He asked me to be his girlfriend and then backed off...

[Zebrelle]

Hi,

 

I really need to talk to someone about this.

I want apologize as this is a long story.

 

I met a man from a dating Website at the end of July. He is 32. He was still living with his ex 2 months ago, but now lives with his father. He is planning on going back to school at the end of August to become a nurse. At the time, he worked 5 minutes away from me. Now, he has quit his job because, as I mentioned, he is going back to school. His courses will be from 1:00 PM to 9:00 PM. As for me, I'm 27. I still live with my parents as well. But my career is all set and I'm planning to buy a house next year.

 

Before we met, we exchanged a few messages and discovered we had so much in common. It was crazy how we were so alike. It didn’t take long before we decided to meet. We were both excited to meet and both had a good feeling about each other. We decided to talk on the phone the day prior to the meeting. It was a good conversation. I remember him telling me how he doesn’t believe in coincidence and how he was sure we were supposed to meet each other. When we finally met for the first time (on a Wednesday), the chemistry was as strong as on paper. We both wanted to kiss each other at the end of the evening, but decided to wait. He messaged me when he got home. He said he had a great evening and he couldn’t wait to see me again and that he really wanted to kiss me. I replied the same thing to him.

 

Then, he invited me to go to a show with him on Saturday. When he picked me up, he told me he was nervous. He said he wasn’t during our first meeting because he didn’t have any expectations. I thought it was a good sign. He was sweet with me during the whole evening. Before the show, while we were sitting and waiting for the show to start, he mentioned how he hoped there would be multiple occasions to see each other again. Then, he asked me if I would be interested in going to the movies with him tomorrow. (Sunday) I agreed. During the show, we started to touch each other. He put his hand on my leg and I held his arm. It was just… natural. At the end of the evening, when he brought me home, he told me how he really wanted to kiss me, but wanted to wait still. I know he really wanted to because he did a detour to go to my house and passed in front of it a few times. He told me he would wait for my call tomorrow and to call him whenever I felt like it. He said he would be really happy to hear from me. He said we could go to his place after the movie. We eventually said good night and kissed each other on the cheeks.

 

The following day (Sunday), I called him and the plan was still on. After the movies, we decided to go to his place. When we got there, it was awkward at the beginning. It’s as if we both didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to make the first a move and I didn’t want either. I could see he wanted to, but there was something holding him. Then, he started giving me a massage. I eventually removed my shirt and he eventually removed my bra and started kissing my back. At some point, I turned to him. We were both lying in the bed beside each other and it seemed like he didn’t want to kiss me, but wanted at the same time. He eventually did and he said: “I was hoping it wouldn’t be as good as I thought, but it was better.” And, then, we started getting intimate, but he wasn’t able to do it… He kissed me and caressed my face and kept saying: “You piss me off.” I said: “Why” He said: “I didn’t think I would meet someone that fast.” He also said multiple times that he was happy he had met me. Then, we didn’t “do it” completely because he wasn’t able to, but he did give pleasure. And, after, I could see perhaps it was a mistake. I said: “Maybe you weren’t ready. Maybe we did this too fast.” He said: “Yes, it’s a little fast, but I really wanted to.” Then, we cuddled. He kept kissing me and hugging me and asked me if I wanted to stay for the night. But I didn’t want to. I wanted to take my time with him. I didn’t want to do the same mistakes as I did before. But we agreed to see each other again the following day. (Monday) I remember he told me he was going on a trip in a few weeks and he was really going to miss me. Then, when I got home, I remember I messaged him that I’ve never felt so good with someone in my life and that it’s been a long time since I was really that happy.

 

I called him on Monday and we went to the movies again. He mentioned the text I sent to him and how it was so sweet. After the movies, we went to my place. Again, we kissed, hugged and cuddled. It didn’t seem like he was quite ready to do more than that at that at the beginning. But I could see he really wanted to and I admit I really wanted to as well. So, of course, I couldn’t hide it and perhaps I tried a little bit. We kept kissing and started to really get in the mood and… he decided he wanted to go further. So... we did. Before he go back home, we kissed and agreed to see each other on Wednesday night. (I invited him to a group outing with my colleagues.)

