intigo Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 i am deeply in love with my ex i cannot let go i broke up with her 3 weeks ago and now im in 4 days NC. the reason we broke up was tha she was not in love with me she told me that she felt that she was falling for me 2 times but the feeling just left!!she canot explain it.she told me i want to fall in love with you. In a moment of weekness i asked her if theres any chance in the future she said no but im not sure, then she said i might regret this one day but its going to be to late, then she said i dont think there is a possibility but i cannot predict the future. i told her you will see me again sometime in the future. she has many issues and has a lot in her head i dont know if that was the reason she blocked her feelings. she was hurt in tha past and when we started dating she was telling her self be carefull dont fall for this guy he only wants to have sex with you..we were togrther for 3,5 months and had lots of sex and we really enjoyed each others company. she told me i was everything she wanted in a realationship that i made her feel like a woman like noone has ever that she likes me a loy but shes not in love she had it and lost it i believe her cause she is really sincere Is that possible?can you fall in and out of love so fast? should i try after some months or maybe more to get her back? she told me she needs to talk to a psychologist to clear her head is there a possibility that she falls again?
Author intigo Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 i am deeply in love with my ex i cannot let go i broke up with her 3 weeks ago and now im in 4 days NC. the reason we broke up was tha she was not in love with me she told me that she felt that she was falling for me 2 times but the feeling just left!!she canot explain it.she told me i want to fall in love with you. In a moment of weekness i asked her if theres any chance in the future she said no but im not sure, then she said i might regret this one day but its going to be to late, then she said i dont think there is a possibility but i cannot predict the future. i told her you will see me again sometime in the future. she has many issues and has a lot in her head i dont know if that was the reason she blocked her feelings. she was hurt in tha past and when we started dating she was telling her self be carefull dont fall for this guy he only wants to have sex with you..we were togrther for 3,5 months and had lots of sex and we really enjoyed each others company. she told me i was everything she wanted in a realationship that i made her feel like a woman like noone has ever that she likes me a loy but shes not in love she had it and lost it i believe her cause she is really sincere Is that possible?can you fall in and out of love so fast? should i try after some months or maybe more to get her back? she told me she needs to talk to a psychologist to clear her head is there a possibility that she falls again? yetserday i was on msn she goes on line we talk a little she tells me she misses me kind of and thinks about me sometimes i talk about the future she is not sure.then she tells me to move on and find an other girl she tells me she is in the worst phase of her life i offer my self to listen but she doeasnt want to tell me she says its personal i force her to tell me and she goes off line. i send her an email (mistake)about how i feel and now i feel sick. is there a possibility that when she copes with her issues to want me back?
Nohbody Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Possible, yes. Likely? Unknown - but best best to assume not. The best thing for you to do, in my opinion, is not to contact her again. Focus on becoming a more awesome you, get over your heartache, and if she sorts herself out and wants to be with you... she will. Let her worry about her problems - you worry about you.
Author intigo Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 when you slowly start to understand that all hope is gone then you realise the true pain of the break up. i just cannot stop loving her
smudge21 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 You say it's been 4 days of NC - that's nothing when you think of the intense feelings you have for your ex. There is no time limit to healing, it will happen when it happens and until then you will feel this way, just accept it. Don't try and force yourself to feel better or even complain when you don't. You will, like the rest of us, have good and bad days. Go read some other threads and maybe you'll find the answers you're looking for in others posts. Break ups are never easy and sometimes we all have to go on with our lives with questions that never get answered. I have some of my own, but sadly I have to live with them.
dontstopbelieving Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 I'm in the same situation. My ex and I broke up on Aug. 1, and we've been NC since (he wanted to keep in touch though). It hurts badly because I really wanted the relationship, I guess he felt otherwise. Truthfully, we will never find the reasons on why they had a sudden change of heart but be true to yourself and stop allowing this person to doubt yourself or how you have handled the situation. They made this choice that they didn't want us in their life anymore and they must face their own issues alone. I just let mine go after telling me he wanted to break up, as much as I wanted to beg and cry for him back I knew I owe it to myself to maintain my dignity (since its the only thing I can control and keep). I know one day it will hurt less and I will get over it, I wish you the best. Good luck!
