momo81 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Is it really a big deal to have your relationship status displayed? A group of my friends (and we're adults mid twenties to mid thirties) are in a debate about it. The guy i was dating and I have become exlcusive over the weekend, as in boyfriend/girlfriend and his facebook status is single and mine is nothing. Some of my friends believe that I should broach the subject and tell him that he needs to change it, and i need to put mine as in a relationship and the others say that well, as long as you know and your friends and family know, then what is it to the facebook world. The other side argue that, there will be people on your facebook that aren't as close to you as your friends and family members that really know you, so it needs to be displayed to prevent the opposite sex from maybe flirting with you online.??? What are your thoughts? Personally.... i know, and he knows we are each others. But hmmmm.. the other side of the debating team did get me thinking. Is the world being dominated by facebook lol?
AlexDP Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Yes. It means everyone can see it. It means it's something serious. We can all pretend it doesn't matter, but the truth is it does. Very much so.
Author momo81 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 So, Alex DP, would you take the lead and change your status to in a relationship or would you wait for him to change his from single to in a relationship. I must say, at the age of 30 i've never had the opportunity to display "in a relationship" on facebook.. i feel like a teenager again. In a good way that is lol.
oaks Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 What are your thoughts? He shouldn't leave his relationship status as "single" because he isn't. Maybe it'll just take him a few days to even remember that Facebook says that about him (or you might need to give him a reminder). As for anything else, I think it just creates drama...
AHardDaysNight Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Yes. It means everyone can see it. It means it's something serious. We can all pretend it doesn't matter, but the truth is it does. Very much so. Not necessarily so. When Facebook first came out, me and my friends used to say "engaged" or "married" to friends...didn't matter. It was all a big joke to us. People take the internet way too seriously.
NursingGirl Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 It's stupid. I'm older, bf and I havent changed ours.
zengirl Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I changed mine right away after my BF asked me to be exclusive because it said "single" and that would've been a lie at that point. I didn't expect my BF to change his because his listed no status, which is fine by me, but he did, and sent me one of those requests that linked our pictures. I'd never send one of those, as I don't think that part matters, but it was a nice sign that he was serious and wanted people to know who I was! (The people in other states and such who hadn't met me.) I don't think, ultimately, I could be with a guy who made a big fuss or decided to keep his as "Single" as in my generation, changing the FB status is a relationship step, and a pretty simple one to tell everyone, "Yes, I'm declaring this a relationship." Anyone who wanted to keep their "Single" up there would definitely be a bad sign. That said, sometimes it takes people time to think of these things, and I don't think that matters --- both my roommates are in relationships (not with each other -- they both have SOs) and I knew they were/they'd even told people they were long before that FB status changed. But neither were listed as "Single."
tigressA Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I don't think, ultimately, I could be with a guy who made a big fuss or decided to keep his as "Single" as in my generation, changing the FB status is a relationship step, and a pretty simple one to tell everyone, "Yes, I'm declaring this a relationship." Anyone who wanted to keep their "Single" up there would definitely be a bad sign. That said, sometimes it takes people time to think of these things, and I don't think that matters --- both my roommates are in relationships (not with each other -- they both have SOs) and I knew they were/they'd even told people they were long before that FB status changed. But neither were listed as "Single." I agree with this. OP, if you talk to your guy about it and he makes a fuss about changing it, I'd take that as a bad sign. Advertising yourself as single when you're not is a lie.
xxoo Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I'd ask him to remove the "single", because it is no longer true.....but suggest he change it to nothing (like yours). You don't owe the fb world updates about your relationship changes.
rafallus Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I don't care about FB that much, so I don't bother with statuses, tons of comments, whatever else. Doesn't mean I don't care about the person. OTOH, if someone spends several hours on FB daily, crafts perfect messages, yet doesn't change the status, then sth could be wrong.
sweetypielovely Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 technically he is single because he isnt married to you.
Citizen Erased Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 People that have nothing to hide will have zero problems with changing it at your request.
TrueColors Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) Is it really a big deal to have your relationship status displayed? No! Why? Because it's not high school anymore! others say that well, as long as you know and your friends and family know, then what is it to the facebook world. This is my view exactly. The other side argue that... it needs to be displayed to prevent the opposite sex from maybe flirting with you online.??? Since when did FB become a dating site? If people want to treat it as such, that is their deluded issue, not yours. Are you really going to take it personally if someone did that, you told them "sorry, I'm with someone" and they then said, "Well, why don't you put your status up!" (and if any of these are on your friend list - well, they're not a true "friend" are they? Get them blocked!) Is the world being dominated by facebook lol? Hell yes! I personally have never had my status as public, but an ex did. He then complained that I never made it public - this was 3 years into going out, the first I heard of his dissatisfaction! All our friends and family knew about us as a couple. But it was a symptom of his insecurity, not a cause of it, that he couldn't even discuss. Displaying "single" on the other hand is different and I agree with TigressA, that to do so when the opposite is true, is false advertising. It might not be deliberate though, so I would still talk to him about it. Edited August 29, 2011 by TrueColors
PratyekaYana Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 If my significant other requested that I change my Facebook status, I would have no qualms about fulfilling her wishes as a placating gesture. I would, however, not initiate such an action without being prompted because I feel that a Facebook status is ultimately irrelevant to the relationship.
AlexDP Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Not necessarily so. When Facebook first came out, me and my friends used to say "engaged" or "married" to friends...didn't matter. It was all a big joke to us. People take the internet way too seriously. But it's not about the internet. It has now become a way to publicly declare you are in a relationship with someone. It is a big step. Especially because not only teenagers do so. Whether or not it is a good evolution is something else, but the truth is, yes, it matters.
