Gentlegirl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Hell Everyone, This month and next mark some significant anniversaries which eventually led to the demise of my A 8 months ago. I am experriencing some very painful memories, each day now. they keep washing over me like huge waves. I am thinking of xMm so much again now. I had ceased thinking about him a while back. I am finding all this painful to deal with. I know I can't go back but finding it hard to go forward. Help! Gentlegirl.
stressed7 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I wish there was some easy way to deal with the pain. We all are in the same boat, and we have to be strong. Talk to a good friend if you can confide. They can tell you over and over again that what you did was right even painful. That will help. There is end to all this pain one day and that will come soon. Just hang in there !
Circular Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Hang in there Gentle. I sometimes myself find it hard to believe how heavily weighted I feel every once in awhile even now some 15 months later. It creeps up on me occasionally and I am surprised at what I experience. It does get a lot better, a lot easier, but I completely understand. Just hang in there, talk to someone, write, etc... it's helped me a ton and helped me stay NC at those now fleeting moments where I second guess myself for doing the right thing.
lilypoo Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) Hi Gentle girl, I am going through something similar, a few nights ago I was in despair, wondering what i had done, I decided to start making some notes about all what had gone on in preparation for me to have my day (to say something) once I had finished reading through it all, I found myself to be very angry, how dare this person treat me this way I thought, I am worth so much more than this etc. Do you know what, since I did that, I have a whole new attitude towards it, I suppose there it all was, the conflicting behaviour, the physically pulling away but mentally continuing his behaviour, thus leading to a lot of confusion on my side, I am worth so much more than that, and 2 days later I still feel so head strong about what I saw in black and white...Just a thought but maybe you should give it a go, or anyone else in this situation, it has really helped me, to get it all into perspective, I think where there is confusion, your head gets jumbled with all the memories and info, to get it all out and see it plain and simple for yourself works wonders, you get some clarity for yourself!!! Edited August 27, 2011 by lilypoo replied on wrong post!!!
lilypoo Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Im so sorry gentle girl, I replied on the wrong post and dont know how to delete...please accept my sincere apologies x
East7 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Sorry you are hurting Gentlegirl, It is not easy to totalley get over an unresolved/unconsumed relationship like this. I do have flashbacks of xMW, some things trigger me into thinking about her all over again. I have noticed though, that the main causes of memories coming back are the loneliness and the inactivity. Each time I would feel alone or I am by myself, she comes back in my mind and I feel immense sadness, like someone dear is dead and gone forever. I guess this is part of acceptance process. BUT, when I meet friends and new people I realize how many other people out there are wonderful and amazing. The more busy I am the less I think about her. I suggest you to have the more activity and socializing as much as you can. Do something that passionates you, go to dance classes..whatever. Don't let yourself dragged down to loneliness and inactivity, that is recipe for despair.
Author Gentlegirl Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 Sorry you are hurting Gentlegirl, It is not easy to totalley get over an unresolved/unconsumed relationship like this. I do have flashbacks of xMW, some things trigger me into thinking about her all over again. I have noticed though, that the main causes of memories coming back are the loneliness and the inactivity. Each time I would feel alone or I am by myself, she comes back in my mind and I feel immense sadness, like someone dear is dead and gone forever. I guess this is part of acceptance process. BUT, when I meet friends and new people I realize how many other people out there are wonderful and amazing. The more busy I am the less I think about her. I suggest you to have the more activity and socializing as much as you can. Do something that passionates you, go to dance classes..whatever. Don't let yourself dragged down to loneliness and inactivity, that is recipe for despair. I'm busy with my work and have lots of activities.. just anniversaries that are happening for the first time. I hope next year, it won't matter so much. thanks for caring, Gentlegirl
Author Gentlegirl Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 Im so sorry gentle girl, I replied on the wrong post and dont know how to delete...please accept my sincere apologies x It's ok, Gentlegirl
TurningTables Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Quote by GG: "I am in the same position as you are... best place ever. I had a 3 year A and regret wasting the precious time. I messed up those years and made myself unavailable to anybody else. I wouldn't even go out on a date with anybody else . " GG: Above is the post you wrote a little while ago to someone else. You are wonderful lady who shouldnt be wasting your time thinking of someone like him. Its ok to cry, but dont let it keep you standing in the same spot. He isnt worth it. I am sorry you are hurting. Keep that chin up. You are going to be ok.
