Woggle Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I didn't want to keep hijacking the other thread so I started a new one. For men who are genuinely honest, good and faithful what is the best way to find a good woman who genuinely appreciates men like this?
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I've always thought that you have to be the kind of person you want to be with... the thing is, we all make mistakes and mess up so... also, if someone is honest and faithful, they may project others as being that way "until" they find out that isn't the case and, if they become jaded over it... rather than figuring out a system which can FILTER people who do not share their values and aspirations then... they're probably just screwed, lol. They STOP being the kind of person they'd be with and carry all this cynicism etc... whether it's a male or female. I guess, to find an "equivalent", they need to invest time and effort into getting to genuinely know someone before getting too deep in with them. Otherwise, I'm interested in answers myself =p
AHardDaysNight Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Good men don't find good women. Good women find bad boys. 1
iris219 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Knock on my door? Where are these men you mention? I haven't met a nice, normal, single man this year. All I want is someone like myself--honest, relationship minded, etc, and it seems there are none to be found. I don't want to believe this, but I'm starting to think there aren't many single men or women without a lot of issues once you get over a certain age.
somedude81 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 without a lot of issues once you get over a certain age What is wrong with having issues and what kind of issues are you talking about?
Lilmisus Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Church. But really, I think that you can't really "find" a good person to date, you have to just let them come to you, sooner or later. Cause honestly, I don't know of too many people who have sought for love and found it.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I didn't want to keep hijacking the other thread so I started a new one. For men who are genuinely honest, good and faithful what is the best way to find a good woman who genuinely appreciates men like this? First off... one has to want to hang around long enough to prove they actually have all those qualities... and endure a few 'tests' from the other person without getting bent out of shape. Too many men (and women) want instant gratification. Like 'hey, I said I was honest!! now trust me already!!" Doesn't happen that way.
iris219 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 What is wrong with having issues and what kind of issues are you talking about? You haven't been keeping up with my posts I see. I've gone on the most depressing dates. Here's a partial list of issues: alcoholism, under or unemployed (and not looking for a job), emotionally unavailable, not interested in a commitment, negative/bitter about their lives and not fun to be around, liars, flaky, rude, and just plain weird.
torn_curtain Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I must be a bad, bad person. Well, it also depends on where you fish. Are you finding these guys on dating sites?
somedude81 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Church. But really, I think that you can't really "find" a good person to date, you have to just let them come to you, sooner or later. Cause honestly, I don't know of too many people who have sought for love and found it. Letting them come to you, is how a woman dates. And for them it can work great. But a guy who does that will get nothing unless he is very attractive or has a great reputation. A man has to hunt if he wants to eat. First off... one has to want to hang around long enough to prove they actually have all those qualities... and endure a few 'tests' from the other person without getting bent out of shape. Why the need for tests and games? You haven't been keeping up with my posts I see. I've gone on the most depressing dates. Here's a partial list of issues: alcoholism, under or unemployed (and not looking for a job), emotionally unavailable, not interested in a commitment, negative/bitter about their lives and not fun to be around, liars, flaky, rude, and just plain weird. No, I haven't been fallowing your posts. I'm surprised you've been able to figure out those things from a guy in just a couple of dates. They most not have tried very hard to hide them. Yeah, many of those things are deal-breakers.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 You look for signs of character. Social stability. Empathy for others is a biggie. I think often guys kind of miss this one because of their more natural competitive nature. If a woman shows signs of "well I stomped her or him like this because she or he did that," watch out. People use all kinds of reasons to justify not considering others. It's only a matter of time before they turn it on you. On the covered end, make sure that they are strong enough to consistently ask for what they do want, and accept being told "no." sometimes. If someone tends to leave all the major decisions up to you then that could be an early sign of conflict-avoidance which could also lead to them bottling up feelings and later resenting you. Make sure that you aren't putting more than 50% into most joint ventures (except maybe early dating depending on the social norms). Make sure that she doesn't give up her interests and friends, she needs to be strong, independent and have her own social ties. Often women give up all their extra time and energy into a fledgling relationship (guilty of this one). It does not ensure a strong foundation and will eventually collapse it, and she will most often resent you for it. Her sexual history can be a factor as well, but look more for PATTERNS not INCIDENCES. If a girl has had 20 sexual partners and 10 of them were over a summer, watch out. But not so much if it was 8 summers ago and she has only had 1 partner since and stayed single awhile. Most of you guys have some sexual history that you aren't proud of. It is far better to have an honest partner with integrity then a dishonest partner hiding something she's ashamed of. A lot of guys worry about competing with that many men or whatever, but truth be told sex us very rarely delectable to us the first time with a new partner since we are all quite different and plenty of men lack knowledge on how to please us. It often takes at least a few tries for a wonderful encounter. There's more, but that's all I can think of for now.