 

The following day (Tuesday), he sent me an e-mail at work. He told me how good he feels when he’s with me. He said he liked when I talked to him, when I listened to him, when looked at him, when I touched him. He said he wanted to do a road trip. He invited me to go with him. He even said he could change his schedule so I could come with him. I was so happy. He asked me to call him tonight so we can check that out and plan everything. When I called him, he asked me to come over to his place. We were not supposed to see each other that night, but I agreed. I really wanted to see him. That’s when it all started to go down… When I got there, I don’t know why, but I was distant a little bit. Eventually, when he kissed me, I changed. He said: “You’re weird today. I hope it’s not what I told you this morning. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.” I said: “Are you crazy!!! I’m so happy you told me that. I feel the same way.” We kissed, hugged and cuddled as usual. Then, he asked me: “What do you want from me? I don’t want to be played.” I said: “Well… I want everything, all that you are.” He said: “I want the same thing.” I said: “Good!” He said: “We’re boyfriend and girlfriend then?” I said: “Yes, if that’s what you want too.” He said yes. He said: “So, that means I also have to change my Facebook status. I think a lot of girls will remove me from their list now, ahah.” Then, we started getting intimate, but… out of nowhere, he just stopped. He didn’t want to tell me why. He kept kissing me and caressing my face. He started to tell me again: “You piss me off.” It’s like he was pissed to have met me at this point in his life, like it wasn’t the right time. He said it had nothing to do with me and I shouldn’t worry because it didn’t change how he felt about me, but of course I was worried. He went smoking and went to see him. He said: “I can’t believe you’re still here. I can’t believe you’re here listening to me. But thanks because that’s what I need.” Then, I said I could listen to him if he needed to talk. We talked about his ex. He said she cheated on him with a lot of different guys and it’s hard on his ego. They only stopped talking to each other not long ago. He said they broke up 2 years ago, but still lived together. It’s only been 2 months since they don’t live together. So, anyways, we talked about that and after we got intimate again and it went all the way. It’s like he felt better. He said that he was really interested in me and he was really happy he had met me and that he feels really good with me. I even asked him if he just saw me as a friend and he said no. I left and I thought everything was going well, but…

 

The following day, (Wednesday) I could already feel there was something wrong. He changed his mind about the road trip. He said he wanted to go alone now. He said he needed time to think and clear his mind. But he said he would be back for the weekend to see me. The other thing that was weird is that he didn’t want me to stay for the night anymore. I didn’t understand. He just said: “When I’m on vacation, it’ll be easier. Is that okay?” Then, there was the Facebook thing. I changed my status because he mentioned it to me. But he never changed his. I was waiting for him to accept my request. Not that it’s important, but with all the other elements, I was starting to get really worried. But we still saw each other that night. After the group outing, he said he needed to go shop and asked if I wanted to go with him. So, we went shopping. Again, we were really sweet with me. He kept kissing me and hugging me. We agreed to meet on Friday before he goes away camping for the weekend.

 

When I got to his place on Friday, I wasn’t really in the mood. I just had this bad feeling. But I wanted to spend a nice evening. So, I didn’t mention anything to him. However, he could see that I wasn’t feeling too good. It’s only at the end of the evening that we talked a little bit about it. He said I shouldn’t worry. He said he wanted to go on a road trip alone because he wanted to draw the line between his ex who’s behind and me who’s ahead now. He said he never goes on Facebook either and that’s why he didn’t change it. Before I left, he said he would call me when he comes back from his camping Sunday, between 2:00 PM and 4:00 PM.

 

Well, he didn’t call. I tried to, but I always got the voicemail. So, I came to the conclusion he decided to stay there longer. The following day, (this Monday) I received a message from him. He told me his cell phone died and they came home late and that he was sorry he didn’t call me. I asked if we could see each other before he does his road trip, but he said he had to see his brother. He said probably tomorrow. Tuesday, I was worried because he didn’t send me any messages. When I tried to call, it didn’t answer. So, I waited. He eventually sent me a message around 5:00 PM. He said he was really busy these days, but that it would be fun to see each other tomorrow. So, we finally saw each other last Wednesday night, after 5 days without seeing each other.

