Coping journal - Day 1 of NC

[Buttercup84]

I hate the fact that now he seems like a stranger , when for two years he was my best friend . We were so close and saw eachother everyday.

 

Now I can't contact him. I miss just being able to text him to say I love you or tell him about my day and laugh at our jokes.

 

It has been 6 weeks now since we broke up. I am back at my parents now and can never go back to our house. I see the positives , more money , able to focus on myself and regain my independence.

 

I now see that he tried to break up with me several times.Just because things got a little bit hard. I am now eager to get my life back on track , I became so dependent on him and lost myself. I want to see my friends more , go for drinks , dinners and buy nice clothes. Going to join the gym since Summer is aproaching and will focus on Uni and Tafe.Might even try and squeeze in a mini holiday when I can.

 

I am feeling semi Ok now , still wondering what he is up to and if he is with anyone else. I miss him terribly and can't believe we are done. I am his ex girlfriend now and no longer important.

 

 

I am going to stay single for a long time now , I need to get my life together and focus on me and becoming whole again. I made him my entire world and forgot to look after me.Now that he is left I feel empty. I can never have that again. I hope I have the strength to get through this.

[tgif]

It's really hard to leave the one you love. Do you still want to get back to him, and is there any way you guys can get back together? If not, you are doing the right way. Keep yourself busy and take care of yourself, enjoy your freedom and your hobbies. There will be someone for you waiting on your way. Be strong girl!

 

I've just broken up with my bf and this is the first day of NC. We both decided it because of his jealousy over me hanging out with my relatives. Fact is, he doesn't want me to go out with anyone.

[jenjen83]

I want to see my friends more , go for drinks , dinners and buy nice clothes. Going to join the gym since Summer is aproaching and will focus on Uni and Tafe.Might even try and squeeze in a mini holiday when I can.

 

I'm on day 8 of NC so I know how hard it is but you can do it. Do all those things above and more as it really will help.

 

Good Luck and keep strong.

[Viv]

Hey good luck, hope you're staying strong! x

[Buttercup84]

Well last night I slept at my sisters looking after my nieces. I felt really bad wondering where he is and who is with him.

 

My niece and I walked up the street at night and there were these beautiful girls in front of us. I wondered if my ex would go out and meet these types , take one home to the bed we shared for two years.

 

I talked to my sister a bit about my ex , she was shocked about some things that he did.They got on well , she got him these luxury movie tickets for his birthday which he was supposed to use with me.Guess he is using them for his next girlfriend.We were supposed to watch Harry Potter.

 

Weekends are the worst and I struggled to get up and study . I prepared some crafts for tomorrow ( I work in a kindergarten ) which took my mind of things.Spoke to my mum for a while and had a nap.Wondering what he is doing and how he is feeling.

 

For once didn't feel tempted to email him , but came on LS instead which helped a lot.

 

Glad I can go back to work tomorrow and see my friends and the kids.Plus I start my degree via distance education tomorrow so I can really get into it.

[Buttercup84]

Hey good luck, hope you're staying strong! x

 

 

 

Thank you , you too ! x

[Buttercup84]

I'm on day 8 of NC so I know how hard it is but you can do it. Do all those things above and more as it really will help.

 

Good Luck and keep strong.

 

Thank you , good luck to you too.I hope I can make it as far as you x

[Buttercup84]

It's really hard to leave the one you love. Do you still want to get back to him, and is there any way you guys can get back together? If not, you are doing the right way. Keep yourself busy and take care of yourself, enjoy your freedom and your hobbies. There will be someone for you waiting on your way. Be strong girl!

 

I've just broken up with my bf and this is the first day of NC. We both decided it because of his jealousy over me hanging out with my relatives. Fact is, he doesn't want me to go out with anyone.

 

 

Hi , I sometimes want to get back but then I think about how controlling and mean he could be. I guess I miss the good times.He broke up with me so he won't take me back.Guess that is good.

 

Sorry about your boyfriend , that is not Ok for him to do that to you.I know it is hard now but you will see that it is not normal for someone to control you like that.

 

Good luck ! x

 

Ps Thank you

[magnus mateo]

Now is the time to work on yourself. Regain your independence. Get to know the new you. It is your time now. Stay strong. Stay focused. Hope this helps. Good luck!

[ConfusedT]

I hate the fact that now he seems like a stranger , when for two years he was my best friend . We were so close and saw eachother everyday.

 

Now I can't contact him. I miss just being able to text him to say I love you or tell him about my day and laugh at our jokes.

