Kindaconfused_77 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Recently, about 2 weeks ago, I've been hooking up with a friend. She is fairly liberal and blase about the whole dating and relationship thing - she doesn't think she can function in a relationship, so she just has hookups, usually in clubbing or bar scenes, but in my case its been somewhat different because we have started out as friends for 4 months before anything ever happened. At first I believed I was looking at just a FWB kind of deal, but when we are on our own, its not just about the sex (although that is a big part of it, she has a high sex drive), there is a lot of tenderness, cuddling, kissing, spending time enjoying each others company, bickering playfully. We are almost constantly aware of what the other is up to every day be it through SMS phone or IM so we "feel" very much like a couple, but the confusion for me comes to how she behaves when we are surrounded by friends in our social circle, all the attention is gone, practically zero PDA (although we do kiss goodbye regardless of whether anyone is around or not), and practically zero physical contact unless I initiate. Maybe she is unsure or a little off-put about how to act in front of our friends (although at this point they all know we have been hooking up regularly) due to her lack of what Id best call "relationship experience", or maybe she just isn't the public PDA kind of girl - she did mention to me once she couldn't be kissing me in front of people out in public because it turned her on too much and she didn't want to be making a spectacle in public. Seeing as we haven't had The Talk yet, this whole relationship is very undefined, and my insecurities are heavily playing into this when she goes from all over me in private, to practically distant and uninvolved in public. Being the wild spirit she is, I dont really want to initiate The Talk, and appear clingy or insecure and spook her away, as I am beginning to grow quite fond of her. What are you guys experiences or opinions on public couple behavior as compared to private behavior? Am I reading too much into her apparent public disinterest?
Professor X Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 What are you guys experiences or opinions on public couple behavior as compared to private behavior? Am I reading too much into her apparent public disinterest? The question would of been relevant IF you were in a RS with her, but alas, you are not. And you're only 2 weeks FWB with her (yes, it's FWB, welcome - if you think people just meet each to screw and leave right away you're wrong, there's usually a bit more involved prior and after, after all, you are friends). But, since you're not in a RS with her, I question if you can even handle a FWB scenario, because it seems you can't. If you must, have a talk with her but I doubt she will tell you she wants a RS all of a sudden and I'm sure she made it perfectly clear to you she isn't interested. Either way, you're walking a path of pain if you continue doing what you do. P.S. I hope I'm wrong, but that's how I see the picture you described.
Lilmisus Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Yeah..it seems like you're too emotionally involved for the original fwb plan. If you think it's worth it, sit down and ask her what her intentions with you are. Purely physical or does she care more about you than that? Lay out what you want and how you feel, and if things don't match up for you two, then cut your loses and try to work your way back into just being friends.
Feelsgoodman Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I hope you are not entertaining the possibility of a real relationship with this girl. That would be a bad idea for obvious reasons (let's just say that a "liberal" bar slut that hooks up with random guys she meet at clubs is not what most men would consider relationship material). As to why she is not affectionate with you in public, it's also obvious. She does not want people to think the two of you are in a relationship.
Author Kindaconfused_77 Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 I guess you are right and I'm reading more to this thing than there really is. You are also correct in assuming that I would not be able to handle a FWB situation, I'm just not wired that way, but on the other hand ive been single for so long, that well... She was rather hard to turn down. The best course of action may be to create distance and let the whole thing cool off, and try and find the kind of relationship I really want... even though my curent alternative prospects are very slim.
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