Author JB93 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 I contacted her through fb messaging. She said she wasnt thinking about us anymore. it caused her too much pain. "I am not over you J. It's hard to walk away from an almost two year relationship in a day and say, I wiped my hands clean of him/her. I am over all of the bull**** we went through and the miscommunication and everything. I am over the fact that I feel as if you don't trust me. I am over the expectations you have when we are together. Sometimes I feel as if I am not the girl you want me to be. And you aren't willing to accept it." It sucks. but I just needed that closure
Author JB93 Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 i ****ed up real bad, she likes someone else
reimeivn Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 i think it is easier for you to move on if you start talking and getting to know other people. just not dating yet. right now you just need to know that somebody leaving you isnt the worst thing in the world. it should be the thing that you worry the least. thats because there are still people that will love you and want to be with you. and you can free yourself and be with somebody like that.
Author JB93 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Its 5:30 am and im sleeping right next to my ex. She told me everything. Shes already made out with aguy- A guy shes been having a crush on for awhile. She admitted that he told her he wanted to **** her brains out and she got horny from it. Who is this girl?!!!! Wtf. I just ****ed her and now i cant sleep.
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I'm confused - why are you still having sex with your ex? Is she not really an ex? Does she just want to use you for sex? Why is she with you and telling you about other guys? Does she see this as a friends with benefits and you don't? Is she so heartless that she doesn't know how she's hurting you, but at the same time, you inviting her into bed is hardly saying to her that you're hurt... I generally thought NC covered all kinds of contact, including intercourse! You keep giving her what she wants and this situation will never change. You will continue to be hurt. Unless of course you can handle sleeping with a girl you love and then having her dash off afterwards as she's meeting her other "friend".
Author JB93 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Im so lost- So yesterday I talked to her (broke NC). I met up with her, and we cried (im such a woman), and then she said she wanted to give it another shot. She said she isnt over me. But later that night, (i slept over), we had gotten physical. I asked her about the 2 weeks off we had and if she hooked up with anyone. Well, my suspicions were right, she told me she went on a date with a guy and ended up making out wtih him. She said hes nice, and is sexually attractive. He told her he wanted to **** her brains out. She was completely honest and told me EVERYTHING. She didnt do anything more than kiss, but she did admit she has curiosity about ****ing him. But she still loves me. She turned him down when he asked her out to be his gf. Anyway, Im just so pissed, she texts him ALL the time. She cant even spend a minute without her damn phone. I cant leave tho cus she loves me. I know she loves me for the past, but has a new crush. WE even had sex 2 times last night... Woke up this morning, and she said she wanted to be exclusive with me only. Trust is an issue for me, I feel like if we ever fight, shell just run back to him. He made his interests known, he wants to sleep with her. I told her, thats kinda dirty, and she said, he knows how to treat me right. We were "on a break." I know I look like a fool. I just cant believe what is happeneing. Shes got a fantastic body, and she works out even more now, got new sexy outfits, underwear, everything. Its like shes trying to impress him. WTF!
smudge21 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Nothing will change unless you change it. You're giving her whatever she wants so she will continue as she is doing. I bet she's enjoying having you wrapped round her little finger, ready and waiting but also backing off when she decides to look elsewhere. I like how she also throws in some info on other guys, just to get you nice and jealous so you'll want her more. This girl is on one serious ego trip and you my friend are feeding it each and every day.
betterdeal Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 What do you want us to say? I think you've had some good advice so far, so maybe you just want someone to listen?
Author JB93 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) Nothing will change unless you change it. You're giving her whatever she wants so she will continue as she is doing. I bet she's enjoying having you wrapped round her little finger, ready and waiting but also backing off when she decides to look elsewhere. I like how she also throws in some info on other guys, just to get you nice and jealous so you'll want her more. This girl is on one serious ego trip and you my friend are feeding it each and every day. She told me cus I asked. She didnt want to tell me, but I got it out of her... Im supposed to go camping with her this weekend (her idea). Today she said she wanted to go back to being bf/gf. She said shes not done with me, and she only fell for this other guy cus it was convenient. She still does have feelings for this other guy, but she doesnt want to just ditch our relationship either. Good life for her... Anyway, this weekend when we go out, Im gonna see how it goes. (How much of this is genuine, its hard to tell) Truth: Right now we are technically back together, but it hurts so bad to be in this position with a 3rd party. However, I feel that its less painful than if I did break up and she decided to sleep with this other guy. Its the sad painful truth, but its just a lose lose situation- i figured clinging on would be less painful- at least temporarily... Im such a bitch Is there anyway this relationship is salvageable. Will she always be attracted to this other guy. If we work out well, will he be out of the picture? Should I tell her to not talk to him anymore for the sake of the relationship? Edited August 30, 2011 by JB93
betterdeal Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 More important than this relationship, is your self-respect salvageable?