 

It has been 6 weeks now since we broke up. I am back at my parents now and can never go back to our house. I see the positives , more money , able to focus on myself and regain my independence.

 

I now see that he tried to break up with me several times.Just because things got a little bit hard. I am now eager to get my life back on track , I became so dependent on him and lost myself. I want to see my friends more , go for drinks , dinners and buy nice clothes. Going to join the gym since Summer is aproaching and will focus on Uni and Tafe.Might even try and squeeze in a mini holiday when I can.

 

I am feeling semi Ok now , still wondering what he is up to and if he is with anyone else. I miss him terribly and can't believe we are done. I am his ex girlfriend now and no longer important.

 

 

I am going to stay single for a long time now , I need to get my life together and focus on me and becoming whole again. I made him my entire world and forgot to look after me.Now that he is left I feel empty. I can never have that again. I hope I have the strength to get through this.

 

 

Buttercup! I feel your pain. I know just how hard it is to let someone you love vanish from your life like they were never there. difficult, but sometimes its for the best and for you it will be for the best. The NC will let you heal and the distance will let you see the relationship for what it really was, not what you felt it was. i dont know what day NC i am on, but i know that i have my ups and downs, but NC makes me stronger everyday & it will for you too.

[Buttercup84]

So yesterday he contacted me via email to say what I should do with the lease form.I was doing so well , woke up for the first time in weeks not depressed,I wad in such a good mood .until that email . I got angry and hated him so much for it . We exchanged a few polite emails , him saying he is trying to survive in general. At least he isn't too happy . Plus I think I'm getting sick and I was feeling vurnable and sad . So I got to start again today . Last weekend I was not even tempted to contact him. Got a busy week so that's good . Still miss him though

[fetish1980]

Hey Buttercup,

 

I know your pain and it truly is debilatating. It almost feels like someone is stabbing you in the chest and twisting a knife in it.

 

I'm not the best advice giver on the NC. I didn't properly do NC in the beginning of my breakup since i would eventually respond to my ex's texts. It was really hard to suddenly cut someone out of my life who was basically the center of my life for so long. My r/l lasted 8 years and life just seems so forgein to me now without her.

 

But i know i'm better off and NC is making me stronger by the day. I'm human and sometimes tend to wonder how she's dealing with this or if she's moved on. Either way, those thoughts are detrimental to my healing so i try to read a book or work on my hobbies.

 

Fear of being alone is really what makes it hard. It feels good to be alone sometimes, but when you don't have a social circle like me, you feel like someone from the outside looking in. How do i cope with that? Meetup.com has helped me meet new people, reading books, gym, writing my song lyrics and poetry, and of course my second job.

 

Sorry i don't have any advice to give you, but at least knowing that your not alone in this should kind of be reinforcing.

 

fetish

[Buttercup84]

Hey Buttercup,

 

I know your pain and it truly is debilatating. It almost feels like someone is stabbing you in the chest and twisting a knife in it.

 

I'm not the best advice giver on the NC. I didn't properly do NC in the beginning of my breakup since i would eventually respond to my ex's texts. It was really hard to suddenly cut someone out of my life who was basically the center of my life for so long. My r/l lasted 8 years and life just seems so forgein to me now without her.

 

But i know i'm better off and NC is making me stronger by the day. I'm human and sometimes tend to wonder how she's dealing with this or if she's moved on. Either way, those thoughts are detrimental to my healing so i try to read a book or work on my hobbies.

 

Fear of being alone is really what makes it hard. It feels good to be alone sometimes, but when you don't have a social circle like me, you feel like someone from the outside looking in. How do i cope with that? Meetup.com has helped me meet new people, reading books, gym, writing my song lyrics and poetry, and of course my second job.

 

Sorry i don't have any advice to give you, but at least knowing that your not alone in this should kind of be reinforcing.

 

fetish

 

Hi Fetish

 

Thank you for your reply.I am sorry you are going through this too.Its good to see that you are doing something with your time. I have joned meetup too , and have to work on my social circle.

 

Wishing you all the best xx

[Buttercup84]

So I already posted this on a thread , but here it goes.So I started NC again , after my ex contacted me yesterday.Since it was to do with our lease I had to break nc.

 

So I have been feeling sad and shaky today and started nc again.Of course deep down I was waiting for a message but when I actually got one I was pissed off again.

 

It was about something business again.He is not being mean but I just want to start nc.

 

I am hurting a lot and miss him so much but I need nc to gain back my sanity.

