without Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) Tell me am I acting obsessive or ...?and also tell me how should I handle this?.. My guy has a couple of female friends ,they are really close i mean he basically pays more attention to them than me..he's also so protective about them (about me too) ...and I get jealous.they call each other brother and sister ..I mean why would he have these ppl as his "sisters" and i also don't believe anything like that ..there must be an emotional bond between them,right?.. Edited August 28, 2011 by without
9Lives Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Tell me am I acting obsessive or ...?and also tell me how should I handle this?.. My guy has a couple of female friends ,they are really close i mean he basically pays more attention to them than me..he's also so protective about them (about me too) ...and I get jealous.they call each other brother and sister ..I mean why would he have these ppl as his "sisters" and i also don't believe anything like that ..there must be an emotional bond between them,right?.. Yes they have a bond. How long have he had these friends? if it for a long time, then it might be okay. If he is puttin them before you alot, that is not a good sign. He needs to make you a priority and he needs to make time for you in his life if he is serious about you.
madjac74 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 You are acting possessive. How long has he known these "sisters"? My closest friends are females and there is absolutely no sexual thoughts what so ever. We may make sexual inuendos in a joking manner but my guy friends and I do that as well. My ex wife's sister is one of my best friends and even though we have no actual blood relation, she really is like the sister I never had. It is very possible for guys and girls to be very close without any sexual attraction in my opinion.
Author without Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I haven't asked him for how long he knows them..I don't think its more than a couple of years..should i ask him?
9Lives Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 You are acting possessive. How long has he known these "sisters"? My closest friends are females and there is absolutely no sexual thoughts what so ever. We may make sexual inuendos in a joking manner but my guy friends and I do that as well. My ex wife's sister is one of my best friends and even though we have no actual blood relation, she really is like the sister I never had. It is very possible for guys and girls to be very close without any sexual attraction in my opinion.[/QUOTE] I totally agree with that. You just have to make sure that they are really just friends. You have a right to know. If they really are close friends then its nothing to worry about. It should be obvious that they are just friends.
Author without Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I try to find out if it's sexually or not...
9Lives Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I haven't asked him for how long he knows them..I don't think its more than a couple of years..should i ask him? Yeah, ask in a friendly way. I have many male friends. We are open about our relationship with others. They have girlfriends or chics they like. Its all good.
carhill Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 If they are open supporters of your relationship and are friendly and welcoming to you, then it is possible that you are over-reacting to the friendship dynamic. Further, if these female friends have always been platonic, meaning they are not past sexual partners, then I would be more likely to label your behaviors as an over-reaction. That all said, instincts and spidey senses are important human characteristics worthy of note. Have you been cheated on in a significant way in the past? If yes, under similar circumstances? Is there similar betrayal in your FOO (family of origin)? All are factors in your perspective and 'instincts'. My best friend's wife calls me 'her second husband'. LOL, no thanks, I'll pass
make me believe Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I would definitely not be ok with this. Especially if he is paying more attention to them than you. What do you mean by that? Does he spend more time with them, choose hanging out with them over you..? Regardless, it's not cool. Also I don't believe that most men & women can have a "brother/sister" type of relationship with each other. There's almost always a sexual attraction on one side or the other. (usually from the guy, in my experience.)
9Lives Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Well even if they werent females, if his friends are a bigger priority over you, then I wouldnt like that. i dont think guys or girls should stop being friends or hanging with their friends but I do think you should .....as time goes by be making me a priority over them. I experience this before. My guy would say, send me a picture while is with his friends and spent more time with them. I told him have your guy friend send you a picture of his ____ since you spend more time with him than me. He laughed so hard and then came and spent time with me the same day. But at the end of the day, his priority was his friends over me so I let him go.
madjac74 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 IMO if he had something more than friends for one of these girls then he likely would be dating them and not you. of course, I have been in a situation where one of my GF's male friends had a secret crush on her and meanwhile was saying all kinds of bad things about me. But she was with ME and she was pretty much the last person to realize his true intentions. So its always possible that there may be feelings there but if you are observant and not just one to jump to conclusions then you will be able to tell. And even then, the fact is that he is with YOU
Author without Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I would definitely not be ok with this. Especially if he is paying more attention to them than you. What do you mean by that? Does he spend more time with them, choose hanging out with them over you..? Regardless, it's not cool. Also I don't believe that most men & women can have a "brother/sister" type of relationship with each other. There's almost always a sexual attraction on one side or the other. (usually from the guy, in my experience.) I agree with you. I also think they have a crush on him (instinct )i'm not saying he has a crush on them..but they have.. And I think madjac74 has a logical view but..
madjac74 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Also I don't believe that most men & women can have a "brother/sister" type of relationship with each other. There's almost always a sexual attraction on one side or the other. (usually from the guy, in my experience.) This is a ridiculous claim. We all come in contact with members of the opposite sex many times everyday. Do we want to bang all of them? Maybe some people do. That thought may cross your mind even...would I bang them or not? Its safe to assume a lot of them you wouldn't if you have any standards what so ever. So those people you arent attracted to...why couldn't you have a good friendship with no sexual attraction?
