty sure im almost at the two week point and im a MESS =), as you can read through my emotional crazy posts!! Lelouch- i agree. anyone that cannot reciprocate being there for you WHEN YOU DID EVERYTHING to stand by them when they needed you is not worth the effort. *exactly what my dear x did to me. OP: stay NC. best way to heal ourselves. i know it is so hard, and it is crazy hard for me too, but opening up and not getting what you really want, will only continue to elongate the healing process. cry, be hurt, go through the motions and one day, we will both smile and wonder what the hell we were doing. =)
Author JohnEl Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 i decided to get some meds. i dont kow how i feel about taking them but im going to try. working out, being with friends and doing anything to keep my mind off of her isnt working. i obsess over her 24/7 and im very depressed about it. i want to run into her somewhere. i want to just completly ignore her and act like i dont give a sh*t about her. i want her to feel like i dont want her back and that i am better without her. i just want her to feel as bad as i do or something. im so mad at her but i love her so much at the same time. its crazy. she made me feel this crappy and doesnt even care. she walked away after three years bc she didnt want to work on the relationship anymore and saw a way out with a new guy which doesnt have any work to be put in yet. bunch of BS
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