WindWhisperer Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I just want to thank everyone here for reminding me why NC is important. Yes it makes the ex think twice. But it was also a time (as horrifically painful as it was) to reflect on myself and realise what I WANT as a person and from a person. I came so close to breaking NC many times. And thanx to my friends and the amazing people here I held back. I kept reminding myself that HE was the one that ended it. He couldnt be in a relationship with me..it was HIS choice. Why would I go and run after him then? Well after about 20 days NC I got a message from him. And it was the "Im so sorry, I didnt realise what I had until it was gone" kind of message. I replied but very cautious and wary that he could just be feeling lonely at the time. I wasnt gonna throw myself into it and hope. But he said a lot of things that I am glad he realised on his own. And we have decided to take it slow, fresh slate. I know this is a big risk giving him a second chance but we are still very much in love with another and he wants to fight for me. AND THATS THE WHOLE POINT HERE....HE NOW IS FIGHTING FOR ME. I am not the one pining after him. Time will tell really. It may work or it may not. But I just want to let others out there that may have gone through the same thing as me (him having the G.I.G.S). NC is the best policy. Yes because it MAY bring them back. Maybe they wont. And I kept that in my mind the entire time. Yes he might come back but maybe he wont. But I focused on MYSELF. I made sure my life was still moving forward and I refused to lock myself in my room under the covers. I deleted facebook, avoided his friends and family because that kind of information would hurt. I focused on what I NEEDED to focus on. And even though it hurts like a bitch...its the best policy. It hurts, my god it hurts more than anything I know but I went to bed everyday acknowledging that I had survived another day and that I had been strong enough to maintain NC. I hope this helps in any little form or way! And I wish everyone here all the happiness in the world!!!!
ConfusedT Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 wind- good for you for taking it slow! i am happy that he called if that is what you wanted and i hope everything works out for the best, whatever that may be!! we're all here for you and supporting you whatever decision you decide to go with. Congrats!
funnyface Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Congrats! So inspiring!!! Hope things work out for the best... I am still fresh with NC and it is so so so hard. I keep wanting my ex to come back to me, but slowly realizing that I must focus on myself... and if its meant to be then it will, and if not, I will meet someone else! Reading this was great Keep us posted, best of luck to you
countingstarsagain Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 i really admire you for being cautious! my and my ex were in an extremely similar situation. he decided he wasn't happy and wanted us to take a break. i worked on me and started to move on. he came back a few weeks later and i took him back because he said he wanted to work on things with me. fast forward a few weeks, and he's not working on anything. :\ back to his old ways. if anything at all, stay cautious with this!! make him work for you! good luck!
carhill Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 From my readings, you and BF broke up on August 14. Today is August 28. Two weeks. Fourteen days. Here's what you said on August 16, in part: He said he needs to figure out why he is emotionally unattached, why he is "scared" of where the relationship is going and why he cant just be the decent boyfriend he wants to be.In the realm of human relationships and psychology, do you sincerely think it's possible for him to resolve these very important personal issues in fourteen days? I'm a man and I've dated a fair amount of women and have had LTR's and been married. He's 'sweet talking' you IMO. This is, generally, to enact what I call 'the Cheer's effect', which keeps that past oxytocin bond and the attendant feelings on your mind. Sure, you will be 'cautious' and you'll 'take it slow', for awhile. Before you know it, however, you'll slip right back into that little comfy oxytocin bed and I sincerely hope that he has enacted the behavioral changes he sought during this break. My opinion, from a lifetime of being a man and being around men? Don't count on it. Meaningful change takes a long time and a lot of work, especially wrt to the issues outlined in the quoted text. BTDT. Perhaps my post is a negative in a sea of positive responses, but I would be remiss if I didn't speak my mind. I wish you well.
lana_sa Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Wow so good to hear he called you,but take it easy and dont accept him back so easy im in NC...8th day,,still NOTHING
danceallday Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 @windwhisperer - that is good news, proceed with caution and good luck!
