Emilia Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 If you're the kind of person that can function normally and be outgoing in a bar, sure. I'm not. Then it's something you need to work on. You come across introverted and shy on this thread
EnigmaticClarity Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Seriously having a criteria and only meeting people who fit it seems so dull. Don't you ever want to just randomly meet someone and "discover" their personality rather than just reading about it in their profile. Every single online date has that element of randomness and discovery--but you already have a decent idea they've got the basics (physicality, education, financial stability, likes/dislikes) to make the odds of it working out less random than the low amount of info you get from a random approach or the slowness of circle-of-friends meeting. The main thing that makes online particularly effective for me is I'm partial to tall, thin brunettes--that equates to about 5% of the population, and less than a third of that 5% would meet my personality preferences.
madjac74 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Well in my online experience I've had both extremes, someone who wasn't anything like they made themself out to be and I was pretty much running for the door on our date and somebody who was more amazing than she made herself out to be (I still love this girl btw) ...even her pics didn't do her justice! But I think the spontaneity of meeting people in real is so much more fun! But I'm slightly hypocritical because I seriously met the girl of my dreams through an online dating site. I guess either way online/reality its all a big crap shoot
Red Arremer Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Then it's something you need to work on. You come across introverted and shy on this thread I don't really think it's something that can be "worked on." Being the kind of person that doesn't enjoy/do well in bars is part of my nature. It would be like telling a short guy to work on being taller.
Zaphod B Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) It can be worked on Red. Shyness is not a physical limitation like lack of height, it's a psychological limitation, so thus can be dealt with. I'm a classic example of a shy introvert who has gone on to gain confidence talking to women I don't know. When I was younger, I was literally terrified to talk to a girl, so much so I'd freeze up and then not do it. It was ridiculous and I hated myself because of it. Even just two nights ago I was at one of my local bars playing Texas Holdem Poker. There was a cute woman there I'd never seen before. I just went up to her stood with her and started talking to her about poker. She was very friendly and smiley and even came by to say goodbye later when she got eliminated from the tournament. It's still not easy for me to approach a stranger and it still takes me out of my comfort zone, but I do it. It just takes practise. Try not to approach with only the one thing in mind - a relationship or sex. Approach with the thought of hey, I'm gonna try to get to know this woman, and if she's not interested well it's no big deal. That takes the pressure off you. Don't give into negative thinking and don't say you can't develop the skills. You can! The great thing about online dating it it gets you past the first initial awkward approach. Edited August 31, 2011 by Zaphod B
starla33 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Honestly online dating will kill your soul. I've been doing it for years and get tons of dates with attractive guys. Most of which I have no chemistry with when I meet in person. The guys that I do have chemistry with...that I go on multiple dates with and then go look on the site and see they are on there after telling me how much they like me..... depressing Yeah I get it you are not exclusive till you have the talk. It's just still ****ty to see someone you really like still looking for someone else and its in your face. This is why my online dates NEVER seem to lead anywhere. I get upset and just move on.
Imageiko Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 I don't really think it's something that can be "worked on." Being the kind of person that doesn't enjoy/do well in bars is part of my nature. It would be like telling a short guy to work on being taller. Not true! You'll get more comfortable the more practice you get. I agree with zaphod, start small. Make your goal to say hi and start a conversation with 5 girls when you go out. Start small and go from there. Also you don't have to go to clubs/bars to meet girls, if you dislike them that much. I have a feeling it's the approach anxiety that makes you dislike them more than anything.
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Red Arremer Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Not true! You'll get more comfortable the more practice you get. I agree with zaphod, start small. Make your goal to say hi and start a conversation with 5 girls when you go out. Start small and go from there. Also you don't have to go to clubs/bars to meet girls, if you dislike them that much. I have a feeling it's the approach anxiety that makes you dislike them more than anything. Well, I mean I view clubbing and PUA stuff and all that kind of like I view powerlifting. I mean I *suppose* I could deadlift 900 pounds after a certain amount of practice, and I guess that could be pretty cool, but it would require miles more work than I really want to put in for something that in all honesty I'm not even sure I would enjoy doing.
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