 

To be honest , if he wanted me back and promised me things will change I think right now my answer would be no.He put me through too much pain and my trust is broken.

 

He is fine with that fact that someone could snatch me up now.He does not care if I sleep with someone or fall in love.Because he let me go.Oh well.

[WhoMI]

He is fine with that fact that someone could snatch me up now.He does not care if I sleep with someone or fall in love.Because he let me go.Oh well.

 

Buttercup I hope u will feel better tomorrow. He let u go so its his loss & I can totally empathize with u missing him & that lil hope of a contact even when u are trying with all ur energy to do NC. I can't give any advice since I'm not doing so well myself but am trying. Posting on this site and reading has helped me from breaking NC until we meet this weekend (complicated story). So know that we are here to listen.

[Buttercup84]

Buttercup I hope u will feel better tomorrow. He let u go so its his loss & I can totally empathize with u missing him & that lil hope of a contact even when u are trying with all ur energy to do NC. I can't give any advice since I'm not doing so well myself but am trying. Posting on this site and reading has helped me from breaking NC until we meet this weekend (complicated story). So know that we are here to listen.

 

Thank you ! I am sorry you are going through a hard time.How did the meet up go ?

[Buttercup84]

So I broke NC again yesterday and I never learn. I felt like dying after doing so.He is really never coming back and I think he has a new girlfrie and.

 

I joined the gym on Wednsday and went to do yoga. It felt good doing something different and taking care of myself.

 

 

I am 27 and now living back with my parents which adds to the depression.My mum is great but my dad is older and being a jerk sometimes. He makes it really difficult to live with them. I can't afford to move out yet and I do not know how to find a place with my cat Sphinx.

 

My ex gets to live in our old house and bring freaking girls back , sleep in our be and use the stuff we used together.Makes me so sick.

 

He now is full-time as a project manager and will earn a lot more.I am sure he will meet a girl who earns more than I do and they will have a better life. I feel lie I brought nothing but trouble into his life. I made him miserable. I feel like **** because I loved him so much and still do.

[Mack05]

Buttercup I posted this in your rant thread...

 

From the amount of threads you have started it is clear you are going through a really tough time right now and I feel for you. When we lose someone we had strong feelings for, we spend the first few weeks and months going through all kinds of scenario's in our heads. A lot of what if's and maybe's. Believe me this goes with time. After some time has passed you stop looking at the relationship with rose tinted glasses. For example no man worth his salt would make a girl he loves pay for half of everything when he earns alot more then she does. He wouldn't make her feel bad about herself by criticising her cooking or how much she makes for a living. That's not a man, at least a real man anyway. Who wants to be with someone who can't handle tough times? Who doesn't care for you when you are sick? I think life will show you that you had a lucky escape.

 

I know you are beating yourself up and thinking maybe if we fought less and I listened more we would still be together. That's just not true Buttercup. You guys fought a lot because you just weren't compatible for one another. We kid ourselves and say to avoid more fights, that "I will be on my best behaviour". As soon as you start thinking like that the relationship is doomed. One or both of you is walking on eggshells and eventually things will implode because a relationship will self destruct if one or both partners are not being themselves. It may not seem like it right now but you will meet the right guy. When you do the fights will be a lot less because how you both communicate with each other will be natural and not forced. You will both be on the same wavelengths and fights that drag on with a partner you are not suited with, will get resolved quickly with someone that you are more compatible with.

 

Right now you need to go through the grieving process and start your healing. I saw you have posted your journal entry. This is a good start. However posting the journal entry is one thing. Achieving the goals outlined when suffering a broken heart is completely another. When reading thousands of posts on this site their seems to be two types of people when grieving. There is type A, who reminisce and ruminate for months on end and are still posting on LS six months later having not moved on with their lifes, an iota. Then there is type B, who have their journal and their goals detailed and outlined and are determined to achieve them by hook or by crook. They take small steps forward everyday in their recovery and when they are low they drag themselves up by the bootstraps. They get themselves to the gym when it's the last thing in the world they feel like doing. It's going to the gym when u feel like death warmed up, thats taking positive steps forward in the toughest times. Time does not heal all wounds. Grieving and healing correctly does. Start focusing on your relationships with your family and friends. Be a better daughter, aunt, friend, niece etc etc. When u feel like breaking NC, write a letter to your ex that u will never send. Writing is very Theraputic. Also go for long walks and vent here on LS.

