esteticysxbhhb Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 it is unmarred right i think it can be even better if someone desire create changes. rn rnthose are consequential games i each time pit oneself against on fun you can into this also îùç÷é øùú áàáì èøàáì 2 | áàáì èøàáì | áàáì èøàáì
stillafool Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I have never nor will I ever pressure him to leave her, I know that is a decision he has to make for himself. I've come to terms with my life. That is good for him that you don't pressure him to make a decision and you have come to terms with what you are doing with your life. I just hope you don't wake up 10 years from now finding he is still married, with more excuses and you have wasted 10 years that you could have spent building a real life with someone else. If by chance that happens you may not be able to forgive yourself.
Spark1111 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 This belongs on the OW/OM board I think. On here, it would just incite flames/stupidity (perhaps your intention?). Anyway, I don't care about the immorality of your actions. But rather the psychological mess you have become tangled in. Dysfunction junction as it is called. To expand on this... 1. One trend I have noticed about some of the OW that see their affairs in an intensely romantic light, both on this board and in my own personal life, is a history of abuse and self-esteem issues. In your case, an emotionally abusive marriage. Since you began the affair during your divorce, it is my theory that you are using this MM as an emotional crutch to alleviate the emotional scarring that your husband inflicted upon you. It is quite common for a person receiving emotional support from another, to develop intense feelings (comparable to a unprofessional patient-therapist relationship for instance) far stronger than romantic love, and perhaps more akin to an infatuation. The fact that you have basically suggested that this illicit relationship is beyond your control, would suggest that it is comparable to a drug addiction. 2. Children are incredibly perceptive (it is believed that they are able to notice more minute details than adults, who are "big picture people"). If the MM's marriage is as bad as you suggest, than his child will pick up on it, and it will not doubt act as a negative influence. For instance, from the age of 9 onwards, it became abundantly obvious to me that my parents should've just divorced each other (they are still together today). 3. Your MM is vulnerable to psychological coercion from his wife, who is blackmailing him to stay in the marriage (that's your story anyway). It is clear that he needs to build up his self-confidence to such a degree, that he is able to stand up to his wife, and create strong emotional boundaries so that he won't be taken advantage by her. So here's what I think: You need to get counseling for whatever damage your abusive marriage has done to your psyche and become more independent of your MM, your MM needs to build up enough self-confidence to stand up to his wife rather than remain in his self imposed misery, your MM's wife needs to see a psychologist to find out why she finds emotional manipulation to be such an easy task (it's a trait of many psychological disorders btw), and your MM's child will need counseling to to help him deal with whatever damage the influence of an unhealthy father-mother relationship might have caused. You all need serious help. Since you can only control you, I'd recommend you start there. ^ Good way to spend my lunch break. This is a brilliant post and should truly be required reading for anyone in a triangulated relationship that is aware they are. I truly believe that legitimizing the relationship often takes most of the sad, unrequited obssessive love right out of the romance. Within two years, it does become about bills, yard work, child care and blended family holidays. I believe many affair participants DO NOT want to lose the fairytale fantasy "if onlys" to the light of reality. . OP, if you are happy then I am happy for you. Your life is your choice, no one else's. It wouldn't be as special anymore
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