I'm About to Snap

[ImNotHere]

My only hope of dealing with this is to vent and hope it helps because I swear I'm going to lose it here any day now.

 

I've been dating this girl for 3 1/2 years, and like all relationships it's been up and down, give and take. We both came out of long relationships, so when we met it was hold on for dear life, at least that's what it felt like. We knew each other a couple of weeks and decided to move to another state and get a fresh start. This honestly worked out pretty well considering we barely knew each other, we had our fights, but they all worked themselves out and we remained close because we really only had each other. We moved somewhere else to so I could finish up my undergrad, and again other than the usual fights and garbage we were always quick to make up and move on. The only fights we normally had were about her being so messy and not wanting to clean, but I wouldn't be here if that was the case lol.

 

After I finished college I wanted to take a year off before I went back to grad school, so I could work and save a little money, and figure out where I wanted to study. She wanted to move back close to her family and finish college there instead of staying in the city where we already were. I was very hesitant about this for many reasons, the first and foremost was the fact that it was a huge expense to move, and I knew that finding a job wasn't going to be easy, not to mention I'm just not big on living 30 min from either of our families. Despite my better judgment I decided to move, partially for her, partially for the experience, and partially because it was the best of my options. To be honest I would have made the same choice even today, so I don't have any regrets about moving here, it was the right choice.

 

Since being here I've had a very difficult time finding work, she on the other hand had a job transfer, and was even able to find a better job within 3 weeks of being here. As anyone that's unemployed can vouch for it's very difficult to find a job sometimes, especially when you're right out of college and in a new city. I've been looking for about 2 1/2 months now and have yet to have an interview despite applying to all kinds of positions. I've applied for hourly, part-time, and professional jobs, but my experience is specialized and it's just difficult to get your foot in the door. To offset the boredom, and have something to do, I got certified as a teacher so I could earn a little extra money substituting, but no calls yet. All this being said I am still making an effort to find a professional job, but it's not easy and it's just a drain on your day and emotions, not to sound to dramatic. All and all it just sucks being stuck around the house because you're looking for work.

 

This is taking forever sorry. Anyways, the worst part of this all is the fact that my girlfriend thinks that I'm not looking for work at all because I don't tell her the depressing details of how I spent an hour looking through an online job database to find out that I'm not qualified for any of the positions. She thinks that I just sit around all day doing nothing when I should be walking door-to-door in 95 degree weather hoping someone is looking to hire. I try telling her that every place where my degree will actually make a difference isn't going to put a help wanted sign out front, and that me wandering around door-to-door is just a waste of my time and energy. Then she thinks that because I'm home more than she is that I should have to do a majority of the house work, which pretty much entails me going around picking up after her. I swear to God this is no joke, but she never puts anything away, especially clothes! They just get put in a pile on the floor next to the dirty clothes, which eventually spread out and cover most of the floor in the bedroom to where you can't see the floor. I vacuumed the other day I had to pick up about 50+ items of clothing, an empty snack bag of cookies, empty wrappers from breakfast bars, 2 empty bowls with spoons, and 3 cups. She never puts anything up after she's done with it, it will just sit there until I have to put it back and I swear it's driving me nuts. Trying to get her to help with the dishes is like pulling teeth even when I cook all of dinner. I really feel like I'm dating a kid sometimes because I have to ask her to clean up the things she messes up. It's becoming where I feel like I have to tip-toe around the subject of her picking up after herself because she gets angry about it, and honestly I just don't like having to deal with irrational people who get pissed off because I ask you to put your empty bottle in the recycling bin.

 

Like I said I'm just about to snap and call it quits because I just don't feel like I'm in relationship with someone that's on my side. Shouldn't a girlfriend be supportive of their boyfriend while he's looking for work, and not questioning whether or not I'm sleeping all day and goofing off? Granted I'm not looking for work 8 hours a day, but who sits there and says that to someone who applied for an hourly job at Target and got rejected lol? On her days off I get it thrown in my face that I'm not looking for jobs because I want to spend time with her and get out of the house since I really don't the other 5 days. I just feel like I'm getting belittled by an ******* who has issues. Like tonight, I cook dinner and she can't help because she's looking at something online. When she finally does come she starts cutting something on a cutting board where I had just cut raw chicken. She then proceeds to get angry with me because she wanted more tomato's, I said "cut some more up then," and she decided to use the knife and cutting board where I just cut the raw chicken. For the love of God the fat that I had cut off the chicken was sitting on the cutting board and I get blamed for not telling her!

 

The best part of all this bs and I'll end this post which is dragging out now. So after all is said and done I'm picking up the newspaper and magazines she left on the couch and she complains that I am always picking up her things and moving them to random places... I put the ****ing newspaper on the table, where we always leave it, so she goes and grabs my pretzels and hides them I mean really, they are hidden somewhere in the house right now. Granted I move her ****, but it's always where it needs to be. Clothes on the floor get put in the hamper, paper on the floor gets put in a pile or in the garbage, jewelery laying around the house gets put in a box. So after she hides my food, she says "I don't think you like me anymore." This is a few hours after she tells me I'm not really looking for work which makes me feel like ****, gets upset that I didn't specifically tell her not to cut something on the cutting board with raw chicken fat on it, and hides my food. Oh I also spent 30 minutes helping her fix her virus infected computer right before all this, so I'm really feeling great when someone says "I don't think you like me anymore," and slams the bedroom door behind her. I really don't think I can keep this up much longer it's just really getting to be a bad sitution, any comments, questions, thoughts would really help out.

Edited August 29, 2011 by ImNotHere