butterscotch11 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I've been reading many threads on here and suspect that I'll be judged harshly for this, but I'm going to try and get some support anyway. Please read my entire story before making a judgment. I've been involved with a man for 7 years. We met at work 12 years ago. I was married and he was single. We became close but platonic friends. 9 years ago he married and within the first year he regretted it. They entered counseling and it didn't work. Another year went by and he decided he wanted to end the marriage and filed for divorce. I asked him why he married her (I never thought they were a good fit) - again we were platonic at this point. His reply was that I was married and she was available, and I thought he was joking. Just after he filed for divorce she found out she was pregnant. She begged him to stay and work things out. So he withdrew his papers and they stayed together. My own marriage was horrible and emotionally abusive. I decided to end my own marriage and filed for divorce. During the time I was divorcing, my friend and I started our affair. I never believed in the "it just happened" thing until, well, it did just happen. We tried very, very hard to not repeat anything physical but obviously it didn't work. He is still married but I am long since divorced. I have tried several times to date single men and even got engaged to someone, but in the end I realized I had given my heart to my friend. I no longer date anyone, that is my own choice. Over the last 7 years they have grown even further apart, always fighting, leading very separate lives, working different shifts and different days off, hardly more than roommates. In the same time he's become much closer to me. He helps me around the house, he helps me financially, he is over my house every single day, we communicate via phone, text and e-mail. he has a key to my house and will often say he feels this house is his as well. He used to try and leave her when the child was small but she created such problems and did a lot of emotional blackmail, he's resigned to stay until the child is older. I actually appreciate that he isn't just going to run out on his child. He often tells me that with me is the only place he can fully relax. He says she is his obligation while I am his heart. Having seen this marriage all along, knowing him as well and long as I have, this is not a man for whom this is easy, nor has he ever cheated before - we'd often discussed that when he was single - and this is truly love we feel. I have never nor will I ever pressure him to leave her, I know that is a decision he has to make for himself. I've come to terms with my life. I guess I'm hoping that some of you will read my story and see that OW aren't all sluts or people looking to break up a family. Sometimes despite everything, people fall in love. I am a good person, and this is not a life that anyone would choose for themselves. For as much as I see him and know we love each other, there are parts of him that I can't touch, that belong to her, and there are times that the lonely times are beyond bearable. For me, I'm at peace with this. I love him enough to be happy with the things I do get - it is so much better than the emotional abuse I had from a "real" husband. Someday he will be legally divorced and until then he'll remain my "heart husband" and I his "heart wife". Maybe, just maybe, you won't be so quick to judge the OW next time you hear of someone in a long-term affair. Maybe you'll consider my story and the possibility that she's just a woman who despite trying not to, loves a man with her entire being.
woinlove Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I've been reading many threads on here and suspect that I'll be judged harshly for this, but I'm going to try and get some support anyway. Please read my entire story before making a judgment. I've been involved with a man for 7 years. We met at work 12 years ago. I was married and he was single. We became close but platonic friends. 9 years ago he married and within the first year he regretted it. They entered counseling and it didn't work. Another year went by and he decided he wanted to end the marriage and filed for divorce. I asked him why he married her (I never thought they were a good fit) - again we were platonic at this point. His reply was that I was married and she was available, and I thought he was joking. Just after he filed for divorce she found out she was pregnant. She begged him to stay and work things out. So he withdrew his papers and they stayed together. My own marriage was horrible and emotionally abusive. I decided to end my own marriage and filed for divorce. During the time I was divorcing, my friend and I started our affair. I never believed in the "it just happened" thing until, well, it did just happen. We tried very, very hard to not repeat anything physical but obviously it didn't work. He is still married but I am long since divorced. I have tried several times to date single men and even got engaged to someone, but in the end I realized I had given my heart to my friend. I no longer date anyone, that is my own choice. Over the last 7 years they have grown even further apart, always fighting, leading very separate lives, working different shifts and different days off, hardly more than roommates. In the same time he's become much closer to me. He helps me around the house, he helps me financially, he is over my house every single day, we communicate via phone, text and e-mail. he has a key to my house and will often say he feels this house is his