Met a great guy...and then screwed it up.

[radrluv72]

In the words of Sandra Bullock from "Hope Floats"...I am my own crown of thorns. My story may get a bit lengthy, but please bear with me.

 

About a month ago, after being broken up with my ex for nearly eight months at that point, I was about ready to give up on online dating again when I was happened upon by a really great guy. He had very recently moved here from West New York, NJ, and worked as a professional equestrian--an actual professional athlete. I wasn't quite sure what to make of him at first because he came from a completely different social circle than myself. I'm a middle-class 9 to 5'er, while he comes from a very well-off family, went to boarding schools his whole life as well as travelling on the road for horse shows. But as soon as I was bale to verify that he was actually who he said he was, it was almost like getting granted the total package after my ex dumped me eight months before and left me devastated. He was cute, educated, stunningly humble & sincere, an utter gentleman to the core...and for whatever reason, he was interested in me.

 

Getting together turned out to be our first struggle. Two days after he had started writing to me off the personals he had asked me out for drinks, but I was on medication & recovering from a neck injury, so I had to put him off till I finished my meds a few days later. The following weekend, he asked me out to dinner, and we agreed to meet up the following Thursday. Two days later after we set the date, he texted me to tell me that the rancher he was working for was sending him on an impromptu trip to the Iowa State Fair to show 10 horses, the very next day & that he would have to be gone that entire week, thus forcing him to cancel our first date. It was then I found ouy why exactly he had such dificulties maintaining a relationship with anyone due to his profession. When he's away, he's impossible to reach. We were very rarely able to talk at any length, but I was understanding because I knew this was his chosen profession. I was used to dating someone who travelled a lot for their work, as my ex was an officer in the Air Force and frequently had to travel.

 

When he got back, we rescheduled dinner for the end of the following week--and it almost didn't happen again. That following Friday, I showed up at the restaurant at seven, saw that he wasn't there yet, so I sent him a text asking if he was on his way & waited. 10 minutes later, I got a text from him. Turned out that earlier that afternoon, his horse that he'd brought with him from NJ had been injured--badly--and he'd been at the vet's office all day. He had tried to send me a text that afternoon with a picture of the horse's foot telling me what had happened and that he wouldn't be able to meet me for dinner, but for some reason, the text never made it to my phone. He went as far as sending me a screen print of the actual text itself, proving that he did indeed try to reach me. Despite this, he still made our first meeting happen. He met me for drinks a couple of hours later, and he turned out to be worth every minute of the wait that I'd been through those previous few weeks. I couldn't get over how well-mannered, sweet, funny & humble he was...a little shy at first, but he even pulled me away from the bar to save me from a couple of older guys who had been leering at me the entire time I'd been sitting there. When he took me away from the bar & sat down at a table, he said "Those two guys behind you were just staring at you the whole time, and I did not like it". Score!!

 

We parted ways about 11:30 that night because aside from his having an emotionally rough day over his horse getting hurt, he had to get up early to catch a flight to Los Angeles the next day for some business. When we said goodbye, he kissed me on the cheek and said, "it was nice meeting you, stay in touch...I'll call you when I get back".

 

Stay in touch...I'll call you when I get back. I'll call you.

 

At the very moment that he'd said it, for some reason, it didn't sit with me well. My only guess as to why, is because he was completely different that any man than I'd ever dealt with. He wasn't at all aggressive...didn't really flirt...and while we got a long great and had plenty to talk about, there was this nagging voice in my head asking why he wasn't being more flirtatious. When I got into my car to leave, I wasn't really sure what to think. I knew I liked him, but wasn't sure if he felt the same way. That whole "I'll call you" thing...that's a tricky one. But 10 minutes after I'd left, I got a text from him joking about the fact that after he'd left the bar, he apparently took the wrong way home. He texted me all the way home until I pulled into the driveway. So I was okay...until this week.

 

While he was in L.A. he had posted a quickie video on Facebook of a buddy filming him driving his Ferrari Enzo around his old NJ neighborhood, and the next morning I sent him a quick text about it. I didn't know at that point if he was back or still in L.A. or wherever. Later that morning he texted back and let me know that he was just leaving LAX.

 

The next day, I didn't hear anything from him at all. I had decided not to text him because I assumed he was back home and probably was trying to check in on his horse and get caught back up after being away from work for 5 days. But that whole "I'll call you when I get back" thing had permanently implanted itself in my head.

