Author bluenightowl Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 IME, when a woman spills out all that hate and pain during her 'healing' process, my image is associated with that 'dump' and she forever sees me as the toilet she deposited it in. Toilets are wonderful fixtures and our sanitation and healthy life depends on them but we don't love a toilet. They're a tool to eliminate in. I hope that's graphic enough Ha, never heard that one before, but I have read something similar that for some reason, some of the people rebounding will associate you with their healing, and once healed want to move on from their past, and sadly you are part of it. On the other hand there are some cases where the person who became the friend was respected for being there for them. I have read that the best people to date a rebounder is another rebounder. They are both numb, and can't really scare each other away because neither wants to get too close emotionally.
carhill Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I'll scour the archives but my first and most honest response is that I have never heard, outside of the aforementioned group, a woman saying the words 'thank you so much for being there for me'. My best male friend, OTOH, says it all the time, as recently as yesterday evening. Cancer can be truth serum, not that it's been that for him. He's always been appreciative.
Author bluenightowl Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 I'll scour the archives but my first and most honest response is that I have never heard, outside of the aforementioned group, a woman saying the words 'thank you so much for being there for me'. My best male friend, OTOH, says it all the time, as recently as yesterday evening. Cancer can be truth serum, not that it's been that for him. He's always been appreciative. I've had a woman say that to me, but we were strictly friends, even though I had an unknown crush on her.
ScienceGal Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) I have read that the best people to date a rebounder is another rebounder. They are both numb, and can't really scare each other away because neither wants to get too close emotionally. Interesting. I have been on one date since the split. It was very casual, we had a couple drinks and chatted for a few hours. It went well. But, the numbness you speak of is definitely true with me. I actually went into the date with zero fear. I have always been a little nervous with meeting someone new, but not this time. I'd have to say I am walled off a bit, which is not my nature. The ultimate goal is to meet the man I will spend the rest of my life with, and I realize that it will take time (and probably dating) until I find him. I am not looking to treat anyone poorly. I am not looking hurt anyone either, but that might happen. What I have decided with myself is to be open and honest. I am not ready to jump into something, so anything that might develop will have to happen slowly. The guy will have to take that or leave it. Also, with residual heartache, I feel like I am 1) being more true to myself than ever because I am not being anything but myself, and 2) giving dating more thought than I ever have before. I am more sensitive to the possibility of the guy getting hurt. So... some of us use heartache to become a stronger and better person Edited August 29, 2011 by ScienceGal
chelle21689 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I had my first relationship of 5 1/2 years with my first boyfriend and we broke up in January. I was so devastated...a month later I met a really cute nice guy and I started talking to him. I was still really hurt over my last relationship and this new guy was great so I didn't want to rush into things and turn it into a rebound. We talked and 'hung out' for the next 6 months just getting to know each other very very slowly going snail pace O.o. He asked me to be his gf a month ago and I felt ready to commit.
Author bluenightowl Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 I had my first relationship of 5 1/2 years with my first boyfriend and we broke up in January. I was so devastated...a month later I met a really cute nice guy and I started talking to him. I was still really hurt over my last relationship and this new guy was great so I didn't want to rush into things and turn it into a rebound. We talked and 'hung out' for the next 6 months just getting to know each other very very slowly going snail pace O.o. He asked me to be his gf a month ago and I felt ready to commit. Yes, I think under such circumstances things can work out. Not everyone is willing or able to take things so slowly, so that's great it worked out so well. I take is though you were only dating each other, not other guys at the same time?
grkBoy Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 How would you date someone like that? Been there, done that...didn't work out well for me. Would you not date and tell them lets try it in 6 months? Would you take it slow with them to be sure they were over their ex. I'd probably slow it down hardcore...simply telling them of my own bad experiences and how I don't want to get emotionally invested in someone on the rebound. If they really care about me they would understand. If not, then it shows I'm just a warm body to fill a void with. What if they wanted sex early, and you did as well, would you take the bait so to speak or hold off on sex even longer than you might with someone is emotionally stable. I'd hold off. I know many guys would say "BULLS**T!" but this is another "been there, done that" scenario for me. It just really got messy in the end. I know when you're a guy who doesn't get girls easily, and now there's some woman totally on you, needing you, wanting you, but you know she's getting over someone...it seems so simple to try to be the man she wants and hope she'll fall for you and forget the ex. Unfortunately it rarely ever works out that way. Suddenly she's crying her eyes out while you're both lying in bed because she can't get over that she was dumped/betrayed/neglected/whatever by the ex, or one day she's all into you and the next she's not taking your calls...but you find out she was flirting with guys at the bar. Rebound is what it is...it's someone seeking a warm body to fill the void. I've only heard once in a great while of a rebound turning into a lifelong love...but most of the time when Mr or Ms Rebound makes the person feel better about life, they get "rewarded" by being dumped. Don't waste your time. Slow it down to friendship see if he/she feels the same over time...or be a scumbag and do a "pump and dump".
Author bluenightowl Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Don't waste your time. Slow it down to friendship see if he/she feels the same over time...or be a scumbag and do a "pump and dump". I agree. From my experience, and I think others, you have two choices. If you have any chance at all of a LTR and care about your own emotions getting too tangled, then slow it down. If you are sure you only want sex then expect nothing more and be prepared to move on. There is a reason why the the PUA community talk about the pump and dump with rebounders. They have been burned themselves. I myself at this point might do neither and just move on.
chelle21689 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Yes, I think under such circumstances things can work out. Not everyone is willing or able to take things so slowly, so that's great it worked out so well. I take is though you were only dating each other, not other guys at the same time? the plan was to date other people, I didn't want to date just one person because I've been with one person my whole life. But as I got to know him I thought he would be a good bf and I began turning down dates from other guys because I wasn't interested in them...I was interested in one person. Plus, I realized I sorta felt a little weird about seeing two people at the same time when I knew this guy was investing his feelings on me. So yeah I was with him and no one else and him too. I did sort of 'get to know" other guys just to see what they were about just by chatting through Facebook but he seemed like the best haha.
Author bluenightowl Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Unfortunately it rarely ever works out that way. Suddenly she's crying her eyes out while you're both lying in bed because she can't get over that she was dumped/betrayed/neglected/whatever by the ex, or one day she's all into you and the next she's not taking your calls...but you find out she was flirting with guys at the bar. Just to add - my experience has been that when you even hint at any commitment or even asking if you are interested to date each other, the tears come out, and she will feel pressure (usually) and say how she needs space to be free. The unwritten part is - free to date other guys. Within a week or two, you are gone and she will announce she has decided to date someone else. I have never followed however to see how long those relationships but I think sometimes they can last. On the other end of the spectrum, I've come across rebounders that practically want to marry me within the first 10 dates, but I get even more worried when I hear that, although flattering at the moment.
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