sun_moon Posted August 28, 2011 Posted August 28, 2011 assertive and confident go together well - assertiveness is a willingness to put yourself forward and do what you intend, while remaining aware of the boundaries of those around you. aggressive and arrogant are also usually found together. Each of these is like its partner in the earlier examples, but pushed "over the line", with a lack of regard for others' feelings, boundaries, etc. Just the idea of asking her out to coffee, by itself, isn't either assertive or aggressive - it's all in how you do it. If you come off like God's gift to women, and you won't take no for an answer because you just assume that anyone should want your company, that might be taken as arrogant and aggressive. On the other hand, if you radiate a calm confidence, are able to "read" her so you understand how she is responding to you (eye contact, smiles, engaging in conversation, etc. are thumbs-up, a neutral affect, turning away, short answers are thumbs-down...) and respond in-kind, then you can be assertive (by putting youself out there) and confident (in your demeanor) without crossing that unpleasant line into aggression and/or arrogance. Very well stated. I agree with what you said adn what D-Lish said. Heart, while you lost your chance this time around just keep in mind that your next chance will be a few months a way, so you will have plenty of practice that way.
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