how do i stop myself from falling in love?

[ohio1387]

theres a girl i know who i really like. we get along absolutely great, she likes all the same things i do, shes always making sure to tell me how much she enjoys being with me, we can spend hours sitting together talking about nothing in particular, we always seem to get each others jokes, and shes really cute, the type of girl i dream about. in my entire life ive only known two girls who i really liked, and the first one got a boyfriend and got married, and he stopped her from talking to me.

 

the problem is that the second one now has a boyfriend. and while we get along great, she obviously loves him. and shes given pretty clear signals that im not even in the possible guys she would go out with by politely avoiding the subject whenever i jokingly flirt with her, and has recently started bringing her boyfriend when we hang out. which i kinda take to mean she's pretty much telling me "im not on the market".

 

i love hanging out with her, but i cant hang out with the two of them. its depressing. but i cant tell her that its depressing because i dont want to stress her out by making her think im trying to make her choose between hanging around me or him. especially since i would lose that battle.

 

i cant go through this again. i already watched one girl i really cared about disappear from my life because i fell in love with her and she fell in love with somebody else. im trying so hard not to let my feelings get too strong over this girl, but every time we are together im so happy, we never run out of things to talk about and when we are apart i cant stop thinking about her. and i feel sick to my stomach knowing shes with this other guy even though i dont have the right since its not like we dated and she dumped me for him.

 

she doesnt treat me like a distraction she only uses for socializing when her boyfriend is busy, but she wants me to be friends with him so we can all hang out. and i really wish i could because shes so nice and tries to make everyone happy all the time. but i cant watch somebody i feel so strongly about with somebody else. its torture.

 

is the only answer to try and drop all contact with her? i cant seem to control how i feel and im really worried thats the only solution.

[Dblock10]

i say try and be stronger. know that you do have feelings for her and you need self control. if its too strong then maybe you owe it to yourself to tell her, then leave her be.

 

i think thats what i would do. if she realises once it goes wrong with this guy that actually you are the right one, she will make it known.

[antinko]

Unfortunately, and I hate this term (hate, hate, hate it!), you're in the 'friend zone'.

 

The question is, are you comfortable as a 'friend', because that's all you ever will be to her, or aren't you?

 

I don't think you are comfortable otherwise you wouldn't have created this thread...

 

Frankly, I'd politely disengage from her altogether. It's not good for your self esteem if you have feelings for a girl and they won't reciprocate. Furthermore, if she's like girls I know who have 'friend zoned' guys in the past, they probably know you have feelings for them and, at least on some level, enjoy it as it adds to their confidence. Who wouldn't enjoy it?

 

But the point is, you need to look out for you on this one. If you're fine just being a friend, then cool. Otherwise, I'd say goodbye to her.

[ohio1387]

i hate it, too. i know she would never see me as anything but a friend. but shes also the type of girl who is so sweet, sometimes oblivious, and even naive to the world around her because she tries to take everything people say to her at face value until they give her a reason not to trust them. its one of the reasons im so attached to her. but its also the reason im so caught up on the "what if". but i dont want to lose her as a friend.

 

shes not a manipulator. ive seen people take advantage of her before, and she always gets her feelings hurt so badly by them. ive always been there for her and shes always kept those people from turning her into bitter hateful person like so many other women ive known. when ive been upset, shes always tried to make me feel better, and she always lets me know how much she appreciates the things i do for her.

 

im just completely lost. i dont make friends easily. ( i have a total of two friends right now ) and im not popular with women at all. ( ive never been on a single date, and ive slept with only one woman once who just did it to sleep with a virgin ) so having somebody i am so attracted to be so friendly to me seems like something im extremely lucky to have. but it keeps coming back to the only answer being that i need to remove that friendship from my life.

 

it doesnt help that my other friend is a good friend of hers, and if i stop talking to one, ill have to stop talking to the other.

