HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Am I right? Yup, you are right. Complete Epic Fail on my part. Hopefully I get the chance to redeem myself when she comes back for break.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 awwww man!!! heart what happened!!! A lot of freezing and chickening out on my part until her last day at work. her last day I went to the farm stand twice, first time with my parents and second time alone. First Time: My sister and I walked into the farm stand ahead of my parents, she immediately says hello and asked how I was from across the store. We did a little bit of small talk before she went back to working and by this time my parents had come inside. My mother asked for a box of canning peaches and then points at me and says "take him with you, he'll help you carry the box out". I was thinking 'Perfect! We'll be out back of the store where there is no customers and I'll just ask her there'. When we got back there some old guy had come through the back entrance and started talking to her (not sure if it was a customer or supplier, but you are not supposed to use that entrance). I carried the box out to the car and left. Second Time: After beating myself up about what had happened earlier in the day I decided to go back right before closing time. When I got there, there was only 3 other vehicles in the parking lot and almost no customers inside. Farm girl was behind the register bagging up some oranges so I started engaging in conversation with her. I had her ring me up while we were talking and just when I thought 'this is going well, I should ask her now' she says "Uh... sorry but I need to get back to work, I'll see you later." I didn't notice the 3 or 4 other customers getting in line behind me, WHICH they could have gone to the other register where there was absolutely no line and the cashier was just standing there. While I was talking to her the second time she told me that she would be back at the farm stand on thanksgiving break, christmas break, and next summer.
D-Lish Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Well Thanksgiving is around the corner. Nothing ventured, nothing gained is at play here. Do you know if she has a bf or not?
PelicanPete Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Shoulda coulda woulda. She would have said yes man. The fact that she told you when she's going to be at the farm stand validates that. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have told you. That's basically girl for "you better man up next time and ask me out" Hopefully you get a second chance at Thanksgiving. Next time follow through with what you say you're going to do, or don't say it at all.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Do you know if she has a bf or not? The topic never came up in conversation but I would assume she is single judging from our most recent conversations and how she acted in the previous encounters. Shoulda coulda woulda. She would have said yes man. The fact that she told you when she's going to be at the farm stand validates that. If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have told you. That's basically girl for "you better man up next time and ask me out" Hopefully you get a second chance at Thanksgiving. Next time follow through with what you say you're going to do, or don't say it at all. I hope you're right on that. As far as following through next time, I don't think that will be a problem after beating myself up so much for not taking the opportunities.
D-Lish Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 The topic never came up in conversation but I would assume she is single judging from our most recent conversations and how she acted in the previous encounters. I hope you're right on that. As far as following through next time, I don't think that will be a problem after beating myself up so much for not taking the opportunities. You know what Heart? You have nothing to lose. I live and work in a big city... Know how many men have made eye contact with me and done nothing about it? Lots and lots. I'll never approach a guy- I just won't. I want to be approached. I often get that eye contact with a stranger- but we walk by one another and the moment is gone- and it's gone forever. When she's back again, just flat out ask her. Even hand her your number and ask her to call if she's interested if asking outright is a daunting task. Hand her a piece of paper with your contact details- and preface it with "You know what? I think you're super hot, if you'd like to get together get in touch".....
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 You know what Heart? You have nothing to lose. I live and work in a big city... Know how many men have made eye contact with me and done nothing about it? Lots and lots. I'll never approach a guy- I just won't. I want to be approached. I often get that eye contact with a stranger- but we walk by one another and the moment is gone- and it's gone forever. When she's back again, just flat out ask her. Even hand her your number and ask her to call if she's interested if asking outright is a daunting task. Hand her a piece of paper with your contact details- and preface it with "You know what? I think you're super hot, if you'd like to get together get in touch"..... you are 100% right in everything you just said. One of my friends suggested the same thing I bolded from your post. But I never went through with it because I feel it should be the guy making the call, although that would relieve some of the pressure if I give her my number. I have business cards now so I'll have those on hand for our next encounter, if I get that second chance.
D-Lish Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 you are 100% right in everything you just said. One of my friends suggested the same thing I bolded from your post. But I never went through with it because I feel it should be the guy making the call, although that would relieve some of the pressure if I give her my number. I have business cards now so I'll have those on hand for our next encounter, if I get that second chance. I'll tell you a little story... My ex best friend was super model gorgeous- I think to the point where men were afraid to approach her unless they were hammered (They'd be intimidated otherwise). One night we were out for dinner and this guy came over to our table and said to my friend "I think you are beautiful, I'd love to take you out sometime"... He left his card on the table. He was okay looking, but incredibly confident. This was a girl that had her pick of the litter and she called him because his confidence impressed her so much. There is a difference between aggressive and confident. Aggressive is a turn off, and you're not like that. Confidence is very attractive. You have nothing to lose- if you leave the ball in her court and she doesn't call, it doesn't matter because you don't have to go back to the farm stand... If she doesn't contact you, you'll have your answer, but other than that, you really have nothing to lose by asking.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I'll tell you a little story... My ex best friend was super model gorgeous- I think to the point where men were afraid to approach her unless they were hammered (They'd be intimidated otherwise). One night we were out for dinner and this guy came over to our table and said to my friend "I think you are beautiful, I'd love to take you out sometime"... He left his card on the table. He was okay looking, but incredibly confident. This was a girl that had her pick of the litter and she called him because his confidence impressed her so much. Is this story really about your friend? or is this a story about you either way, good story. There is a difference between aggressive and confident. Aggressive is a turn off, and you're not like that. How do you know I'm not like that? Confidence is very attractive. You have nothing to lose- if you leave the ball in her court and she doesn't call, it doesn't matter because you don't have to go back to the farm stand... If she doesn't contact you, you'll have your answer, but other than that, you really have nothing to lose by asking. If I did give her my card I would have nothing to lose either way. If she doesn't call then nothing changes, if she calls I would gain something... win/win. Now I just need to work on my confidence I guess.