as well. He used to try and leave her when the child was small but she created such problems and did a lot of emotional blackmail, he's resigned to stay until the child is older. I actually appreciate that he isn't just going to run out on his child. He often tells me that with me is the only place he can fully relax. He says she is his obligation while I am his heart. Having seen this marriage all along, knowing him as well and long as I have, this is not a man for whom this is easy, nor has he ever cheated before - we'd often discussed that when he was single - and this is truly love we feel. I have never nor will I ever pressure him to leave her, I know that is a decision he has to make for himself. I've come to terms with my life. I guess I'm hoping that some of you will read my story and see that OW aren't all sluts or people looking to break up a family. Sometimes despite everything, people fall in love. I am a good person, and this is not a life that anyone would choose for themselves. For as much as I see him and know we love each other, there are parts of him that I can't touch, that belong to her, and there are times that the lonely times are beyond bearable. For me, I'm at peace with this. I love him enough to be happy with the things I do get - it is so much better than the emotional abuse I had from a "real" husband. Someday he will be legally divorced and until then he'll remain my "heart husband" and I his "heart wife". Maybe, just maybe, you won't be so quick to judge the OW next time you hear of someone in a long-term affair. Maybe you'll consider my story and the possibility that she's just a woman who despite trying not to, loves a man with her entire being. There is a forum for OW/OM, so you may want to post there instead. Also, I would advise some therapy. I've been an OW, but I was aware that I had choices and made the choices that I thought suited me at the time. Seems like you feel you don't have any control over your life, that things just happen, your life is not one you have any choice in, and despite trying you are unable to control your actions. Therapy might help you learn to take control of your own life, as no one should have to live a life that they don't want and didn't choose when there are clearly other options available to them. Perhaps people in the OW/OM forum can help you a bit with that, as lots of them have worked hard in gaining control over their lives after feeling much like you - stuff just happened to them. Good luck - I am sure you can learn to take more control.
bentnotbroken Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 There is nothing different about your story. Maybe the length of time. But it is still a story of cowardly acts, lying and betrayel. Same song, different verse. And if you are in this relationship(?) you chose it.
teacher1994 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 if it was so bad he would leave her. thing is he doesnt have to because u allow him to have both. u sound like a co wife. (trust me, i know about plural marriages, i live n the middle east. i have friends who r second wives. and they hate it and r always second n everything.) u allow him to have a nice life, the respect of not being a divorcee and u on the side. u love him, but guess he doesnt love u enough to honnor u. guess he doesnt love u enough to divorce her now. trust me they all say its for the kids.............in english this means IM NOT LEAVING BUT ILL LET U STAY AS LONG AS U WOULD LIKE! its the truth but ur love will not let u accept this, sorry u r n this position
dreamingoftigers Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Oh for the love of..... Why on Earth? Just why on Earth would anyone (mm, ow and bs) settle for this type of arrangement. No, not all OW are seeking to "break up" families, but sure not many of you ascribe to valuing them either. Do you truly think that his marriage would have improved one iota of a teeny bit with him pouring his energy into you, his heart wife? Could that "emotional blackmail" be the pain that the wife is having over potentially losing her family because buddy is trying about as much as can he spare when he isn't with you, thinking of you or focusing on you? Could it be that maybe his obligation to be loyal to his wife isn't satisfied in the least and he's been obsessional about you since before he was married to her? Yeah, the marital problems sound like ALL HER FAULT. It blows my mind to read of adults older then me having less sense then my 19 year old niece and coming up with the dumbest justifications to rationalize it. Ever think that he might just act a different way with someone he actually lives with because he has some serious commitment/attachment issues. The wife didn't exactly get pregnant herself. He didn't exactly finish off their divorce either. And you aren't exactly married, right? Maybe you should figure out exactly what kind of life you want to lead before he throws you under the bus just like the vast majority of OW. Good lord. Do you not realize that you brain would completely reframe this whole attachment if you got away from him for six months and dated around? Your brain's oxytocin would degrade certain areas to make way for new attachments. Maybe even a healthy one, where you can get your OWN man instead of this weird, non-voluntary timeshare you have with Half-man? "emotinal blackmail", please, so you mean she "guilted" him. And how old is he exactly? Cheating is INTERNAL, not caused by your magical self and her "evil overattachment." At least some of the OW on here know what place they actually occupy in their man's head.