 

It's a long hard journey and sometimes you will take a step backwards. The important thing is that u don't take two steps backwards. I know u have a good heart Buttercup and I have no doubt you are person B, that I described above. Life has set you a tough test. A test none of us ever want, but it is a test we must all pass. When we do pass this test we become better, stronger and wiser people. If may not seem like it now, but there will come a time when you are ready to love again. When you are ready to take a gamble with another man and give him your heart. In the meantime make a promise to yourself to complete everything you outlined in your journal here on LS. As soon as you complete those goals it will give you a massive lift to your self esteem. When u feel good in yourself you then start attracting the right kind of guys and things tend to happen when you least expect them.

 

I wish you well on your journey

[Buttercup84]

Buttercup I posted this in your rant thread...

 

From the amount of threads you have started it is clear you are going through a really tough time right now and I feel for you. When we lose someone we had strong feelings for, we spend the first few weeks and months going through all kinds of scenario's in our heads. A lot of what if's and maybe's. Believe me this goes with time. After some time has passed you stop looking at the relationship with rose tinted glasses. For example no man worth his salt would make a girl he loves pay for half of everything when he earns alot more then she does. He wouldn't make her feel bad about herself by criticising her cooking or how much she makes for a living. That's not a man, at least a real man anyway. Who wants to be with someone who can't handle tough times? Who doesn't care for you when you are sick? I think life will show you that you had a lucky escape.

 

I know you are beating yourself up and thinking maybe if we fought less and I listened more we would still be together. That's just not true Buttercup. You guys fought a lot because you just weren't compatible for one another. We kid ourselves and say to avoid more fights, that "I will be on my best behaviour". As soon as you start thinking like that the relationship is doomed. One or both of you is walking on eggshells and eventually things will implode because a relationship will self destruct if one or both partners are not being themselves. It may not seem like it right now but you will meet the right guy. When you do the fights will be a lot less because how you both communicate with each other will be natural and not forced. You will both be on the same wavelengths and fights that drag on with a partner you are not suited with, will get resolved quickly with someone that you are more compatible with.

 

Right now you need to go through the grieving process and start your healing. I saw you have posted your journal entry. This is a good start. However posting the journal entry is one thing. Achieving the goals outlined when suffering a broken heart is completely another. When reading thousands of posts on this site their seems to be two types of people when grieving. There is type A, who reminisce and ruminate for months on end and are still posting on LS six months later having not moved on with their lifes, an iota. Then there is type B, who have their journal and their goals detailed and outlined and are determined to achieve them by hook or by crook. They take small steps forward everyday in their recovery and when they are low they drag themselves up by the bootstraps. They get themselves to the gym when it's the last thing in the world they feel like doing. It's going to the gym when u feel like death warmed up, thats taking positive steps forward in the toughest times. Time does not heal all wounds. Grieving and healing correctly does. Start focusing on your relationships with your family and friends. Be a better daughter, aunt, friend, niece etc etc. When u feel like breaking NC, write a letter to your ex that u will never send. Writing is very Theraputic. Also go for long walks and vent here on LS.

 

It's a long hard journey and sometimes you will take a step backwards. The important thing is that u don't take two steps backwards. I know u have a good heart Buttercup and I have no doubt you are person B, that I described above. Life has set you a tough test. A test none of us ever want, but it is a test we must all pass. When we do pass this test we become better, stronger and wiser people. If may not seem like it now, but there will come a time when you are ready to love again. When you are ready to take a gamble with another man and give him your heart. In the meantime make a promise to yourself to complete everything you outlined in your journal here on LS. As soon as you complete those goals it will give you a massive lift to your self esteem. When u feel good in yourself you then start attracting the right kind of guys and things tend to happen when you least expect them.

 

I wish you well on your journey

 

 

Thank you so much Mack for replying to both my posts. I do post a lot lol.

 

I just feel like it is all my fault for being difficult and he also said I made him into this cold person. I did always walk on egg shells around him so I would not piss him off. I feel like he will be a lot better with someone else.I just feel like I brought the worse out of him.

 

Thanks for your post I have read it many times and it has really helped xx

[Buttercup84]

I just miss him so much. I am so up and down and now I am so down. My friends and family think he was a jerk towards me and some even think emotionaly abusive. But I feel like it is all my fault. I was difficult in the beginning , because I was afraid of getting hurt.He was such a loving warm person but he changed then.

 

I had a romantic , kind ,sexy and funny man but I ruined it. If I was nicer , cleaner , cooked and cleaned more he would have stayed. If I didn't get the abortion he wouldn't have broken off the engagment. I am still grieving the abortion.He wanted a baby with me so bad but I ruined it.I wanted to marry him. I ruined my chance at true love.

