breakfastmeat Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Those who know me on LS probably know that my "crippling" (I hate to use the word, but it seems to make sense) insecurity is my race. Throughout my life, I have dealt with it by compensating in every way possible, including: working on my body and then finding every possible opportunity to take my shirt off in public, avoiding association with other Asians, self-deprecating humor, and being as white and awesome as I could possibly be. I had also completely avoided dating for the first 23 years of my life. I really hope this is a troll thread, but if not... Multiculturalism produces the most unfortunate things. People who loathe their own race is one of them. You clearly do. You avoid Asians and by my guess you probably do what a lot of self-loathing Asian women do which is chase whites. Whites are considered the cream of the social crop in western society, so it's not uncommon for them to be chased by self-loathing blacks, self-loathing Asians, and God knows who else. It's so bad among Asian immigrants in Europe that there are plastic surgeons who cater to changing their eyes and skin tone to a closer match to white people. You all may get angry by this, but it's true. I once asked an Asian woman why she only wanted to date white men and not Asians, and she let loose a torrent of anti-Asian racist vitriol like I'd never heard in my life. Likewise, from white men who date non-white white women I hear anti-white racist vitriol from them as well. It seems that one thing people who date interracially have in common is bitterness about dating failures among their own race, if not an outright hatred for the race itself. Is there something particularly wrong with an Asian man accepting who he is and dating other Asians? Asians and their culture don't seem so bad to me, so what's the problem? Asian men are really up a creek. White women rarely date them, and Asian women are nearly as likely to avoid them as well. Black women are in a similar jam as well.
breakfastmeat Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Wow, you sound like a racist. What do you believe about Asians that has you hating yourself for being one? It's you who are your own worst enemy. I work with many successful Asians who are happily married to Asians and whites. Asians are the most successful and educated racial group in the US. If anything, you should be proud to be one! Asian dating habits, especially those of Asian females, are very racist. 50% of American-born Asians marry whites, but how often do you see them on the streets with a black or hispanic mate? They aim for whites, even above other Asians, purposely.
xxoo Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I had briefly tried in college and more recently with some of my brother's friends to befriend Asians. I just never felt like I fit in, and it was honestly a bit awkward for me...but no, I had never made a legitimate effort to make Asian friends. Though I did go to a historically black college for law school and made plenty of friends there. I am pretty much comfortable with everyone except my own kind... Assuming your brother is also Asian, why do you think he fits in with Asians and you do not? Does your brother have dating success?
breakfastmeat Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 So you hate your own race. Many white people do too. They even have a term for that - white guilt. I guess your condition can be described as "asian guilt". And quite frankly, that's pathetic. You need to embrace your 'asianness' and stop trying to be white. Why are you so desperate to date white chicks? Why not date other Asians? And don't tell me that you find white chicks more attractive. If you find women of another race more attractive than those of your own, it's just another manifestation of your self-hate. Have you ever travelled to asia, in particular the country where your parents are from? Consider doing that, if you haven't done that already. Heck...go live there for a bit, you might like it better than America (which is a dying country anyway). Right on... It's not healthy to hate the people you descend from. Your words fit for anyone who prefers dating outside their race. Every time I come across discussions on why people prefer dating outside their race, I see the most unhealthy garbage coming from them. It's more about why they hate their own race than prefer another. The biggest reason they seem to prefer another race is that it's not their own. Self-loathing, bitterness, and worse.
breakfastmeat Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I am pretty much comfortable with everyone except my own kind... I went through a period of that myself. I think it has a lot to do with brainwashing in popular culture. If you're the "in" race you're taught to hate yourself because you are. If you're the "out" race you're taught to hate yourself because you're not the "in" race. Everyone needs to accept and love who they are and not try to pretend to be someone else.
FitChick Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Asian dating habits, especially those of Asian females, are very racist. 50% of American-born Asians marry whites, but how often do you see them on the streets with a black or hispanic mate? They aim for whites, even above other Asians, purposely. It also has to do with sheer numbers. There are more whites than blacks or Hispanics so they expand their dating pool that way. Also, Asians are better educated as a population than blacks or Hispanics. Educated people tend to date others similarly educated.
serial muse Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Assuming your brother is also Asian, why do you think he fits in with Asians and you do not? Does your brother have dating success? These are really good questions...
breakfastmeat Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 It also has to do with sheer numbers. There are more whites than blacks or Hispanics so they expand their dating pool that way. Also, Asians are better educated as a population than blacks or Hispanics. Educated people tend to date others similarly educated. No, it doesn't, unless you want to assert that 1% of the US population is black and hispanic and the rest are white, because that's about the percentages of blacks and hispanics vs whites I see Asian women dating. What a horrible stereotype to lump blacks and hispanics as uneducated. If dating similarly educated people was the issue here, then they'd be dating other Asians. It's not. It's about singling out whites because of a dislike for Asian men. Some of them openly admit it, usually they don't.
