AHardDaysNight Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I am 5 feet 10 inches and 220 pounds. Most of it is fat, too, not muscle. I hate my beer belly, but what I hate even more is that my chances for dating are slim as a fat man. I've tried dieting, and exercise, but never can seem to keep the weight off. It's my genes, I have obesity in my family. What do I do? Go after women who are bigger, and equal to me? Even if I don't find them attractive? Isn't that unfair to them? I don't want to date someone just to not be lonely. I'd rather be attracted to her, or be lonely. (I realize I'm being hypocritical, because a girl probably wouldn't be attracted to me, as a fat man. However, I feel like I can't just shake this...I know what I'm attracted to, and would rather be alone if I don't get it.)
Author AHardDaysNight Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I guess my chances are so hopeless, that I might as well resign myself to eternal singlehood. Oh well. At least my hand won't let me down!
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 How old are you? Are you willing to make some lifestyle changes to improve your appearance and health?
Author AHardDaysNight Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I am 28. Like I told you, exercise and dieting doesn't help. I lose like maybe 2 pounds. I am also on anti-depressants, which makes losing weight hard for me.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Start with not hating your belly. Start with focusing on what you deem to be your good qualities. And then start looking for the good qualities within other people, too. It may be that you're so fixated and fearful of your own "flaws", that if someone shares a similar one, it sparks a self-loathing within you. Naturally you are unable to be attracted to someone who reflects what you dislike about your own self. But in the grand scheme of things, attraction is so much more than physique. You need to ask yourself why you're so convinced of what you're attracted to and then "why" you're attracted to those things. (And yes, sometimes people don't have control of their weight... but if you look closely enough, there's something attractive about everyone. You need to be donning your good qualities and focusing less on possible "turn-offs"... we all have those, too). I just don't think it's your weight, probably more so a self-fulfilling prophecy of negativity... but definitely something you can change. 1
Feelin Frisky Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Get your head shave, your ears pierce, wax your head, get a tan, wear some loose fitting but flashy clothes and become a loud mouth like you own everything. That seems to be the ticket for guys in your prdicament. I'm amazed today at what gets pussy. Just act like you own the place.
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Nope. I worked at a medical weight loss clinic for 5 years and I know that's bs. If u really want to attract pretty girls who are in shape you have to take care of yourself. Everyone is on anti-depressants. This is an online forum so I'm sure I can't dispense any health advice but I'd happily talk to you privately. Guys with your specific attitude are my specialty. Your other option, if you are unwilling to make changes to your routine, is to date pretty girls who are of a similar body type to you. There are plenty of beautiful, giving, happy women who would love a guy like you. I actually think that is your beat option because you are already defensive and negative about your ability to get in shape. Not everyone looks like they fell out of a magazine or can enter a bikini contest. That doesn't have anything to do with their worth as a person or their ability to be a good partner. If you want to date girls who put effort into their bodies you are going to have to do the same. Or, be rich and eternally insecure that women only want you for your money. Or, hold out for a miracle. Those happen sometimes too.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Nope. I worked at a medical weight loss clinic for 5 years and I know that's bs. Really? I've at least known a couple of women with messed up thyroids, eating healthy and eating smaller portions etc as well as working out constantly who were just... unable to lose weight. As for men, stress will accumulate weight in their tummies and... unless they reduce their stress, other lifestyle changes may be ineffective. People can't exactly flip a mental switch that allows them to feel tranquil though... they have to practice techniques that reduce stress and or change their thought processes.
