SWAN808 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Has anyone ever been with someone - felt strong feelings for them - was strongly attracted to them sexually - had an emotional connection - had similar world views and thoughts and intellect....in short - thought they were great - but felt the need to break up with them because it wasnt right? Ive been seeing a girl and I love spending time with her - but I realise I have this feeling - that its not right - and its confusing and upsetting. We have separated now and I have that sickness feeling from the break - and I miss her...there is something about the relationship where it doesnt quite feel in balance. As the guy I feel almost 'too' dominant - and that I regard her as I might a little sister - very fondly but not as my equal...I bore myself with my constant talking...but its still really nice and I love taking care of her and we have fun together...she is very bright and attractive...she is very sensitive though and finds it hard to project herself and her opinions...I think I need someone who can take me on a bit...but I still care about her deeply and think she is fantastic... Im more used to break ups being clear...but this seems odd. I like being with her but feel like we have to break up. It seems cruel and unfair - and she is upset as am I. I care about her deeply...how is it supposed to work if you have a deep connection with a woman but you are not right for eachother? Do you just drift apart? Can you really be friends if you are also attracted to eachother? And you see other people eventually? It seems so sad...maybe I just need to pull myself together and recognise thats life...
Tybalt Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Wow, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were my ex boyfriend, haha. You're great, she's great. You just don't love her. And who understands exactly what complex set of variables are required for someone to love someone else. She looks good on paper, and so did I to my ex boyfriend. But his heart wasn't moved enough to give him the overriding desire to stay with me, to work through any minor or major difficulties, to share a life with me. Please don't tell her you're confused or flip flop with her. If you don't love her, let her go so she may find someone who is not ambivalent about her. Someone who looks at her and finds his breath catching in his throat and his heart swelling with gratitude that she is his. And conversely, you'll be free to experience the same. I hope you both (and my ex for that matter!) will find what you're looking for. There are many challenges in this life, and love is one of the things that makes it worth living.
CrunchyBar Posted September 8, 2011 Posted September 8, 2011 I read your previous posts, and all the responses are definitely spot on. Instead of asking the same question repeatedly, you may want to look within yourself, decide what the deal breaker is for you and decide whether or not you can learn to love this lady 'in spite of' what you think her flaws are. It seems like you held back your feelings from her because she didn't not seem like your type. In my opinion, a lot of women are highly perceptive and can tell when a guy is holding back or 'testing' them so he can decide whether or not she's the one. What generally happens is that the woman unconsciously starts to react by either: 1. holding back too, so she can prepare herself mentally for the break up or 2. pretending to be the person she feels he wants her to be, and ultimately deceiving the guy until she gets what she wants from the relationship. As a result, you will never be able to experience the real 'her' until you let go of your insecurities, and participate 100% in the relationship - that is the risk we all take when we genuinely want a relationship to succeed. On the other hand, it is possible that she may still be growing and you have not given her the opportunity to be the woman you feel you need her to be. In all reality, we are all a work in progress and are deeply influenced by our environment and the people we interact with. It is not clear exactly how much quality time you both spent together, however, within the confines of a LOVING relationship, partners are generally influenced by each other and grow to complement each other. It is possible that, if you both fully commit yourselves to the relationship you will both grow to be the perfect complement for each other - this will take time. You noted that your previous breakups have been clear, but this one seems different - It is probably because you are not convinced that you made the right decision to separate... In my experience, if you are convinced that you made the right decision your mind will be at peace even though you may be upset. Hey, in the end only you know how you want to play this...
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