somedude81 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I fully admit that I made that % up but it was an educated guess, and the vibe I am getting from somedude is that he needs a confidence boost, someone to really take an interest in his situation, and some practical advice that isn't sugar coated. His targets are also unrealistic- he wants a skiiny hot girl with big boobs. Shall we just tell him height is no big deal and that girl is coming if he just waits long enough? While I would love a skinny hot girl with big boobs, it's not a requirement. I just want an average looking girl with average size boobs and that she's height/weight proportionate. My number one rule is that she can't be heavier than I am. Are those requirements really that unrealistic? and the vibe I am getting from somedude is that he needs a confidence boost,Just so you know, you did the exact opposite. has no girl ever been interested in you? What about the ones you didn't give a chance because "her" own physique perturbed you? It's just some silly shallow little cycle. Although, I play my part too... I've known of three girls that were interested in me. All three were obese and heavier than myself. I tried to make it work with two of them but they ended up rejecting me before we could do anything. The other one just freaked me out; she was older than me told me things that I didn't need to know about her. sadly enough, pretty much the only physical aspect of a man I can't get over is their height lol =(... I just can't get sexually into a guy who is near my height.And people wonder why I've considered killing myself. Why do I have to suffer because of what God gave me?
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Beachgirl, I've struggled with depression for most of my life. My height is the thing I hate most about myself. I'm nearly 30 and never dated. When you said that 70% of women will not date me because of my height, you basically crushed my spirit. I didn't chose to be short. I had no say in the matter. This is something that I was cursed with and am fighting to overcome. Just to make sure things don't work out, I wasn't given the necessary personality that can compensate for my height. I dont want to crush your spirit! I have taken a protective liking to you. We are all depressed. Its ok. I dont believe your last sentence-- I think you absolutely have ALL the necessary personality to "compensate" for your height. Really--- you don't have to compensate in any way. Like you said there is NOTHING you can do about it. You can't control what other people think or do. All YOU can do is control how you react to what is presented to you. You were given a BUM DEAL. The easy thing is to give up and be negative about it. Or YOU can choose to change it. Believe me. I'm not trying to hurt you. I could tell you horror stories- but I dont want to- because I want to look forward and progress and change. Do you want to do that with me? I think you do
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 and the vibe I am getting from somedude is that he needs a confidence boost, Just so you know, you did the exact opposite. Man, I am so sorry for that. I only am sending good energy your way even if you don't feel it. I can be harsh and direct and maybe that's not what you want? If so I understand but just know I only have the best intentions. I have my own internal raging mental problems. I'm only here to talk to you if you want. But only if I'm not hurting!
somedude81 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Dude, you really thew me for a loop. At now I know that you mean the best. Seriously, I'm well aware of my issues. I am trying my hardest to make things work and it's getting tiring. It's exhausting trying to be friendly and upbeat when I'm around people while I'm carrying this pain inside.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) I have never been happy with my face. I look like Bill Gates, although with a fat face. I was told I looked too effeminate with long hair, so I cut it short, thinking I could pull off a military style cut. Now I'm told I look like I'm 14 years old! Edited August 28, 2011 by AHardDaysNight
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Dude, you really thew me for a loop. At now I know that you mean the best. Seriously, I'm well aware of my issues. I am trying my hardest to make things work and it's getting tiring. It's exhausting trying to be friendly and upbeat when I'm around people while I'm carrying this pain inside. I'm sure you are acutely aware and completely sick and tired of all the stuff we talked about. We are all so in tune with our own issues--- to the point of insanity. Its so frustrating. Thats why we talk to each other- to grow and learn. Its getting late on the east coast now but I'd like to be your friend if you will still have me will you be around tomorrow?
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I have never been happy with my face. I look like Bill Gates, although with a fat face. I was told I looked too effeminate with long hair, so I cut it short, thinking I could pull off a military style cut. Now I'm told I look like I'm 14 years old! Where did this come from? You came up with an awesome plan earlier. I think if you just do D) and E) for tomorrow you will be doing GREAT. So stop thinking about your hair and get some sleep and report back tomorrow!
somedude81 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Living on the east coast and near the beach?! It must be crazy over there. Yeah I live on this forum, it's what I do when I'm bored. I'm always willing to learn.
ja123 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I think the hard thing about losing weight, for me, is that I look at the the entire poundage and it is extremely discouraging. I'm looking to change my approach and just think of 5 pounds at a time. Maybe that approach might work for you.
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Living on the east coast and near the beach?! It must be crazy over there. Yeah I live on this forum, it's what I do when I'm bored. I'm always willing to learn. gnight. Its crazy weather up north I guess but Im in So Fla- we normally get the hurricanes, but not today!
