Ayla Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Today my ex - the one that prompted me to find LS 2.5 years ago, got married to the woman he cheated on me with... I don't love him anymore, let alone like him...in fact I would go as far to say that I hate him. However today, I feel some sense of loss and anger. I can't explain it. Unfortunately I was hoping to keep busy tonight, but my friends are either busy or are working. So I am sitting at home, trying not to think of it. And I thought of my LS friends who have helped me so much. I guess I am angry, because he is getting married today to the skank, and I am still single. I am happily single, and I really really really like a guy....I guess that is why I am confused as to why I am feeling this way. Is it bad to say, that I wish him all the unhappiness in the world?
HardknockLife Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Indeed it is bad, you shouldnt even be worrying about your pas. Look ahead of your future, your past will only hold you back from moving onto the next one.
2011aug Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 It happens. Let it pass. Let your own life bloom as it should.
oaks Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Is it bad to say, that I wish him all the unhappiness in the world? Well, it might mean that you're not over him, which might be a bad thing. He cheated on you 2.5 years ago... can you move on? Or will it upset you when you hear that they're having kids in a few months?
Damia Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I would wish him all the unhappiness in the world too! Its Ok to feel like that ,then remember what a dork he was and how much you have grown ,move forward. you got places to go and people to meet ,girlfriend!
Author Ayla Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 I'm defintitley over him...I don't think I am 100% over the hurt that he caused...I think this feeling is stemmed from that. I know that the fear of getting hurt like that again, does affect me now...but I actively work on trying not to let it affact my actions. Interestingly the guy I liike, went through exactly the same thing I did...
Movingthrough Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I think its normal what you are feeling. The problem with a breakup involving cheating is its hard to let it go no matter what anyone says. Im a little over a year out of my breakup and i still think about it, 90% of those thoughts are because she moved on so fast. My point is, the cheating and the moving on fast thing seem to be the hardest to let go of. You have anger for the cheating but are still mourning the relationship. The other angle is there is no way you could say they have a healthy relationship. I had a buddy of mine who is a Psychologist tell me once about my ex moving on so fast: "Yes it may last for a while and be full good times and "love", but thats a bad definition of love when its based off of cheating or moving on days after dating someone else." Its always easier said then done but just know that they are not in anything good. I feel the same way where its like she got away with it because im still single, but now that time has gone by and my head has cleared, i know i would not want a relationship that was like hers.
CarrieT Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Is it bad to say, that I wish him all the unhappiness in the world? I know what you are feeling but I'll offer up an alternative... Offer him all the happiness in the world. Only projecting good and positive thoughts - regardless of the pain that was caused - will only bring positive and healing thoughts back to you. Reap what you will sow sort of thing. I know it is hard, but down the road, you WILL feel better if you take a more healing and good-will stance for all involved.
Butterflying Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 OP, I can totally understand how you feel. Like deep down you wonder if something is wrong with you since he's getting married and you're single. Trust me, it's not. He's the one who cheated. It seems unfair that a cheater could somehow come out on top with a better lot in life than the people they've hurt. But Karma is a B*tch. Right now it might be hard to believe, but he will get what he deserves. And it will probably be so much worse than anything you've ever experienced in your life. Just because he's getting married doesn't mean he's happy or things are going great.
robdrm32 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Purely conjecture on my part but i assume you tried hard in the relationship and felt like you were good to him? Thats why you feel this way, its you trying to rationalize the fact that you were good to him and he screwed you over, and now he is living the good life. It's almost insulting and i'm sure most who have been cheated on have these feelings. Even this far down the road after, to see him happy with the person he left you for its going to hurt. And it has nothing to do with you "being over him" Moving on and being over someone are 2 different things. I don't think i'll ever get over my first ex because of what happened but I have fully moved on.
oaks Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I'm defintitley over him... Yet you hate him. Are there many people who you hate?
FitChick Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 It may not be that you miss him and want him but that you miss the type of relationship you thought you had with him. Go create it with someone else. He obviously felt more of a connection to her than to you. I doubt he will be "punished." Paul Newman was married when he met Joanne Woodward. He left his wife and married her and lived happily ever after. Some things are meant to be so don't take it so personally.
bluenightowl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I'm defintitley over him...I don't think I am 100% over the hurt that he caused...I think this feeling is stemmed from that. I know that the fear of getting hurt like that again, does affect me now...but I actively work on trying not to let it affact my actions. Interestingly the guy I liike, went through exactly the same thing I did... I think this is completely normal. I've been there myself. Its amazing how the hurt can linger even though you definitely don't want to be with them anymore. I think this is good that you have met someone who went through exactly the same thing. I've heard good examples of successful relationships of two people sharing similar experiences. I would try with all your effort to focus on the future, but definitely in my experience its important to deal with the past, because it can pop up when you are least thinking it would.
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