[Mack05]

I just miss him so much. I am so up and down and now I am so down. My friends and family think he was a jerk towards me and some even think emotionaly abusive. But I feel like it is all my fault. I was difficult in the beginning , because I was afraid of getting hurt.He was such a loving warm person but he changed then.

 

I had a romantic , kind ,sexy and funny man but I ruined it. If I was nicer , cleaner , cooked and cleaned more he would have stayed. If I didn't get the abortion he wouldn't have broken off the engagment. I am still grieving the abortion.He wanted a baby with me so bad but I ruined it.I wanted to marry him. I ruined my chance at true love.

 

I have read alot of your posts Buttercup (forgive me if I have missed this) but this is the first I have read about you having an abortion. Whether he forced you to have an abortion, it was a joint decision or it was your decision, I personally feel you need to go to Therapy to help you grieve the loss of your baby and your relationship.

 

You have posted over 200 times in 3 weeks. Have a read of everything you have posted. You will quickly see that your thought process is all over the place. Therapy will help you piece things together. It will help you rationalize your thoughts. I know things are tight financially for you right now so it may be awhile before u can afford to go. I would do some research and find places close to you in Sydney that offer counselling services.

 

In the meantime focus on you. You need to stop beating yourself up. This is critical to your recovery. Everytime you feel yourself do it stop it. There are thousands of people on this board, me included that beat themselves and believed they lost someone amazing when our ex's left us. Time outside the relationship, looking at the bigger picture makes you realise not only were our ex's far from amazing, some of them are not even good people. I regret ever choosing someone with such poor character and backbone like my ex. After awhile of beating myself up and focusing on her, I started to focus 100% on me. That is what u need to do buttercup. Focus 100% on you not him. What he is doing is immaterial to you..

 

Do a search for a poster called Ruinedlife. For 9 months she has been beating herself up. Read them carefully Buttercup. She hasn't moved on one iota with her life..You will see a BIGTIME similarities in your posts. If you keep beating yourself up, you will be here in 6 months posting the same stuff. U need to forgive yourself. This is a process but you will only be able to move forward when you forgive yourself and stop beating yourself up.

 

I will post a few posts on this thread that I hope can help you.

[Mack05]

Focus on you mate Buttercup, not him. Stop beating yourself up. Stop obsessing. It is what is his. It's horrible to have to go through (believe me I know!) but use this time to become a better person, learn from your mistakes and achieve happiness within yourself. Once you do this you will be free from the grip he has over you and you will be in a great position to meet a new guy. This is a forum poster Exit's reply in another thread..It's about a guy losing a girl but the same logic applies to you..

 

"It doesn't matter a single bit what happens with her, whether this date/relationship is even real or fake, whether it will succeed and be the love of her life or rather it will crash and burn because she made a mistake. Even if it did matter, nobody here can give you a single bit of insight, every situation is different, every human being is different, and none of us can read her mind for you or predict the future.

 

The type of wondering and thinking that you are doing right now is not conducive to your healing. It doesn't matter what is going on with her. You should be focusing on yourself, finding your own happiness in your life, reflecting on the relationship and thinking about what you learned about yourself and what you can do better next time.

 

Let her take the low road and focus her attention on someone else this soon. That's not the right way to go. The time after a relationship falls apart should be spent doing the things I mentioned already. Once you're single again, you should look in the mirror and think about it all. Some people don't have the courage to look in the mirror and question themselves, they'd rather find someone new to look at.

 

If every time you get your heart broken, you take the high road, and you take care of yourself, and figure out how to improve, each relationship you have will only get better (even if it's with a previous ex coming back for round 2). People who don't take the time to do this, just jump from relationship to relationship, and they never improve, and they never learn, and they will be having the same relationships when they're 30 as they did when they were 17. Yuck!

 

The only bit of information regarding her that should matter to you is that she is not with you and apparently not attempting to repair things either. Whether she is still upset over things that happened about you, or ready to marry someone else, or moving to a different country, none of it should matter to you.

 

I would be careful about confidently assuming that she's going to regret all of this and come back to you. Don't set yourself up for more heartbreak. Even if you two did try again, it should only be after a period of time spent apart, after you have both thought things over and are ready to do the hard work it will take to repair things. You touched on it yourself, even if she came back right now, it could be because she's upset that her new guy didn't work out. Does that sound like a good starting point for a new try between you two? No. Neither is it a good re-starting point if you sat there for 5+ weeks and just missed her and wondered about her and didn't do anything better with your time. You should be enjoying life, seeing friends, reading books, catching up on movies, exercising, taking care of yourself, and if life ever decides to bring to two back together, you can cross that bridge when you get to it.

