FrankieD Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Learning how to get back with your ex is important to you because they may very well be the best thing for you. You weren't ready for that relationship to end. If it was a dating relationship that ended or a marriage that for some reason turned ugly and ended in divorce, it could be that there may be a second chance. If you aren't ready to give up on that love that got away you will want to know how to get back with your ex. If love was once there then the possibility for it still being there may be real. You may not be able to turn back the clock or make the mistakes disappear but you can give that love another chance to live again. If you have both been able to step back away from the mistake(s) and have been given enough time to breathe you may be able to come back together just to talk. You won't want to rush right back into it though. There were problems that interrupted the romance. You need to make sure that you are able to move past it and have any unresolved issues resolved. How can you think about starting where you left off if where you left off was a bad place. Work through the problems. If you can't then you won't be able to get back with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend for very long. The break up may have happened because of one event. It could have been because of that one behavior that one of you couldn't handle the other doing. Whatever the problem was you need to find out how to either accept deal with the problem or find out how it can be fixed. If the issue was one cheating on the other, that may be hard to overcome. Trust has been broken and getting that trust back will be difficult. Overcoming a heartbreak because of that is difficult and it needs to be given both time and a reason to believe that there can be trust again. This is an area that marriage counseling or other type of couple's therapy can be helpful. It is important not to come across as needy. You may feel desperate to get them back but this will only be seen as something that will give your ex power over you. You need to seem confident and that you are OK with yourself. The more confident you feel, the more likely they are going to be impressed with you and find you attractive once again. More than anything If you want to know how to get back with your ex, you are going to be confident that it is the right thing to do. Always ask yourself if this is the right thing to do. Make sure that you are going to be better off with them than you are without them. If it is only going to turn bad again then all your work trying to figure out how to get back with your ex will have been in vain. http://www.getbacktheex.org/
Author jacksoncfrank Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 I am feeling terrible and deflated. I went and wrote her a letter yesterday where i put down everything i felt about her and dropped it on her doorstep. i have also just dropped a pair of shoes she has wanted for ages on her doorstep with a note saying how much i want this to work. i have tried calling but have had no reply. i just feel like a fool and i am smothering her and acting desparate and she really doesn't want anything to do with me.
Electric.man Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Just three words: let her go. I don't know if the things are exactly like Sally4Sara says, but I have to agree with her. If your conscience is clean, and from what you write it seems it is, you're not the one in the wrong: she is; She is demanding to snoop her nose in your private because she thinks you are untrustworthy and she's wrongly accusing you. She is the one with a problem about being insecure (and a huge one too), not you. I can understand you love her and you care for her, and I can understand you would want to try and help her out of her insecurity, but if it has reached the point where she storms out in the middle of the night, there's little that can be done. She's the one being selfish and abusive: You worry about you "hurting" her when you did nothing wrong, what about the hell she is putting YOU through? Being falsely accused is one of the worst offenses an honest person can be subject to: imagine you're minding your business when all of a sudden the cops put you in cuffs and drag you to jail, saying you stole a car. You would feel violated and wronged, wouldn't you? Also, please consider the implications: even if you can fix this, how many more "episodes" and "incidents" will have to happen before you feel like the one being abused? What will she think the night you end up in a 3-hours traffic jam coming back from work? Will she accuse you to have been with another woman? What if you are sent on a business trip? Will she want to talk to your boss to know if the trip's happening for real and who's coming with you? Seriously young man, give it thought...
dreamingoftigers Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 By the way: there seems to be somewhat of a correlation between those who are really insecure about their partner cheating and the ones that do it themselves. If she hasn't talked to you in two days, that is very....odd.
Rorschach64 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I have had this recently happen to myself, ex went through my laptop and then accused me over a FB chat I had with a female friend and then decided to leave me without allowing me to explain myself. Prior to this event she has been texting and going out with an individual she would not identify upon request and get super defensive about it. Long story short, I found out from her friend she is seeing someone after four days of the break up and I counter accuse, which causes her to blow up at a magnitude a billion then led to me clearing my name of cheating and trying to fix the relationship but alas she said there was "too much hurt." I think the situation here is, she might be guilty of something like dreaming said. It is a type of psychological self defense mechanism, I believe.