 

im not blinded, though. i know what you guys are saying. its the same thing i would say to somebody in my situation. but the idea of throwing everything away is really hard. i hate being alone, but i don't know what to do when the only thing keeping me from going insane is driving me insane.

 

i appreciate the input, guys. it really does help to at least keep my mind off of things so i can think and not go and do something stupid like confess my feelings and get shot down and left friendless. even if thats what im going to have to do in the end anyway.

[ohio1387]

well i gave in to the stress and told her how i felt. she didnt say anything and just got really quiet. i apologized to her and left her alone. i was obviously upsetting her and sticking around wasnt going to do her any good.

 

i guess im going to start the no contact thing with her now. and i have to admit im getting really sick of having all the heartbreak with none of the benefits coming from a relationship. i mean yeah i know it would hurt that much worse if we were together and broke up, but continuing the record of women not wanting to have anything to do with me outside of being friends has just snapped my patience.

 

im sick of it. im sick of caring. im sick of getting attached to women who dont have any interest in guys like me like im some sort of failure junky. im sick of the only women who ever seem to flirt with me being bossy emotionally crippled girls with mountains of issues who never leave their house and only really want me around because im apparently the only guy who is nice to them, and do things like sleep with a guy just to say they took his "v card".

 

i dont think those girls dont deserve a guy who will make them happy, but i dont want to spend the rest of my life playing emotional support to a girl who would dump me for a prettier guy who does the same thing i do.

 

im sick of being the nice guy. im sick of avoiding conflict. im sick of being the butt of jokes in any social circle i get dragged into. and im sick of the fact that the only way to get past all of that is to turn into an aggressive jerk.

 

and im sure everyone here is sick of my complaining, because it doesnt matter to anybody. im a stranger. my problems only matter if im a pretty girl with a hard life, a charasmatic guy with a harpy he cant stop loving, or a little kid who cant spell and treats everybody like crap.

 

im done.

 

"Good riddance."

[reimeivn]

oh thats totally fine you complaining here. thats why you need to keep a distance from her. do not let anybody use you like that. respect yourself so that she can respect her.

 

you know, tell her that hey i do like you a lot. and i dont think i can just be your friend. seeing you with the guy hurt my feelings. i dont know how she will react to that. but it doesnt matter. go NC after that. you need to take the focus of her.

[ohio1387]

it just gets so tedious. when i was a little kid id get little crushes on girls in school, but i never talked to them because i didnt want to be rejected. i wasnt the best looking kid, i was overweight, and a lot taller than the other kids, so nobody ever really bothered to hang around me. i could blame everything on that of course, but i know it was all because i didnt want to get rejected so id unconsciously reject everyone else before they could reject me.

 

when i got old enough to realize i was missing out on developing the social skills id need to actually start dating, it was too late. so ive always been "the friend" to the girls i had a huge crush on. and id have to watch every single one start dating some ******* who would immediately go into alpha mode and try to get rid of the whimpering little wuss hanging out with his girl.

 

im just so sick of going through this again and again. if i try to be more assertive i come off as too much of a jerk and women ignore me. if i try to be friendly i come off as too passive and women i like grow extremely attached to me as their best friend, but never anything more than that.

 

the few times ive had the bravery to say i had feelings for them, ive lost them because, while they will fight as hard as they can and even cry for me to stay and be their friend, i leave because i cant just stay their friend when i know for a fact ill never be anything else.

 

and that makes me feel like im the *******. but then am i wrong for not wanting to keep hanging around a girl i could fall in love with knowing shell never see me as anything but somebody to confide in between the times her boyfriend cheats on her and the time he comes back turning on the charm and they go off to have sex?

 

i hate leaving somebody i care so much about without somebody she can talk to when she needs to vent, but it destroys me inside to keep going through that.

 

the girl i messed things up with still hasnt got back in touch. ive given up on thinking this situation will turn out positive. by now her boyfriend knows what i said to her, so i doubt shell be allowed to talk to me even if she wanted to.

 

things would be so much easier if i could be happy just being alone. but i cant.