TrueColors Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 But it's not about the internet. It has now become a way to publicly declare you are in a relationship with someone. It is a big step. I can see the argument here. "I am with him and he is with me" type of thing. And if things go wrong, I guess this would be the quickest way to publicly declare it too...
zengirl Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 For those who are against having the status. . . Why? I just don't get it. (Assuming you're someone who really does use FB to communicate with people.) Why wouldn't you want to declare to everyone you communicate with that you'd found someone great? The only excuse I hear is usually, "Well, what if it doesn't work out." And THAT is really lame to me. If anyone is going into a relationship with a defense plan for if it doesn't work out, I think they're setting themselves up for failure. Especially if it involves not letting people know --- loud and often --- how much you like your new SO and that you've happily locked them down.
TrueColors Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 For those who are against having the status. . . Why? I just don't get it. (Assuming you're someone who really does use FB to communicate with people.) Why wouldn't you want to declare to everyone you communicate with that you'd found someone great? The only excuse I hear is usually, "Well, what if it doesn't work out." And THAT is really lame to me. If anyone is going into a relationship with a defense plan for if it doesn't work out, I think they're setting themselves up for failure. Especially if it involves not letting people know --- loud and often --- how much you like your new SO and that you've happily locked them down. Maybe, for me, it was subconscious. But I did start dating my ex before I got a FB account (ironically, it was I who persuaded him to get an account). And I did have him listed as being in relationship with me, just not publicly (i.e. everytime I logged into my a/c it would be there). I think what you are hitting on is COMMUNICATION STYLE. I am not against FB status' per se, as much as I am using social networking for just that. I've noticed it with how I used to be and how I viewed FB when I was with my ex. I don't even have my job or family history on there. I guess I'm old-fashioned in that way. Also, because I have contacts on my Friends list that would make it irrelevent whether or not they knew my relationship status. After we split, I noticed how much he valued it as a way of getting close to others, which he couldn't do with me IRL (and vice versa). I see it with some of my other FB couple friends: how much they interact with each other online. I don't share that style of communication. I guess I'm old-fashioned in that way. As far as I'm concerned, if your S/O was saying it to your face. And giving you PDA in front of your friends and family, then why would a FB status be that important?
FeelingSmall Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I was with my ex for 5+ years, we broke up and the status changed. Drama, drama, drama. We had mutual friends (mostly our families) and people were "liking" the status changes here and there, we hadn't immediately removed each other, it was a mess. Caused hurt feelings all across the board. Fast forward 6 - 7 months I start seeing my current bf and when we became exclusive he did not change his status. I did mine and the fact that he did not bugged me. He doesn't have anything listed though, I changed mine to nothing also. I look at it like this, anyone on my list who matters and I have spoken to since we started dating KNOWS about him anyway. The rest of the people I have on my list are mostly old school friends who basically added me to keep tabs on if my life was better/worst than theirs (and vice versa). FB is pretty much the bottom of my concern list. I hate the bloody thing and it pretty much causes nothing but drama anyway. When it's not causing drama it's telling me what everyone is having for dinner.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I deleted my facebook a few years ago and haven't remade it... I found it to be a very troublesome thing... It all just seems so petty.
oaks Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 For those who are against having the status. . . Why? I just don't get it. (Assuming you're someone who really does use FB to communicate with people.) It doesn't seem, to me, to be something that needs to have a formal 'announcement'. Or maybe I think it's too important to be announced that way. I'm not sure. Maybe I'm too old for this aspect of Facebook. My friends (the real ones, not the hundreds of people who I vaguely know who are 'friends' on Facebook) will know when I'm in a relationship because they'll get introduced to her in person rather than reading it on the Internet.
TrueColors Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) I was with my ex for 5+ years, we broke up and the status changed. Drama, drama, drama. We had mutual friends (mostly our families) and people were "liking" the status changes here and there, we hadn't immediately removed each other, it was a mess. Caused hurt feelings all across the board. I look at it like this, anyone on my list who matters and I have spoken to since we started dating KNOWS about him anyway. The rest of the people I have on my list are mostly old school friends who basically added me to keep tabs on if my life was better/worst than theirs (and vice versa). FB is pretty much the bottom of my concern list. I hate the bloody thing and it pretty much causes nothing but drama anyway. When it's not causing drama it's telling me what everyone is having for dinner. I agree. I think keeping things in perspective is of utmost importance. It's a slippery slope when someone starts equating a lack of relationship status to how your S/O really feels about you and the relationship. i.e. no r/s status = you don't care about me/ I'm not important enough to you. How much of what one truly values in a relationship is based on what one posts (or not as the case may be) online? Edited August 29, 2011 by TrueColors
TrueColors Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Especially if it involves not letting people know --- loud and often --- how much you like your new SO and that you've happily locked them down. So, if one were to take this stance, that would mean that they place a high value on what others think of them?
rafallus Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Especially if it involves not letting people know --- loud and often --- how much you like your new SO and that you've happily locked them down. How about people on FB, who I haven't seen for several years, and don't really care if I'll ever see them again in my life? Letting them know I'm in relationship with x certainly isn't high on the list of my priorities, if at all. People in real life (or those online, who I do care about and talk on a regular basis) do know, it comes up in convos or they already know the person anyway, or are introduced, if possible. Not everyone is obsessed with FB.
sm1tten Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I deleted my facebook a year or two ago and never remade it. Have no plans to. I think that in just one relationship did we have the status set to something - usually I just opted to leave that out. I think in general people take it way too seriously because they are placing too much importance on what other people think or know about them - and that goes just as much for the person who insists upon having the status say "In a relationship with Fluffy McBoobery" and the one who refuses to change it from "Single."
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