Andy_K Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I have taken this into consideration. I will do the following in order to get into shape: A.) Cut down my internet time to 2-3 hrs per day B.) Do pushups, situps, yoga, and jumping jacks every morning and evening C.) Go for a walk for 45 mins every day D.) Cut out soda, beer, and coffee creamer E.) Cut out the fast food My goal is to lose at least 10 pounds in 3 months. Hopefully I will achieve my goal. You've got some criticism for this not being strict enough, but I think it's a pretty good start considering where you're starting from. The thing you have to realise, is that when it stops working (if it works) that's the sign you need to step it up a gear, not give up. Also bear in mind that anything you do needs to be something you can handle as a permanent lifestyle change, not a temporary fad. With that in mind, I don't think B) is very realistic. You might consider swapping B & C for going running 3x a week or something instead. When I started getting in shape I cut out all desserts & sweet foods, all eating between meals, all junk food, and all drinking of calories (occasional night out excluded) as well as doing press ups and sit ups daily. I eventually swapped the press ups and sit ups for regular gym visits and running, as well as learning more about nutrition. Otherwise though, I've kept pretty close to this for ten years now. Whilst I'll occasionally eat something unhealthy now, should the whim take me, I could go a year without touching any fast food without a second thought. This is what you're aiming for... to be in a place where the the things you need to do to get/stay in shape are part of your normal life that you wouldn't want to give up.
Kindaconfused_77 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I will share my own success story as a formerly fat guy who trtied every diet and method under the sun and failed miserably. I'm about 5'8" and used to weigh close to 290 pounds for the longest time. I tried some exercise, cutting down on bad food, but invariably I'd always gain it all back. My dating life was, to say the least, non-existant, and like you I resigned myself that it was my fate to lead a life of solitude. One day I woke up and something just CLICKED in my head. I had enough, and decided to make a change for real. I stopped eating garbage, cut down portions, counted calories. I started taking long 5km walks 3 times a week. Soon walking was not enough so I started jogging. While jogging, I saw people on inline skates, and decided to give that a shot too.. soon enough, I joined a group of local inline skaters who regularly met up to go skating together, and before I knew it I was exercising practically every day. This was only 4 months ago but by then Id already dropped to about 190lbs, and now Im down to a very respectable 165. At the time I decided to lose weight I told myself I didn't think it would affect my love life and was doing it FOR MYSELF alone, for my health, for my self esteem, for the simple pleasure of walking into a clothes store and being able to buy anything without having to go look for the XXL sizes. MY advice is find an activity, a sport you really enjoy, and can practice with other people in a social setting, because they will encourage you to keep coming and that social aspect, coupled with the satisfaction of pounds dropping and your self esteem rising, will make you want to never stop. And my love life? Well, you know how they say be careful what you wish for? Well, I ended up in a FWB kind of situation and found that its not as much to my liking as I'd hoped for, but even if it ends badly (which I am pretty certain it will) it has taken me out of my 10 year single life rut, and proven that yes, I am not as hideous as I thought and there must be some redeeming qualities about me that will entice women to want to sleep with me. IT does wonders for your self esteem and confidence! Do not kid yourself, as others have already posted, regardless of your genes and medication, if you eat a certain amount of calories a day and exercise to burn a percentage of them, your body WILL lose weight, it is simple mathematics. What you need is patience and sticking to the program, at times I was very frustrated when I hit weight loss plateaus, but you jsut have tos tick it out and keep to your exersie and nutritional routine and the weight will continue dropping. It took me a year from 290 to 165, and while a year may seem a lot, it is in fact very little compared to the years I was imprisoned in an unhealthy body, and my only regret is that I wasted so much time of my youth in self pity and lack of self esteem, and didnt start sooner, yet if this has taught me anything, its never to late for anything in life. Please don't make my same mistake, the body you want, the confidence you'd like to have, the love life that seems so unreachable to you right now, is within your grasp... but the only person who can make it happen is you, and all it takes is making one decision and sticking to it. Good luck.