 

As soon as I got in the car, I could see there was something going on. He wasn’t affectionate at all. He didn’t give me any kiss or hug. But I wanted to spend a nice evening so I didn’t make a big deal out of it and I smiled. We actually had fun… until we went to grab a coffee. He said: “We won’t be seeing a lot in the next 2 weeks.” I said: “What does that mean?” He said: “What do you mean?” I said: “Ok… I really need to ask you something. I have had this bad feeling since Friday. Are you having second thoughts about us?” He said: “Yes, you are right. I don’t think I’m ready. I stopped talking to my ex only 3 weeks ago and I don’t want her back, but I still think about her a lot.” He added: “I’m sorry. It’s the timing. I’m sure the two of us it would have worked out.” He added: “Everything I told you was true.” I said: “It’s okay… I knew. I could feel it.” He said: “How can you know?” I said: “I just knew deep inside. That’s all. Plus, when you are really interested in someone, you make some effort to spend time with them.” He said: “I was really busy the last few days, but I understand what you mean.” I said: “I’m sure if you meet someone you are really interested in, you would feel ready.” He said: “It’s not true. I’m just not ready.” I said: “Why were you on a dating Website then?” He said: “I really thought I was ready.” I said: “It’s evident that you do not have the time in your life for me right now.” He said: “Not like you would want to me to.” I said: “I didn’t want to see you all the time. I wanted to see you maybe one time during the week or the weekend. I agree things went too fast and that’s not necessarily what I wanted. I wanted things to go slower.” I said: “Well, when you come back from your trip, call me if you feel like it and I’ll see how I feel about it.” He said: “But I know I’ll want to call you!!! I still want to see you.” I said: “I don’t know if I can. I’m afraid I’ll get attach even more.” He said: “I understand. I could be ready in 2 months.” I said: "You might not be ready with me." He said: "True, but I don't know that. It's the same thing with all relationships. You never know how it can turn out. You could meet someone else too and I don't want you to hold off if it happens." I said: “What do you mean you still want to see me anyways? You mean casually see each other?” He said: “We can still go see movies or go see shows together, just like we did.” I said: “I can’t be friends with you. What if want more?” He said: “If find you attractive. It won’t turn you down, but that’s not what I necessarily want.” He added: “I liked what you told me before we went for our second date, that we should just go with the flow and do whatever feels right at the moment.” He also said I could call him, even while he’s gone. He also said that, when we exchanged messages before meeting, he told me he wanted to start by being friends and see where it leads. So, we went to his place. He was affectionate with me again. In the car, he put his hand on my leg and took my hand all along until we were at his place. He even kissed my hand. Then, at his place, he was kissing me and hugging me. We cuddled. He showed me his new camera that he bought for his trip. He took a picture of me with it. Of course, we got intimate as well. But it wasn’t just about that. As I mentioned, he kept kissing me and hugging me and cuddling, even after we got intimate. I was stupid and said I wanted to stay for the night. He said he didn’t think he was a good idea. He said he really wanted to, but to remember that we just said we wanted to take things slow. I think it’s true because when he got in the car, he asked me what I was planning to do if I slept as his place, like he was having second thoughts about it. But anyways… Then, in his car, again he held my hand all along until I got home. He kissed my hand again. Then, we said goodbye. Kissed and hugged tenderly. And I felt okay at first, but when I woke up at 2:00 AM, I felt like I was going to die. It just hit me.

 

The last time we saw each other was at that time, Wednesday August 10. He left for a road trip on Friday August 12 and came back on August 16. He didn't contact me. However, I did. I needed to know if I was waiting for nothing or not. Also, I wanted him to know that I'm still there and that I'm still willing to keep in touch with him. I just wrote: "I hope you are having a great road trip. I just wanted to say hi! " Him: "Hi beauty! I came back late last night... The trip was smoother than I thought and I was able to relax. Thanks for your message. It's nice of you. How are you?"