Severely Unamused Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) This belongs on the OW/OM board I think. On here, it would just incite flames/stupidity (perhaps your intention?). Anyway, I don't care about the immorality of your actions. But rather the psychological mess you have become tangled in. Dysfunction junction as it is called. To expand on this... 1. One trend I have noticed about some of the OW that see their affairs in an intensely romantic light, both on this board and in my own personal life, is a history of abuse and self-esteem issues. In your case, an emotionally abusive marriage. Since you began the affair during your divorce, it is my theory that you are using this MM as an emotional crutch to alleviate the emotional scarring that your husband inflicted upon you. It is quite common for a person receiving emotional support from another, to develop intense feelings (comparable to a unprofessional patient-therapist relationship for instance) far stronger than romantic love, and perhaps more akin to an infatuation. The fact that you have basically suggested that this illicit relationship is beyond your control, would suggest that it is comparable to a drug addiction. 2. Children are incredibly perceptive (it is believed that they are able to notice more minute details than adults, who are "big picture people"). If the MM's marriage is as bad as you suggest, than his child will pick up on it, and it will not doubt act as a negative influence. For instance, from the age of 9 onwards, it became abundantly obvious to me that my parents should've just divorced each other (they are still together today). 3. Your MM is vulnerable to psychological coercion from his wife, who is blackmailing him to stay in the marriage (that's your story anyway). It is clear that he needs to build up his self-confidence to such a degree, that he is able to stand up to his wife, and create strong emotional boundaries so that he won't be taken advantage by her. So here's what I think: You need to get counseling for whatever damage your abusive marriage has done to your psyche and become more independent of your MM, your MM needs to build up enough self-confidence to stand up to his wife rather than remain in his self imposed misery, your MM's wife needs to see a psychologist to find out why she finds emotional manipulation to be such an easy task (it's a trait of many psychological disorders btw), and your MM's child will need counseling to to help him deal with whatever damage the influence of an unhealthy father-mother relationship might have caused. You all need serious help. Since you can only control you, I'd recommend you start there. ^ Good way to spend my lunch break. Edited August 27, 2011 by Severely Unamused
dreamingoftigers Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I just stuck to being mean and sarcastic about it. But what she said ^^^^ Good way to spend my kid's nap time.
bentnotbroken Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Of course it is the BS fault that the WS(in this case the man child) is either too immature, too slow, too cowardly, too in love, too trapped, too frustrated, too much of a liar......[i could add some others but they will get me on that damned naughty step again]he has no responsibility what so ever for his actions or his lies. He is the poor put upon person who is riding around on his noble steed doing good deeds for women who have his heart and being obligated to women he impregnates. With a KISA like that one can hardly wait until the armor rust or he is too old to carry around the load of martyrdom.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I can't imagine the pain and disappointment he must endure over having to screw two women and never truly satisfy either one.
whichwayisup Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 If things are that bad, he'll leave. They can be great co parents, share custody of their child and be happier and healthier all around. if he is staying just for the sake of his child, he has to remember what that kid sees and hears around him/her IS affecting him/her. It could be (many MM do lie and exaggerate truths to suit them best and in a better light) that is okay cheating and okay staying married, just like it seems (for now) you're accepting things as they are. No need to push or change the dynamic. During the time I was divorcing, my friend and I started our affair. I never believed in the "it just happened" thing until, well, it did just happen. We tried very, very hard to not repeat anything physical but obviously it didn't work. Yet it didn't just happen. It was a feeling, a thought and an action. No one held guns to your or his head, it was a willing act and it's continued willingly. Anyway, there's a lot of pain that's going to happen and I feel for his wife. She doesn't deserve this. He needs to man up and make a decision, not keep two women in limbo. Please don't see him with perfection, and blinders on. His crap stinks just like everybody else's.
StoneCold Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I guess I'm hoping that some of you will read my story and see that OW aren't all sluts or people looking to break up a family. Sometimes despite everything, people fall in love. I am a good person, and this is not a life that anyone would choose for themselves. For as much as I see him and know we love each other, there are parts of him that I can't touch, that belong to her, and there are times that the lonely times are beyond bearable. . I agree with you.... but Im not like most here with severe blind biases... I'd tell you you are wasting your time imploring this lot
bentnotbroken Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I agree with you.... but Im not like most here with severe blind biases... I'd tell you you are wasting your time imploring this lot Ahhh SC, thank you.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I agree with you.... but Im not like most here with severe blind biases... I'd tell you you are wasting your time imploring this lot And she's wasting her time playing house for a guy that can probably only stay over three weeks out of the year. I once read tarot cards for one like this, wondering when her "soulmate" would finally be with her. She had been married, he got married, she divorced, he divorced ...... And married someone else despite having a daughter with her. That guy still managed to come over every Tuesday and Thursday to mix it up with her. Jeez. I tried to tell her that it wasn't even in the cards. No go, no reasoning. They've been "soulmates" forever. He'd "figure it out."