[silly_panda]

Chill man... Stop blaming yourself... You will get to find and be with the person you truly wan... Believe me... Just that now you haven't found the 'right' one for you yet...

 

Man... No rush... Be yourself and don't change anything good bout yourself... Hang in there...

[visualbasicide]

To be honest at 24 I was only vaguely aware of who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do, I had a rough outline and was working towards it. 7 years later I seem to be pretty much back where I started. The evolution of self. I guess we don't ever stop learning who we are or exploring who we want to become.

[ohio1387]

but there isnt anything good about me. i complain because i am alone, and im alone because i am a terrible person.

 

i spend months being friends with a girl im absolutely nuts over, and spend every day sick with jealousy over the fact shes with somebody besides me. like i am the person shes supposed to be with. im a conceited *******. i dont have a job. i dont own a car. i live with my parents.

 

i am a revolting waste of skin who whines and complains every day about how nobody wants to be with him, and then goes out and tears down other guys doing the same, telling them to straighten up and stop whining, and just focus on their life and not put so much important on getting a girlfriend. im a big fat hypocrite.

 

i complain that everybody treats me like garbage, and then turn around and ignore them all when they try to talk to me because they dont like the same things i do. i hate competitive guys, yet i am always the one who acts cold and unfriendly to any guys who hang out with the girls i like.

 

i put every female friend i have up on a pedestal and do everything i can to make them happy, and tell them i am happy for them when they find romance. but i am a liar. i hate watching them go off with their guy, disappearing into a life with them all because i wanted to be that guy instead.

 

im such a piece of **** that the only place i can go to vent about my problems is to an anonymous forum where nobody knows me and i can satiate myself on little nuggets of pity. then i go back to my life and sit in misery until im irritated enough to come vent again. and then i have the gall to get upset when people stop responding, like i am entitled to attention.

 

im nothing but a stupid, selfish child.

[fallenheart]

Hi. I'm new here but your post stood out to me so I hope you don't mind me replying.

 

Man, that's a lot of self-loathing. You really remind me of myself. Most of the time I'm pretty happy-go-lucky, but when the mood strikes me or I'm really drunk and feeling down, the self-hate comes pouring out of me like a river.

 

But we both know how extremely unattractive that is to women. That kind of behaviour is just repellent...if any girl you were interested in read what you had just written, she'd run as fast as she could the other way. So it's a good thing you ARE here sharing stuff anonymously. Keep those kind of dark thoughts out of real life conversations!

 

Are you from Ohio? I am too. But not there now. I had a hell of a time finding a girl in Ohio. So I left. And I did much much better.

 

The girl you started this thread about? You already know what to do. No contact. You can't be her friend cause you want her as much more, so don't torture yourself by being around her at all...seeing how happy and flirty she is with other guys will just kill you. Like a starving man at an expensive restaurant watching everyone eat, but not being allowed a bite.

 

You'll have to learn how to fake confidence. Girls are attracted to confidence. And you'll probably have to change your life a little bit. A lot really. No job? No car? Live at home? I was like that just a few years ago...I hit a rough patch in my life and I had to stay with my folks (in Ohio) for a while. No job and no car and I was 30 living with my parents. I can tell you right now, I did NOT get laid!! And why would I? I had nothing to offer a woman!!

 

You have to bring something to the table. You can't except to just show up and having some girl be thrilled to be with you just for existing....nobody is THAT awesome. You have to have something to offer her.

 

I'm not ragging on you....just writing to let you know that I can relate...I've been where you were at and I dragged myself out. I still have all kinds of weird issues, but I'm a lot better than before. I have a job and my own place and a GF. No car though...don't need one. But you probably do if you are in Ohio!

 

Anyway...at some point wallowing in misery has to get old...and when it does take the baby steps necessary to putting your life together. It doesn't happen overnight but it's a hell of a lot better than feeling like you do now.

 

And it's hard, but I'm sure it's best to break off all contact with the "just friends" girl. You don't want to be "friends" with her...so don't be!!!