rafallus Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) That's crap. She pulled 70% out of her ass, that's not a real statistic. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet, especially when it's someone making up numbers. At 5'6" you're on the short side, but you're not a dwarf. I know plenty of short guys who have no trouble getting attractive girls. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lies,_damned_lies,_and_statistics sadly enough, pretty much the only physical aspect of a man I can't get over is their height lol =(... I just can't get sexually into a guy who is near my height. Problem is, you can't isolate being short from insecurities the guy has about it. And in the long run it's impossible to tell, whether it was height specifically, or just coupled insecurities. Yes, I've seen some successful short guys, and I'm not sure I'm personally obliged to defend my height, because I'm average in that respect myself (~175 cm, so not really that short). A.) Cut down my internet time to 2-3 hrs per day B.) Do pushups, situps, yoga, and jumping jacks every morning and evening C.) Go for a walk for 45 mins every day D.) Cut out soda, beer, and coffee creamer E.) Cut out the fast foodThat will be slow. Buy yourself dumbbells and research, what exercises can be done with them (hint: many). Walking won't burn much, unless you quickly switch to jogging. It is said that exercise needs to last 30+ minutes to burn fat appreciably (glycogen used up and all that ****). You want good shoes and lots of warming up for that though, my joints weren't really keen on running too much and I ended up having some knee/ankle pains. If not, buy an exercise bike, it probably burns somewhat less calories than running, but you will be able to train indoors. I got me a mini one, so I can pedal even in front of the computer. In fact, I'm doing so right now. PS. No, losing weight isn't absolutely necessary to get hotties - I've seen counterexamples - but it will help. Edited August 28, 2011 by rafallus
thatone Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 i'm 20-30 pounds heavier than the OP, albeit two inches taller (6'0" about 240) i'm losing that 20-30 by diet, but i don't work out. never will work out, i hate it, i'd rather just eat less. the extent of my exercise is walking. i spend a lot of time downtown. my gf is absolutely, without a doubt, more attractive than me. actually every woman i've ever been with was more attractive than me, so that dispels somedude's assumptions about men having to look better than their women (which we knew were incorrect anyway, but whatever). just as you could spend 10 hours a week working out you can spend 10 hours a week on an MBA or 10 hours a week getting a small business started or learning about the stock market or some other activity that will earn you more money. men basically have three options, looks, money, attitude/intelligence. pick two to do well at and you'll get women. which two is entirely up to you. if you weren't born with the looks then f*ck it, give up on looks, get the other two. do whichever ones you're more likely to succeed at. i always laugh when i hear people suggest that people MUST have a certain level of appearance or they have "nothing to offer" the opposite sex. this comes from women more often than not, whether they are talking about men or themselves. well honey, what you're telling me is you have nothing to offer but those new boobs and whatever confidence you derive from your appearance, which will fade in the next 10 years anyway? that's not a very tempting offer, to be honest. for every woman who thinks she is owed a brad pitt by virtue of having a gym membership, there's 5 others who will be content with any successful intelligent man regardless of whether he's sporting an extra 30 pounds or not.
phineas Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Wait, so are you like Nick Burns, the company's computer guy (from SNL fame)...? :laugh: Except my biceps stretch my shirt sleeves. Actually, as a joke I let people drive for a little then abruptly say "MOVE!" LOL! Some get it. Some don't.
phineas Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I'm in my 30's. I have a child that is in high school and i have a college degree. My hair color is irrelevant. I fight to stay in shape every day because it's important to me. I want to be healthy AND attractive to the opposite sex. You can do whatever you want but don't hate on people who are "hot"-most of us work at it. Where can you meet hot, intelligent women? At the gym between 6-8 after work on weekdays. And i'm willing to bet you'd go for an overweight guy busting his ass in the gym as long as he's serious about it & making progress.
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 And i'm willing to bet you'd go for an overweight guy busting his ass in the gym as long as he's serious about it & making progress. Of course. I don't mind at all if guys have a few extra pounds as long as they are making an attempt to be healthy.
Ayla Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Diets are just fads...what you want to do is have a lifestyle change (like someone else mentioned). 70% of weight loss is what you eat and when you eat it. The other 30% is exercise. Both then work together: - no carbs after 4pm - exercise for at least 40 minutes a session - walking is great, but work it up to running - Eat at least 5 times a day (but good foods-eg oats for breakfast, an apple for morning tea, chicken sandwich for lunch with salad, a tin if tuna for afternoon tea and a steak and veg for dinner) -eating smaller meals more often will speed up your metabolism - Get a Personal Trainer who will motivate you eating wise and exercise wise - Cutting back on meals only slows your metabolism and therefore encourages weight gain - what you eat needs to be a good combination if protien, carbs and fat - cut out the soft drinks All if this will also help you mentally as well. Focus on yourself, and try to be positive.
thatone Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 your plan failed at the first suggestion. that eliminates about 90% of restaurants and most people are at work until 4pm.
phineas Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Of course. I don't mind at all if guys have a few extra pounds as long as they are making an attempt to be healthy. I believe the reason women are giving me so much attention now is because I had everything but health. I was in rough shape. Couldn't even carry my little one's up the stairs without getting light headed. And the way my body stores fat...well, some guys got skinny legs, butt,face, upper torso & a super power gut. I was Sumo fat. XXL & stretching that around the chest. Now I'm just stretching a M shirt around the chest & still have a little moobage to loose but i'm healthy & feeling great. Too bad the majority of women my age are so gun-shy I pretty much get accused of being a player no matter how slow I try to take things in regards to sex.