Me: "I'm fine, thanks! You must have a lot of things to do today. You leave again tomorrow. And actually, I wanted to wish you a nice trip. Maybe you'll be able to show me some photos when you return." He replied: "Thanks! Yes, I didn't stop all day. I will call you when I come back, I promise! Take care of you until then! xox" So, he didn't want to see me before he left for his trip. I took it hard, but acted like I was fine because I didn't want him to run away. So, he left and, again, I didn't hear from him until Friday August 19.

 

He sent me a text last night on my cell phone. He said his flight went well and told me about his trip so far. At the end of his message, he said to log on Facebook so we can chat a little bit. I was like... We talked for about 2 hours. There are some things he told me and I was like: "What? Where did that come from?" At some point, I said something and I really didn't expect that answer... Me: "You're so lucky you did a road trip. I might actually do one in September." Him: "Cool! Alone?" Me: "I'm not sure yet. Probably not. I wanted to do one this weekend with someone, but plans changed." Him: "Ah" Me: "It's been awhile since I did one and, because you mentioned doing one the other day, I really want to do one now." Him: "Ahaha, yes! I proposed to reschedule it. But now you are already planning one with someone else. LOL!"

 

I was like... What is that supposed to mean? I also told him I never looked at the pictures he has on his Facebook. I said I thought he didn't have a lot of pictures. He replied that he did a clean up. I asked: "Why?" He said he removed all the pictures with his ex on it. I was like... hum... I wasn't sure it if was good or bad. Anyhow, later on, I mentioned the road trip again. I asked him if he was serious and if he still wanted to do a road trip with me. He said yes. I said: "Ok, because I still want to do one with you." He said: "You better!!!" I said that he wouldn't have as much time with school. He said he would still have his weekends. He also asked me if I had my passport. I said no. He replied that it doesn't matter, that we can still do a mini road trip and go not too far for now. And, then, when the time to go to bed came, we both didn't want to disconnect. He told me good night and then started talking to me about a place he will visit on Sunday. I think we said goodnight 10 times. Each time, he said: "Goodnight beauty! xox" We also talked on the Webcam. He said at some point: "I would prefer having you in front of me."

 

I saw he was online tonight the following night. I started talking to him. I said I didn't want to bother him, that I just wanted to say hi and see how he was. He said I never bother him. So, we talked for awhile. He said be bought a hat today. He said he was going to post for pictures tomorrow and that I was going to laugh when I see them. I said: "You probably bought a lot of souvenirs." He said: "A shirt, a jacket, a hat and a few other things. I also bought a few things for my family and my friends... and for you, of course! " I said: "Me? Ahaha! How come?" He said: "Because I appreciate you! " I thought it was a good sign, but then I didn't hear from him the whole week.

 

I couldn't take it anymore. I kept my feelings for myself all along because I didn't want to pressure him. I didn't want him to run away. I wanted to see how things would develop. But I couldn't handle the fact that he wasn't not able to just give a little sign from him. It takes 2 seconds. And he took the time to comment on Facebook, but not to say hello to me. That was just it for me. And here were are now. Thursday night, I sent him a message telling him how I felt and when I saw he had posted something on Facebook and did not answer my message, I impulsively texted him: "I saw that you were on Facebook last night, but didn't reply to the message I sent you. I've been keeping my feelings for myself and crying for 2 weeks because I just don't know what you want from me. You tell me that you don't want me to wait, but that you could be ready in 2 months. You tell me you want to take things slowly, but there is just nothing happening right now. You give me a sign and then disappear for a few days. I didn't find your intentions were clear, but not it is. I'm exhausted. Good luck."

 

Well, he replied and not with an answer I was expecting... He said: "I was going to answer you today. I wanted to take my time to say things that I wouldn't regret because I didn't understand where your words or reaction came from. I was at the other end of the world on a trip and you send me that message on Facebook before I even get back here. I was always honest with you. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I think it sucks. Good luck!"