[reimeivn]

i wouldnt run. there are girls that need the guy who are just "desperate" in love. but do you like those girls?

[Flyingdream]

theres a girl i know who i really like. we get along absolutely great, she likes all the same things i do, shes always making sure to tell me how much she enjoys being with me, we can spend hours sitting together talking about nothing in particular, we always seem to get each others jokes, and shes really cute, the type of girl i dream about. in my entire life ive only known two girls who i really liked, and the first one got a boyfriend and got married, and he stopped her from talking to me.

 

the problem is that the second one now has a boyfriend. and while we get along great, she obviously loves him. and shes given pretty clear signals that im not even in the possible guys she would go out with by politely avoiding the subject whenever i jokingly flirt with her, and has recently started bringing her boyfriend when we hang out. which i kinda take to mean she's pretty much telling me "im not on the market".

 

i love hanging out with her, but i cant hang out with the two of them. its depressing. but i cant tell her that its depressing because i dont want to stress her out by making her think im trying to make her choose between hanging around me or him. especially since i would lose that battle.

 

i cant go through this again. i already watched one girl i really cared about disappear from my life because i fell in love with her and she fell in love with somebody else. im trying so hard not to let my feelings get too strong over this girl, but every time we are together im so happy, we never run out of things to talk about and when we are apart i cant stop thinking about her. and i feel sick to my stomach knowing shes with this other guy even though i dont have the right since its not like we dated and she dumped me for him.

 

she doesnt treat me like a distraction she only uses for socializing when her boyfriend is busy, but she wants me to be friends with him so we can all hang out. and i really wish i could because shes so nice and tries to make everyone happy all the time. but i cant watch somebody i feel so strongly about with somebody else. its torture.

 

is the only answer to try and drop all contact with her? i cant seem to control how i feel and im really worried thats the only solution.

 

 

My experience is once you get slotted and filed away in the brain of a girl as "just s friend." it is like a prison sentence for life. I am told by many women that I am good looking and charming, but no amount of flirting, charm or even true love has ever gotten me out of that jail cell called "just a friend."

Telling her my true feelings has made the girl go away every time. I've been down this road about 5 times. It's a dead end street dude. You have to accept it, she is just plain "Taken." It's like car that is not for sale, you just cant buy it.

Getting emotional will scare her away because she does not want to hurt you if she considers you a true friend and will leave so she does not to not lead you on any further. You have done enough by flirtig. She got the message from your flirting and was kind and honest enough to tell you the truth up front, "not for sale. Sorry." Respect her wishes and put your attn. on a girl who is single and hungry for romance.

Personally, I do not hang with women who are not available because it robs me of all the productive time of being with an available woman.

Several years ago I met the cutest damn girl I have ever seen in my life. She was very friendly and we hit it off so well. One problem. She was deeply in love with her BF who was in prison and was going to wait for him no matter what. She naturally slotted me in that horrible box of "just a friend," I spent a year trying to win her heart. The BF got out of the joint and I did not see much of her. I still love her 20 years later. Tough luck for me. I don't own he heart therefore I can not adjust it.

I am like you . I fall for a girl I spend time with. So I plan my life for success and just don't hang with a taken girl. I may flirt with her a bit and walk away so she will know I may be a good choice if her BF dumps her someday, but it is a long shot and I accept that and walk away. Like a lottery ticket, I cant put my life into such poor odds. Most women are just plain a "one man women."

Their brain is wired that way.

In your case I would slowly ease out by seeing her less and less and not do a dramatic shut down.

You wont find a good available girl until you just let go of the dream of having her.

I suffered for a year with the above mentioned girl and I'd hate to see you waste a year of your life.

Start dating and very casually mention it to her that you had a nice date last night. Closely watch her reactions for a sour expression, a red blush or a negative comment that might indicate she does have feelings for you.

If she is very happy you are dating that is a sure sigh she was annoyed by your attempts to make her yours.