PelicanPete Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 although that would relieve some of the pressure if I give her my number. It creates a lot more pressure waiting for her to call. Trust me. I have a similar thing going like with what you had with farm girl, except mine is bank girl. Half the challenge was being able to talk to her, since most of the time I wouldn't get her as a teller, and I never really had many reasons to go to the bank. The only way I gained any progress with getting to know her was by going outside my comfort zone. By doing that, I learned we actually have a lot in common. The third time I spoke with her I asked her out for coffee. Compared to what I thought it was going to be, it was fairly anti-climatic. All that happened was she gave me a big smile, said that sounded like fun, and wrote her number on my receipt. It really wasn't a big deal at all since I took the time to get to know her first, so judging by her body language and enthusiasm, I was confident she was going to say yes. Now I'm on the next step: When will she call back Just ask next time. D-lish is right, what do you have to lose? Don't second guess yourself and follow through.
D-Lish Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Is this story really about your friend? or is this a story about you either way, good story. How do you know I'm not like that? If I did give her my card I would have nothing to lose either way. If she doesn't call then nothing changes, if she calls I would gain something... win/win. Now I just need to work on my confidence I guess. Nope, not about me, my ex best friend is gorgeous. I know you're not aggressive because you would have asked her out by now silly. Confidence is something that involves practice. Practice, practice, practice.
FarmGirl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Whoa there I thought this was about ME when I saw the title lol!!
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Nope, not about me, my ex best friend is gorgeous. I know you're not aggressive because you would have asked her out by now silly. Confidence is something that involves practice. Practice, practice, practice. Maybe I should wear my boss attitude 24/7... with your definition of confidence and aggressiveness, how do you determine one who is confident rather than aggressive? If I had asked her to coffee, from that definition I could be perceived as aggressive... the same goes for that guy in your story. He may not have been confident, just an average joe with an aggressive attitude.
FarmGirl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 That's what I thought too ROFL You know I'm a red head, I came in guns blazing ready to defend my honor...but alas it was another Farm Girl hehe.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 It's her! Nows your chance That's what I thought too ROFL Whoa there I thought this was about ME when I saw the title lol!! Hi, I'm Mike. I think you're pretty cute, We should grab a coffee after your shift.
FarmGirl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Hi, I'm Mike. I think you're pretty cute, We should grab a coffee after your shift. blush
Author wilsonx Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) LMFAO... there's really a farmgirl hahahhaha dear moderators... i did not know there was really a user named farmgirl... this thread was not directed at her... do not close this or ban me for this... this was completely an unintentional incident Edited August 27, 2011 by wilsonx
dreamingoftigers Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 That's what they all say.... They all really love FarmGirl...
Trimmer Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 with your definition of confidence and aggressiveness, how do you determine one who is confident rather than aggressive? assertive and confident go together well - assertiveness is a willingness to put yourself forward and do what you intend, while remaining aware of the boundaries of those around you. aggressive and arrogant are also usually found together. Each of these is like its partner in the earlier examples, but pushed "over the line", with a lack of regard for others' feelings, boundaries, etc. If I had asked her to coffee, from that definition I could be perceived as aggressive... the same goes for that guy in your story. He may not have been confident, just an average joe with an aggressive attitude. Just the idea of asking her out to coffee, by itself, isn't either assertive or aggressive - it's all in how you do it. If you come off like God's gift to women, and you won't take no for an answer because you just assume that anyone should want your company, that might be taken as arrogant and aggressive. On the other hand, if you radiate a calm confidence, are able to "read" her so you understand how she is responding to you (eye contact, smiles, engaging in conversation, etc. are thumbs-up, a neutral affect, turning away, short answers are thumbs-down...) and respond in-kind, then you can be assertive (by putting youself out there) and confident (in your demeanor) without crossing that unpleasant line into aggression and/or arrogance.
HeartOfAPhoenix Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 That makes sense, Trimmer. It sounds like you would want a combination of Assertiveness, Confidence, Arrogance, and Aggressiveness without crossing over the boundaries too much. With all those you wouldn't want to tip the scale into the Arrogance/Aggressive direction too much, but I believe you need a little bit of weight on that side in order to gain true Assertiveness/Confidence.
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