 

The next day was Friday--my birthday. My phone was blowing up with Birthday messages all morning long, but I'd heard nothing from him. To be fair, I don't think he had any clue it was my birthday, and while I knew he had FB Mobile, I don't think he'd logged in sicne he left for Los Angeles. If he'd logged in, he probably would have been all the BD wishes all over my page. So at dinner that night with some family, I finally broke down and sent him a text letting him know where I was & what I was going. Shortly afterwards, he replied, saying that he didn't know it was my birthday that day. I was dying to try to get back together with him this weekend knowing that this was the only night I had any obligations, so I asked him what he was up to. He replied, "Nothing at all, you?" I told him that the rest of my weekend was clear except for that night...trying to drop an obvious hint that I was available. But he didn't say anything else. When I got home about eight that night, I sent him another text telling him that if I could coax him out & about, I wanted to try to get together so I could spend some more time with him. So I waited...and he never replied back.

 

When I woke up the next morning and checked my phone, there was still nothing from him. And right then an there, my heart dropped. My line of thinking was that okay, he said he'd call you when he got back home and he didn't. He had no plans this weekend and he didn't check in with you to see if you were busy, and he didn't reply when you offered an invitation. He doesn't want to see you again. He's not interested.

 

I sighed a hefty sigh of disappointment. I had just spend a good six out of the nearly last nine months getting over my ex, and it had been brutal on me. I couldn't bear the idea of having my cell constantly strapped to my side, trying to figure out if he was going to call or not, when the fact that he hadn't responded to me the night before was pointing out the obvious answer. So I grabbed my phone and texted him:

 

"Hi...while I know you have a million things going on & have a real busy schedule, my gut tells me that you're not interested in seeing me again..."I'll call you" & no phone call is a pretty big hint. If you ever change your mind, then call me...I think you're incredible & would like to know more...not real sure what else to offer other than that. Take care, sweetheart."

 

In the previous weeks, when he was in Des Moines, he would try to text me as soon as he can & explained because he was so busy, he would more than likely be MIA and it was too difficult for him to respond text messages, but he was always quick to apologize if he didn't respond to me right away. I figured that if something was wrong, seeing that this was the first time I'd ever sent him anything like this, if I was misinterpreting his actions, he would have gotten back to me ASAP to let me know why he never got back to me. But I never heard from him all day. And I was just heartbroken. I went out shopping to take my mind off being upset, when I came home about five that day & checked FB, I knew he'd gotten my messages. He'd posted something to FB in reference to Hurricane Irene through his phone. At that point, I just started crying because all I could think was that what my gut had been telling me that morning was correct.

 

But then something occurred to me later that night, something that I may have misread in his text messages from the night before...and this is why I hate texting. While it wasn't clear, when I went back & read his messages, it occurred to me that maybe the reason he hadn't called was because maybe he wasn't home...maybe he'd gone to NJ after Los Angeles, and I didn't know anything about it....namely when I ahd asked him if his horse was okay and he had replied, "She's OK in NJ now". I had also asked him if his family was going to be okay in NJ with Irene on it's way, and he'd replied "Yeah we're far enough off the coast and on top of a mountain". We? Not they? How did I miss THAT?!

 

I called my friend in a tearful panic over what I'd done that morning, and she read me the riot act. "You always go overboard," she said, "His horse got hurt, there's a hurricane on it's way, and you have no idea that he was supposed to go straight home after California, and he's got a million things going on...if he doesn't call you, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. You need to text him right now & apologize, and the explain to him that the only reason you did it is because of how many times you've been taken advantage of & that you had your guard up, and leave it at that. After the way he busted his ass to get together with you, picked up the tab at bar, pulled you to a table to have some alone time with you & saved you from 2 thugs at that bat, it doesn't sound to me like he's not interested. You never let anyone chase you, and you have no confidence right now, and that's not you. TEXT HIM RIGHT NOW!!"

 

Trust me, I didn't want to...the thought that I had jumped the gun & potentially ruined something before it even had a chance to start and with such a great guy...I was beside myself. But I did what she told me:

 

"James, I think I owe you an apology. I think I might have misread a couple of your text messages from last night which resulted in what I did this morning. If that's the case, I feel genuinely stupid, and I am so, so, sorry..."