wilsonx Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 then she tells me to move on and find an other girl Ok, you did the right thing in breaking up with her. Read this again, you did the right thing in breaking up with her. Right now she doesn't want you back. Do you see what I quoted here, this means she has feelings for someone else. I got this same line a week after my breakup. Its so immature they don't want to admit it to themselves. It took everything i had in me to get the truth pried out of my ex when she told me this line. You have to go NC because your relationship with her is over. When I say over, its over and there's nothing you can do to get her back. Don't read get my ex back stuff online, its not going to work in this situation. I am sorry that you are dealing with this but like you said she's a hurt person, hurt people do these things... Read the thread "I am no longer attracted to you" in my signature for more information and make sure to read Mack05's post too
Author intigo Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 Ok, you did the right thing in breaking up with her. Read this again, you did the right thing in breaking up with her. Right now she doesn't want you back. Do you see what I quoted here, this means she has feelings for someone else. I got this same line a week after my breakup. Its so immature they don't want to admit it to themselves. It took everything i had in me to get the truth pried out of my ex when she told me this line. You have to go NC because your relationship with her is over. When I say over, its over and there's nothing you can do to get her back. Don't read get my ex back stuff online, its not going to work in this situation. I am sorry that you are dealing with this but like you said she's a hurt person, hurt people do these things... Read the thread "I am no longer attracted to you" in my signature for more information and make sure to read Mack05's post too shes a really sincere person if there was somenone else she would have told me.i asked her if she is in love with her ex from 1,5 years ago she told me i think about him sometimes but i will never be with him (he cheated). the thing is she has these issues that trouble her, she also has many fears such as losing her loved ones i was always understanding about these things. She told me i wish the feeling never left but it didnt last..is it possible to fall in and out so fast 2 times!!!??? is she emotionally unavailable? before me she dated some guys but she would go on 1-2 dates and then she would end it.she doesnt want to give any hope and she said i dont know how i am going to be in a few months. should i try something with her after few months of NC?
Author intigo Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 i send her an email (mistake)about how i feel and now i feel sick. her answer was i dont regret anything that happened between the two of us.. your words made me cry... i am so sorry that things ended... you dont know what future will bring... i think that you are an amazing person keep that in mind ????
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 i am deeply in love with my ex i cannot let go i broke up with her 3 weeks ago and now im in 4 days NC. the reason we broke up was tha she was not in love with me she told me that she felt that she was falling for me 2 times but the feeling just left!!she canot explain it.she told me i want to fall in love with you. In a moment of weekness i asked her if theres any chance in the future she said no but im not sure, then she said i might regret this one day but its going to be to late, then she said i dont think there is a possibility but i cannot predict the future. i told her you will see me again sometime in the future. she has many issues and has a lot in her head i dont know if that was the reason she blocked her feelings. she was hurt in tha past and when we started dating she was telling her self be carefull dont fall for this guy he only wants to have sex with you..we were togrther for 3,5 months and had lots of sex and we really enjoyed each others company. she told me i was everything she wanted in a realationship that i made her feel like a woman like noone has ever that she likes me a loy but shes not in love she had it and lost it i believe her cause she is really sincere Is that possible?can you fall in and out of love so fast? should i try after some months or maybe more to get her back? she told me she needs to talk to a psychologist to clear her head is there a possibility that she falls again? Love is unique in that it is ever expanding. Love will be completely redefined for you each and every time it is put through a trial such as this one. It sounds to me that she is conflicted with a few things that is keeping her from fully committing to this relationship with you. The BEST thing you can do right now is let her know that you are there for her if she needs it (But only if she is ok with this). From what i've gathered from your post there appears to be some negative experiences that she has been though in her past. I think that her seeking a psychologist for these issues is definately a step in the right direction and should be an indication that she is taking this seriously. To the question is there a chance that she will fall again? There is a chance but I don't see that happening until she speaks to a professional about what is truely bothering her and which something obviously is. Again you need to somehow let her know that you are there for her if she needs anything or even if it is just someone to talk too. This will keep the lines of communication open and she will remember it. One thing you do not want to do is to ask or keep asking her about the relationship.. let her bring it up to you first. Just be a friend for now and let it progress from there. If you have any other questions let me know. Good luck and God speed
Author intigo Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 Love is unique in that it is ever expanding. Love will be completely redefined for you each and every time it is put through a trial such as this one. It sounds to me that she is conflicted with a few things that is keeping her from fully committing to this relationship with you. The BEST thing you can do right now is let her know that you are there for her if she needs it (But only if she is ok with this). From what i've gathered from your post there appears to be some negative experiences that she has been though in her past. I think that her seeking a psychologist for these issues is definately a step in the right direction and should be an indication that she is taking this seriously. To the question is there a chance that she will fall again? There is a chance but I don't see that happening until she speaks to a professional about what is truely bothering her and which something obviously is. Again you need to somehow let her know that you are there for her if she needs anything or even if it is just someone to talk too. This will keep the lines of communication open and she will remember it. One thing you do not want to do is to ask or keep asking her about the relationship.. let her bring it up to you first. Just be a friend for now and let it progress from there. If you have any other questions let me know. Good luck and God speed i will follow your advice thank you very much what do you think of the answer she gave to my email expressing my feelings to her?
goodmn Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 i will follow your advice thank you very much what do you think of the answer she gave to my email expressing my feelings to her? I think her email states it quite clearly. She is going through the worst phase of her life right now. She doesn't regret anything. She still thinks about you. What she needs right now is a SUPPORT person a friend someone she can talk too but it has to be on her terms. It may take a while for her to realize it but when you get the chance to let her know that you are there to HELP support her if she needs it. This and only this because after all the true relationships that last usually do start off as friends and there is a good reason for it. It's important not to EXPECT to have this rekindled quickly and if you truely do love her then be there for her as a friend if she lets you.