phineas Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 bodybuilding.com brother. by the way, you're a lightweight. 5'8" was 260. Now about 170 & 39. took two yrs but I lost it. Lot's of helpful people. but i'm going to tell you something & you are not going to like it. You are fat because you eat too much. period. Drop calories & your body burns fat & muscle if you don't lift & eat enough protein. Ok, that's enough of that. LOL! Dating as a fat-man sucked. I was forever getting friend-zoned. I have the personality but when the shirt came off they split. LOL! Probably because I had bigger boobs then them. I'm pretty lean now & it's a whole lot easier getting dates. Women actually approach me when out. It's pretty nice actually. Not used to it. Female co-workers are the worst. txting me comments like "take your time, i'm enjoying the view" while i'm making copies. There are a few threads full of stories like this of formerly fat guys so either we are all full of crap or there is something sexy about a man who puts his mind towards getting lean. But seriously, disregard women and acquire aesthetics for now. There is a fat loss section on the web-site. Create an account, go to it, give your stats & what you want to do. Be prepared to be told to read the stickies on Macro's, maintenance calories, & exercise. But for the most part, people are way friendly. They just won't tolerate excuses. 1
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) There are a few threads full of stories like this of formerly fat guys so either we are all full of crap or there is something sexy about a man who puts his mind towards getting lean. Ever thought it could be the self-confidence you begin emanating at being successful? Just saying... as you feel better about yourself, others will pick up on that. NOT to say that women never purely appreciate "aesthetics". But in my opinion, it's best to be desired for something besides those (too) IF you are looking for a relationship and in my experience, I've never been with a guy just because he's physically attractive... for some reason, muscle-bound types even put me off (maybe 'cause they often behave like they can get anyone and they neglect their mental faculties lol...) Edited August 28, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 There's nothing wriong with being any size if you are content with it. But if it makes you unhappy and you want to change, you can. I personally come from a family of extremely overweight diabetics, who are all on anti depressants and I have a severe thyroid disorder that was inherited. I do not take any medication and I am the only person in my entire extended family that weighs less that 250 lbs. My natural metabolism is basically zero. It takes a lot of effort, and I am by no means "perfect" body-wise, but I take great pride in my current appearance, because ive worked hard at it and have beaten all those excuses and know how to teach other people to IF they want to. But I also agree wholeheartedly that if you don't want to put in the effort to change your body, then accept and love it AS IS.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I used to be skinny, and got lots of female attention. Still didn't get anywhere...most likely because of my bipolar and social anxiety. Now, I'm on three different meds, and my mood is more stable...at least I'm not suicidal anymore. But on the other hand, I went from 175 pounds to 220 pounds.
somedude81 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 You're lucky you're tall. Loose the f-ing weight. Starve yourself if you have to and ride a bike or use the elliptical. A man has no excuse to be fat.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I am working on a diet, but I am hesitant that it'll work. I am counting the calories of the food I eat, but I don't see myself going back to what I was before.' And even if I did, what then? I'll still be a shy, inexperienced skinny man! The odds are against me.
somedude81 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Dude you're 5'10, you'd get attention from women by default. You also don't have to go from fat to skinny. You can go from fat to buff. As for the diet, don't bother. Stop eating before you get full. Also, cut back on the fast food if you haven't already. That includes soda.
PJKino Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Dude you're 5'10, you'd get attention from women by default. You also don't have to go from fat to skinny. You can go from fat to buff. As for the diet, don't bother. Stop eating before you get full. Also, cut back on the fast food if you haven't already. That includes soda. 5'10 is average height for a white male 6 feet and over is what women mean by tall dark and handsome
Cypress25 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 There are many medications that cause weight gain: antidepressants, birth control, mood stabilizers, corticosteroids, etc. That's not an excuse, that's a real side effect. You could talk to your doctor about switching to a different brand, as some formulas are weight-neutral. As far as antidepressants go, Wellbutrin is not likely to affect your weight. Stay away from Paxil, which is famous for causing weight gain. You've probably heard people say "Paxil packs it on." Starving yourself is not the solution. It wouldn't work anyway. Some people are genetically predisposed to carry more body fat, but that doesn't mean you can't build muscle. By adding muscle to your frame, you'll appear leaner even if you're still heavy. And the more muscle you have, the more calories you'll burn, even at rest. If you can afford one, work with a personal trainer to start a strength training program. If you shift your focus from losing weight to building muscle, it might be easier. And if it's beer that's contributing to the belly, stop drinking beer. I've seen 18-year-old college girls with beer bellies, and these are girls who never had a weight problem before they started drinking.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 What do I do? Go after women who are bigger, and equal to me? Even if I don't find them attractive? Isn't that unfair to them? I don't want to date someone just to not be lonely. I'd rather be attracted to her, or be lonely. Sorry, but the honest truth is that the vast majority of attractive, fit women would not date a fat man. You need to stop blaming your genes and work extra hard at losing weight.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I used to be skinny, and got lots of female attention. Still didn't get anywhere...most likely because of my bipolar and social anxiety. Now, I'm on three different meds, and my mood is more stable...at least I'm not suicidal anymore. But on the other hand, I went from 175 pounds to 220 pounds. Aha! There goes the 'fat gene' excuse.