 

Two minutes later, I got a reply.

 

"Lol I think you over think things I just fell asleep last night"

 

Fell asleep. At that moment, I remembered that wasn't the first time that had happened when I was texting him and he just stopped responding. But the next day, he'd come back with an apology and told me that he's fallen asleep. Given the nature of what I did that morning..I pretty much cut him off from explaining. Rest of the convo:

 

Me: "God, I am so SORRY...I feel so awful...yes, I have the over-analyzation down to an art...unfortunately, I've had too many experiences in getting taken advantage of...I jumped the gun & lumped you in with all that. I tend to have my guard up...a LOT. I'm sorry that I did that to you. It wasn't fair of me."

 

Him: "No drama"

 

Uh oh. When a guy pulls out the word "drama"...that's not a good sign.

 

Me: "I know. That's definitely not the direction that I want to go in. But I really, really feel terrible...I can only imagine what you must have been thinking and it makes me cringe. Hope you can forgive me...I don't want to be another thing for you to worry about with everything else you have going on. And I'll leave it at that. :("

 

I haven't heard from him since this conversation last night. I was so utterly disgusted over what I'd done, I cried all night, and it's been off and on today. I told myself to back off of him because I don't want to do any more damage or further sabotage myself...but that whole "no drama" line...I don't know what he meant. Did he mean "no problem", or that my explanation was too dramatic, or that he wanted nothing to do with "drama"? I mean, guess I should at least take that fact that he did respond as a positive one...but what he must think of me. He probably thinks I'm flipping NUTS.

 

My friend tells me that I don't know it to be the fact that since I haven't heard from him since last night that it means that he wants nothing to do with me now. But I just keep thinking, after this crap, would I be so quick to call me? As a woman, I'd probably want to talk it out, but I don't know him well enough to even guess. But all I know is that trying to call/text him right now is probably a bad idea. I can't tell if he's pissed, annoyed, or thinks I'm a huge joke. All I know is that I've been dumping on myself all day for screwing this up.

 

Opinions? Advice? I'll take anything at this point.

[Ayla]

Please please please - no more texting him. Leave the ball in his court.

 

Yes, you might have come on too strong with the over analysing and texting, but whats done is done. He knows your are sorry, so just leave it at that.

 

Let him contact you next. Don't write anything about it on facebook either...if he contacts you, just go slow...and as hard as it You will be your own worst enemy. The best thing to do, is have no expectations and go with the flow.

 

If he does not contact you again, just talk it up as experience.

[musemaj11]

Why cant women be less crazy?

 

Its so hard finding a woman who isnt dramatic. If someone doesnt respond when you already try to reach out, stop and wait for that person to respond and never send a dramatic and insecure message. Its a turn off for both women and men.

 

Before you say anything to someone else, imagine the same thing being said to you by someone else and see how you would feel to that.

[OliveOyl]

From what I could gather from your very lengthy post, you've had only one date?

 

You are putting far too much energy into this situation.

 

I'd recommend pulling way back, and getting back into online dating. In fact while normally I don't think multi-dating is a good idea, you seem to have such a tendency to put so much energy and analysis into something that hasn't developed yet, I'd encourage you to contact a handful of different guys so you don't pin all your hopes onto one person so early on.

[ihatedrama]

Just chill out and back off..Don't text him anymore to explain or apologize anymore. It was certainly way too much for just one date. Don't be too hard on yourself. Whatever is done is done. If he ever comes around,try to take it calmly..dont over think so much and send a text like that..it is too much

[Imajerk17]

Well, I don't think you "blew" anything because he didn't sound that interested even before your text meltdown. If you hadn't done "anything" he would have just faded away most likely.

 

You put yourself out there, you said all you needed to say, and then some. You now have no choice but to move on. You do NOT want to come across as Glenn Close's character in "Fatal Attraction". And who knows--he might actually come around.

Edited August 29, 2011 by Imajerk17

[Pierre]

By now I hope you realize you have low self esteem. This probably makes you act in a very needy manner and likely contributed to your break up eight months ago.

 

Your low self esteem is also manifested by feeling so highly rewarded because he moved you from the bar to a table and that there were older men there looking at you. In other words you enjoyed the so-called "Knight saving the damsel in distress" scenario even though there was really nothing going on and nothing unusual about going to a table. You see this as some sign that he is into you, but in reality it was nothing but courtesy and common sense. You obviously rely on external validation to feel good.