Author intigo Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 I think her email states it quite clearly. She is going through the worst phase of her life right now. She doesn't regret anything. She still thinks about you. What she needs right now is a SUPPORT person a friend someone she can talk too but it has to be on her terms. It may take a while for her to realize it but when you get the chance to let her know that you are there to HELP support her if she needs it. This and only this because after all the true relationships that last usually do start off as friends and there is a good reason for it. It's important not to EXPECT to have this rekindled quickly and if you truely do love her then be there for her as a friend if she lets you. i wont contact her anymore as you say i will sit back and wait i have already told her that i wont be her friend bc i have all these feelings but i offered my self to listen or help her in any way. i hate it when theres is nothing you can do. if theres is no contact should i try to see her lets say after 2-3 months?
stillafool Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 True, but OP you can't support her through whatever she is going through. Supporting her will keep you from moving on and you need to support yourself right now. I don't care what a person has gone through in their past, one can still fall in love if the feelings were there. I think your ex really did want to love you and tried to love you but it wasn't there and it is good she didn't waste anymore of your time. You should not "be there" for her when she doesn't want a relationship with you especially knowing how she feels about you. Don't hold on to false hope. If she wants you back she will let you know.
Author intigo Posted August 29, 2011 Author Posted August 29, 2011 True, but OP you can't support her through whatever she is going through. Supporting her will keep you from moving on and you need to support yourself right now. I don't care what a person has gone through in their past, one can still fall in love if the feelings were there. I think your ex really did want to love you and tried to love you but it wasn't there and it is good she didn't waste anymore of your time. You should not "be there" for her when she doesn't want a relationship with you especially knowing how she feels about you. Don't hold on to false hope. If she wants you back she will let you know. i was always there for her during the relationship i tried to help her,YOU are so right she told me herself i really want to fall in love with you, she felt she was falling for me 2 times and then the feeling just left she cant explain it. you cant force someone to love you but she was forcing herself to love me. I just dont understand, could these issues she has made her emotionally unstable? i dont have false hope i know that i cant do something now but i cannot predict the future if she clears her head i want to be there for her
Downtown Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 (edited) Could these issues she has made her emotionally unstable?Yes, Intigo, it sounds that way to me. The behavior you describe -- falling in and out of "love" quickly, initially perceiving you to be the perfect man, and strong fear of abandonment -- indicate that she may be emotionally unstable. If so, she likely has been that way since early childhood and, without years of intensive therapy, she likely would not improve much if at all.she told me i was everything she wanted in a realationship that i made her feel like a woman like noone has ever.Emotionally unstable women typically do black-white thinking, wherein they categorize everyone as "all good" or "all bad." And they will recategorize a person from one polar extreme to the other based solely on an idle comment or minor infraction. When they become infatuated with a man, they usually view him as being perfect and God's gift to them. That adulation does not last long, however. As soon as their infatuation evaporates, their fears (abandonment and engulfment) return, causing them to reevalute you in negative terms. Because the infatuation typically lasts 3 to 6 months, it is not surprising that your exGF removed you from the pedestal after just 3.5 months.love -- she had it and lost it i believe her cause she is really sincere. Is that possible? can you fall in and out of love so fast?Not if you are emotionally healthy. Unstable women, however, can do it in ten seconds, instantly flipping from adoring you to devaluing you. One reason, as I noted above, is that they do black-white thinking because they cannot tolerate being in touch with strong mixed feelings. That is, they are extremely uncomfortable with grey areas. This is why such women will frequently use terms such as "always" and "never" to describe your behavior. Such rapid flipping is possible because they do not have to wait for the good feelings to fade away. Instead, they simply "split off" those good feelings, i.e., put them out of touch of their conscious minds. Another reason for the rapid flipping is that unstable women generally have great difficulty with "object constancy," i.e., with perceiving loved ones to have consistent and predictable personalities and feelings. Because they find themselves to be unpredictable and constantly changing, they view other people as being that way too. They therefore tend to view a man as being the person they saw in the past day or two -- wholly ignoring all the information they learned about the man over a period of months or years. This is why unstable women generally are unable to appreciate any sacrifices you've made for them in the past. Instead, it's always "What have you done for me lately?"she told me she needs to talk to a psychologist to clear her head.If she has strong traits of emotional