obgal Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 Hi, I was hoping anyone could give me advise on how to not let issues of trust come between DH and I. We have been married for 17 years and he has NEVER given me a reason NOT to trust him. When he is in a situation (usually work related) like traveling out of town or social gatherings after where spouses are not invited, I have a horrible time with the feelings of insecurities and trust issues. He said he made a promise to God and to himself to be faithful to me always. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am and that he never wants to be with anyone else. He also says how lucky he is to have me and I believe him when he says these things. My dad cheated on my mom and I had 2 serious relationships in the past where the guys were unfaithful. I was devasted all three times. I'm sure my feelings stem from these past experiences, but how do I let go and allow myself to trust DH completely. It depends on the situation and who he is with as to whether or not I trust him on a particular day. Besides counseling, does anyone have suggestions for me. It hurts DH that I don't trust him completely. I hate how I feel when I give him the third degree after he comes home. The rage just comes over me and I make him feel guilty when I know it is my problem and he didn't do anything wrong. Please advise me!! Thank you, Lynn
FreeMe Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 It's been going on this long and you haven't been to counseling or anything? You have to find a good counselor. A lot of people have problems like you do - I do myself. But after 17 years of being with someone you should have gotten control of it by now, one way or another. You need to find a good counselor who can give you techniques to unlearn this behavior.
DerangedAngel Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 (I thought DH = Divorced Husband. Sorry! I always forget the abbreviations from sites like <removed> as they are not used much here. Clarify, anyone?) -Deranged
DerangedAngel Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 Well that's a bit different! FreeMe has some good advice, ob. I do hope the two of you are able to get into counseling and work through your problems. Keep us posted. Best of luck. -Deranged
victoriasecrets Posted May 7, 2004 Posted May 7, 2004 Originally posted by obgal Hi, I was hoping anyone could give me advise on how to not let issues of trust come between DH and I. We have been married for 17 years and he has NEVER given me a reason NOT to trust him. When he is in a situation (usually work related) like traveling out of town or social gatherings after where spouses are not invited, I have a horrible time with the feelings of insecurities and trust issues. He said he made a promise to God and to himself to be faithful to me always. He tells me everyday how beautiful I am and that he never wants to be with anyone else. He also says how lucky he is to have me and I believe him when he says these things. My dad cheated on my mom and I had 2 serious relationships in the past where the guys were unfaithful. I was devasted all three times. I'm sure my feelings stem from these past experiences, but how do I let go and allow myself to trust DH completely. It depends on the situation and who he is with as to whether or not I trust him on a particular day. Besides counseling, does anyone have suggestions for me. It hurts DH that I don't trust him completely. I hate how I feel when I give him the third degree after he comes home. The rage just comes over me and I make him feel guilty when I know it is my problem and he didn't do anything wrong. Please advise me!! Thank you, Lynn Victoriasecrets: I know exactly how you feel when he comes home and you think of all these horrible things that "could" have happened. No guy is going to say all of that just to make you feel better. You have to be strong and find something to get that rage out on something else. I work out. Then after all my rage is out I can talk with more understanding and not just madness. you want to keep him happy along with your feelings too. Consider yourself too. be strong.
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