sm1tten Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) Don't!Don't worry, I don't plan to. But thanks for the pro-tip. I guess my thought process is that I think he's allowed to have felt ambivalent about the pregnancy and also to have changed his mind. But I agree that it's probably not likely that he did given his actions. Edited August 29, 2011 by sm1tten
Memphis Raines Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 What do you think? that this man is a complete ahole for not having any feelings for his child, accident or not, and if he does love his child, then you are doing him a huge favor.
Memphis Raines Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 Wow, I had no idea that being a second priority was such a bad thing. I would never expect a guy to treat me as his one & only priority. spot on. I would never expect a woman with a child to put me before her own flesh and blood. And I would immediately kick to the curb any woman that expects me to put them ahead of my child.
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 I must be a giant, cold-hearted bitch because I don't really have an issue with him describing his child as an accident or wishing that it had been aborted. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love his child. Although the fact that he was so manipulative in denying the kid's existence kind of makes me wonder how emotionally connected to the child he is. I'm not sure how much that would matter to me, though. I'm so glad that I'm the one who decides whether I want a child or not. Exactly. Saying it was an accident doesnt meam he "tolerates", it simply means it wasnt planned. Who plans to have a kid at 16? And yes, thank GOODNESS the choice is left to me.
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Can he sign away all rights to the child and not have to pay child support so the mother can be free to marry and her new husband become the legal father? If not, maybe go with him to have a vasectomy so there won't be any more "accidents." He was never married, they were teenagers, 16 years.
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Okay.. stay with me here... You believe a man that lied to you about his kid.. What makes you think he is telling the truth about his kid now ? Who can refute it.. nobody.. He is lying.... and he blamed the birth on his ex.. he didn't take one ounce of responsibility for the birth of his own kid... What a POS... Don't feel guilty about dumping him because what you are doing is saving yourself future heartbreak... I mentioned in the previous thread that he was 16 when this happened. You cant expect a 16 year old to do everything right, especially when something like this happens.
Art_Critic Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) I mentioned in the previous thread that he was 16 when this happened. You cant expect a 16 year old to do everything right, especially when something like this happens. But he isn't 16 today while you are dating him... Are you saying that his terrible attitude about his own child is because it happened when he was 16.. Are you also saying that his lack of taking responsibility today is also because it happened when he was 16.. and yes.. him lying is him not taking responsibility as well. He still blames his ex for the birth and accepts no responsibility for his own child's birth.. Do you see how bad that is for an adult to think those things? You seem to be making nothing but excuses for a man who is treating his own child subpar..Why ? Edited August 30, 2011 by Art_Critic
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 You seem to be making nothing but excuses for a man who is treating his own child subpar..Why ? Because other than his kid, he is everything I ever wanted in a man. I dont like or want kids so his attitude about it doesnt bother me at all.
CarrieT Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Because other than his kid, he is everything I ever wanted in a man. I dont like or want kids so his attitude about it doesnt bother me at all. I don't like or want kids either but the fact that he made a mistake early in his life is not the issue; the fact that he couldn't be true to himself and to you for four solid months should be the giant red flag for you. That it isn't and that his behaviour doesn't bother you tells us a great deal about YOU and perhaps you two are perfect for each other since he is everything you want. Just saying...
Art_Critic Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 That it isn't and that his behaviour doesn't bother you tells us a great deal about YOU and perhaps you two are perfect for each other since he is everything you want. That is an interesting way of looking at it.. providing it really doesn't bother her..
make me believe Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I don't like or want kids either but the fact that he made a mistake early in his life is not the issue; the fact that he couldn't be true to himself and to you for four solid months should be the giant red flag for you. That it isn't and that his behaviour doesn't bother you tells us a great deal about YOU and perhaps you two are perfect for each other since he is everything you want. Just saying... Omg...seriously. I don't want kids either and don't particularly like them, but I'm still appalled that this guy lied to her for 4 months about his own flesh & blood! That is an AWFUL thing to do. There's absolutely no excuse for it. OP... "everything you want in a man" includes him lying to your face & manipulating you for four months? Pretending that his own child doesn't exist? I think you need to raise your expectations...
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 (edited) OP... "everything you want in a man" includes him lying to your face & manipulating you for four months? Pretending that his own child doesn't exist? I think you need to raise your expectations... Then I might as well prepare myself for a life all alone. My standards are high as it is. Thats why im thinking about letting this slip. Im sick of no one being "good enough" for my standards. Its either I let this slip or go back to being lonely. Not asking for sympathy but trying to explain why im taking a soft approach to this. Edited August 30, 2011 by FrustratedStandards
CarrieT Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Then I might as well prepare myself for a life all alone. My standards are high as it is. Thats why im thinking about letting this slip. Im sick of no one being "good enough" for my standards. Its either I let this slip or go back to being lonely. Not asking for sympathy but trying to explain why im taking a soft approach to this. How old are you? I seriously doubt you are going to spend your entire life alone, but I am curious about your age...
Eddie Edirol Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 Then I might as well prepare myself for a life all alone. My standards are high as it is. Thats why im thinking about letting this slip. Im sick of no one being "good enough" for my standards. Its either I let this slip or go back to being lonely. Not asking for sympathy but trying to explain why im taking a soft approach to this. Maybe I can help you out as a fellow "anti child" person. You have the no child standard for a reason. He may say the child is a mistake or burden now, but think about the future. When youre living with him, you will be going with him to pick up his kid twice a week, spending time with him and the child, then he will turn the tables and try to get you to help him raise that kid, try to get you involved in that kids life. Just like he manipulated you by waiting until you got somewhat attached to him before disclosing the kid. Not to mention dealing with the baby's momma, and whatever attitude she may have. If its true that she knows he didnt want the kid, then its possible that you'll really have issues with her. Youve thought about all this, right?