Start dating and see what happens. nothing gets a woman more assertive than competition with another girl.

Even if I chase just one girl I never get her. Never! I have great success with woman when they know other girls like me so she better get moving.

Like a bass watching a lure go past him, he has little time to think. In his mind its strike now or go hungry.

Fish for the hungry fish and fishing will be good and even fun.

Don

[ohio1387]

yeah, i haven't talked to her since over a week ago when she went quiet on me after i admitted to liking her a lot more than "just a friend" should. all of this is just coming from the fact that i've been down this road before. and putting aside the fact i get my stomach tied up in knots over a girl who never once even called me "boyfriend", i don't know how to stop it.

 

this stuff. this stuff right here. the complaining. the bitter loneliness pushing me to cry out like i'm being mistreated when the rest of the world deals with this stuff every day. this is why i'm never going to find anyone. as you said, fallen, women don't like this sort of thing. they don't want a guy who is so emotionally dependent on them that if they decide to go hang out with another male friend their boyfriend will assume she's going off to sleep with him because he charmed her into thinking he's the better man.

 

i don't trust people any more. i could give all the reasons why, but in the end it doesn't matter. i've lost my faith in humanity and no amount of explaining will excuse it. when she smiled and told me we would be friends forever, i smiled back and felt a content happy euphoria fill me up inside. i could stay by her side forever. but i knew i had nothing to offer her. she never betrayed my trust, but i knew she couldn't trust me to be by her side as a friend without letting my emotions mess everything up.

 

it's true that i need to get a job and a life of my own, but that's difficult when you can't work outside walking distance, don't have friends who can drive you to work, and don't have businesses nearby that will hire you. i have tried everything short of crime to get by. and it simply doesn't work. i don't have the income to move. i don't have the connections to move in with somebody else. and i don't have the social skills to handle a roomate. believe me, i've tried. every time i end up fighting nonstop with my roomate until i leave and get replaced.

 

and yes, i do loathe myself. i'm almost 25, that's a third of an average life span. and i've done nothing. i'm up to my eyes in debt thanks to student loans for a college i was forced to drop out of because i lost my car. i have five years worth of unemployment barring me from getting a job easily.

 

i'm not getting any better when it comes to women. the last person to hug me was my mother. four months ago. the last person that hugged me that i wasn't related to was that wretched slut that used me for bragging rights, seven years ago. the last time i kissed anyone was twelve years ago. i don't go on dates. women don't even talk to me. ( that's why i liked this girl so much. she treated me like a person she wanted to hang around. ) things have just gone beyond desperation. and that's why i give up. i would never inflict this kind of insanity on any woman. i'm damaged goods.

 

and there might be women out there who want a guy who is "desperate" in love. and i hope they find them. i also hope those guys don't carry the type of mental damage i do. it's been clearly drilled into my skull that i need to stay alone.

Edited September 6, 2011 by ohio1387

[Flyingdream]

yeah, i haven't talked to her since over a week ago when she went quiet on me after i admitted to liking her a lot more than "just a friend" should. all of this is just coming from the fact that i've been down this road before. and putting aside the fact i get my stomach tied up in knots over a girl who never once even called me "boyfriend", i don't know how to stop it.

 

this stuff. this stuff right here. the complaining. the bitter loneliness pushing me to cry out like i'm being mistreated when the rest of the world deals with this stuff every day. this is why i'm never going to find anyone. as you said, fallen, women don't like this sort of thing. they don't want a guy who is so emotionally dependent on them that if they decide to go hang out with another male friend their boyfriend will assume she's going off to sleep with him because he charmed her into thinking he's the better man.

 

i don't trust people any more. i could give all the reasons why, but in the end it doesn't matter. i've lost my faith in humanity and no amount of explaining will excuse it. when she smiled and told me we would be friends forever, i smiled back and felt a content happy euphoria fill me up inside. i could stay by her side forever. but i knew i had nothing to offer her. she never betrayed my trust, but i knew she couldn't trust me to be by her side as a friend without letting my emotions mess everything up.