 

Then you proceed to over-analyze his casual departure words of "I call you later". What is he supposed to say??????????

 

Then you text like a maniac and by now he smells a drama queen who is insecure.

 

He kissed you on the cheek and you act as if you were in deep love. If he had sex with you you would be suicidal. I am glad he was a gentleman and did not push into sex, that was a good move.

 

I believe you need psychotherapy to deal with your insecurities, low self esteem and obsessive thought patterns.

[Feelsgoodman]

Well, I don't think you "blew" anything because he didn't sound that interested even before your text meltdown. If you hadn't done "anything" he would have just faded away most likely.

This pretty much sums it up.

[radrluv72]

By now I hope you realize you have low self esteem. This probably makes you act in a very needy manner and likely contributed to your break up eight months ago.

 

Your low self esteem is also manifested by feeling so highly rewarded because he moved you from the bar to a table and that there were older men there looking at you. In other words you enjoyed the so-called "Knight saving the damsel in distress" scenario even though there was really nothing going on and nothing unusual about going to a table. You see this as some sign that he is into you, but in reality it was nothing but courtesy and common sense. You obviously rely on external validation to feel good.

 

Then you proceed to over-analyze his casual departure words of "I call you later". What is he supposed to say??????????

 

Then you text like a maniac and by now he smells a drama queen who is insecure.

 

He kissed you on the cheek and you act as if you were in deep love. If he had sex with you you would be suicidal. I am glad he was a gentleman and did not push into sex, that was a good move.

 

I believe you need psychotherapy to deal with your insecurities, low self esteem and obsessive thought patterns.

 

Deep love?? Are you nuts? Cripes, all I'm being is descriptive of what happened. The way you're talking, I already had the monogrammed towels picked out, and that's hardly the case. The point is that I *know* I went overboard in what I had assumed. and tried my best to go back & resolve it when I'd realized what I'd done.

 

And by the way, my breakup from my previous relationship had *nothing* to do with this. That's insulting.

[radrluv72]

Well, I don't think you "blew" anything because he didn't sound that interested even before your text meltdown. If you hadn't done "anything" he would have just faded away most likely.

 

You put yourself out there, you said all you needed to say, and then some. You now have no choice but to move on. You do NOT want to come across as Glenn Close's character in "Fatal Attraction". And who knows--he might actually come around.

 

I know. I just can't stand that whole "is he interested or is he not" bit...everything that we went through just to get together the first time, I almost walked myself, but he was so insistent about trying to make up for it. If a guy wants to see you, he'll make it happen, I know that.

 

I had already made the decision after I gave him my apology to leave him be. Considering that I'm not the only one's who screwed up during the course of this, if he wasn't accepting of my apology, I think it would be kind of ****ty considering how many times I accepted *his*. I just can't get past how incredibly stupid I feel for doing what I did.

[ja123]

Hi there,

 

Learning to manage one's anxiety is a skill and a discipline that can be learned. But it takes time and a lot effort, often a good guide, and practice!

 

Look to increase your self-sufficiency and independence in your life. When you are feeling content with who you are, then your confidence will increase. And as your self-confidence increases, so you will feel a greater sense of contentment.

 

Try googling "how to manage insecurities", "how to deal with anxiety" stuff like that ... "how to build self-esteem" even.

 

There's a good book by David Burns called "Feeling Good" that you may want to check out.

 

There's also a book by Melody Beattie, "The Codependents Guide to the 12 Steps"

 

Pema Chodron's book "Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears"

 

You are clearly grieving because you invested in the "dream" but without knowing the man. Hopefully you can get to the point where instead of saying "what if", you can say "so what!!!" Feel your emotions regarding this, but don't wallow in them. Try not to obsess. Stay active. Distract yourself if necessary.

 

And try to see the humour in it!!! Maybe if you can laugh at yourself, then you won't be so hard on yourself!

 

Good luck!

[Pierre]

Deep love?? Are you nuts? Cripes, all I'm being is descriptive of what happened. The way you're talking, I already had the monogrammed towels picked out, and that's hardly the case. The point is that I *know* I went overboard in what I had assumed. and tried my best to go back & resolve it when I'd realized what I'd done.