MissBee Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) Hey Gentle: I'm going to tell you, it took me almost 2 years to FULLY get over the demise of my last relationship. Reason being, was that I had A LOT to learn, so I had to have that conflict in my life to push and prod me to grow. During that time it was a roller coaster, with the early months feeling almost unbearable, thinking about him a lot, trying to figure out his issues, being in so much turmoil, along with being hopeful smh. As time went on the intensity of my feelings changed, there were times I felt "over it", only for it to resurface again....those were the WORST and I empathize I call them "just kidding moments", where you feel you've arrived, and then you feel like you get smacked back down to a low place. It's a part of the process though and I learned that it's like the Universe brings these feelings up to show you your TRUE level of growth and because you have unfinished business (not with this person, but yourself) to take care of. It feels like punishment, but it's really a purge, IME. It's painful and not the greatest feeling, nonetheless, but it's normal and although it feels like you're going backwards, you're not! You're gonna go back and forth for a period of time until you get to 100% RELEASE, where there is never anymore going back, and you've worked everything out so the chapter is closed emotionally for you and is only a memory with no strong feelings attached. Like I said, it took me almost 2 years to get to that place and everyday, esp during the intense times, I wanted to take a pill to be over it, but now I can intellectually remember the pain but I have no visceral reaction to it or him and have grown tremendously. That entire experience was about ME and MY growth, with him as a minor character. While I never wish to experience such intense pain and take so long to get over something again, I do see how it was worth it and how it wasn't about getting over him, as much as it was me needing to get in touch with myself! You'll be fine Gentle! Can't wait for it to be fully behind you, and it will be soon! Edited August 27, 2011 by MissBee
TurboGirl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Gentlegirl, I do understand! Truly... went through that this summer and yes it is very painful. Stay strong, it will pass. Remember this man was not who/what he portrayed himself to you to be. A wolf in sheeps clothing.... and then the lying, and being back online. (I have experienced a similar thing myself) What a lowlife. You are so much better off without that lying SOB in your life. It is only natural that we remember the good times... we have to keep reminding ourselves about the bad times and what jerks some of these MM are! (((HUG))) It will pass...a new day dawns, and you will feel a bit better.
Silly_Girl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 GG, I think it's brave and wonderful for you to post today. It's easy to shut oneself away and attempt to gain some distance and peace, but I don't think that works. I think you're doing great. I have enjoyed your posts. I hope you feel better soon. I know you will.
jthorne Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) Ah nevermind... Edited August 27, 2011 by jthorne
Author Gentlegirl Posted August 28, 2011 Author Posted August 28, 2011 I really appreciate all your posts. Thank you for your advice and comments. This weekend's anniversaries of events has passed. I was a mess but woke up feeling better this morning and went to my local historical society for a social occasion. I have a few more memories coming up in the next three weeks. Memories of very special things that happened. Even though they were intensely happy there was the background emotional pain for me because he was still MM. It was impossible for the A to continue. I can see that clearly now. Miss Bee.... I get what you said about thinking you have arrived and whack! Something hits you in the head again. Thank for telling me the length of time it took you to detach emotionally. I have really only just begun. I was happily married for 30 odd years before xMM and I guess this A was sent to me...an education. I was totally unaware of the world outside mine. Cheers, Gentlegirl
eleanor01 Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 Aw, GG-- *HUG* I am sorry that you are so sad. I don't suppose I have any sage advice to offer, just wanted to chime in with some support. Take care, get outside. . . Ellie
Recommended Posts