 

it's true that i need to get a job and a life of my own, but that's difficult when you can't work outside walking distance, don't have friends who can drive you to work, and don't have businesses nearby that will hire you. i have tried everything short of crime to get by. and it simply doesn't work. i don't have the income to move. i don't have the connections to move in with somebody else. and i don't have the social skills to handle a roomate. believe me, i've tried. every time i end up fighting nonstop with my roomate until i leave and get replaced.

 

and yes, i do loathe myself. i'm almost 25, that's a third of an average life span. and i've done nothing. i'm up to my eyes in debt thanks to student loans for a college i was forced to drop out of because i lost my car. i have five years worth of unemployment barring me from getting a job easily.

 

i'm not getting any better when it comes to women. the last person to hug me was my mother. four months ago. the last person that hugged me that i wasn't related to was that wretched slut that used me for bragging rights, seven years ago. the last time i kissed anyone was twelve years ago. i don't go on dates. women don't even talk to me. ( that's why i liked this girl so much. she treated me like a person she wanted to hang around. ) things have just gone beyond desperation. and that's why i give up. i would never inflict this kind of insanity on any woman. i'm damaged goods.

 

and there might be women out there who want a guy who is "desperate" in love. and i hope they find them. i also hope those guys don't carry the type of mental damage i do. it's been clearly drilled into my skull that i need to stay alone.

 

Staying alone can be used productivly. I really related to what you said about the cute young girls in school I would have a crush on. I want thru that too. I was so shy I could not even say "Hi" to a girl till high school and even then I had to be at least half drunk to have the courage to say "Hi", if I could get any further. I was horribly insecure and believed I was ugly because I felt ugly inside. My family was dysfunctional. My mom was insanly neuritic and would panic annd start screaming and crying if my dad was 10 mins late from getting home from work, pacing the floor repeatig "hes dead in the alley, murdered, I just know it, hes dead ,Oh MY God your father is dead!" I was about 4 years old and scared to death. Were Irish and drinkig is never frowed upon in my family, just considered normal, so my dad stopped at my uncles tavern 3 days a week and had a few beers on the way home. My dad would get home an hour or two later than the days he did not stop for brewskie's and wonder what the hell my mom was upset about. You think after several years of this same reutine that my mom would eventually get it and say "Oh well, I guess your father is havig a few beers with your uncle because he's not home yet. Nope it was the "OH my God your father has been murdered! What will we do? How will we pay the bills!" I had a lot of subconcious anxiety that made it hard to approch a girl later in life due to the fact our subcouncious minds do not change unless we go in there and edit them. This is usually done with a good Psycologist.

The other side of the family were my dad ad older brothers who brainwashed me that "Irish boys dont feel fear, don't have girly feeligs or feel sad and God help you if you ever cried, even at age 10. So, I stuffed al my feelings and had anxiety attacks and almost ended up in a locked ward because much of my stuffed fear etc. came out as explosions of anger at school and I'd punch someone out for just cracking a joke with me. I got expelled from HS. I was damaged goods and hated myself for not being able to talk to girls comfortably like my friends did. I too believed I would always be alone back then.

Eventually, I got sick and tired of my lonely loveless life and decided to ask for help. I tried counceling and hypnosos and some other stuff but what really helped me was when I joined a 12 step support group called ACA. It is a support group for people who are as we say "damaged goods."

I received uncondidional love from the group as they were all damaged goods also, some further along in their recovery than others, but they all understood what I was going thru and showed me what I needed to do to gat past my subconscious damage from my dysfunctional upbringing.

Even if you feel your up bringing was normal check it out anyway.