 

And by the way, my breakup from my previous relationship had *nothing* to do with this. That's insulting.

 

No this is not love, it is obsession. And you wrote a treatise describing your OCD. I suggest you seek treatment.

[radrluv72]

Hi there,

 

Learning to manage one's anxiety is a skill and a discipline that can be learned. But it takes time and a lot effort, often a good guide, and practice!

 

Look to increase your self-sufficiency and independence in your life. When you are feeling content with who you are, then your confidence will increase. And as your self-confidence increases, so you will feel a greater sense of contentment.

 

Try googling "how to manage insecurities", "how to deal with anxiety" stuff like that ... "how to build self-esteem" even.

 

There's a good book by David Burns called "Feeling Good" that you may want to check out.

 

There's also a book by Melody Beattie, "The Codependents Guide to the 12 Steps"

 

Pema Chodron's book "Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears"

 

You are clearly grieving because you invested in the "dream" but without knowing the man. Hopefully you can get to the point where instead of saying "what if", you can say "so what!!!" Feel your emotions regarding this, but don't wallow in them. Try not to obsess. Stay active. Distract yourself if necessary.

 

And try to see the humour in it!!! Maybe if you can laugh at yourself, then you won't be so hard on yourself!

 

Good luck!

 

Yeah well, here's the humor...and get ready to laugh...frankly I about did a pile-drive of my head into the desk when I found this out...

 

For the last couple of days since this monster miscommunication happened, that phrase "no drama" was stuck in my craw. Being a single woman in my late thirties, I've never had the "drama" card flipped at me before, but I've heard & read about other women who have. It makes one so paranoid that once they get branded with it, it never wears away. Out of anyone I've ever dated, the communication problems I've been having with this new guy have just been unreal. I'm used to that if you want to talk to someone, you pick up a phone. This guy is younger than me, so texting is just what he's used to...so maybe chalk it up to a generational thing, I don't know. But I do know, is that working in management & with e-mails on a daily basis, things get so lost in translation. What you say to one person & how you mean it may not come across the same way to that other person...kind of like when one types with their Caps Lock key on and the other person takes that as being "yelled at". You know what I mean?

 

Anyways...so I was stock on the whole "no drama" reply I got because it was so vague to me, I felt just as confused as I did when this whole mess--that yes, admittedly, I created--started. Well, one of my co-workers had suggested that "no drama" may have been his way of saying, "no worries".

 

Aw crap, that can't possibly be.

 

I get home from work, and pop onto www.urbandictionary.com. Lo and behold per their thesaurus for us old fogies:

 

"No Drama: Everything's all right, no harm done. No problem, no worries."

 

You've gotta be effing kidding me.

 

So here I've been for the past two days, chastising myself and beating myself up, thinking that I'd been slapped with the "Drama Queen" stamp...and it actually was the furthest from the truth. So next time you go to an online dictionary and look up the word "moron", there will be my pciture, smiling at you. Consequences of dating a younger man? Possibly. He's not the first guy I've dated that was younger than me, but this whole incident has been beyond bizarre.

 

I'm still refraining from calling him, though. He has no idea what's been going on with me over the past couple of days, and he isn't going to know. Lesson learned? Keep www.urbandictionary.com bookmarked & ready next time he starts texting me, or start reading every entry possible.

 

I need a drink.

[Sooner or Later]

The guy is seriously not interested.

 

All your over-analysis and constant texting of this guy IS DRAMA!

 

For your own self-respect, please do not initiate contact with him again.

[radrluv72]

The guy is seriously not interested.

 

All your over-analysis and constant texting of this guy IS DRAMA!

 

For your own self-respect, please do not initiate contact with him again.

 

Totally disagree. Is this not a forum for blowing off steam? Maybe in the way I wrote it, it may have come across that I was blowing his phone up, but that's not what happened. Truth of the matter is, the only reason that I texted him that night is because my friend urged me to. In hindsight, now I'm glad that I did. What I thought was a major screwup on my part, turned out to be nothing to him at all. I'd rather blow off all my anxiety here than let him know about it. If it seems I was over-apologetic, well then sue me. I'm extemely hard on myself when it comes to screwing up with people I'm still getting to know.