 

I don't understand... How can he not understand how my reaction? How can he think it's normal. So, he's mad because I told him how I really felt? What's the deal with that? Ok, I was mad at him this morning and acted really impulsively, but him not understanding where my feelings come from is beyond me. He must not care for me at all if that's how he sees the message I sent him. Now, because I'm stupid and I stressed like crazy, I replied: "That's not what I want... I wanted to wait for you to contact me when you get back from your trip to discuss this face to face, but I got impulsive. Can we see each other to talk?" He didn't reply. I think... I think it's really over and I should be glad, but I'm not. I feel like it's my fault, that I blew everything. But it's not like I didn't try to make things work. I restrained myself for 2 weeks. I pretended I was okay with the situation. I gave him space and didn't say anything. But it stay the same. If he at least had contacted me a little bit more...

 

Please someone tell me that I was right to do that and that things would have still be the same if I had seen him and pretended I was okay. If he wanted to make me feel bad, it surely worked. I mean... He did worse things to me and I stood there for him. I tell him how I really feel and he turns his back on me for almost nothing. It just seems like he wanted me when it was convenient for him. But what about me? What about my needs?

Edited August 27, 2011 by Zebrelle

[jerbear]

My opinion is he started to move on. Now he is preparing to go back to school and will be concentrating on his studies.

 

I suggest changing your FB settings to not see his FB status or posts. You can go further by unfriend him.

 

This is a case of him dropping off the face of the planet.

[Zebrelle]

My opinion is he started to move on. Now he is preparing to go back to school and will be concentrating on his studies.

 

I suggest changing your FB settings to not see his FB status or posts. You can go further by unfriend him.

 

This is a case of him dropping off the face of the planet.

 

Thanks for taking the time to answer me Jerbear.

 

I would have moved on as well if he hadn't done the "push and pull" act on me. It was hard for me to let go when he kept giving me hope. It was just enough to keep me hanging around. I should have known better though. I can only blame myself for being in that situation, but I was blinded by my feelings. I wish I had been stronger.

[Zebrelle]

I am just afraid sending that message to him was mistake. I could have seen him again if I hadn't sent that message. I know that for sure. But things would have probably been the same. That's the reason why I told him, in my message, that I didn't think it was a good idea to see each other again. It's not that I don't want to, it's that I know things will not change. If he doesn't want me now, he won't want me more later on. Plus, he starts school next week. If he doesn't have time now, he won't have it more later on either. It's clear and evident. By sending that message, I wanted him to either say "I understand if you prefer us not seeing each other. I don't feel the same way." or "I've thought about things while I away and I'm willing to make some efforts." I wasn't expecting him to tell him he doesn't understand where my reaction is coming from. It's like... WTF! He keeps giving me hope and disappearing, but thinks it's not normal that I feel like crap in the meantime? Either you care or you don't. Time won't change anything to that. I'm just amazed he told me that...

[Feelsgoodman]

I am just afraid sending that message to him was mistake. I could have seen him again if I hadn't sent that message. I know that for sure.

Why do you want to see him again? Things are not going to work out between the two of you, I can promise you that. You need to let go and move on with your life.

 

Ever heard the expression "judge a man by his actions, not his words"? It doesn't matter what this guy is telling you. Talk is cheap. Clearly, his actions are not those of a man who wants to be in a relationship with you. Subconsciously, you know this...but you're still hanging on to false hope.

 

I'm not saying he's bad guy. I don't think he's intentionally trying to string you along. However, he clearly has very serious issues. What kind of a man would live with his ex for two after they've already broken up (and especially if the ex cheated on him with multiple men?) That right there should have been a huge red flag.

[Zebrelle]

Why do you want to see him again? Things are not going to work out between the two of you, I can promise you that. You need to let go and move on with your life.

 

Ever heard the expression "judge a man by his actions, not his words"? It doesn't matter what this guy is telling you. Talk is cheap. Clearly, his actions are not those of a man who wants to be in a relationship with you. Subconsciously, you know this...but you're still hanging on to false hope.

 

I'm not saying he's bad guy. I don't think he's intentionally trying to string you along. However, he clearly has very serious issues. What kind of a man would live with his ex for two after they've already broken up (and especially if the ex cheated on him with multiple men?) That right there should have been a huge red flag.