alexandria35 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Okay first of all there is not a single thing you said in your post that we haven't heard before. There is nothing new or unique about your affair. Did you think we would be swept away with your harlequin romance story. Heart husband? are you twelve years old? Your story is so typical I probably could of wrote it for you and it didn't inspire me to change my stance on cheating. You said that you have been involved with this man for the past seven years and then later you said that over the last seven years he has grown even farther apart from his wife. Well gee, I wonder why? Could it have anything to do with you? I don't think I've ever seen anyone say that all OW are sluts. I know I don't think OW are sluts. I do think many OW are very self absorbed foolish women, probably with some deep unresolved issues, and that they are using the affair to escape dealing with their real problems. I have also noticed that OW often express their feelings for the MM in very childish terms. They say things like 'heart husband' which has lead me to believe that many AP's are somewhat emotionally stunted and immature. They describe their affairs just like fairytale romances, where their MM is some kind of prince charming and they are the princess in waiting. As with any good fairtale there is always some evil force standing in the way of the prince's and princess's true happiness. In the case of affairs this would be the betrayed spouse. Nothing about your story led me to believe differently. You say nobody would chose the life of the OW which again indicates a childish refusal to accept responsibility for your own life and choices. Did somebody force you to become the OW? Has someone taken away your options? Of course you chose this life. You sound like a very naive childish young woman, but I suspect you are likely a middle aged woman. At your age don't you want to have the possibility of finding a real life partner for yourself? Why are gambling your heart and your life on the far away chance that someday he might leave his wife for you? Usually MM who are serious about leaving their spouse, will do so within a couple of years. I know that there are exceptions and some might not leave for several years. However I think the whole waiting for the kids to grow up plan, rarely pans out in the OW's favor. Once the kids reach adulthood there is just a whole new slew of excuses. Wife is ill, MM is ill, W or MM wants to retire, dog is dying, etc..You are wasting valuable time on a cheater who is happy to have you waiting years on him.
Severely Unamused Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) Ahhh SC, thank you. I don't see any reason to attack butterscotch anyway. As I suggested: Dysfunction junction. Live well OP. Edited August 28, 2011 by Severely Unamused
StoneCold Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) And she's wasting her time playing house for a guy that can probably only stay over three weeks out of the year. I once read tarot cards for one like this, wondering when her "soulmate" would finally be with her. She had been married, he got married, she divorced, he divorced ...... And married someone else despite having a daughter with her. That guy still managed to come over every Tuesday and Thursday to mix it up with her. Jeez. I tried to tell her that it wasn't even in the cards. No go, no reasoning. They've been "soulmates" forever. He'd "figure it out." mmm hmm well.... For me, I'm at peace with this. I love him enough to be happy with the things I do get - it is so much better than the emotional abuse I had from a "real" husband. Someday he will be legally divorced and until then he'll remain my "heart husband" and I his "heart wife". Apparently shes ok with this. Will it work out for her? I dont know...but if she were to pursue a relationship in the "conventional way" like "normal" people....would that be the "golden ticket"? From what i read around these parts not necessarily so either...right DOT? ....so what was your point again? Just because its not acceptable for you or isnt a "proper" relationship as you like to define it.... doesnt make it so for everyone else Edited August 28, 2011 by StoneCold
dreamingoftigers Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 mmm hmm well.... Apparently shes ok with this....so what was your point again? Just because its not acceptable for you or isnt a "proper" relationship as you like to define it.... doesnt make it so for everyone else Did you catch the next sentences where she mentions that one day he'll be legally divorced. She's waiting on him. Until then, she's made peace with the present. And when her soulmate/Heart husband/lover man/Knight in Shining Armour, goes back to being conflict-avoidant and doesn't get his divorce..... do you think that she'll make peace with that too? Proper has very little to do with it. My definition has very very little to do with someone being conflict-avoidant and playing two women off of each other with bits of deception and false hope for both. i hope that the OP does some more reading aroung the forum and checks out the real odds and success stories. Slim pickings it seems. Marriage has crappy enough odds, can't imagine picking a type of relationship with worse odds then that.
