He was perfect until he confessed he had a kid. Part II

[Memphis Raines]

I take it you have kids and are constantly rejected for being ugly and short?

 

yes on the kids, nope on the rest. but nice try though.

 

I actually find, with decent women, being a father who obviously loves his kid is a turn on for them.

 

 

That would explain the bitterness.

 

the way you talk about relationships in general, in this thread and others, I'd say you are quite bitter. That or simply a woman that any man in his right mind would stay away from.

[FrustratedStandards]

I am obviously bitter for a reason.

[Blade96]

so does her attractiveness. We lose our looks, our figures and the energy we have. I know that once I pass 30 I won't be as appealing anymore, which makes me worry even more knowing how hard it is to find someone even when you're young and full of energy.

 

That is not true. I am 33 and I still get ID'd at liquer stores! I have a nice youthful appearance, an ok body for my age, and really great skin. I am not ugly, either.

 

Plus I have high standards too. I never had a relationship go past 6 months. But I figured out that people who treat you like dirt and lie to you (which i also had a guy do, needless to say I never stayed with him we are just acquaintances now) they arent good partner material.

 

Stay with your high standards, they are part of you. If people can't accept that, they arent right for you anyway.

[FrustratedStandards]

That is not true. I am 33 and I still get ID'd at liquer stores! I have a nice youthful appearance, an ok body for my age, and really great skin. I am not ugly, either.

 

Plus I have high standards too. I never had a relationship go past 6 months. But I figured out that people who treat you like dirt and lie to you (which i also had a guy do, needless to say I never stayed with him we are just acquaintances now) they arent good partner material.

 

Stay with your high standards, they are part of you. If people can't accept that, they arent right for you anyway.

 

But what if you never find anyone who meets your standards? Are you really considering being alone rather than settling for someone? Personally, I don't think I am.

[Blade96]

But what if you never find anyone who meets your standards? Are you really considering being alone rather than settling for someone? Personally, I don't think I am.

 

I once thought like you. But, I thought about it and, after getting out of a relationship last year with an abusive man, I thought I would rather be alone and secure with my good friends and family who care about me, than 'settling' for a man who doesn't meet my standards or all of them and would probably mean I'd be less than content and or happy with my life.

 

And, like you, I don't want kids. There are soso many older kids around me that I can be a good influence to that I don't feel I need my own. And the fact that I don't like babies and toddlers helps. I prefer older children.

 

It seems to me like there is a bit of a self esteem issue here too. It seems that you don't feel happy alone. with yourself. But you got to feel happy on your own first. and with who you are. and your standards are part of that. Seems like you aren't that happy. I know, because I have always had a low self esteem problem myself. I'm still dealing with that.

Edited September 2, 2011 by Blade96

[Memphis Raines]

I am obviously bitter for a reason.

 

LOL, ok.

[KR10N]

lol. People treat 30 like 40... & so on. Why should age matter? It is a number after all.

Stay with your high standards, they are part of you. If people can't accept that, they arent right for you anyway.

Eh, Idk. Some people have pretty ridiculous standards. Just like certain qualities of someone is apart of who they are. If you really cared for them, could you "lower" your standards & accept them for who they are?

[in_absentia]

Agree with both of these. I'm really unimpressed with his part of that conversation. I definitely vote you move on.

 

I don't share the unimpressment that admitted his child was an accident and that he had wanted the mother to have an abortion. For all we know, it was followed with 'now he's here, I wouldn't change him for the world, but back then I was scared and not ready to be a father under those circumstances'. A child being an accident doesn't mean you necessarily love them any less and at least he is being honest with OP now that he didn't want the girl to keep the baby but she went ahead against his wishes.

[KR10N]

@n_absentia,

Against his wishes?

[ja123]

If I ever decide to start a family, I want it to be me, my husband and OUR kids. I don't want him leaving every other weekend to see another womans child. I feel that it breaks the family somewhat, and that my own children would feel left out. Should our whole family decide to go on vacation, for example, and something happens with his son, HE has to fly all the way back, or spend OUR vacation time worrying about his other kid.

 

I don't want outside influences or distractions. I want his 100% effort to go to OUR family and not 50% and 50% there. On top of that, I'm in my early twenties. I don't want to spend weekends going to chucky cheese or refraining from kissing my boyfriend because his son might be uncomfortable with it.

 

I'm young and supposed to have fun, not deal with family issues and baby-mama drama.

 

 

You've got your answer. This guy is NOT for you. Respect yourself, your wants and your limits: end the relationship so that you can move on and find someone who is right for you.

Edited September 4, 2011 by ja123

[FrustratedStandards]

It seems to me like there is a bit of a self esteem issue here too. It seems that you don't feel happy alone. with yourself. But you got to feel happy on your own first. and with who you are. and your standards are part of that. Seems like you aren't that happy. I know, because I have always had a low self esteem problem myself. I'm still dealing with that.

 

On the contrary, I have always been happier single. I have never been happy with someone. Isn't that sad? I hate doing everything alone. I hate travelling alone, and going to restaurants alone. I'm happy being single but I don't want to be single my entire life and never share anything with anyone.That's why I settle. I have never even MET a man who meets my standards. The only men I would consider are fictional characters in romantic comedies and we all know thats bull****.

 

If you really cared for them, could you "lower" your standards & accept them for who they are?

 

Isn't that sad though? "I lowered my standards for you because I really care for you." Gee, great.

 

I don't share the unimpressment that admitted his child was an accident and that he had wanted the mother to have an abortion. For all we know, it was followed with 'now he's here, I wouldn't change him for the world, but back then I was scared and not ready to be a father under those circumstances'. A child being an accident doesn't mean you necessarily love them any less and at least he is being honest with OP now that he didn't want the girl to keep the baby but she went ahead against his wishes.

 

Exactly. Thank you. People are so bitter they always misread for the worse.

Edited September 5, 2011 by FrustratedStandards

[KR10N]

Isn't that sad though? "I lowered my standards for you because I really care for you." Gee, great

It was sarcasm. The saying, "if someone can't accept you for who you are, then they're not right for you in the first place" works both ways. You can't expect a potential SO to meet your standards & YOURS only. Somewhere down the line compromises will be made. And if you're not willing to make compromises then perhaps your standards need to be revised. Or just forget about the relationship.

 

Besides, you were the one who mentioned that this guy was "perfect" until he had a kid & that maybe you should "lower" your standards or be single for a lifetime. Don't nitpick!

Edited September 5, 2011 by KR10N