Diatribes Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Should I tell her to not talk to him anymore for the sake of the relationship? YES You need to give her that ultimatum, bro. Otherwise you're setting yourself up to be a huge door mat. And trust me, you give her that privilege of seeing this other guy and she will do it. Put your foot down. If she doesn't agree to this term, then she isn't serious about being with you exclusively, which is something I'd venture to guess that you want. Best of luck.
AlanN Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Im so lost- So yesterday I talked to her (broke NC). I met up with her, and we cried (im such a woman), and then she said she wanted to give it another shot. She said she isnt over me. But later that night, (i slept over), we had gotten physical. I asked her about the 2 weeks off we had and if she hooked up with anyone. Well, my suspicions were right, she told me she went on a date with a guy and ended up making out wtih him. She said hes nice, and is sexually attractive. He told her he wanted to **** her brains out. She was completely honest and told me EVERYTHING. She didnt do anything more than kiss, but she did admit she has curiosity about ****ing him. But she still loves me. She turned him down when he asked her out to be his gf. Anyway, Im just so pissed, she texts him ALL the time. She cant even spend a minute without her damn phone. I cant leave tho cus she loves me. I know she loves me for the past, but has a new crush. WE even had sex 2 times last night... Woke up this morning, and she said she wanted to be exclusive with me only. Trust is an issue for me, I feel like if we ever fight, shell just run back to him. He made his interests known, he wants to sleep with her. I told her, thats kinda dirty, and she said, he knows how to treat me right. We were "on a break." I know I look like a fool. I just cant believe what is happeneing. Shes got a fantastic body, and she works out even more now, got new sexy outfits, underwear, everything. Its like shes trying to impress him. WTF! I think she told you "details" about the new guy to get a reaction out of you and to make you jealous. Since you were with her for about 2 years I'm sure she knows how to push your buttons and manipulate you. But, since you were broken up - not that it makes you feel better - she didn't cheat on you.. My ex-gf did similar things to me since our break up 8 weeks ago by telling me about the guys that liked her and would love to take her out and blah, blah, blah. Girls (and I guess guys too) will do things to get that reaction. I think it's a sign of immaturity, which is why I will not contact my ex (I hope). I think she needs to grow up and figure out who she is. Just be prepared because the more contact you have with your ex the more suffering you will have. Good Luck
Author JB93 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 YES You need to give her that ultimatum, bro. Otherwise you're setting yourself up to be a huge door mat. And trust me, you give her that privilege of seeing this other guy and she will do it. Put your foot down. If she doesn't agree to this term, then she isn't serious about being with you exclusively, which is something I'd venture to guess that you want. Best of luck. Ive read somewhere that by doing this makes a girl think about the guy more- makes her miss him more. Im just really stuck between a rock and a hard place... I think the only thing I CAN do is go out with her this weekend. Tell her I had fun. Make sure she has the time of her life, then tell her that we need a break... that she needs to figure out what she wants.
Diatribes Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 tell her that we need a break... that she needs to figure out what she wants. +1 very good. Now make sure you follow through with this. Don't make decisions based on what you think she may like/want, make them based on your own needs. If she's truly there for you, she'll understand and appreciate your feelings and reciprocate.
Author JB93 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 +1 very good. Now make sure you follow through with this. Don't make decisions based on what you think she may like/want, make them based on your own needs. If she's truly there for you, she'll understand and appreciate your feelings and reciprocate. Why I am so troubled is that she didn't say she wanted space. When I saw her for the first time in a while yesterday- she said im so glad you came, Im so sorry for everything, I want to work things out with you again. So we are together... I just feel if i break it off with her saturday, shes gonna just cry a lot (to get me back), get mad, contact other guy, **** him, bada bing, bada boom. Meanwhile, I'll feel like ****, and sick to my stomach
Diatribes Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Go hang with her on Saturday, but keep to your resolve to tell her what you planned afterwards. That's what I'd do, but I'm a bit unconventional.