dontstopbelieving Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Congrats windwhisper, I'm sure you are happy that the power is now in your hands. I agree with others and think you should proceed with caution. I've been NC for 27 days and have not heard a peep from my ex. Might be for the best in my case, but I wish you the best in yours. Glad to hear it's working out for others
serviceduck Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Congrats!! This is so inspiring! Taking things slow is definitely the best idea. Only you know your ex/boyfriend so only you know what path to take from here on. My boyfriend broke up with me on the 1st of this month. Due to work stress and feeling unhappy with life in general. We last saw each other on the 6th (after me staying NC for 5 days) when he phoned (after seeing that I had changed my facebook realtionship status.. even though I did it discretely), and asked to drop my things off (he knowingly only brought over a quarter of the stuff I had at his place). He was intensely affectionate that day, he hung around for 3 hours, and we made plans to talk about the rest of my things. I havent heard from him since. I have stayed NC completely. I have found out through a mutual friend that he is finding it very weird being single and isnt enjoying himself as much as he thought he would be. He also mentioned to her, a music festival ticket he has of mine and still wants me to come along. My best friend sent him a text last thursday night just to say hi and ask how he was. We didnt expect a reply, but he did reply and in record time. He was very excited to hear from her and said "yeah its been a real bitch to be honest" and "I've realised that drinking when youre down is a bad idea as well". He also mentioned that he knew his 2 female friends were taking me to lunch this weekend just passed, but I had only agreed to the lunch an hour before he replied to my best friend's text to him. He knows my friend will tell me everything he said. So why does he want me to know he's upset and not coping? His second reply to my friend was an essay about how much he's been working and see's a payrise coming, and how he thinks he should start saving for a house. He's also been making it unusually obvious on facebook about how often he's been going to gym. Is he trying to show me he is improving himself? Are these signs he is trying to reach out to me? Should I wait for the next sign (which logically, would be a call... but he has never been logical). I moreso expect him to show up at my door late at night. Today is day 23 of no contact since last contact. Thoughts?
Author WindWhisperer Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) @carhill. We broke up on the 7th so rounded off yes 20 days. And I do appreciate your warning even though a bit negative. I am taking everything you said into account. Like I said it may work, it may not. I know we can never go back to the way to had been towards the end. I'm being careful. I'm not here in bliss thinking oh my god we are back together I'm happy again! It can't be that simple but I believe if 2 people are in love and are ready to get down and dirty with regards to fixing things, then so be it. See what happens. @serviceduck I know how easy it is to look into everything you hear about him and think its a sign of hope but I'm warning you to really try not do this. Its just going to hurt you or disapoint you... This is why I blocked all information I could from him. I told his sister not to tell me things, did not go on facebook etc because this was just not right for me. It could be a sign, it may not. The biggest sign would be him contacting you straight and saying he misses you and wants another chance. It may happen or it may not. It seems he still cares for you but you can't keep hoping. Just keep moving forward and focus on yourself. Good luck! Thanx to everyone else who replied! Really appreciate it! Will keep you posted Edited August 29, 2011 by WindWhisperer
katie.x Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Well after about 20 days NC I got a message from him. And it was the "Im so sorry, I didnt realise what I had until it was gone" kind of message. AND THATS THE WHOLE POINT HERE....HE NOW IS FIGHTING FOR ME. I am not the one pining after him. Time will tell really. It may work or it may not. But I just want to let others out there that may have gone through the same thing as me (him having the G.I.G.S). NC is the best policy. Yes because it MAY bring them back. Maybe they wont. And I kept that in my mind the entire time. Yes he might come back but maybe he wont. But I focused on MYSELF. I'm currently dealing with this type of ex. He's jumped into a relationship a month after we had stopped talking with a girl that pushed herself between us (very long story). I had been NC for a month, I called to find out if he was with this girl as I was told his facebook was now "in a relationship", I was yelled at and abused when we'd previously ended on ok terms, and now I am nearly another 3 weeks NC. His personality changed dramatically since being with this girl and I really hope he sees that the grass is greener in time, but I am aware there is nothing I can do but help myself in the mean time and try to grow as a person.
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