Author AHardDaysNight Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I've tried every other type of medication for my bipolar. Two have worked, and every other one has not worked. The other one made me balloon up to 300 pounds. The one I'm on right now actually made me lose weight...that is, up to 220 pounds. I used to be a LOT fatter. Two other medications actually sent me into the mental hospital, after a suicide attempt. My doc doesn't want to fool around with my meds anymore (and for good reason.)
Author AHardDaysNight Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I guess the answer is just to accept myself as I am, realize I cannot and never will be able to get a "hottie." Therefore I need to settle.
carhill Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 The picture of me with my 'harem' in my LS album was taken when I was about the same size as you, OP. Right now I'm 5'10" and 223. I was 5'11" and 220 when I was 16 years old, but was more muscular then from playing football. The women I've dated over the decades have been all sizes and shapes. My exW looked like Valerie Bertinelli when she was heavy. I've dated stick-thin women, average women and 'big' women. I never really correlated size to anything meaningful regarding chemistry and attraction. As far as genes go, my mom was 5'5" and 130-140 right up until she died and my dad was always a tiny guy, about 5'8" and 140. I think I was adopted My advice is to approach women you find attractive and accept the results. Since divorcing, as an example, I've found a wide range of women attractive, just as I did prior, but most have been married or attached. I don't 'target' any one particular 'type'. People are people, IMO. Any person is a potential life partner/lover/whatever. YMMV>
phineas Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Ever thought it could be the self-confidence you begin emanating at being successful? Just saying... as you feel better about yourself, others will pick up on that. NOT to say that women never purely appreciate "aesthetics". But in my opinion, it's best to be desired for something besides those (too) IF you are looking for a relationship and in my experience, I've never been with a guy just because he's physically attractive... for some reason, muscle-bound types even put me off (maybe 'cause they often behave like they can get anyone and they neglect their mental faculties lol...) I'm the computer nerd at work that shows up in your cube when you break something. LOL! I can fix stuff also & am handy around the house. But, I do tend to grunt & point a lot so ya know. If a woman was with me just because she thought I was hot i wouldn't mind, but I wouldn't see it lasting because women like that don't have much to offer other than their looks in return.
USMCHokie Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I'm the computer nerd at work that shows up in your cube when you break something. LOL! I can fix stuff also & am handy around the house. But, I do tend to grunt & point a lot so ya know. Wait, so are you like Nick Burns, the company's computer guy (from SNL fame)...? :laugh:
Beachgirl8 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I guess the answer is just to accept myself as I am, realize I cannot and never will be able to get a "hottie." Therefore I need to settle. Why "settle"?? Why can't you find a "hottie" who is 5'3 180-220ish lbs? They are everywhere and would totally date you. What specifically are you looking for? Women that spend the 5-10 hrs a week working out necessary to stay in shape want a man that does the same and has an interest in nutrition and fitness. That also btw doesn't mean they neglect their intellectual pursuits. Some do, but not all of us are shallow idiots with nothing but muscles on the brain. Some of us are well rounded intellectually and physically. If you want to change, change. If you want to be accepted for how you currently are, that's totally understandable but don't call it "settling". Women are more than their bodies just like men.
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