Author JB93 Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Go hang with her on Saturday, but keep to your resolve to tell her what you planned afterwards. That's what I'd do, but I'm a bit unconventional. okay- i plan to see her friday to sunday. shes staying over so ill have plenty of time to talk to her.
smudge21 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Can I suggest when you see her, you DON'T jump into bed with her! By doing this everytime you're not dealing with the problems and basically telling her (with your actions) that you're happy to accept everything as it is. You need to make her aware exactly how you feel. If you fail to do so, you will become the doormat. The reliable guy who's always there when she needs him, but hidden away when she doesn't. Before long she'll have lost all respect for you because you'll be kissing her a** and she'll be doing whatever she wants to do. You say yourself that if you break it off she'll just go **** this other guy - what does that tell you? Sort it as soon as you can otherwise you're heading for a world of hurt which will never get better.
Author JB93 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 she says she wants to meet up this weekend to "prove" shes worth it and wants to give it a second chance. HER idea. I still dont think Ill be able to live with the idea that she likes someone else. I just can't I do plan to dump her, my question is, dont have sex? In all truth- i want her to feel like ****. I want to be romantic for the weekend, give her the BEST time ever, then leave her.... this is **** her emotions up, realize she had something good, then never have me again
smudge21 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 That will never happen, because first off, you've proven throughout these messages that you have strong feelings for her and you're not really calling the shots here. And secondly, whether or not you hurt her, you'll never know as she won't show it, but instead will go off and **** other guy and probably send you pics to prove it. Either way, you carry on with this plan and there's only going to be one person posting here come Sunday feeling even worse than they do now. Just tell her you don't want to see her, you've had enough, you can't handle her treating you like this and need to move on in your life. If she really wants you, she'll make the effort, if not, she'll go... either way, all your questions will be answered and you'll keep your pride intact.
Author JB93 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 That will never happen, because first off, you've proven throughout these messages that you have strong feelings for her and you're not really calling the shots here. And secondly, whether or not you hurt her, you'll never know as she won't show it, but instead will go off and **** other guy and probably send you pics to prove it. Either way, you carry on with this plan and there's only going to be one person posting here come Sunday feeling even worse than they do now. Just tell her you don't want to see her, you've had enough, you can't handle her treating you like this and need to move on in your life. If she really wants you, she'll make the effort, if not, she'll go... either way, all your questions will be answered and you'll keep your pride intact. I just want to prove to myself that i can in person. I feel like if i do it person, and I KNOW she will cry and be upset- i will feel better about myself for taking control....
betterdeal Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 (edited) I don't think you will. I think you're rationalising further contact when all you want is further contact and a cuddle from the woman you love. I also think you're not a nasty person and you won't hurt someone that much because it's not in your nature to. Taking control is saying "F*ck this sh*t. It's over. You've really hurt me deep down and I don't deserve it. Now leave me alone. I have nothing more to say to you." and getting on with the rest of your life. Edited August 31, 2011 by betterdeal
Author JB93 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 ur right- but i should tell her in person still right?
betterdeal Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 What matters is what you say to yourself. If you don't feel up to it, no. It'd be nice to be able to, but what matters is you take control of your own happiness, and whilst you're in a situation where you're thinking these ludicrous things, you are not happy, so you have to change the situation. That's what no contact is - changing the situation. That may well mean changing your number, blocking her on Facebook and making sure you're out of the house at the time you agreed to meet. Running away is an option. Getting that break from more emotional torment being added to what you are already feeling is the priority. Do what you feel is best for you.
Author JB93 Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 What matters is what you say to yourself. If you don't feel up to it, no. It'd be nice to be able to, but what matters is you take control of your own happiness, and whilst you're in a situation where you're thinking these ludicrous things, you are not happy, so you have to change the situation. That's what no contact is - changing the situation. That may well mean changing your number, blocking her on Facebook and making sure you're out of the house at the time you agreed to meet. Running away is an option. Getting that break from more emotional torment being added to what you are already feeling is the priority. Do what you feel is best for you. i did all that, no pictures of us, no fb, even mutual friends, no nothing. all the cards and gifts, gone. only thing is her phone number. I am stopping by friday to see her, and im going to rip into her. I already have everything planned that im going to say. I KNOW i deserve better. I just need to see that bitch cry in front of me before i finish her off. seirously, she made me feel like such ****, i need to do it back then leave her.
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