phineas Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Diets are just fads...what you want to do is have a lifestyle change (like someone else mentioned). 70% of weight loss is what you eat and when you eat it. The other 30% is exercise. Both then work together: - no carbs after 4pm - exercise for at least 40 minutes a session - walking is great, but work it up to running - Eat at least 5 times a day (but good foods-eg oats for breakfast, an apple for morning tea, chicken sandwich for lunch with salad, a tin if tuna for afternoon tea and a steak and veg for dinner) -eating smaller meals more often will speed up your metabolism - Get a Personal Trainer who will motivate you eating wise and exercise wise - Cutting back on meals only slows your metabolism and therefore encourages weight gain - what you eat needs to be a good combination if protien, carbs and fat - cut out the soft drinks All if this will also help you mentally as well. Focus on yourself, and try to be positive. what you eat is all that matters in regards to diet. When doesn't matter. Take a look at intermittent fasting. People loose lots of weight by fasting most of the day & eating 90% of their calories at night for dinner.
Ayla Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 No actually-it works....and it definitely worked for me.If a person really wants to change their lifestyle. A person can pack their lunch and snacks and take them to work. And there is no need to eat at restaurants all the time....cook dinner at home. Buy a roast chicken from the chicken shop. But if out for dinner-ask for vegies instead of fries, have low fat salad dressing, no extra cheese with that. Water instead of soft drink. An apple instead if a pack of chips.
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 i'm 20-30 pounds heavier than the OP, albeit two inches taller (6'0" about 240) i'm losing that 20-30 by diet, but i don't work out. never will work out, i hate it, i'd rather just eat less. the extent of my exercise is walking. i spend a lot of time downtown. my gf is absolutely, without a doubt, more attractive than me. actually every woman i've ever been with was more attractive than me, so that dispels somedude's assumptions about men having to look better than their women (which we knew were incorrect anyway, but whatever). just as you could spend 10 hours a week working out you can spend 10 hours a week on an MBA or 10 hours a week getting a small business started or learning about the stock market or some other activity that will earn you more money. men basically have three options, looks, money, attitude/intelligence. pick two to do well at and you'll get women. which two is entirely up to you. if you weren't born with the looks then f*ck it, give up on looks, get the other two. do whichever ones you're more likely to succeed at. i always laugh when i hear people suggest that people MUST have a certain level of appearance or they have "nothing to offer" the opposite sex. this comes from women more often than not, whether they are talking about men or themselves. well honey, what you're telling me is you have nothing to offer but those new boobs and whatever confidence you derive from your appearance, which will fade in the next 10 years anyway? that's not a very tempting offer, to be honest. for every woman who thinks she is owed a brad pitt by virtue of having a gym membership, there's 5 others who will be content with any successful intelligent man regardless of whether he's sporting an extra 30 pounds or not. Women are more sensitive and place a greater premium on looks because that is primarily what we are judged on. Beauty and youth. Age is not something that can be "worked on" obviously so that leaves us girls with beauty. I notice you didn't say, "my gf is smarter/ has more money/ has a better personality than me". Nope, you said more attractive. I am really smart. I have a personality. I earn more $ than most women my age. I am confident and optimistic. I can work on those facets of my life until the cows come home, but if I don't also spend my estimated 5-10 hours a week working on my appearance I will severely limit my dating pool.
Ayla Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 what you eat is all that matters in regards to diet. When doesn't matter. Take a look at intermittent fasting. People loose lots of weight by fasting most of the day & eating 90% of their calories at night for dinner. Intermittent fasting isn't sustainable-what I'm talking about is a lifestyle change. Yes intermittent fasting does work in the shirt term, but generally people who do this put it back on later...and it ends up being a yoyo diet.
phineas Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 No actually-it works....and it definitely worked for me.If a person really wants to change their lifestyle. A person can pack their lunch and snacks and take them to work. And there is no need to eat at restaurants all the time....cook dinner at home. Buy a roast chicken from the chicken shop. But if out for dinner-ask for vegies instead of fries, have low fat salad dressing, no extra cheese with that. Water instead of soft drink. An apple instead if a pack of chips. If I know i'm going to eat out I check the restaurants nutritional facts online first so I know what to order so I can meet my macro's for the day + I will probably fast. But i'm at the point where trying to loose 2lbs a week without loosing strength is very difficult for me. So I need to be spot on to get those last 10lbs off. When I start bulking I have no idea what i'll do because we are talking like an extra 700 cals a day I can consume. it's nuts.
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