meagara Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 Last night my boyfriend and I got into a fight about my sister not personally inviting him to a welcome home party. My sister asked me if he and I would like to go. So I asked him of course(he doesn't like my sister very much) . I don't know why he would take offence to it but he did. I told him that I don't get upset about his aunts not personally inviting me when his cousin is down!! I told him he was acting like a child about something so stupid and small. He tried to make a point of saying there was a difference comparing his aunts and my sister. They are his aunts not a sister. What point it was suppose to make I am not quite sure. I told him it was a stupid point, then it ended up with me saying he was stupid, which I didn't ; he thought that's what I meant when I kept saying this fight is stupid. I haven't spoken to him yet since I made him take me home (he was being really rude) last night. I don't know how to approach the subject again cause I want to talk about it with him, and I don't want to play the blame game. I want to make up and forget about this insignificant fight. I did the wrong thing of leaving and not talking about it and working through it. I am starting to feel guilty. Also, when he dropped me off, my old friend who is down from the marines asked me if I wanted to go out. Not in anger I went out and had a couple of drinks and got drunk. Only got home at 3 No more than 15 minutes from when he dropped me off he calls back, I wasn't there to talk to him. I wanted to call him from the bar, but he would be furious if he found out I had gone out right after an arguement, no less on a school night. I am going to tell him about going out, but I need advice on how to handle talking to him about the problem with my sister. Can someone please help me?
Adamsjl Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 I think that you should just tell that you ran into an old friend and went to have a few drinks nothing happened you just had to relieve some anger and that you could'nt come to him and discuss it so that when you got the call without thinking and just wanting to get away you agreed to go out for a drink just to relieve some anger. And as for your sister what's up with that does she be in yall business alot , because if so that may be a BIG problem. Because yall business is yall business not the families.
Author meagara Posted May 5, 2004 Author Posted May 5, 2004 She isn't all up in our business, she just wanted to invite us to her house for a dinner. Because my sister didn't personally call my boyfriend is the reason we had gotten into this agruement. I don't understand why there would be a reason for him to get mad. I know he doesn't like her, and all the reasons (she caught him making out with a girl at my birthday party).We talk about that, cause my sister likes to take advantage of people. He jokes around with her all the time and they talk, but this was way out of the sky. Do you think he had a valid reason for getting upset? She asked me as in knowing I would relay the message to my boyfriend, if he would like to come. As for the friend coming down, I was supposed to go out with him last night earlier, but he went out. So I called my boyfriend and told him the situation and that I was going to his house. Then the arguement, then I went out. I know my boyfriend will get mad at me for going out after the arguement. I can already hear him "Is that what you are going to do everytime we get into an arguement?" I need advice on what to say.
Adamsjl Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 You just put the icing on the cake he doesn't like your sister because she caught him now I get it but as for why he flipped puzzles me. You think that it was somebody there that he didn't want to run into? As for your friend from out of town do you have feelings for this friend or is this just a friend that you can always talk to that understands you. If your feelings are more then just friend feelings I thinks that you should find a friend that you can talk to besides this friend because you going out with this friend is like putting salt into your boyfriends wound. You feel me !!!
Author meagara Posted May 6, 2004 Author Posted May 6, 2004 The answer to your question is that me and this guy who was down from the Marines has been my friend for like 10 years. I met him when I was 9, and my boyfriend knows that he is just my friend, no feelings what so ever Last night we talked and my boyfriend told me he was upset with me for just going out and not calling him back. I didn`t know he was going to call. My bf never calls me back when we get into a fight. I am always calling back for forgiveness even when I know that I did nothing wrong. I feel so controlled all the time. my bf said I should have called him to tell him who I was with and where I was. Sometimes I think he is trying to replace my father. Everywhere I go is for him, everything I do is his way. All I do when I am with him is sit at his house on the couch and watch T.V! I love him to death, but sometimes I am not happy. We never do what I want to do, and sometimes I make decisions on what to do . I make them cause he will like them even if I don`t . It took forever to get him to come bowling with me. Last night he asked me if I respect his opinion, I do, but sometimes his opinions are way negative, and I don`t listen to them cause it makes me mad, or upset at how negative he can be. Last night I called to talk to him about what had happened the other night. He was extremely rude to me and threatening to hang up on me. I don`t think I should be treated like that, he said he was like that because he was really upset that I went out and didn`t call him to tell him. Do you think he sounds controlling? My family thinks he is. Another thingy, the reason I never called him back that night was I knew he would have yelled at me , and the last thing I want to do is ruin my friends last night home by crying all night. Is it right that I am scared to call him when we get in a big argument cause I don't want to be yelled at? Please give me advice.
Adamsjl Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 Sounds like to me that he just doesn't want to listen to reason at all no matter what. I think that instead of you keep sweating it trying to explain yourself to clear the air let him be the one who clears the air and do the making up this time let him sweat it out we he does here from you in a while feel me !!!
FreeMe Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 On the first issue, it seems ridiculous for him to expect a personal phone call from one of your family members to be invited to something. Who the hell is he? Does he want it written? or would a phone call have been enough? He's got some other issue - that is just a smokescreen. Second - yes, he is controlling. You're young. You should be enjoying life, not sitting inside watching tv all the time. You don't sound happy - is it really worth it to stay with him? doesn't sound like it to me.
Bubbles Posted May 6, 2004 Posted May 6, 2004 You need to stop seeking this guys "approval" What I am trying to say is this, if you are constatly trying to live your life so that HE will be happy with you, then for some reason you are looking for that "pat on the back for a job well done" that is NOT going to happen with this man. He is a control freak! He is NOT HAPPY with his OWN LIFE and he depends on you to "make him happy" with your actions. He is co-dependant and would probably never admit it. Live your life for yourself. The ONE thing I have learned about relationships is this.......listen to your family and friends.......they are USUALLY right about the person that we are dating. Remember they are analyzing this person with their brains not their hearts (like we would). Be true to yourself.....it pays off in the long-run. Bubbles
Author meagara Posted May 7, 2004 Author Posted May 7, 2004 Sometimes it is the best of times and sometimes it isn't. I keep thinking that this is the way a relationship just usually is. Hard times and great times. I love him alot but now I start not thinking about the future with him and just give it one day at time. He is a nice guy alot of the time, but he is really negative, but alot of the time he is all talk. I have never met anyone like him before. He reminds me of a peacock. Has to act bigger when other people are around. Why? I have not a clue. It has gotten to the point in my relationship with him that if I want to do something I either do it with my family or friends. I wish he would want to do things with me that I find important. Like we went bowling, because that is what I like to do. We went so many times that I started to get bored of going so often. We do the stuff I want to do so many times that I don't want to do it anymore. Like one instance is I wanted to play cards, we played ace to king one night , after we where done the first game he said that I wanted to play so we where going to play. We played ace to king for four whole days!!!!!!! I got tired of playing. I am liking being able to do things that he doesn't want to do with me with my friends, since I really don't get to hang out with them as much as I like. I blame myself for becoming to comfortable and being with him everyday, cause that is what it has been for the past two years. Lately I have been out on my own away from him for more than one day, and it seems to be okay. We have come to understand that we just can't be together every single day and minute. We both have our own lives, but sometimes he gets controlling only when it seems that I am going out to party. The reason I think he thinks I am going to cheat on him. A little ironic since he cheated on me a long time ago. Maybe I am blind and I don't see it, but I am at least starting to see something. I am young and I deserve to have fun. And that is what I intend to do , and not let him control me, if he can't handle that then he won't be in my future. His choice right.
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