luxetveritas Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) Hi, I'm very new to the forums here. I posted this question first in the "Friends and Lovers" board, but got no replies and figured that might be because it belongs here. Apologies in advance to anyone reading this for a second time. Long story short, about a month ago, I found out (from an aquaintence) that my wife of two years was cheating on me. Long story short, I'm getting a divorce. Although I'm comfortable with my decision to end things given my soon to be ex-wife's behavior, I am by no means over the relationship. Until I got a call telling me to look into her behavior, I thought she was the love of my life. That's not what this post is about though. This is: two weeks ago, I decided to "rip off the band-aid" and tell a few close (male) co-workers I was getting divorced. Last week I went out with a couple of these guys after a long day at the office for my first drink in almost three weeks since finding out about my wife's infidelity. Unknown to me, one of these guys was busy e-mailing with a gal we all work with. She (again unknown to me) joined us for a drink during which one of the guys let slip that I'm "going through a difficult time." This gal asked why, and I decide that I'm not going to lie to her, so I just told her matter-of-factly that my wife and I are going to be getting divorced and that I didn't really want to talk about it. Details on this gal: Although we work in completely different departments, she happens to have the office next door to mine, and we have always (especially since I moved in next door about 8 months ago) been freindly in a totally superficial way. Specifically, we'll talk maybe once a week about work, the weather and make jokes. On rare occasions, she'll send along a video or website she thinks is funny, but never anything even bordering on the flirtacious or affactionate. Given that I've been engaged or married as long as we've been working together, this was, of course, appropriate. As far as I know (and I could be wrong), she has been single as long as I've known her. Well, after this gal heard my bad news, she said "what?!" and then "well. . . I don't know what to say." As far as I was concerned at the time, this was a perfectly normal reaction. The subject never came up again that evening, (the four of us had a drink and joked around about work stuff and then headed home) and hasn't since. The next morning, as I was walking past this gal's office, she said "yo" and started a conversation with me. She begins the conversation by telling me a funny story about a guy she'd been on a couple dates with and how she had to end it with him because of his lack of maturity (even though he was in his late 30s). It was a pretty funny story, but it segued into her (light-heartedly) telling me about her general disappointment with the guys she's been trying to date (I said in my previous post that this was a new topic between us -- on reflection, I think we'd once before discussed a date she'd been on, but either way, not a typical topic of conversation). This then segued into a general discussion of maturity and, from there into ideas re: parenting. I gave her my opinions on the subject and she and I seemed to agree with each other. Later that day, one of the buddies I was out with the night before rounded up a group for lunch and this gal joined us. At lunch, she really seemed to bust up at almost every little joke I made (I joke around quite a bit with all my coworkers, but to be clear, never anything even close to sexual innuendo, etc.). This past Monday, the same gal stopped by my office to ask me about a camping trip I took with some (non-work) buddies over the weekend (I had mentioned this trip at lunch on Friday). After I told her about it (it was a great trip, especially given my circumstances), she said something like "I love camping -- haven't gone in years. I need to get a new sleeping bag and go sometime." This set off my radar. Although I've been in a relationship with my wife (serious dating, engagement or marriage) for the last five years, I can remember being single. Typically when a girl (a) remembers details about something you're going to be doing, (b) asks you about it later and © indicates that she wants to do the same thing, that's about as close as most girls get to saying "boy, I'd sure like to go camping with you sometime." Bottom line is I'm 90% sure she's interested in me based on this behavior. For the record, this gal objectively beautiful and seems very nice from the little I know of her (while in a relationship, I consciously limited my one-on-one contact with any gals for fear of sending the wrong message, so I can only go on general demeanor, etc.). If I was my single self from five years ago, I'd just ask this girl out now (there's no policy on dating in my office, and I've done it before and never had things go too weird after a break-up). Unfortunately, I'm not single me from five years ago; I am JUST beginning the process of my divorce, and it isn't one I wanted. So, I am not at all interested in dating, seriously or casually. I know one day I'll want to date again, but I don't feel like I'm close to that point right now. My question for everyone is: will she (or does she) understand that if I don't make a move on her, it isn't because I don't think she's great, but rather that I'm just not interested in a rebound relationshp? I know that typically, once a woman displays interest like this, she'll do it for a while before she says "hmm . . . this guy is either chicken or just not that into me" and looses interest as a result. Is she likely to give me some time to make a move, or is it just a case of bad timing? Again, I am NOT interested in making this girl some sort of rebound. From what I know of her (again, could be wrong), it has been a long time since she's dated someone seriously, and she seems like a really nice gal. I'm not interested in using her. Thanks in advance for your thoughts. Edited August 28, 2011 by luxetveritas Sorry, title misspelled "seemingly"
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