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 Maybe I can help you out as a fellow "anti child" person. You have the no child standard for a reason. He may say the child is a mistake or burden now, but think about the future. When youre living with him, you will be going with him to pick up his kid twice a week, spending time with him and the child, then he will turn the tables and try to get you to help him raise that kid, try to get you involved in that kids life. Just like he manipulated you by waiting until you got somewhat attached to him before disclosing the kid. Not to mention dealing with the baby's momma, and whatever attitude she may have. If its true that she knows he didnt want the kid, then its possible that you'll really have issues with her. Youve thought about all this, right? Of course I have. Because he has a child I will never move in with him. I like living alone anyways.
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 30, 2011 Author Posted August 30, 2011 How old are you? I seriously doubt you are going to spend your entire life alone, but I am curious about your age... I'm 27. All these years ive never had a relationship go past the one year mark cuz no one meets my standards, all to my families disappointment needless to mention. Them sighing at every "not good enough guy" adds to me feeling even worse that I cant find anyone. It has to be me, it cant be that every guy ive ever met was bad. So ive drawn the conclusion that my standards are too high.
CarrieT Posted August 30, 2011 Posted August 30, 2011 I'm 27. All these years ive never had a relationship go past the one year mark cuz no one meets my standards, all to my families disappointment needless to mention. Them sighing at every "not good enough guy" adds to me feeling even worse that I cant find anyone. It has to be me, it cant be that every guy ive ever met was bad. So ive drawn the conclusion that my standards are too high. You are not even 30. I can ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE that you are not going to be single your entire life. I am 47 and single (but dating) and can attest that you will meet lots and lots and lots more guys. And you will meet some that DO meet your standards. Your standards are not too high. I just think you are being impatient. But you have a LONG way to go before believing you are never going to find someone. Settle on this guy if you want. But know that he is a consummate liar and be prepared for future lies.
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Your standards are not too high. I just think you are being impatient. But you have a LONG way to go before believing you are never going to find someone. Actually you are right. I am impatient. I suppose it because i'm just so sick of being disappointed and not finding what i'm looking for. Its just at some point I get a bit insecure, because after 30 a woman's fertility rate drops drastically, and as a result so does her attractiveness. We lose our looks, our figures and the energy we have. I know that once I pass 30 I won't be as appealing anymore, which makes me worry even more knowing how hard it is to find someone even when you're young and full of energy.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Actually you are right. I am impatient. I suppose it because i'm just so sick of being disappointed and not finding what i'm looking for. Its just at some point I get a bit insecure, because after 30 a woman's fertility rate drops drastically, and as a result so does her attractiveness. We lose our looks, our figures and the energy we have. I know that once I pass 30 I won't be as appealing anymore, which makes me worry even more knowing how hard it is to find someone even when you're young and full of energy. (im gonna get flamed for this.....) Actually since you dont plan on having kids, youre looks will last much longer. (also depends on genetics) People with infants never get to sleep, which ages most of them, especially if they have multiple kids. But if youre spongy now, and you dont plan on getting fit, thats a different story. But when you dont have kids, you'll be plenty appealing. I just found out at 38 years old that food plays the main part of energy. I eat healthier and I dont need to nap during the day anymore.
make me believe Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 I totally agree with Carrie that your standards are NOT too high! I think your people picker is off if you are consistently getting into relationships that don't last longer than a year because you find out something crappy about the guy. Also, your characterization of women over 30 is really depressing! There are PLENTY of women in their 30s and beyond who are vibrant, full of energy, and attractive to men. I know here on LS some of the guys love to belittle older women & say that all guys want a 19 year old college student, but I don't find that to be the case in real life. (At least not with the guys who are worth your time ) Believe me, you have absolutely no reason to settle for less than what you want & deserve. I don't find anything odd about a single 27 year old woman. Hell, my twin sister is 28 & single and I've never thought "well gosh she should really just settle for what she can get, she's only got 2 good years left!" lol. Doesn't that just sound silly? Try not to be impatient (I know, easier said than done), there are lotsss of good guys out there.
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 (im gonna get flamed for this.....) Actually since you dont plan on having kids, youre looks will last much longer. (also depends on genetics) People with infants never get to sleep, which ages most of them, especially if they have multiple kids. But if youre spongy now, and you dont plan on getting fit, thats a different story. But when you dont have kids, you'll be plenty appealing. I just found out at 38 years old that food plays the main part of energy. I eat healthier and I dont need to nap during the day anymore. That makes me feel better lol
Author FrustratedStandards Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 Try not to be impatient (I know, easier said than done), there are lotsss of good guys out there. Thank you
Memphis Raines Posted September 1, 2011 Posted September 1, 2011 Then I might as well prepare myself for a life all alone. based on this thread, and other things you have posted, that sounds like a good idea, for someone elses sake.
Author FrustratedStandards Posted September 1, 2011 Author Posted September 1, 2011 based on this thread, and other things you have posted, that sounds like a good idea, for someone elses sake. I take it you have kids and are constantly rejected for being ugly and short? That would explain the bitterness. Either that or you just got dumped because your woman had "high standards" that you didn't meet. Tsk tsk.
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