FitChick Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 What a horrible stereotype to lump blacks and hispanics as uneducated. It happens to be a fact, politically incorrect though it may be. http://www.highereducation.org/reports/pa_decline/decline-f2.shtml
Scottdmw Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 OP, I can tell you that I've suffered to some degree from a limiting belief that height is an extremely big deal. I’m 5’7”, and for quite a while I let that be somewhat of a hindrance to myself. Here are some things I did that helped. First, try to present your brain with as much contrary evidence as you can. There are plenty of Asian men out there that have girlfriends. Notice that when you're out in public. Notice that among friends and family. Pay attention to Asian men who are married and have girlfriends. Look at the wedding announcements in a newspaper if you have to. Every time you see it, just take a minute and let it sink in and realize that that particular Asian man was able to make it work. If you believe in evolution, think about that for a while. Every single one of your male ancestors was Asian, and every single one of them managed to find a woman. You would not even exist if your genes were somehow unattractive. That is scientific proof that there is nothing about being Asian that makes you unattractive. Try to get your mind on something else. You say you're happy with your career. Focus on taking it to new heights. Or, find some hobby that means something to you that involves other people, and get really heavily into it. The point of this is to have something that takes you out into the world with goals and purposes that have nothing to do with women. When you are focused on those things your insecurities will be weaker and you will be naturally more attractive. Now, on your behavior. It is absolutely crucial that you approach and not wait for a woman to invite you. This single thing is an incredibly big deal to women. Once in a while, very rarely, a woman will approach first or make it very obvious that you should. Probably 96% of the time they will not. I just had a conversation about this with my new girlfriend of one month. She asked me whether I found it difficult to ask her out. I said no, not particularly. This was the RIGHT answer. She said she feels it's very important that a man make the first move like that. Her next quote was “I don’t want to date a p**sy”, with a note of slight CONTEMPT for men who do not or can not ask a woman out. She went on to say that if a man acts like he just wants to be friends, she puts him in the friend zone and he will never come out. I think this is very common. I have had a lot of success recently by approaching women where they gave no indication of interest beyond the simple willingness to keep talking to me. No touching of the hair, no batting of the eyelashes, none of those things you read about. I simply thought to myself “she's still talking to me so maybe she is interested”. I have had a lot of success with talking to a woman for 20 minutes the first time I meet her, and then asking her on a date IMMEDIATELY. Don't ever wait for the next time, it doesn't exist. It has to be the first time. On the date, you don't have to be super aggressive or creepy, just make sure she knows it's a date. That’s all you have to do!! By the way, with regard to my limiting belief on height, my new girlfriend is actually about 1” TALLER than me, and gorgeous. Ask me if I thought that was possible years ago. Don't let your beliefs limit you. Best of luck Scott
Overthirtymale Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) Trust me non-asian women do date and marry asian men. You have to be pretty good looking though. Race does not matter at all...and even if it did you wouldn't want to be dating him/her in the first place. On a side note its easy to get a non-asian wife. Date the average white female american (overweight and uneducated). Edited August 29, 2011 by Overthirtymale
dispatch3d Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Stop woe-is-meing over asianism, problem solved. You need to change your meanings for things, that's all. Change your focus. Maybe the most important thing in your life shouldn't be how asians suck? Just sayin. I kinda like asians ....female asians....
