My girlfriend kissed another guy, claims she was not cheating on me

[DexterM]

Situation:

Long distance relationship, she’s a decade younger, I expressed my doubt about our future due to various fundamental cultural differences, stressing out that I love her yet if we were not able to happily compromise or change on some serious points a future together would not be healthy, not make much sense and would not be fair on her. She saw this as a break up, which in a way I suppose it was. Lots of pain and wet session were involved so say the least. We carried on with daily phone calls and certain habits.

 

The event:

She went on holiday with a few girlfriends, to find some peace and get away from the stress. Upon arrival at her destination I suggested to visit her, she said she would love it but not in this situation as I was not her bf. Without further thinking I saw this as a clear sign not to see her as, to give her some space. The day after I decided not to visit her she went out dancing and “passionately kissed a handsome guy”. She did not tell me herself, I managed to get it out of her during a longer phone call after the trip. This also shows we are still talking almost as if nothing seriously changed.. as we are both hoping for some solution and change.

 

Conclusion:

I see her action, which she called an act of lust, not fun or love, simply as cheating. She strongly disagrees as she said she didn’t have a bf and was not in a relationship. I find it almost silly to over-analyze this thing but cannot get over it and believe she was cheating. Why am I bothered? Because I had 100% trust in her despite of her youngish age and still remained in a loyal state of mind myself. I realize women might want to send a strong sign as they think guys don't understand any other way. However, the fact that is was lustful, with a handsome guy and kept rather secret makes me worry quite a bit.

 

Any thoughts if she was cheating?

Edited August 27, 2011 by DexterM
formatting defects after copying from Word

[OnyxSnowfall]

If you were no longer a couple, it was not cheating.

 

I understand you feel "betrayed" but... it seems that you are too deep into this and in fact, you are sending misleading signals to her.

 

Either you want her or you don't... I personally think it's wrong to pretty much tell someone they aren't right for you and then expect them to "earn" being right by changing etc, meanwhile putting their life on hold and being "loyal" to you when...

 

you two were just no longer a couple.

[rafallus]

yet if we were not able to happily compromise or change on some serious points a future together would not be healthy, not make much sense and would not be fair on her. She saw this as a break up, which in a way I suppose it was

She went on holiday with a few girlfriends, to find some peace and get away from the stress. Upon arrival at her destination I suggested to visit her, she said she would love it but not in this situation as I was not her bf.

That would really explain everything. She didn't consider you her bf, so in her head she was free to do w/e with other guys.

 

You two have some really weird, ambiguous dynamic going on. Either:

 

1)Define it more clearly between you two.

2) Or just say "**** it" and drop her like a bad habit. Even if I wouldn't call it cheating, you have every right to do so.

Edited August 27, 2011 by rafallus

[Space Ritual]

Gotta agree with the other posters.

 

all that projecting about how bad a future was with her kind of tells her you wanted to break up. She told you not to come down as she did not consider you her BF anymore....

 

Sorry, you can feel hurt that it seemed so soon after your breakup. but it was exactly what it was....a breakup.

 

Just another example that LDR's rarely if ever work....

[Chi townD]

technically, not cheating. However, she knew it was probably not a wise thing to do, because lets face it, she wasn't going to tell you about it. Why? Because, she knew you were still hung up on her, and she knew it would hurt you.

 

Run for the hills, there's more girls out there.

[PegNosePete]

Who gives a carp if it's cheating or not?

You guys broke up.

She moved on.

 

Time for you to do the same dude.