StoneCold Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) Did you catch the next sentences where she mentions that one day he'll be legally divorced. She's waiting on him. Until then, she's made peace with the present.. I did...so what? Perhaps he actually will leave and she beleives in that/him. Apparently half the couples are doing this so its not a total shot in the dark. Perhaps hes going through his own process on his terms... just like you, me and everyone else. and you know what?...there may be more to the story that even she doesnt know but I can tell you this... she knows more about this situation than you...so why do you insist on talking like you know. Its her risk to take which she seems to be quite aware of. If shes sees it as worth it..who are you to say otherwise And when her soulmate/Heart husband/lover man/Knight in Shining Armour, goes back to being conflict-avoidant and doesn't get his divorce..... do you think that she'll make peace with that too?.. Again with the assumptions...how do you know he isnt being strategic due to the nuances of his specific situation? You may call it "conflict avoidance"...others may call it "using your head" depending on the situations which again...you dont know playing two women off of each other with bits of deception and false hope for both. i hope that the OP does some more reading aroung the forum and checks out the real odds and success stories. Slim pickings it seems. . A) I dont see two women being played off of each other here B) Deception for his wife? yeah... but I dont know their situation so it may be a moot point and if she is indeed blackmailing him....tough cookies for her.. you play with fire, you get burned. Deception for the OP?...you cant verify this; she seems to be quite aware of her position Anyways I have participated in a thead jack once again..so I will stop Edited August 28, 2011 by StoneCold
dreamingoftigers Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I did...so what? Perhaps he actually will leave and she beleives in that/him. Apparently half the couples are doing this so its not a total shot in the dark. Perhaps hes going through his own process on his terms... just like you, me and everyone else. (Where's this stat from?) and you know what?...there may be more to the story that even she doesnt know but I can tell you this... she knows more about this situation than you...so why do you insist on talking like you know. (Because it's the same story with three different people. Guess how it ends.) Its her risk to take which she seems to be quite aware of. If shes sees it as worth it..who are you to say otherwise (Sure, the risk mentioned in brief, the great happening mentioned in full. Typical. It may be "worth it" to her. Wonderful, don't paint it as some love-miracle on the infidelity board, are you kidding me?) Again with the assumptions...how do you know he isnt being strategic due to the nuances of his specific situation? (7 years of strategizing is a long damn time to strategize. Wars have started and ended with far less strategy then leaving out a front door with some cash in hand.) You may call it "conflict avoidance"...others may call it "using your head" depending on the situations which again...you dont know (7 years. One would hope he would be brighter and get out earlier then that if he was using his head.) A) I dont see two women being played off of each other here B) Deception for his wife? yeah... but I dont know their situation so it may be a moot point and if she is indeed blackmailing him....tough cookies for her.. you play with fire, you get burned. Deception for the OP?...you cant verify this; she seems to be quite aware of her position Anyways I have participated in a thead jack once again..so I will stop Her position is "heart wife." Try looking that one up for a proper definition. God. We better stop. I am sounding more like JMK. Difference of thought process and opinion.
Woman In Blue Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 He used to try and leave her when the child was small but she created such problems and did a lot of emotional blackmail, he's resigned to stay until the child is older. I actually appreciate that he isn't just going to run out on his child. Well don't give him too much credit - it's quite clear he tried many times to run out on his wife and child (according to your post) but his wife created "such problems" for him that he RESIGNED himself to stay. Doesn't sound to me as if he is trying to do the 'right' thing at all - it simply sounds as though his wife was able to manipulate him into staying. Not quite the same thing as "doing the right thing," now is it? But, Daddy of the Year spends most of his time at YOUR place, so again, he falls a bit short of the title, 'great dad.' I also find it a bit odd that he found himself in SUCH a crappy marriage and was to the point where he just wanted to get away from his wife, yet he was STILL having sex with her and she turned up pregnant. Odd. And lastly, affairs don't 'just happen.' You make a series of deliberate CHOICES, all along the way, before the end result is being deep in an affair. You don't just wake up one morning and find yourself smack in the middle of one. Own your sh*t. Seriously. OWN it. I am a good person, and this is not a life that anyone would choose for themselves. BULL. You DID choose it. Every choice you MADE along the way to land you IN this affair disproves that silly statement that it's not a lifestyle anyone would "choose." You did choose it, so own your sh*t. Maybe, just maybe, you won't be so quick to judge the OW next time you hear of someone in a long-term affair. Maybe you'll consider my story and the possibility that she's just a woman who despite trying not to, loves a man with her entire being. Not calling anyone a slut, but I'm not going to feel you deserve hugs and flowers when this eventually blows up in your face and you're crying your heart out about how he did you wrong. You chose to get into this mess so frankly, whatever consequences come of it, you've earned.