Feelsgoodman Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I really hope this is a troll thread, but if not... Multiculturalism produces the most unfortunate things. People who loathe their own race is one of them. I think you're using the wrong terminology here. What you're referring to is not 'multiculturalism' but rather the multiracial assimilation cesspool...I mean 'melting pot' that is modern day America (and the West in general). Multiculturalism is actually the alternative approach to creating a multiracial society - one that tries to have people of various cultures and races living next to each without assimilating (of course, it fails just as hard, albeit for different reasons). Otherwise, I agree with your post 100%. Right on... It's not healthy to hate the people you descend from. Your words fit for anyone who prefers dating outside their race. Every time I come across discussions on why people prefer dating outside their race, I see the most unhealthy garbage coming from them. It's more about why they hate their own race than prefer another. The biggest reason they seem to prefer another race is that it's not their own. Self-loathing, bitterness, and worse. From my experience, women who date interracially usually have serious daddy issues and/or histories of abusive relationships. These women project their hatred of their fathers/abusive exs upon all men of their race, and as a consequence start to believe that men of other races are somehow better.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Stop woe-is-meing over asianism, problem solved. You need to change your meanings for things, that's all. Change your focus. Maybe the most important thing in your life shouldn't be how asians suck? Just sayin. I kinda like asians ....female asians.... I know...I've tried...but it always up and down for me...when I'm dating a girl, things are fine and I don't even think about it, and if things don't work out and I'm released back into the world, I still feel good and think that I'm still desirable to women. But it's just a matter of time before I get frustrated again and revert to my limiting beliefs...it has happened every time...
Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 So you hate your own race. Many white people do too. They even have a term for that - white guilt. I guess your condition can be described as "asian guilt". And quite frankly, that's pathetic. You need to embrace your 'asianness' and stop trying to be white. Why are you so desperate to date white chicks? Why not date other Asians? And don't tell me that you find white chicks more attractive. If you find women of another race more attractive than those of your own, it's just another manifestation of your self-hate. Have you ever travelled to asia, in particular the country where your parents are from? Consider doing that, if you haven't done that already. Heck...go live there for a bit, you might like it better than America (which is a dying country anyway). You are right, I have a lot of self hate going on and I have no problem admitting it. I am happy with absolutely everything about myself except for my race. I haven't dated Asians because the ones in my area are obsessed with finding their white trophy men. So I've always let them have what they want and simply avoid them altogether if they don't want to have anything to do with me. I've traveled in Asia, but it was usually for vacation and it was very long ago...I have been told that I'd kill there...
Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Assuming your brother is also Asian, why do you think he fits in with Asians and you do not? Does your brother have dating success? I think he grew up similarly to me, but he was 4 years younger, so I never knew much about his social and dating life. However, he recently made a concerted effort to "get back to his Asian roots" and has been in a relationship with an Asian girl now for a couple years I think. I try to mix with his social circles but it never works.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Scott, thanks for the post. A lot if what you said made sense...it's now just a matter if trying to put all of that to practice... And thanks everyone else for your responses...the only thing that still bugs me is that you say Asian men should be just fine dating in the US, but unless you are actually an Asian man trying to date in the US, you can only really sympathize and not empathize. It's just like how men can't possibly fully understand what it's like being a woman, being white doesn't give you the perspective to understand being one of the few Asians in a predominantly white area where stereotypes run rampant... Not to say I won't work on what you've all recommended, but it's not something so easily brushed off as many of you think it is...at least not for me...I've spent my life creating an image of myself that is the antithesis of Asian...and it's not so easy for me to just turn an Asian switch on and be all honky dorey...
D-Lish Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I don't know, it's just something thats been ingrained in my mind since I was young...I don't even know if it IS true...but I can't imagine that it's not... In my experience, Asian women are even more opposed to dating Asian men than non-asian women are...and I just don't socialize with Asian women enough to find myself with an opportunity to date one. I see Asian couples together all the time where I'm from- but it's a huge Asian community where I reside. I do see a lot of Caucasion men and Asian women together as well. There is so much diversity where I am from- I see inter-racial couples everywhere.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Aw, now you're being politically incorrect with yourself. I guess you're entitled however but that's not good. Hokie, in some of your rhetoric I thing you fall a little into the trap of "over-wanting"--over-wanting in the sense that you feel you somehow need the validation of a lot of women, if not a whole ethnicity to finally convince you that you're not handicapped by your ethnicity. In reality though we only get one women (if we are decent men) and finding her, as I said before will in large part her finding you. Perhaps you should identify every identity thing you avoid and bravely face it off. It will show you that there's nothing really to it. I told you this last year when I urged you to stop showing your back as your avatar and turn around for better or worse and show yourself. I don't know if you have tats on the front too--for your sake I hope not as they are an instant deal-breaker for many classy women and a magnet for superficial ones. Try to face yourself and battle through--there is nobody keeping you down but you. Maybe you could benefit from some tuning of your brain chemistry to help the water roll off your back a little easier. it works charms for me. Good luck. You make a good point...when you speak of things that create an Asian identity in me that I try to avoid, I simply avoid them by transforming them into something as far from the Asian stereotype as possible, so there's really nothing more to face...physically slight...? Not so much. Timid in the face of adversity? Not at all. Bad Engrish? Nope. There is nothing for me to revert to that gives me that identity again...I've all but forgotten the language...I don't really know much about the culture, and I unfortunately don't have much of an appreciation for it...there's practically nothing Asian about me left except what my face looks like...