Nexus One Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 You haven't been keeping up with my posts I see. I've gone on the most depressing dates. Here's a partial list of issues: alcoholism, under or unemployed (and not looking for a job), emotionally unavailable, not interested in a commitment, negative/bitter about their lives and not fun to be around, liars, flaky, rude, and just plain weird. How do you meet/encounter those guys, through online dating websites?
Tybalt Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I've always thought that you have to be the kind of person you want to be with... I agree with this. I have decided, after this last breakup, not to "look" anymore. Meaning, I'm going to spend time on making myself happy. I absolutely want a relationship and want to be around happy people who are together. I want to develop my mind, body, and spirit. Why should I put off what I could be doing right now, or limit my thinking that I "can't have" this or that? Maybe it will take a really long time before that person comes into my life, before I'm ready and he is ready. But why not have that optimistic and hopeful feeling regardless? If I go to my grave and never end up with the relationship I want, at least I felt happy anyway, and enjoyed the journey regardless of the destination. I get down like anyone else. Other than a couple of relationships lasting 2-3 months, I've been single for years and was in a terrible marriage before that. I figure if I'm pursuing my interests, I will be in a better place emotionally (and probably literally ) to meet someone who is a good match. I have lots of work to do to improve myself and be where I want to be in life, and be the right girl for someone. I do believe it will happen for me in time. 1
iris219 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 How do you meet/encounter those guys, through online dating websites? No, I've never done online dating.
Nexus One Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 No, I've never done online dating. Perhaps it's an idea, because your current method seems to attract the wrong type of guys. That being said, what is your current method of meeting guys like that? If I remember correctly you once said that you look like Audrey Hepburn. If that's true, then you should be batting guys away left and right, there are bound to be some quality guys amongst those guys. How many people live in your town?
xxoo Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Do good men have trouble finding other good men? Surround yourself with good people (men and women of all ages), and you should run into some quality potential partners. Another question is--how does a good man recognize a good woman? Some peoples, I think, are attracted to people who will ultimately bring them trouble.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Why the need for tests and games? Sorry. If you hadn't read some of my other posts... I'm a scientist. Everything is a test to me. It isn't a 'game'. I'm not playing with them. I'm observing how they behave under a variety of situations. If one doesn't want to go to the effort, then they probably aren't all that good or honest. They just want to say they are to move things along faster.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I just thought that the tests would be common life circumstances, like how nice they treated you when your dog died, or how nicely they reacted to a gift you gave them.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I agree with this. I have decided, after this last breakup, not to "look" anymore. Meaning, I'm going to spend time on making myself happy. I absolutely want a relationship and want to be around happy people who are together. I want to develop my mind, body, and spirit. Why should I put off what I could be doing right now, or limit my thinking that I "can't have" this or that? Maybe it will take a really long time before that person comes into my life, before I'm ready and he is ready. But why not have that optimistic and hopeful feeling regardless? If I go to my grave and never end up with the relationship I want, at least I felt happy anyway, and enjoyed the journey regardless of the destination. I get down like anyone else. Other than a couple of relationships lasting 2-3 months, I've been single for years and was in a terrible marriage before that. I figure if I'm pursuing my interests, I will be in a better place emotionally (and probably literally ) to meet someone who is a good match. I have lots of work to do to improve myself and be where I want to be in life, and be the right girl for someone. I do believe it will happen for me in time. Good for you!! I applaud your spirit! Last week I went on a solo backpacking trip... my first 'solo' trip ever. Camped on top of a mountain.... not a soul around for miles. Just me and my trusty side-kick doggy. Was an awesome trip. Even took some nekked pics of myself when I was up there.
rafallus Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Sorry. If you hadn't read some of my other posts... I'm a scientist. Everything is a test to me. It isn't a 'game'. I'm not playing with them. I'm observing how they behave under a variety of situations. If one doesn't want to go to the effort, then they probably aren't all that good or honest. They just want to say they are to move things along faster. I hope you do not resent the notion that you may be tested and observed by other party at the same time.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I just thought that the tests would be common life circumstances, like how nice they treated you when your dog died, or how nicely they reacted to a gift you gave them. Oh, definately. That's what I mean. It's not like I dream up stuff to 'test' somebody on... but I'm definately observing.
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I absolutely want a relationship and want to be around happy people who are together. I want to develop my mind, body, and spirit. Very admirable and absolutely wonderful :) Beautiful things will blossom from that path.
Tybalt Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 TAL... That's awesome! Love the nekkid pictures part too, it sounds like that was just for you and must have felt very liberating! I think you absolutely have to observe the behavior of others over time to determine who they are, and therefore if they are a good match for you and your own value system and code of conduct.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I hope you do not resent the notion that you may be tested and observed by other party at the same time. Of course not. But I will say that I don't go around feeling self-conscious about that either. I am who I am. One of my favorite quotes from Emerson goes something like... 'Men imagine that they communicate their virtue or vice only by overt actions, and do not see that virtue or vice emit a breath every moment.' I'm always a little amused when people believe they can lie about who they are. There really is no point. Ultimately, the truth comes out.
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