What have you got to loose? They helped me learn how to heal my damage, lear to love myself so I was not so needy that I drove women away. Now is a good time because you say your giving up on women anyway and will have time to attend a few meetings and see if it workf as weel for you as it did for me. Damage is almost always from our childhood, although dating abusive mates can worsen it and we get lost blaming the Jerk we dated and loose site of the verbal abuse or whatever happened before we were old enough to date. If you don't repair the damage you will not be able to date and if you did you could end up with an abuse freak for a girlfriend which is worse then no girlfriend.

Use this time to help yourself, but not alone it doesn't work.

Good luck dude, you will make it in time. Don't be too hard on yourself, just face the past and recover. Love will be only a year or two away for you.

Don

[Thieves]

im such a piece of **** that the only place i can go to vent about my problems is to an anonymous forum where nobody knows me and i can satiate myself on little nuggets of pity. then i go back to my life and sit in misery until im irritated enough to come vent again. and then i have the gall to get upset when people stop responding, like i am entitled to attention.

 

im nothing but a stupid, selfish child.

 

Honey, listen, you're not a piece of ****. You're not a waste of skin. You're not lame or dumb or stupid for coming onto an anonymous forum to vent about your problems. Look how many people come here. Hundreds and thousands, and well if you're a piece of **** for coming here to vent, then what does that make the rest of us? What you're doing is natural and healthy, anonymous or not. Never be ashamed to vent, ever.

 

But really, more than anything I'm responding to you because I'm extremely worried about how much self-loathing I've seen in your posts. No one should loathe themself that much, honey, you owe it to yourself to have more confidence in yourself. The one thing you need to know is you can't always place your worth in other people's arms. You have to be responsible for it, or else happiness won't ever really be achieved. Not true happiness, anyway.

 

The truth is I know so much of what you're going through, especially the part about trying to be friends with the person you care so much for and want be more than friends with - but can't because they're with someone else who is so damn great. Yet they still go out of their way to say they want you so badly as a friend. :rolleyes:

 

It hurts like ****ing hell, right? I know how that feels, and I still feel it every damn day. But you have to know that you did the right thing, because by sticking around being 'her friend' when you really want more... well, you would've been being dishonest with both her and yourself. And that's no way to be in a friendship.

 

You're not weak for telling her how you feel, and you're not stupid for falling for her either. You can't help how you feel sometimes, that's just life. Period. But please, for the sake of your own life, do not keep loathing and blaming yourself like this.

 

I was like you for a good while too. Lived with my parents, had NO job (seemed like nobody would just give me a ****ing chance), no money, wasn't in school, no drive, fought with my mom's fiance most of the time, AND was basically going through emotional withdrawal since I wasn't talking to the guy that brought me on these forums. Felt like I was going absolutely nowhere and I wondered if I ever would... What's harder was watching my older, more social brother thrive and succeed in his life and in his very important job, while I was stuck at home feeling like a loser.

 

But I stuck around, no matter how much I felt sorry for myself. I somehow believed that if I just stuck around a little longer that things woud get better. And they have. Tons better than what it was before, I tell you no lie.

 

I finally moved out of my parents house after a few months, and even if it took me a while, I did finally get a good job too. I made friends at this new job and am doing really well, finally started becoming more self-sufficient (money and transportation wise), I go out a lot more now and am a lot more social too. Things are still tough emotionally because of my 'ex', but it's still miles better than before.

 

Now I have more hope than before. I know how utterly sh*tty life can be, but honey, you have to have at least a little hope. You can't keep living with this black cloud of hatred and sorrow hanging over your head for the rest of your life.

 

To loathe yourself like this so much, that's no way to live. You know this but still, I'll tell you again: you have to keep fighting. Please don't give up. I see in you so much ability to be a wonderful and loving boyfriend, just sometimes it takes other people to realize it. It sucks, but that's their fault and not yours entirely. And honestly, 24/25 years old isn't that long at all, some people I know that age are still finding themselves - plus people are different. There are no hard and fast rules. Just keep looking after yourself, and as hard as it may be, try not to let your past define your future. It belongs where it is, in the past. Please, if you ever feel down and need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me, okay? I'd be more than happy to talk when you need to.