The Poster Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 there was another nail put in my heart last night. I'm making pretty good progress. I've accepted the breakup, am moving on and can already picture myself with other girls. It's a work in progress but progress is being made and I'm happy about that. My ex and I have been on good terms, she's still close with my family and though I'm keeping NC to a minimum we still talk because of things we HAVE to communicate about. Well, last night I was at a party and my ex's best friend was there. We were friendly, she still thinks highly of me and told my ex she wishes we were still together. Eventually we started talking about the breakup (which was a couple months ago) and possibly getting back together, and apparently my ex told her that a member from my family called her last week and told her that I was sleeping with a girl. Now, obviously this is not only untrue, but also completely bizarre. My ex has shown signs of jealousy with this "girl I slept with" in the past, but I'm not attracted to her like that. It blew me away. I don't understand why she would say something like that. Even my ex's best friend knew it was a lie before she even talked to me. I texted my ex asking her why she would say that and she just said she didn't know what I was talking about. I don't know what to think. Now, before this convo started at the party, the best friend went outside to make a phone call. Maybe my ex told her to find out if I was with this other girl and it kind of went too far. I don't know, but it makes me very upset and angry that she would say something like that. Opinions?
Chinook Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 So, it may not be your ex who told the lie then... it may be your supposed friend trying to get the info. People do stupid things. If your ex didn't know what you meant, I would bet it was the friend who lied not her.
KathyM Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 there was another nail put in my heart last night. I'm making pretty good progress. I've accepted the breakup, am moving on and can already picture myself with other girls. It's a work in progress but progress is being made and I'm happy about that. My ex and I have been on good terms, she's still close with my family and though I'm keeping NC to a minimum we still talk because of things we HAVE to communicate about. Well, last night I was at a party and my ex's best friend was there. We were friendly, she still thinks highly of me and told my ex she wishes we were still together. Eventually we started talking about the breakup (which was a couple months ago) and possibly getting back together, and apparently my ex told her that a member from my family called her last week and told her that I was sleeping with a girl. Now, obviously this is not only untrue, but also completely bizarre. My ex has shown signs of jealousy with this "girl I slept with" in the past, but I'm not attracted to her like that. It blew me away. I don't understand why she would say something like that. Even my ex's best friend knew it was a lie before she even talked to me. I texted my ex asking her why she would say that and she just said she didn't know what I was talking about. I don't know what to think. Now, before this convo started at the party, the best friend went outside to make a phone call. Maybe my ex told her to find out if I was with this other girl and it kind of went too far. I don't know, but it makes me very upset and angry that she would say something like that. Opinions? I think you should avoid talking about your break up with other people. You're giving friends, relatives, etc., too much information about your personal life, and it's coming back to bite you. How is it that a relative would take it upon themselves to call your X gf? Keep your private life to yourself, and guard what you say to friends and relatives, and then you won't have this problem. If they try to pry information out of you, simply say, "I don't feel like talking about it", or something to that effect.
Author The Poster Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 So, it may not be your ex who told the lie then... it may be your supposed friend trying to get the info. People do stupid things. If your ex didn't know what you meant, I would bet it was the friend who lied not her. It's possible, I mean it definitely seemed like the friend was trying to get info out of me for my ex. But saying someone from my family called her (my ex) to tell her I was with another girl is just extreme and just going to far. Kathy, I didn't bring it up, she started talking about it and I just answered and then she hit me like a ton of bricks. It was just bizarre. She first asked me if I was seeing this other girl and I said no and then she told me what my ex told her.
Chinook Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 It's possible, I mean it definitely seemed like the friend was trying to get info out of me for my ex. But saying someone from my family called her (my ex) to tell her I was with another girl is just extreme and just going to far. Kathy, I didn't bring it up, she started talking about it and I just answered and then she hit me like a ton of bricks. It was just bizarre. She first asked me if I was seeing this other girl and I said no and then she told me what my ex told her. This info... it was definitely your friend who engineered this situation. She wants to see you guys back together. She wasn't to know you would ask your ex about the family member calling your ex, to your friend it would have been a pretty safe option to use. Alternatively, they cooked it up between them and you will never know the difference. Either way my dear, regardless of who told the lie, you have just been played for a fool - albeit in a kinda nice way because they seem to be plotting to get you guys back together. Are you ready to go back..?
Author The Poster Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 This info... it was definitely your friend who engineered this situation. She wants to see you guys back together. She wasn't to know you would ask your ex about the family member calling your ex, to your friend it would have been a pretty safe option to use. Alternatively, they cooked it up between them and you will never know the difference. Either way my dear, regardless of who told the lie, you have just been played for a fool - albeit in a kinda nice way because they seem to be plotting to get you guys back together. Are you ready to go back..? Well, the friend also told me that she asked my ex if we were going to get back together and she said "No." So while I agree that this is something they likely cooked up together, I have a hard time believing it's a plot to get us back together. But, I would be willing to try again because I felt we had something special. However, unless they're going about it in a backhanded way, I don't see that as the motive.
Chinook Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 If it's not something to get you guys together, then I think you need to steer clear of them both - because anything other than that is just game playing isn't it...? And that my dear, as you nailed in the first post with your first line there was another nail put in my heart last night ... is just so not fair. Look at how much you have thought about it today. I do think they cooked it up together and the friend made up the family member calling your ex. But for what reason, I couldn't know. If it's not to ascertain whether you're single and get onto that path of reconciliation, then they are winding you up and you should disengage to keep up your good progress. Also, you have not heard anything positive from your ex in regard to a reconciliation..? So I would continue healing yourself and moving on. Sadly, you are better off without someone who will play with your emotions like this.
Author The Poster Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 Fact is I don't really know what to think anymore. A month after the breakup she was showing signs off wanting a reconciliation. But within the past couple weeks she's been a little cold, so I decided to keep my distance. Actually, she's been asking me quite a bit when I'm going back over her house to visit the dog, but I keep making excuses bc it hurts too much to be there when all it will do is remind me of what I lost. Previously, I would have been there in a heartbeat. Maybe that's what happened last night. Maybe my ex sees that I'm distancing myself and not making an effort to go there and now she is worried there's someone else or that I'm moving on.
Chinook Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Nail. On. Head. This is classical yo-yo girl. She will keep reeling you in until you say 'no more'. If I were you I would also watch out for the very real and realistic reconciliation where she will ask you to go back - and then flip-flop and change her mind. I hope I am wrong but your story is so familiar (as you can see by my tagline I've hung around here a while).
Author The Poster Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 Yeah I will definitely be careful and be sure to put my feelings and sanity first. Thanks for all your help
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