jk0214 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 So, I need some advice. Many of the posts I've read have couples involved in relationships of all sorts of time frames. Mine was almost 10 years and we broke up 2 weeks ago. We broke NC pretty quickly (both her and I). We we intimate those 2 times. Finally, we agreed on space. She initiated this space due to feelings that resurface for quite some time now. Fact: she had plans with me for her future as much as only 1 month ago. Telling her parents we were going to do thing together (ie. 6 month around the world trip we've been planning for a year or so.) I'm positive along the way I've lost her interest. She seems to have signs of GIGS, which I posted in my Break up thread. But I'm pretty dead set on somehow getting her back. I am going to be improving myself. Already been going to the gym (something she always wanted me to do). But my question is, because of the length of our relationship, what are the chances that she will miss me and want to be back if I give her this space and improve myself? She says I was really good to her (I think I may have been too available now that I reflect on it). She hinted on many things that she wanted to see in me - things I wanted to improve about myself too. I plan on following through with them. Anybody got some insight for me? I think I'm done being crazy with my thoughts and wanna start getting focused. But, her is my end result. Don't mind letting her date (me date as well), but I want it to be us in the end. I can't see almost 10 years being a fluke. Everyone around us says they see the core in us being a good one. I'm sure she sees this too. Help.
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 So, I need some advice. Many of the posts I've read have couples involved in relationships of all sorts of time frames. Mine was almost 10 years and we broke up 2 weeks ago. We broke NC pretty quickly (both her and I). We we intimate those 2 times. Finally, we agreed on space. She initiated this space due to feelings that resurface for quite some time now. Fact: she had plans with me for her future as much as only 1 month ago. Telling her parents we were going to do thing together (ie. 6 month around the world trip we've been planning for a year or so.) I'm positive along the way I've lost her interest. She seems to have signs of GIGS, which I posted in my Break up thread. But I'm pretty dead set on somehow getting her back. I am going to be improving myself. Already been going to the gym (something she always wanted me to do). But my question is, because of the length of our relationship, what are the chances that she will miss me and want to be back if I give her this space and improve myself? She says I was really good to her (I think I may have been too available now that I reflect on it). She hinted on many things that she wanted to see in me - things I wanted to improve about myself too. I plan on following through with them. Anybody got some insight for me? I think I'm done being crazy with my thoughts and wanna start getting focused. But, her is my end result. Don't mind letting her date (me date as well), but I want it to be us in the end. I can't see almost 10 years being a fluke. Everyone around us says they see the core in us being a good one. I'm sure she sees this too. Help. Hi, i'll take this questions . First of all let me say.. I am a very blunt person and I get straight to the point. Some people get offended by this easily so in advance I would like to say I mean nothing offensive and should only be taken as what it is and that is advice. 10 years is a very long time to be together and definately long enough to know each others quarks as well as good and bad habits. Continue to be yourself and above all make sure you are changing for the right reasons, because YOU want to change. A true relationships is not bound by Physical appearances or actions although it is more like icing on the cake if you know what I mean. Now of course I don't know all of the details here but you have to be happy with yourself first before anyone else can see that in you and be happy for you in return and by this I mean happy with who you are as a person as well as the way you look, but these are all icing on the cake. What a women really wants is a person who can talk to them and express themselves as well as pay attention to her and what her needs are and being there for them. The rest comes back to you and she will do the same. Let me know if you have any questions.