 

If anyone here is thinking that I had this guy pinned down as "The Guy"---that's hardly the case. But considering all the disasters he & I went through just to get to the first date...well, you can't make this crap up. I'm finally at the point where I'm starting to see the humor in all of it, but really, a couple of the responses here have just been incredible. One entry I make when I'm clearly in emotional upset, and I'm told that I need psychotherapy, I'm obsessive & that I have OCD...wow. Now that's reading into things, and frankly, pretty damn mean.

 

I like this site because when my ex and I split nine months ago, the good people in the Breakup & Coping forums offered nothing but support & wonderful advice...I don't think I would have gotten past it without them. I thought I could get some helpful advice here to fix this screwup--because it was fixable--but over here, now I'm not so sure. Yes, reality checks to snap someone out of a panic are one thing, but damn, are people not entitled to make mistakes?

 

You know what, never mind. I won't be back if this is how people of this forum offer support. I'll just stay over in the Breakup & Coping forums & offer my support to people who are hurting. Cripes.

[Nexus One]

If the guy has a Ferrari Enzo, then he's a big shot. Only 400 of those have ever been built. An Enzo at present costs 1.5 million USD (the price has risen since 2002), but they don't sell an Enzo to anyone who shells out the money. You have to be "special" or something, I don't know the exact criteria.

 

Why is that relevant to your story? It's relevant because the guy could easily take you with him anywhere he wants. Money doesn't limit him, so that can't be an excuse.

The question is, why didn't he take you with him. How long have you guys known each other by now?

 

All that, "I came across so needy over those few texts, I blew it" is pretty much irrelevant to a guy that's really into a woman, it's a minor minor detail.

 

That being said, your thread reads almost like a thread from Eternal Sunshine for some reason, which is another forum member here on LS. Not judging either of you, just an observation.

Edited August 30, 2011 by Nexus One

[carhill]

Is it possible that the feelings for your ex, chronicled about seven weeks ago here, are influencing your emotions and perspective in this instance? If so, perhaps that's an indicator that more healing time is needed. This was an exercise in perception, to see if you're 'ready' to date in a healthy way. Plenty more potentials in the future.

Edited August 30, 2011 by carhill
clarified time interval

[OliveOyl]

What strikes me as overboard is not that you have posted wanting to blow off steam.

 

It's because you wrote that you: started crying... cried all night, and it's been off and on today; called your friend in a tearful panic; you were utterly disgusted with yourself, and you were just heartbroken... among other dramatic descriptors.

 

That is a LOT of emotion and energy for someone you have had ONE date with.. who wasn't even being very flirtatious in your opinion. Was there even a kiss at the end of the date? Can you see how this reaction seems completely over the top?

 

I get it on one level. I have myself, have agonized over things. But for the most part I've been able to keep any over-analysis to myself. Over-analysis on this forum is better than doing something that could sabatoge the relationship, such as over-texting. Nonetheless, this reaction is not very healthy, and this amount the energy and attention will only drive him further away.

[funnysam]

aw don't feel bad about it, i mean no one is perfect, i did the exact same thing before, when i don't get a reply i would think that i said soemthing wrong, and then i would say sorry to the person, at first it's ok but then i contiued to be like that, and it scared that person away.and a lot of time i get too sensitive over the status that was on facebook, then i screwed everything up...i screwed up every single time, i think i was reenacting my previous bad experience.....

 

but any way, just want to say that don't view the past experience as bad, or only see them negatively, there are also a lot of possitive things that happen in the past, and i am sure there were happy experience too! whether he is interested or not i guess that isn't a topic that you should worry on :-).....just let go now and see what happens, i think you will be much happier that way.well god bless, and i pray that you can find happiness.

[sareem81]

Chin up chic, try and put it down to experience. I've been single for two years (with the odd date here and there), but spent this last two years working on and improving my self, for myself. I'm now happy and create my own happiness. I tend to over analyse things and my friends and mum says it drives them crazy!! But this is who we are, we've just got to find a better way of dealing with it.

Go out, meet more people, date more guys and you will eventually meet someone who doesn't make you over analyse or anything.

take care.

[Eternal Sunshine]

NO - no I actually think those things and write about them on LS but I don't go further. I never even text a guy twice in a row without a response, let alone this...I kind of cringed when reading this thread. Not because the OP ruined anything, but the guy simply wasn't interested. Pretty much all his interest was shown prior to date, he basically didn't feel chemistry in person for whatever reason. Happens a lot with online dating.