 

You are right, Feelsgoodman. I keep doubting myself again. I keep feeling it's my fault if things didn't work out. Perhaps I over reacted and I shouldn't have sent him that message? Perhaps I should have waited a few more days for him to contact me? Perhaps I should have contacted him, but only say "Hey, what's up? I haven't heard from you for awhile!" Perhaps things would have been different if I had waited and we had seen each other like we were supposed to this weekend...

 

I know deep down it's probably not true, but I just feel like I destroyed all my chances with him. We were not together, we were not a couple and I didn't have the right to push him or pressure him. He didn't owe me anything. I know if he really cared, it wouldn't have made any difference. I just don't understand why he would be so upset about my message. I didn't say anything bad. I just told him the truth. It's true that I want to see him and talk to him and that I miss him, but that's it's not the came for him. It's true that things will not change. It's true that if he doesn't have time for me now, he won't have more later on. It's true that I'm willing to make some efforts, but he's not willing to do the same thing. It's true that I really want to keep him in my life, but I just can't because I always want more. What's so upsetting with telling the truth? If it wasn't true, why didn't he tell me so? It almost seems like he's upset I don't trust him.

 

Here's what I wrote to him:

(PS: English is not my main language. I apologize for mistakes.)

 

The two last weeks have proved to be a long process and a long journey for me. I felt the whole range of emotions. I don’t think you can even imagine how difficult it was for me. I asked myself lots of questions. I wondered how far I was ready to go to keep you. I was willing to only be a friend. I was willing to let things go with the flow. I was willing to take things slowly. I was willing to have no expectations. I thought it would have been easy, but it’s not. I want to spend time with you. I want to see you and talk to you. I miss you terribly and it hurts me that the feeling is not mutual. It hurts me that you are able to not see for two weeks. It hurts me that you are able to not contact me for days.

 

It’s been a long time since I last saw you. I wonder if it is really wise to see each other again. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I know things will still be the same. I think it’s safe to say that if you don’t want me now, you won’t want me more later on. If I was important, you wouldn’t be able to spend two weeks without seeing me. If I was important, you wouldn’t be able to spend days without contacting me. There is no excuse. Nobody can be that busy. If you don’t have time for me now, you won’t have it later either. It’ll be worse since you start school next week. I was ready to overcome the obstacles and to make some efforts to be with you, but it’s obviously not the case for you. I was ready to take my time with you and to let things go with the flow, but nothing can develop between us if we spend weeks without seeing each other.

 

So, what’s the point? It hurts me to imagine not seeing you ever again. I can’t even conceive it. I sincerely believed I had found the person I was always looking for in you. We have so much in common. We are so alike. I wanted to keep you in my life, even if it meant only being your friend. But I can’t do it. I can’t bring myself to not hope. I can’t bring myself to not be disappointed when I look at my cell phone and I don’t have any new messages. I can’t open my heart to someone else as long as it’s opened to you.

 

I didn’t want to tell you how I felt because I was afraid to go back to where I was, which means being alone. I was afraid to lose what took me so long to find and that I finally found with you. I was afraid to never find again what I found with you. I also didn’t want to ruin my chances with you. I wanted to see what would happen after some time. But I realize nothing has changed. I always said I wasn’t in a hurry to find the right person for me. I always said I didn’t want to be with someone just to be with someone. I took me a lot of courage to tell you all this because I am terribly afraid to do a big mistake, but I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I didn't want you to run away and that's why I haven't said anything, but it shouldn't be this way...

 

I don't know what will happen between us from now on, but all I have in mind right now is... Perhaps it was really just a coincidence that we met. I didn't think it was not. It was so perfect. Now, it feels wrong. Like it shouldn't be this way. Like the story should be different. Perhaps someday I'll understand...