Author jacksoncfrank Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Thanks again for taking time to reply. I can categorically say she is not cheating on me - she really is not that sort of person. As i said it really does stem from insecurity. I feel emotionally drained and feel i have really let her know how i feel and i am willing to work on our relationship so the ball is in her court. I take the comments that i should just let her go but i really do love her and see a future with her if we can overcome these issues. I am not the sort of person who normally would ever use a forum but really do appreciate all of the opinions offered - it is almost therapeutic to put my problems down and read what others think as it is all i can think about - so thanks again. Jacksoncfrank
Seraph1 Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Just three words: let her go. If your conscience is clean, and from what you write it seems it is, you're not the one in the wrong: she is; She is demanding to snoop her nose in your private because she thinks you are untrustworthy and she's wrongly accusing you. She is the one with a problem about being insecure (and a huge one too), not you. I can understand you love her and you care for her, and I can understand you would want to try and help her out of her insecurity, but if it has reached the point where she storms out in the middle of the night, there's little that can be done. She's the one being selfish and abusive: You worry about you "hurting" her when you did nothing wrong, what about the hell she is putting YOU through? Being falsely accused is one of the worst offenses an honest person can be subject to: imagine you're minding your business when all of a sudden the cops put you in cuffs and drag you to jail, saying you stole a car. You would feel violated and wronged, wouldn't you? Also, please consider the implications: even if you can fix this, how many more "episodes" and "incidents" will have to happen before you feel like the one being abused? What will she think the night you end up in a 3-hours traffic jam coming back from work? Will she accuse you to have been with another woman? What if you are sent on a business trip? Will she want to talk to your boss to know if the trip's happening for real and who's coming with you? Seriously young man, give it thought... I agree. I can see a lot of people having been telling you that you should pander to her neurotic needs but by doing so you are giving her a level of control over you that is quite inappropriate in a loving and secure relationship. She has a very big problem and I do not believe that you are at fault from what you have mentioned in your postings. There is being honest and open and then there is being a doormat to a controlling and abusive partner. Her continued silence almost seems to be a way of punishing you for your imagined transgressions. It's a form of control to get you to panic and give into her demands. You're only to ready and willing to do what she wants right now aren't you? My first thought upon reading your story is that she has been looking for excuses to end the relationship while looking like the 'wronged party' but I think the next week or so will tell if she genuinely wants out or to scare you into behaving the way that she wants you to.
Fedor Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Im emotionally drained because im in a similar situation. GF is always accusing me of shyt and it just makes me want to get away from her. My advice, talk to her. If she dont listen, your better better off without the drama. It sucks.
Author jacksoncfrank Posted September 2, 2011 Author Posted September 2, 2011 So an update on this - my situation keeps getting worse. I felt terrible this week and had got out with friends to a gig that i was going to go to with my gf, but because we were not talking, i took a good friend. I went out to keep busy as i have found being alone tough. The thing is, i met with my gf tonight to try and talk things through. I said i was willing to work with her to get through our problems. After chatting i said i had been out to the gig and she has essentially got incredibly upset because i went out and therefore "couldn't have been that upset" about things. This was after she had been out with her friends as well. She said the difference was i was to blame for making her upset so because of this it was not a case of pot, kettle, black. After going home on the train with her, she called in tears and has basically said i am full of **** saying i have been upset this week and she never wants to see me again. She said after hearing this she feels like a fool for opening up and speaking to me. Did i act wrong going out without her? I just feel trapped in a corner when all i want to do is work on things and sort them out. JCF
Arikel Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 She got upset with you for going out.. after she went out herself? ... ok I can understand her wanting you to be transparent about your phone, and email, because that does tend to be the first thing people hide if they're doing something else .. but right now, she's just being a hypocrite . Maybe she just needs some time to grow up.. Just let her be and keep going on with your life. If you haven't done anything wrong, then let her come back to you
DazyDaisy Posted September 3, 2011 Posted September 3, 2011 I haven't read all four pages of the thread but I read the first one and she reminds me of me. I did the same thing with me ex. I broke up with him because I thought he was cheating, and it was really painful because I never brought it up to him directly so I had to bottle it up inside. I just broke up with him and I didn't give him a valid reason because I was convinced he was cheating. I felt so betrayed, slighted, hurt, etc. It was no use trying to stay with him, but later I found out there was nothing going on with them. Nothing serious anyway that should cause serious worry. Let me tell you she's feeling horrible. I also did the same thing of getting mad about some stuff he did even though I did it too. It's just a jealous personality type and it's really painful so out of compassion for her and saving of yourself, I recommend you give her time to sort out her issues. Leave her alone. She needs space.
XmaryfeyX Posted September 21, 2011 Posted September 21, 2011 I haven't read all four pages of the thread but I read the first one and she reminds me of me. I did the same thing with me ex. I broke up with him because I thought he was cheating, and it was really painful because I never brought it up to him directly so I had to bottle it up inside. I just broke up with him and I didn't give him a valid reason because I was convinced he was cheating. I felt so betrayed, slighted, hurt, etc. It was no use trying to stay with him, but later I found out there was nothing going on with them. Nothing serious anyway that should cause serious worry. Let me tell you she's feeling horrible. I also did the same thing of getting mad about some stuff he did even though I did it too. It's just a jealous personality type and it's really painful so out of compassion for her and saving of yourself, I recommend you give her time to sort out her issues. Leave her alone. She needs space. I totally agree with this. I did exactly the same with an ex of mine and felt like crap after we broke up. The thing is he never did anything to make make it any better. I asked him to be totally honest with me and he always lied to me even if they were minor things and tbh it just made things worse even though he wasn't cheating. I can see why she's pissed at you for the email thing but if you already offered to be transparent about and show her that there's nothing to hide, then you need to wait for her to take the first step.
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