Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Yes. including me- I've seen some really cute Asian guys in my complex- but they don't look at me, lol. I'm a skinny white girl, but I can't compete with the "petite" structure of a tiny Japanese girl. My ex was white- and he always talked about how much he loved Japanese women because they were so small. I'm 5'7" and 115 lbs, I went down to 108 lbs during that time with him because he made me feel so subconscious. Yay! Well I can't seem to compete with the whiteness of well...white dudes... And to be honest, I've never let a girl see this side of me...because I know it's terribly unattractive..I'd just fake it til I make it...but lately I've been making a lot more open comments and self deprecating remarks and even flat out making jokes about my racial insecurity...of course I'm usually drunk when I do this, but I've reached unprecedented levels with it... But I understand why you did what you did even though I don't agree with it...
D-Lish Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Yay! Well I can't seem to compete with the whiteness of well...white dudes... And to be honest, I've never let a girl see this side of me...because I know it's terribly unattractive..I'd just fake it til I make it...but lately I've been making a lot more open comments and self deprecating remarks and even flat out making jokes about my racial insecurity...of course I'm usually drunk when I do this, but I've reached unprecedented levels with it... But I understand why you did what you did even though I don't agree with it... Why don't you agree with what I did? I dated a man that talked to me non-stop about loving a really small frame... I was his 2nd "white gf" at the age of 35. Essentially I changed myself to meet his standards. At my skinniest, I never had the ability to compete with a tiny Japanese girl.
counterman Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 This runs far deeper than any one of us can help you with, so best if you see a professional. I feel if you overcome this, it'll be a major stepping stone for your dating life and life in general. Seriously, you know how successful with women I would be with if I had your body? :p Btw, I like those mixed looking Asian girls
A O Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 So I'm finally getting tired of being angry at myself and the universe for making me an Asian and then blaming women in general for not accepting Asians as viable for dating. I'm tired of coming on LS and making a fool of myself with threads bashing women and bashing myself. I can only go so far with faking it and pretending that I'm cool with it, but deep down, I'm not cool with it. Your thoughts sound too deep rooted for this place. Being down on your own race, man that's a big deal. You need professional help for this. Asians, gee what can I say - on my side of the world (Australasia) - kissing Asian butt is becoming more and more common. .
Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Thanks everyone for your responses, I really appreciate it. I definitely have a lot to think about...
dispatch3d Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I know...I've tried...but it always up and down for me...when I'm dating a girl, things are fine and I don't even think about it, and if things don't work out and I'm released back into the world, I still feel good and think that I'm still desirable to women. But it's just a matter of time before I get frustrated again and revert to my limiting beliefs...it has happened every time... fwiw I would just group this whole area of thought you have as something like "I got rejected by a girl, and I'm being insecure it's over something I can't control - like being asian". Leave it at that, and try to put yourself into a better mood rather than attempting to take the approach of resolving how it sucks to be asian by thinking about how it sucks to be asian? Or whatever you are doing here. Doesn't make any sense to me.
goldenboy7115 Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Well, the fact that you want to overcome it, leaves you open to change and puts power on your side! So good for you. Ask yourself, what is the real need here? Why are you so insecure? I don't believe race is all there is to this issue. You can change your appearance, job, lifestyle..yeah, so what, have you changed what's on the inside? Find out first what's going on internally? If you can't answer this, no one else can help. Peace.
