Stella44 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 So I split up with my ex last October. We were separated for 6 months with lots of grey areas including doing stuff as a family, etc so it wasn't a 'clean' split. Then he informs me in April that he has met a new woman and it's serious (after 4 weeks apparently). Our child is 5 and struggled initially with the split but regularly spent time with both parents on their own or together as a family. It's been less than a year since our split and the ex has already introduced the new woman to our son. He has our son every other weekend and is now regularly bringing her onto the scene during his weekends. I am pretty disappointed in this as my son only gets to see daddy every other weekend and his needs should be prioritized over daddy's 'need' to see his girlfriend. However, it's very difficult to convey this without sounding like the jealous ex. I so wish he could put our son's welfare first and truly do not understand why he even needs to see her on the weekends when he has him. It should be daddy and son time. It was so early after we split for him to start seeing someone and then to have introduced her so early into the relationship was hard enough. But now it seems they are trying to play happy families. I do not feel threatened in my relationship with my son. Just wish his dad would have more common sense and sensitivity in trying to help our son through a very difficult transition year. He is only 5 but understands alot. Why can some people not see past their own needs/wants?!
sadhubby Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 maybe you should have not split up with him in the first place. were you placing your wants and needs before his at the time? he is moving on into what feels normal and i am sure he will spend time with his son around her.
robf1971 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 So I split up with my ex last October. We were separated for 6 months with lots of grey areas including doing stuff as a family, etc so it wasn't a 'clean' split. Then he informs me in April that he has met a new woman and it's serious (after 4 weeks apparently). Our child is 5 and struggled initially with the split but regularly spent time with both parents on their own or together as a family. It's been less than a year since our split and the ex has already introduced the new woman to our son. He has our son every other weekend and is now regularly bringing her onto the scene during his weekends. I am pretty disappointed in this as my son only gets to see daddy every other weekend and his needs should be prioritized over daddy's 'need' to see his girlfriend. However, it's very difficult to convey this without sounding like the jealous ex. I so wish he could put our son's welfare first and truly do not understand why he even needs to see her on the weekends when he has him. It should be daddy and son time. It was so early after we split for him to start seeing someone and then to have introduced her so early into the relationship was hard enough. But now it seems they are trying to play happy families. I do not feel threatened in my relationship with my son. Just wish his dad would have more common sense and sensitivity in trying to help our son through a very difficult transition year. He is only 5 but understands alot. Why can some people not see past their own needs/wants?! Indeed....
Meatballsmom Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 You left him, and expect him to sit around and wallow in pain, wanting you back. But he found another woman and is moving on in life. In other words; you want him to do what you want him to do. You are the one who should decided how he gets over his pain and grief of the separation. And heaven forbid, he is happy again. Sounds very controlling to me And another woman snatched him up within 6 months of your leaving him. Maybe she sees something that you missed
Author Stella44 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Wow. Talk about dumping your own stuff on a poster. No I am not controlling. Yes I did split up with him for many reasons that you cannot even begin to understand as I have not outlined them here. And no she did not see something I missed. I also saw someone that could change with just a little more love from me but found out the hard way that this was not going to happen as many many women do.. My main issue is not that he has moved on with another woman although it is very fast after a 10 year relationship. It is that he is putting his own needs first over our son's needs to spend time with his dad. Anyway, thank you so much for the supportive comments... Not sure who you people are to pass judgement on someone who is looking for a little support and caring from people who have supposedly been in similar positions. Dumped were you??
Lucid1 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Stella44, Easy, now! I can kinda see where these guys are coming from, at least their explanations. Although I agree they were a little rough with you. Thing is, I may be just about where your ex hubby is. My wife dumped me suddenly, mid-life crisis type thing, after twenty years of faithful love from me. We have a 7 year old. She won't even speak to me now except about visitation. I have not picked up a new woman yet, partly for the very good reasons you mention, (I want to spend my time with my son) but damn is the desire strong. I cannot state that strongly enough. I am so lonely for female companionship it's excruciating. I see women my age in the grocery store and it's all I can do to NOT hit up on the ones without a wedding ring. Heck, I'm not sure how long I'll be able to go without a girlfriend. And once I get one I'm sure I'll want her around all the time, just as my wife was. After years of happy marriage I am used to that. So, maybe, if your husband feels at all like I do, maybe he's blinded by his desire for companionship and can't see what he's doing to your son. Not that I'm at all saying it's right. Just saying I can see the issue from his side and can tell you it's almost impossible to resist. He most certainly doesn't think this is hurting your son, because he CANNOT see past his own needs. You have that right. Perhaps if he was more mature he could integrate his needs better, but he's obviously not doing that. I think divorce introduces an entire HOST of problems people do not realize will crop up until it's happening. Many of them, like your ex's overpowering need for female companionship, aren't even imagined until they happen, because things can go so many ways and this is just one of them. What's that saying? "Just because a problem is well-defined doesn't imply the existence of a solution." This problem erupted from the seeds of your divorce (or split) and who would have anticipated it, say a year ago? No one could have. Stella44, I am sorry you and your son are in this situation and I hope it gets better. I can tell you that reading your post reinforces my commitment to spend my time with my son without a girlfriend involved.
Recommended Posts