Author jk0214 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Thanks for replying so quickly. I do wanna change for me. The thing is, I went through some confidence issues while dating her (work related). She knew this because I turned to her with these problems for almost a year straight. I could tell she got sick of me complaining (where I first saw the dip in interest). The truth is, we were GREAT together. I'm not just saying that, she says it all the time. But she started to say things like you said "you need to love yourself." I admit, I didn't for a while, so how could I expect her to love me. I started going to the gym and lost 30+ lbs. and I saw her face light up. It resparked something for a few months but in the end, I still havent done anything about my work situation. I truthfully believe that its a combination of things that have added up recently. Rounding 10 years, I can't imagine that she's been out of love too long that we are unrepairable. I know its a thin chance. So i will walk lightly. But how do you improve yourself with the things you both identified...and let her see it? If I'm going to try no contact, how long until we have contact? Permanent NC is for people who want to completely move on. I can't lie to myself....I don't want to. I could see it being a tad different if I was with her for a few months. But a relationship this long is a tough one to just let go. Especially if you are not convinced it can't work. After breaking NC the first time. We hooked up and got intimate and I could tell just by her actions it was still what she wanted but was confusing it. So that cannot happen anymore. She has dropped the lines "I love you but don't think im IN love with you anymore." She wants to limit contact but does not what to be rid of it completely. I know I'm only hanging on by a thread. I appreciate those who will tell me to move on. Truthfully. That possibly will be the case. I think this is what I want for right now. I might wake up one day and say " I dont want her back." But I cannot go on convincing myself what I do not want. Does that make any sense?
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Thanks for replying so quickly. I do wanna change for me. The thing is, I went through some confidence issues while dating her (work related). She knew this because I turned to her with these problems for almost a year straight. I could tell she got sick of me complaining (where I first saw the dip in interest). The truth is, we were GREAT together. I'm not just saying that, she says it all the time. But she started to say things like you said "you need to love yourself." I admit, I didn't for a while, so how could I expect her to love me. I started going to the gym and lost 30+ lbs. and I saw her face light up. It resparked something for a few months but in the end, I still havent done anything about my work situation. I truthfully believe that its a combination of things that have added up recently. Rounding 10 years, I can't imagine that she's been out of love too long that we are unrepairable. I know its a thin chance. So i will walk lightly. But how do you improve yourself with the things you both identified...and let her see it? If I'm going to try no contact, how long until we have contact? Permanent NC is for people who want to completely move on. I can't lie to myself....I don't want to. I could see it being a tad different if I was with her for a few months. But a relationship this long is a tough one to just let go. Especially if you are not convinced it can't work. After breaking NC the first time. We hooked up and got intimate and I could tell just by her actions it was still what she wanted but was confusing it. So that cannot happen anymore. She has dropped the lines "I love you but don't think im IN love with you anymore." She wants to limit contact but does not what to be rid of it completely. I know I'm only hanging on by a thread. I appreciate those who will tell me to move on. Truthfully. That possibly will be the case. I think this is what I want for right now. I might wake up one day and say " I dont want her back." But I cannot go on convincing myself what I do not want. Does that make any sense? Honestly the fact that you are questioning about moving on now and in the future in itself shows that you trying to avoid a deeper hurt possibly the fear of making a mistake and passing on the one thing that truely makes you happy. If you want to move on then go ahead, sometimes if you let a bird go into the wild and it returns to you then it was meant to be. If you both have agreed that the areas identified are whats holding you back and you want to change it. Focus on changing what you need to change the rest will eventually follow. Good Luck
Author jk0214 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Thank you very much. I appreciate your advice. They are to the point and not coated in sugar. Thanks again.
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Thank you very much. I appreciate your advice. They are to the point and not coated in sugar. Thanks again. no problem and if you have any other questions or just want to give an update fell free to hit me up.
Lis007 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I said this to my husband of 20 years.... What I really meant was - I want to be loved - I want to feel special - I want to know I am the most important person in your life - I want passion - What has happened to us? - Why aren't we happy anymore? - Will things change? - Why have we grown so far apart? - Dont we both deserve the chance to be happy? A good step for us would have been counselling and i will always regret not giving it a try.
Author jk0214 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 at this point, id love to have a chance for us to talk to someone...anyone. The problem is that she can't express her feelings properly. She bottles it up inside. Or maybe she doesnt want to work on it. I dont know. But thats the problem....I dont know. Either way, day 2 for my NC (2nd time around - broke it after a week the first time). I hope all that I read about how NC will get her to at least try and make contact happens. Wish me luck.
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