eatmyshovel Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 Hello everyone I decided to post this here because I feel more confident talking to you guys than some people I know, because i feel that really none of them understand me(actually on a side note, i told 2 of my friends of the news just so i could talk to someone ... one of them kept talking about their day like nothing happened and the other one actually CONGRATULATED ME for not being with her anymore... ) I recently just broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years, she was actually my first (I'm 20 right now).. actually she broke up with me.. this happened 2 weeks ago. anywho, she said that she didn't feel right being in a relationship with anybody at this time, so i respect that.and the other MAJOR factor is our fighting... we fight alot over dumb things, you name it. we didn't talk for a week afterwards then we talk again this week.. I find out that she actually is going out with this guy right now and that he really wants to be with her and everything.. seems pretty much like a serious relationship to me. I know this seems like a childish and immature thing to say, but, she tells me that she already had sex with him ...on the first "date"... at my old high school...(there was a martial arts competition and they both knew the person who was in it BTW, she wasn't in my old high school, and i was supposed to go, but someone forgot to call me ) In anycase, well everyone is calling them boyfriend/girlfriend right now, and how happy they are for them, bla bla bla, and here i am doing her... litteraly.. well, we just did it today. i tried not to let all of this bother me, but, i don't even know what to think anymore. i mean, i was MADLY in love with her, she broke my heart, i think she's doing it again by putting me on the side.. These were her exact words: "if I'm going to be serious with this guy, then i guess we should stop doing it then, OK" The thing is, i love her with all my heart, i know she does because she keeps saying that she doesn't want me to be out of her life. I don't really either, And now, i just feel like I'm being used for sex, and it doesn't help that she just told me that she's going out with the guy tomorrow. i kind of feel jealous and sick at the same time(remember.. my old high school.. they did it in the bathroom stall that was close to my fav. class.. now, i don't even want to remember that!) and i feel that i am sort of being cheated on right now, i mean not in the sense of adultery(hey, I'm the so called adulterer here) but i don't feel any of this is right. am i just being way too emotional about this, or what? i mean, i really am at the end of my ropes. i really don't even know what to tell her, without her freaking out.
bluechocolate Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 She's playing a silly childish game with you & her "new" boyfriend. If you really love her and want her back tell her that when she's finished playing and is ready to commit to your relationship fully to come and see if you're still interested and/or available. In the mean while stop sleeping with her and let her go.
DerangedAngel Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 Oh honey! She is totally using you. Please realize this! No matter how much you loved her, or still love her, she is not worth your time. Tell her that while you enjoyed the time you spent together, you will not put up with the changes in her attitude, and her sudden turn towards immature childish games. Be firm. It is likely that she will "wake up", and "realize that she loves you and is terribly sorry for everything", blah blah blah. But don't take any of that! You deserve so much better. Cut all ties with her. Maybe this experience will teach her how to treat a future lover. I'm so sorry. I know it hurts. Best of luck to you. -Deranged
Author eatmyshovel Posted May 5, 2004 Author Posted May 5, 2004 ok, thanks guys, i just needed someone to talk to and you guys been alot of help. Hey who know, once this is over with, and there somebody out there who would be in my situation, i could problably help out anywho, just to recap what we were saying. Be firm and tell her that she should make up her mind, and to get back to me, and to tell her that i dont want to play anyof these games. ... is that right? well im seing her tonight because i told her that i wanted to talk. any suggestions on how to start this off? i mean i could but ill take anything into consideration. And if theres anything else you guys forgot to tell me, then please dont hesitate to say anything at all thanks
DerangedAngel Posted May 5, 2004 Posted May 5, 2004 I'm glad you are getting to tell her so soon, and face to face. It might be a little harder for you, but she will at least know that you mean it. If I were in your shoes, I would probably start off by telling her that I was very confused and hurt by her recent actions. Ask why she claims she doesn't want a relationship, and then jumps right back in one. Tell her that while you love her, you will not wait around for her and her games. And you will not be USED. Because you have your own needs, as well. That she is not willing to fulfill. Personally, even if she got on her hands and knees begging at this point, I would say it would be a wise decision on your part to never take her back. However, I know that would be hard, and I know that it is difficult to understand a relationship on the outside looking in. Only you know what is best for you, and that is how you need to decide. If you have anything else we can help you with, post again, shovel. Best wishes. -Deranged
Author eatmyshovel Posted May 6, 2004 Author Posted May 6, 2004 ok well, actually i forgot to mention somethings because it was really late last night, and i was at work this whole time so i tried not to think about things this whole time. She told me last night that she.. well ill quote what we both said "its scary to think to be with the same person after 5 years, just like my cousin, who just recently broke up with her boyfriend. i dont want to have regret things that i might have missed in earlier years you know?" well then she proceeded on to say how she missed out on her child hood and her teenage years(she was picked on in elementary and in she was in an all girl catholic school in highschool and was pretty serious about her studies..) and that she wants to "have fun" WTH am i supposed to think. her actions say she wants me, but her words are different. ps.. i didnt get to meet up with her because she thought we are not meeting up... i really dont feel like talking on the fone right now..
Author eatmyshovel Posted May 8, 2004 Author Posted May 8, 2004 hi everyone, just wanted to comeback and just say what went on anyways, i talked to her on wednesday, told her that stuff, but it went ugly. We started fighting, but by the end of it, we remembered good times and talked about them. i left good but now 2 days later, everything i see reminds me of her. But the thing is, i love her soo much, but i cant forgive her for what shes done to me now. i mean, i tried and she even said it and say she saw it. the way i look at it, its that she probably thought i wasnt good enough for her. to tell you the truth, im not in a really good mood now, andi think a bit of jealousy is coming in. i really wanna go out and have fun, but for example today, i went out clubbing today hoping to meet new people and possibly someone, but i couldnt.. i looked at everything, and it reminded me of her. to be honest with you, i went in hopes of finding someone so i could make her jealous, but then i couldnt. i couldnt go up to a girl. Maybe she would fall for me and i would break her heart, i dont want to do that to anyone knowing that i would do that. in fact, i dont think i wanna be with anyone at this time. anywho, when we talked on wednesday, we said were going out tomorow, i was thinking it wouldnt be a good idea to go. just ditch her or something. anyways i have 2 questions, -how could i ease my mind from this? -is it a good idea to ditch her?
Fritz Posted May 8, 2004 Posted May 8, 2004 Time will heal things. Get out, do new things, meet new people. Do all the things you've wanted to do, but haven't had a chance to do lately. She's not worth messing with anymore.
Author eatmyshovel Posted May 8, 2004 Author Posted May 8, 2004 but, how about my other question, do i meet her or not, i was thinking no what do you think?
LILUIL Posted May 8, 2004 Posted May 8, 2004 don't meet her.... that's my view. stand back and let her beg a bit. Hold the ball in your court and keep it there. let her know that you have a life other than her, (regardless of what you feel) and count 14 days or whatever lucky number and see if she's still pestering to meet up.... decide then. as for now, realise this that she's still with the other guy and what great reason does she have to be seeing you? she running back and forth just shows her immaturity and her own insecurity. hang tough! then'll you'll see what she's really worth... Ditch her? She ditched you big time and u being sweet about it is a waste of good effort, she's toying you.
Author eatmyshovel Posted May 8, 2004 Author Posted May 8, 2004 yeah, man. Seriously. I just let her know now that i dont think i should see her for a while. The thing is.. I always sucked at the "not talking to you, unless you talk to me" thing
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