instability, it likely will take several years (at a minimum) of weekly therapy to make a substantial improvement. Hence, this is not something that would clear up in 3 months, as you had supposed. Moreover, the chances of her being willing to stay in a therapy program for several years is very slim.is there a possibility that when she copes with her issues to want me back?As I said, if your GF is emotionally unstable, there is very little chance she will learn to manage her issues. Moreover, even if she were to do that, it would be several years before you could know whether she had really improved. When a woman is unstable, it is very VERY difficult to ever know that substantial improvement has occurred. Like smokers who are quitting every two weeks, unstable folks appear to be greatly improving once or twice a month -- and then they flip back to the destructive behavior once again. It nonetheless is likely that she eventually will "want you back." Indeed, she has already fallen in and out "of love" with you twice in the space of only three months.should i try after some months or maybe more to get her back?No. I agree with Nohbody, Wilson, and Stillafool that you should go NC and stay away from her. You cannot help her or fix her. I say this after spending 15 years trying to help my unstable exW, whom I took to six different psychologists and two MCs. If you would like to read about my experience with an unstable woman, please see my several posts in GreenEyedRebel's thread. They start at http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=3398735#post3398735. Take care, Intigo. Edited August 29, 2011 by Downtown
wilsonx Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 ][/b]shes a really sincere person if there was somenone else she would have told me.i asked her if she is in love with her ex from 1' date='5 years ago she told me i think about him sometimes but i will never be with him (he cheated). the thing is she has these issues that trouble her, she also has many fears such as losing her loved ones i was always understanding about these things. She told me i wish the feeling never left but it didnt last..is it possible to fall in and out so fast 2 times!!!??? is she emotionally unavailable? before me she dated some guys but she would go on 1-2 dates and then she would end it.she doesnt want to give any hope and she said i dont know how i am going to be in a few months. should i try something with her after few months of NC?[/quote'] Look.. she is not a sincere person, get her off the pedestal. Advice given to you is completely wrong besides downtown Right now I know you are in love with her and no matter what anyone says that's not going to chance. I was a naive new blood here a few months ago but I will tell you the same thing people told me when I first posted here. She's gaslighting you. If you have suspicions of her talking to her ex. She dumped you because she is going to get back together with him. Trust your own instincts over what she's telling you. I guarantee you in 2 months, she will be back in a relationship with the person that comes across your mind if there is one you possibly suspect she left you for. I guarantee it. I'm batting 100% right now on these forums and among my friends lets keep the perfect average
M2155 Posted August 29, 2011 Posted August 29, 2011 This guy told me today if you do not have a man's heart, you don't have anything. I guess it works the same for women. You don't have her heart. I was with my ex for almost 2 years and he went back to his ex. He never really talked about her but looking back, he was never with me the way he seems to be with her now. We were fun and like you described, but they are straight out the gate all in love. I don't know if he was seeing her while he was with me but now I think they were reconciling because I find it hard to believe it happens that fast. I loved him more than he loved me and to be honest, I hope he comes back around one day so I can at least see what this was all about. But for now it's over. We have to move on:( I do not and have no intention of speaking to my ex, especially not now. I do want to be in contact again one day but I want to move on first. It's an opportunity to find someone that does love us the way we deserve. That's what they chose to do. You did the right thing because you can NOT compete with feelings for an ex. If she comes to regret it, she will be back.
Author intigo Posted August 31, 2011 Author Posted August 31, 2011 thanks everyone so much for your advice i think i have to add a little more info shes 28 and she had sex only with 5 men including me her first realationship 2 years (fell out of love got bored) second relationship (3,5 years her boyfriend cheatead on her they break up for 3 months she goes with another man she regrets it the next day goes back to her ex he cheats again she dumps him) and the fourth was a friend of hers she fell in love with him she trusted him, he f..d her and left her and then i came around. when we first dated she always told me men are all the same thay just want sex noone is to trust. the first days she started falling in love with me she would go back home and she was telling her self 'be carefull he only wants to have sex with you you have promised not to let anyone near you and stuff like that'. i thought i could change her by making her trust me, i guess i failed. i really wanted to be with this girl i dont know what are her issues and if this is the reason for her fallin out of love or she just wasnt so much in love to make it last. i am really confused
M2155 Posted August 31, 2011 Posted August 31, 2011 Doesn't sound like she knows herself well enough to be fully in a healthy relationship. I think sometimes sex is just a mask or escape.
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