You'reasian Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 (edited) We all have our insecurities when it comes to dating, whether it be our height, our weight, our education (or lack thereof), our career (or lack thereof, etc... Everyone has their own way of dealing with these insecurities, and some can control them better than others. I've noticed that I've become very angry and bitter lately, and I need to come to terms with what has been my underlying dating insecurity all my life and figure out a way to deal with it. Those who know me on LS probably know that my "crippling" (I hate to use the word, but it seems to make sense) insecurity is my race. Throughout my life, I have dealt with it by compensating in every way possible, including: working on my body and then finding every possible opportunity to take my shirt off in public, avoiding association with other Asians, self-deprecating humor, and being as white and awesome as I could possibly be. I had also completely avoided dating for the first 23 years of my life. Generally, when you work on yourself to become a better person, you feel better about yourself and more confident in your own skin. When overweight people hit the gym, maintain good nutrition, and successfully lose the weight and keep it off, they feel great about themselves and feel much more confident in the dating game (just ask phineas). If someone who had no job finally puts in the work to educate themselves and establish a successful career, they feel like they can accomplish anything; they feel desirable. However, for me, everything I do to better myself only makes me feel more bitter and angry. I can work hard to be this great guy with good morals, a good set of skills, smart, funny, education, career, etc., but at the end of the day, no matter what I've got to offer, I'm still an Asian and seen only as such. Imagine a seesaw...on one end, you have all my qualities and on the other, you have "Asian." No matter how much you stack on the qualities side, Asian always seems heavier...as if it just inflates and becomes bigger and bigger. And it just makes me hate myself even more, because it's something I can't change. And I'm sure you'll say this is all in my head, but the fact of the matter is, yes, it's in my head. And no matter how hard I try, I can't get it out. It affects how I interact with women. I approach every woman as if I'm already in her friendzone, because that's where Asians belong. I don't message women on online dating sites, because there are plenty of white guys for women to choose from. I become every girl's gay best friend, because Asians are as good as gay to them. So I'm finally getting tired of being angry at myself and the universe for making me an Asian and then blaming women in general for not accepting Asians as viable for dating. I'm tired of coming on LS and making a fool of myself with threads bashing women and bashing myself. I can only go so far with faking it and pretending that I'm cool with it, but deep down, I'm not cool with it. LS has helped me before get over an ex, and I'm genuinely asking for your help again with getting over this deep-seeded insecurity. I don't want this to haunt the rest of my days. I can only assume that race insecurity is much like other insecurities that people have, and the steps to overcome them might be similar. So hopefully this thread will helps others here overcome their own crippling insecurities. Thanks in advance. Oorah. Bud, I'm like you. I enjoy being slightly different ethnicity; others may not be comfortable with it, but its your skin, so you've got to take care of it. Location, location, location - that's a huge factor with ethnicity. In some parts of the country and in certain circles, you can move like you move and pick up some impressive women. In others, no dice. If your stuck in "other" land for now, don't feel too bad about branching out. In some circles, I can meet and date women of any race and a rather large age range. In others, no dice lol Pick and chose your dating battles, bro. Lastly, have fun with it. A buddy of mine spent the better half of a recent evening dancing with some smokin' hot women. I had no clue he could dance like that....and before that, I thought he was some semi-creepy akward guy. He just walked out to the dance floor, straight up to one of the most attractive women and then walked off 10 minutes later hand in hand, sweaty and striking up conversation. Perception isn't always reality. Edited September 5, 2011 by You'reasian
You'reasian Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 The fact that you can self-depreciate and make fun of yourself is usually a sign of security Guys who can't laugh at themselves or who take themselves too seriously don't always get the girl. Women love it when you can make them laugh, no matter how you do it. Don't overdue the self-humor. Its a good intro into a more meaningful conversation.
Feelin Frisky Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 ...there's practically nothing Asian about me left except what my face looks like... Then let's have a look.
You'reasian Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Then let's have a look. LOL this is going to be interesting
You'reasian Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Why don't you agree with what I did? I dated a man that talked to me non-stop about loving a really small frame... I was his 2nd "white gf" at the age of 35. Essentially I changed myself to meet his standards. At my skinniest, I never had the ability to compete with a tiny Japanese girl. kudos, but you're better off being you and letting the chips fall where they may
lino Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 I don't know how it is in America but I guess it would be quite similar to how it is here. I've noticed in the east Asian community here that the very Australianized Asian women largely prefer white (anglo-Saxon to be more accurate) men and the much less Australianized Asian women tend to prefer the much less Australianized Asian men. That leaves the very Australianized Asian man with a bit fewer options. I guess the OP could be described as being in this scenario only he's very much Americanized in his case, obviously! What I've seen happen is that normally these type of guys end up with white women (again, anglo-Saxon to be specific) or very Australianized women of a different immigrant background - especially if he's in an occupation where he earns a very comfortable amount of money. I think the only way you'll be able to overcome this insecurity of yours is to become really, genuinely proud of who you are and of your background. Until you can stop seeing your ethnicity as something to be ashamed of in relation to women (I agree with you in that it's completely different in regards to other parts of life), you'll keep feeling insecure. How to do that? Spend a good amount of time in your country of origin. Spend a really good amount of time there, maybe even live there for some time. The important thing is that you genuinely and passionately live, breathe and absorb your cultural roots. Don't go there just as an American tourist! Might sound a bit far fetched but I think it's a much more practical and fun solution to your insecurities than therapy. Personally, I don't even believe in therapy for 99% of things it's supposedly meant to help.
aj22one Posted September 5, 2011 Posted September 5, 2011 Not to resurrect this thread from page 3, but, while out at the mall I did see a very attractive white woman walking hand in hand with a muscle clad Asian dude who was wearing a tank top. Just sayin...
darkangel1308 Posted September 6, 2011 Posted September 6, 2011 There's not much I can say that hasn't been said already, all good advice given. Just want to throw in that both my cousins are Americanized Asian men, and they have no trouble whatsoever dating whatever girl they want, because they're not afraid to make a move. My younger cousin dates both white and Asian girls and my older cousin prefers darker skinned girls and his current girlfriend is Indian. It's all about confidence!
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