[Zebrelle]

So, I was on Facebook tonight. He came online which he never does. I personally think he put himself online to see if I would talk to him. I'm quite often on Facebook, especially lately, and I only saw him online when we chatted last weekend. Plus, I was online there every night this week and I didn't see him, but he was there since he posted new pictures and a few comments. It means he was offline. He purposely put himself online. And he came online yesterday after I sent him the text on his cell phone. So, it really does seem like he did that on purpose. I sent him a text yesterday to propose to him that we discuss this face to face. He never answered me. It's not up to me to go and talk to him. It's up to him now. He stay online for only 2 or 3 minutes. 30 minutes later, he comes back online again. I went offline because I am too pissed. He ignores my feelings. He ignores my text. He ignores me wanting to discuss the issue. And now he ignores me on Facebook.

 

I logged back online after 30 minutes and he was gone. Then a few minutes after I logged back online, he logged online back as well. I logged offline and logged back online after 15 minutes and he is still there. He doesn't even talk to me or anything. What a ****ing asswhole...

[Zebrelle]

Ok, he was still online and not talking to me so I told him: "Why you ignoring me like that? I really wanted to discuss things, but whatever. If you are going to act this way, we have nothing more to say. Good luck with your classes." And I deleted him.

[ascendotum]

I'm not saying he's bad guy. I don't think he's intentionally trying to string you along. However, he clearly has very serious issues. What kind of a man would live with his ex for two after they've already broken up (and especially if the ex cheated on him with multiple men?) That right there should have been a huge red flag.

 

^ This is exactly what I thought.

Sorry for the way things turned out for you OP. I get the impression this guy was genuine and not a 'I think I'm not ready for a relationship' straight after sex player, but unfortunately he is not ready for committment yet. I don't know why he couldn't go with the flow for a while, but maybe seeing your strong feelings for him, scared him that this might not be such a good idea and you would be hurt more the longer it went on, if he came to the conclusion he really just wanted casual fun for a while. Refer to FGMs post...this guy is a bit screwed up.

 

There's boatloads of people who jump into online dating soon after a breakup, because they can't handle being alone or need the validation, but are really not ready for a proper relationship.

[D-Lish]

If you want some honet advice, I'll give it.

 

Firstly, you allowed a sexual relationship way to early. Secondly, you've chased him down way too much, Thirdly, you ignored the red flag of his situation being recently out of a relationship.

[Zebrelle]

If you want some honet advice, I'll give it.

 

Firstly, you allowed a sexual relationship way to early. Secondly, you've chased him down way too much, Thirdly, you ignored the red flag of his situation being recently out of a relationship.

 

It's true that things went fast and that, perhaps, we got intimate too early. However, I didn't chase him that much. In the beginning, he was the one doing the chasing. He called me. He invited me over. He wanted to see me. He told me his feelings for me. Only when I was sure he really wanted to be with me, that's when I opened my heart to him. Even then... When he told me he wasn't ready, I pretended to be okay with the situation and I did not contact him for days to give him the space he needed. Since we last saw each other August 10, I had contacted him only once. (After 5 days) He contacted me later on and disappeared again and I couldn't handle it anymore.

[Zebrelle]

^ This is exactly what I thought.

Sorry for the way things turned out for you OP. I get the impression this guy was genuine and not a 'I think I'm not ready for a relationship' straight after sex player, but unfortunately he is not ready for committment yet. I don't know why he couldn't go with the flow for a while, but maybe seeing your strong feelings for him, scared him that this might not be such a good idea and you would be hurt more the longer it went on, if he came to the conclusion he really just wanted casual fun for a while. Refer to FGMs post...this guy is a bit screwed up.

 

There's boatloads of people who jump into online dating soon after a breakup, because they can't handle being alone or need the validation, but are really not ready for a proper relationship.

 

Well, I thought he was genuine too at first. At this point, I don't know anymore. I mean I told him how hurt I was about the situation. All I got from him was a: "I don't understand your reaction." Perhaps he is really not ready, but he shouldn't have given me any hopes then. He shouldn't have told me he could be ready 2 months. He shouldn't have told me he wanted to takes things slowly and go with the flow. Because if that's what he wanted, that's not what it seemed. If he hadn't told me that, I wouldn't have waited and hoped.

 

If he truly valued my friendship or cared about me like he said he did, then he would have at least said something like: "I understand how you feel. If you prefer us not seeing each other for now, it's okay." But him telling me he doesn't understand where I come from, I take it hard.