 

I'm a lot more chilled these days

[phillyfan]

I know. I just can't stand that whole "is he interested or is he not" bit...everything that we went through just to get together the first time, I almost walked myself, but he was so insistent about trying to make up for it. If a guy wants to see you, he'll make it happen, I know that.

 

I had already made the decision after I gave him my apology to leave him be. Considering that I'm not the only one's who screwed up during the course of this, if he wasn't accepting of my apology, I think it would be kind of ****ty considering how many times I accepted *his*. I just can't get past how incredibly stupid I feel for doing what I did.

 

Dude u r all about the drama. U had 1 date n got all crazy, sent all these crazy txts, n now u r callin him shi*ty 4 not acceptin ur apologys. U need to chill out. I aint sayin there is anythin wrong wit u, u r who u r, but not many guys r gona stick around wen they see a girl act like this. U showd him a tru part of who u r, he didnt like it, so u aint a match. But I am sure u wil meet a dude that loves u 4 who u r 1 day, n this guy aint that guy, so keep on truckin until u meet the rite 1. And the guy didnt seem so interested that was why he wasnt respondin n thts wht made u act crazy n send all the txts.

Edited August 30, 2011 by phillyfan

[Dalicias]

Haha, oh jeez. Don't listen to a lot of people here.

 

I know I may be young, but I would just say wait and see what happens. It's true, they don't sell enzo's to anyone and actually you have to own a few other selected ferrari's and be quite a status case to ever even test drive one.

 

So, I could have probably told you that No Drama meant no worries...LOL

 

If he said that, then don't worry. A lot of the people on here will try and twist your story, make you fell insecure about the situation, just wait and see. It's all you can do at this point. Maybe fill your time with other things and post about how much fun you're having on FB so he sees you don't constantly worry about certain situations

 

Good luck!

[joeyanna]

Don't beat yourself up about what happened. I've been there and I know exactly how you feel.

 

I had a similar experience just over a week ago when I totally scared off this guy I'd known for a couple of months. We eventually had a 30 minute chat about the whole thing in which he firstly said that maybe we should break contact altogether then changed his mind and said we should leave it for a week or two before one of us texts or calls the other and see where we're both at and so far I have refrained from making contact and will do so for a few more days.

 

I too over analyse and am over sensitive but I've learned some vital lessons this week.

 

Firstly I agree with those who commented about having low self esteem, I am the first to admit it, mine stems from having a verbally abusive ex boyfriend then a husband who left me for a work colleague and although I thought I was ready for dating two years on, I don't think I was, I had completely lost my sense of identity and found myself changing my behaviour and habits depending on who I was seeing at the time, almost taking on aspects of their identity to keep them interested instead of rediscovering everything about me that is amazing, something that I'm still in the process of doing. Become happy and secure within yourself and you will find someone who will enjoy you for who you are.

 

Get to know yourself, relax, go with the flow and don't let you're emotions get the better of you. If you're tempted to text when you're feeling vulnerable, don't, distract yourself until you feel more rational.

 

As someone else said, if he likes you he'll forgive your misdermeaners and if not, then is he really worth knowing?

 

I don't know what, if anything, will happen with my situation but lessons have been learned and hopefully I'll not make the same mistakes again, I will probably make a whole set of knew ones.

[sm1tten]

OP, if you've spend time on these forums then you know very well that you can't ask for opinions and then be selective about what you get. That's the nature of the internets.

 

To be honest, your entire post paints you as, as the very least, a compulsive over-thinker with some self-esteem issues. There are lots of people who are like that (I'm one of them) but instead of being defensive, try to see that regardless of how he took your text, your reactions to and perception of the situation was off. And adjust your thinking/expectations as necessary.

 

People do go overboard with the arm-chair analysis but support is not just holding your hand and saying "there, there...", for some this isn't about being nasty but about being honest with you about how your actions look to the outside world and how you can avoid this kind of situation in the future. You already KNOW that you effed up. You can and hopefully will learn from this.

 

Do not call or text him any more. It sounds like you were the only one who experienced magic on the date. That is why he didn't call or text you unless it was in response to you.

 

(And also, where I'm from when a guy says "no drama" he's essentially telling you to stop talking.)