Feelsgoodman Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 You are right, I have a lot of self hate going on and I have no problem admitting it. I am happy with absolutely everything about myself except for my race. Perhaps the problem is that you are trying very hard to be American...while in your heart, you believe that you can't be a real American if your are not white. Once you stop putting America and American culture (and, by extension, American women) on a pedestal, you will stop hating yourself. What you need to understand is that modern day America is not the country it once was. Over the last fifty years, the positive characteristics of the traditional American society (individualism, hard work ethic, pioneer spirit) have been greatly diluted, while the negative side of the American culture (greed, narcissism, shallowness) has grown exponentially. You need to realize that you are tying to fit in with a very toxic, immoral, and ultimately stupid culture. Instead of trying to become some sort of an All American Chink, take pride in your own background and culture. As for all Asian women only wanting to date whites, that's nonsense. While many asian women are indeed like that, there are also lots of asian couples out there. Someone quoted the statistic showing that 50% of asian women marry interracially. Guess what? That means that the other 50% marry within their race. You just need to find yourself a properly raised asian woman, who comes from a good family and has a strong father figure, and who was not brainwashed by the Hollywood pop culture.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 I see Asian couples together all the time where I'm from- but it's a huge Asian community where I reside. I do see a lot of Caucasion men and Asian women together as well. There is so much diversity where I am from- I see inter-racial couples everywhere. I know...and I hear this all the time, both on and off LS. But I can't help but think, why would this girl want an Asian guy when there's a slew of white guys to choose from...? It stems from my grade school days...a girl shouldn't have to settle for Asian if she doesn't have to...and around here, she doesn't have to...
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 What you need to understand is that modern day America is not the country it once was. Over the last fifty years, the positive characteristics of the traditional American society (individualism, hard work ethic, pioneer spirit) have been greatly diluted, while the negative side of the American culture (greed, narcissism, shallowness) has grown exponentially. You need to realize that you are tying to fit in with a very toxic, immoral, and ultimately stupid culture. Instead of trying to become some sort of an All American Chink, take pride in your own background and culture. Hah... I agree with a lot of this... sadly.
Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 What you need to understand is that modern day America is not the country it once was. Over the last fifty years, the positive characteristics of the traditional American society (individualism, hard work ethic, pioneer spirit) have been greatly diluted, while the negative side of the American culture (greed, narcissism, shallowness) has grown exponentially. You need to realize that you are tying to fit in with a very toxic, immoral, and ultimately stupid culture. Instead of trying to become some sort of an All American Chink, take pride in your own background and culture. It's truly difficult to take pride in something you resent so much for making your life what it was...and as I said in my response to Frisky's post, I have all but lost that culture. I wouldn't even know where to begin... As for all Asian women only wanting to date whites, that's nonsense. While many asian women are indeed like that, there are also lots of asian couples out there. Someone quoted the statistic showing that 50% of asian women marry interracially. Guess what? That means that the other 50% marry within their race. You just need to find yourself a properly raised asian woman, who comes from a good family and has a strong father figure, and who was not brainwashed by the Hollywood pop culture. Perhaps...but I've been completely brainwashed by Hollywood pop culture myself...which might explain why I never got along with the more authentic Asians...
Feelsgoodman Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 It's truly difficult to take pride in something you resent so much for making your life what it was...and as I said in my response to Frisky's post, I have all but lost that culture. I wouldn't even know where to begin... You will stop resenting it once you realize that you've been praying to a false god (Hollywood). Also, I repeat my suggestion that you go live in a Asia for a bit. Lots of westerners work in China nowadays and you'd have the advantage of speaking both languages. If you can't get a job in your field, they are always looking for someone to teach English over there. I suggest you seriously consider this course of action. It could change your life (and considering how miserable you seem to be, it's not like you have anything to lose...)
Author USMCHokie Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Also, I repeat my suggestion that you go live in a Asia for a bit. Lots of westerners work in China nowadays and you'd have the advantage of speaking both languages. If you can't get a job in your field, they are always looking for someone to teach English over there. I suggest you seriously consider this course of action. It could change your life (and considering how miserable you seem to be, it's not like you have anything to lose...) Not possible...the government owns me...indefinitely...though I might get a chance to live in Japan after my three years in California...
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