9Lives Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 This is a ridiculous claim. We all come in contact with members of the opposite sex many times everyday. Do we want to bang all of them? Maybe some people do. That thought may cross your mind even...would I bang them or not? Its safe to assume a lot of them you wouldn't if you have any standards what so ever. So those people you arent attracted to...why couldn't you have a good friendship with no sexual attraction? Well to be honest, the male friends that I have DO have attraction to me but I DONT have a attraction to them so that is why it works. That happens too and can be a great friendship.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Well to be honest, the male friends that I have DO have attraction to me but I DONT have a attraction to them so that is why it works. LOL - that isn't a friendship "working"... THAT is those guys each seeing themSELVES as being in line to romance you, no matter what you say or do. It doesn't work the same way back and forth with women vs. men: (heterosexual) Men simply have no interest in maintaining mere 'thriving friendships' with women they wouldn't RATHER be banging. (except in the workplace or when caused by 'family') Madjac, above, seems a classic example of this: First he tells of his "closest friends" being female, and that there "(are no) sexual thoughts whatsoever" (before he cites some). He then lists a FAMILY member as another example. A one-time sister-in-law is indeed the exception. Finally, he believes that (the OP's boyfriend, who we're talking about) is the one who HAS THE CHOICE to be "dating (those female friends of his)" IF he wants to. Um, no, he is merely IN-LINE... in his own mind. They don't want to date him. Same is true of 9Lives above. That isn't a 'friendship scenario' that "works"... That is merely guys foolish enough to think they have a chance...
madjac74 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 LOL - that isn't a friendship "working"... THAT is those guys each seeing themSELVES as being in line to romance you, no matter what you say or do. It doesn't work the same way back and forth with women vs. men: (heterosexual) Men simply have no interest in maintaining mere 'thriving friendships' with women they wouldn't RATHER be banging. (except in the workplace or when caused by 'family') Madjac, above, seems a classic example of this: First he tells of his "closest friends" being female, and that there "(are no) sexual thoughts whatsoever" (before he cites some). He then lists a FAMILY member as another example. A one-time sister-in-law is indeed the exception. Finally, he believes that (the OP's boyfriend, who we're talking about) is the one who HAS THE CHOICE to be "dating (those female friends of his)" IF he wants to. Um, no, he is merely IN-LINE... in his own mind. They don't want to date him. Same is true of 9Lives above. That isn't a 'friendship scenario' that "works"... That is merely guys foolish enough to think they have a chance... You have me pegged completely wrong! I don't want to date any of my female friends. I have one girl that I am in love with and all of them know it. There are some who want to date me and are waiting for something bad to happen in my current relationship. But I (a male) am in line for NO ONE! Those friends that I know are after more than a friendship with me are kept at a distance. I have very close female friends who are also friends with the girl I love. My "sister" and best friend is also married and I am very close to her husband as well. I just had dinner tonight with my other best (female) friend and we talked mostly about her dates and my GF texted me to tell her "hello and have fun". It's such a double standard to think that the guy is the one in line to be romantic with a female friend! I beg to differ
9Lives Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 You have me pegged completely wrong! I don't want to date any of my female friends. I have one girl that I am in love with and all of them know it. There are some who want to date me and are waiting for something bad to happen in my current relationship. But I (a male) am in line for NO ONE! Those friends that I know are after more than a friendship with me are kept at a distance. I have very close female friends who are also friends with the girl I love. My "sister" and best friend is also married and I am very close to her husband as well. I just had dinner tonight with my other best (female) friend and we talked mostly about her dates and my GF texted me to tell her "hello and have fun". It's such a double standard to think that the guy is the one in line to be romantic with a female friend! I beg to differ Well in this case, everything is wide open and your gf isnt suspicous. The op doesnt have that luxury so she is uncomfortable and would need clarification to be certain. My male friends that like me know that Im not gonna give them sex because they know how I feel about certain things. If they are waiting, it is going to happen on this date...NEVER! They have been disqualifed for different reasons like unattractive or bad character. Things like that. But I really like them as a friend.
madjac74 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Well in this case, everything is wide open and your gf isnt suspicous. The op doesnt have that luxury so she is uncomfortable and would need clarification to be certain. My male friends that like me know that Im not gonna give them sex because they know how I feel about certain things. If they are waiting, it is going to happen on this date...NEVER! They have been disqualifed for different reasons like unattractive or bad character. Things like that. But I really like them as a friend. Exactly! But everyone seems to make it a fact that because the OP's BF is a MALE that he is sexually attracted to his female friends. It seems to be the opinion that no guy has any restraint when it comes to sex and that is irritating as hell.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I (a male) It's such a double standard to think that the guy is the one in line to be romantic with a female friend! I beg to differ ... and it is ALWAYS the guy who is "begging to differ" (and it isn't we who think you in line to be romantic... that's you!)
madjac74 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 ... and it is ALWAYS the guy who is "begging to differ" (and it isn't we who think you in line to be romantic... that's you!) ummmm... huh?
Author without Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 He knows her for about 6 or 7 years..I do feel jealous... I mean i don't believe the guy doesn't have any feeling for her.. SincereOnlineGuy can you explain more?i didn't get what you meant?..
Author without Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 I mean should i leave him?...I feel bad...and he also makes it so hard for me...i feel he doesn't love me enough but still keeps me hanging on...
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