woinlove Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 (edited) StoneCold, note that butterscotch qualified the happy with "happy with the things I do get". Her other statements (below) show how limited this happiness is and suggest someone who really isn't happy with her overall situation: I've been reading many threads on here and suspect that I'll be judged harshly for this, but I'm going to try and get some support anyway. I've come to terms with my life. this is not a life that anyone would choose for themselves. there are times that the lonely times are beyond bearable. it is so much better than the emotional abuse I had from a "real" husband. It suggests someone who is settling, perhaps because she is still suffering the after effects of abuse, measures her affair against an abusive R, and feels she doesn't deserve better. Butterscotch, you say you are looking for support and from the rest of your post, it sounds like you want support to try and remain in a LTA and be happy with what you are getting. Again, the OW/OM is really a better forum for hearing from others in LTAs and trying to get some mutual support from them - although you will also hear a diversity of opinions there. From the red flags of hurt and pain and settling in your post, I really think you should not worry about trying to "educate" betrayed spouses, but should focus as you said in your opening statement on getting some help and support for yourself. If you just write a post about your feelings, your loneliness and pain, maybe you will get some advice and help and learn that you do have control and choices and that you can lead a life that you would actually choose for yourself. ETA: although I see you have been reading LS and must have chosen this particular forum for some reason. If some part of you is feeling that you deserve to be called the names you suggest, then you need professional help. Please consider this. The effects of abuse can run deep. Edited August 28, 2011 by woinlove
Try Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 It's hypocritical for the both of you to keep being involved with each other and then want to blame the wife as if she's the evil one. Well said. You are not the victim. The wife is. Because you where secretly there for him, she never had a fair chance at her marriage. I think this hearing just your side of things. I would probably think worse of you if the wife was able to post here, but again she is not given a fair chance. News flash, time to face the truth. The wife is a human just like you. She has many of the same hopes and aspirations as you. From her point of view, you would be the evil one and most would agree with her.
Memphis Raines Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Just after he filed for divorce she found out she was pregnant. She begged him to stay and work things out. So he withdrew his papers and they stayed together. My own marriage was horrible and emotionally abusive. emotionally abusive your marriage may well have been, but it wasn't just your husband if this is what you are implying. you are a cheater, which makes you an emotional abuser as well. That and you are an accomplice to the emotional abuse of someone elses wife. He used to try and leave her when the child was small but she created such problems and did a lot of emotional blackmail, he's resigned to stay until the child is older. I actually appreciate that he isn't just going to run out on his child. oh please. he is staying for financial reasons. he can divorce, pay child support and still be in his child's life. us every other weekend fathers do it all the time. He often tells me that with me is the only place he can fully relax. well of course, he isn't married to you and doesn't have the daily trials of being a parent with you. Having seen this marriage all along, knowing him as well and long as I have, this is not a man for whom this is easy, nor has he ever cheated before you don't know that I guess I'm hoping that some of you will read my story and see that OW aren't all sluts or people looking to break up a family. and just because he isn't leaving the household for you this means there isn't homewrecking going on? he should quit wasting his wife's life, and she clearly doesn't know what is for her own good, and leave her. to stay until the child is 18 is for financial reasons, and dangling her on a string. Sometimes despite everything, people fall in love. I am a good person why are you trying to convince us of that? For me, I'm at peace with this. I love him enough to be happy with the things I do get - it is so much better than the emotional abuse I had from a "real" husband. Someday he will be legally divorced and until then he'll remain my "heart husband" and I his "heart wife". and his wife will have had her years wasted. I'm sure you could give a crap about that. but the upside is, he'll have more retirement, more equity in the home for her to get half of when it happens. Maybe, just maybe, you won't be so quick to judge the OW next time you hear of someone in a long-term affair. sorry, nothing you have written justifies a thing.
Memphis Raines Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 I agree with you.... but Im not like most here with severe blind biases... LOL, you're joking right? All of your posts smack with bias, just like the rest of us. your posts are from the viewpoint of a man that cheats and feels entitled to do so. the bias is clearly visible in your posts.
rafallus Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Of course, everyone has biases, some just can't or refuse to admit it. It's called "bias blind spot". Hence, I'm always amused when someone says/implies "Don't listen to those biased idiots, I'm the only one truly neutral and objective person". Guess what? You're not. Off-topic, and not helping the OP (well, maybe as reminder not to blindly trust everything you read, but you'd think it's obvious rule to follow on the internet), but I don't give two ****s.
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