 

It really doesn't matter what's going on with you. If I could see the future and told you she's gonna marry someone else, would that make you feel better or worse? If I told you she'll be back eventually, would you just sit around counting the minutes until she contacts you? Even if you had these pieces of information, they never really provide what you're looking for. It becomes an addiction. "If I could only know this about her, if I could only know that" and you'll just keep getting more and more answers (answers which you probably won't like) and you'll come up with more and more questions.

 

Try to move on. I know it's not easy"

[Mack05]

Here is a post I posted on NC..Hope it helps you..

 

I am reading a pretty helpful book (one of many I have read recently) called Getting Past your breakup ->http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Past-Y.../dp/B0026A6C4U

 

There is a great section in the book called The Rules of disengagement, which is basically a chapter written about 'No Contact'. The first thing you must do to be successful at NC is affirmatively decide you are not going to contact your ex NO MATTER WHAT. You must make a contract with yourself to stop doing it, which means you must sit with the uncomfortable emotions until they pass. You must decide that you will not call, instant message or email your ex. You will not check his or her Facebook or Myspace page. This contract with yourself means that you will not put yourself in places where you could have an "accidental meeting" with your ex. You will decide that even if you think you have every reason in the world to connect, you will think it through and talk it through with your family and friends. Therefore not acting on it immediately.

 

There are normally 7 reasons that keep us stuck in a rut, that makes us want to break NC. These reasons are listed below..

 

1) Why can't we be friends. After a breakup the work each person has to do is lose the couple identity. Each person needs to establish again his or hers identity and no longer see themselves as part of the couple they once were. Therefore being friends in the aftermath of a breakup is a complete NO NO! The atmosphere is too emtionally charged. You both need time to get yourselves together. If you leave each other alone initially you may come back later as saner, more grounded people with a better chance of being friends. But right now you need to concentrate on yourself and your healing..

 

2) I Must have Closure. You may have many questions, but you need to accept that some will never get answered. Even if you have questions that seem to drive you crazy, you must decide that the answers don't matter, probably won't make sense, probably aren't going to satisfy you and are not going to give you any sense of closure. It is your responsibility to accept that you may have to close this chapter without answers, explanations, and without input from someone else. It is not only possible for you to survive without the answers but it's necessary. Staying in the questions, repeating them and ruminating over the possible answers will only keep you stuck. Despite your fervent belief that somehow one final scene with your ex will lead to closure, it will not. You don't need to know what your ex thinks or why your ex did this or that, to move on. If you want closure, you need to do the grief work, intergrate the experience into your life and turn the page. That is how closure happens...FROM WITHIN..

 

3) I just need to make sense of it all" and I just have one more thing to say to you before I let go"...You may think that if you can just talk sense into your ex, then everything will be fine. You may have heard illogical or unreasonable explanations that left you stunned and speechless at the time, but now they go round and round in your head and you can think of a thousand rebuttals to them all. As you ruminate on the things your ex said, you come up with reasons your ex is wrong, and then you start to imagine how having a change to talk things out will resolve all the misunderstandings. It becomes your impassioned belief that you can have a conversation and turn the wrongheadedness around. If your ex dumped you and you think it was the wrong thing to do, he or she needs to figure that out. You can't be the one to "fix" your ex's thinking. The bottom line is that if your ex see's things in a cockeyed way now, he or she is going to continue to see things the same way whenever you are not around to correct this twisted prespective. It takes hard work and constant vigilance to keep someone "thinking correctly", and you don't want that kind of responsibility or control. The fact is you need to accept that you have been with someone whose approach to life is simply incompatible to yours. Perhaps it was evident that you thought in different ways, saw the world differently, and operated on irreconcilable differences but you chose to ignore it or worked hard to correct it. You can't ignore dissimilar viewpoints any longer. Accept the fact that you think differently and let it go so you can find someone whose way of thinking is compatible with yours.

 

4) I want to be available for reconciliation. Sometimes people don't acknowledge that they are staying in touch to keep hope of reconciliation alive. Examining your quest for contact and being honest about your real intentions will help you stop making excuses to make contact. Even if it is your fervent hope that you will reconcile, taking a break and going NC will help you regardless of what happens down the line. You both have been through a trying time, and you must face that a break will do each of you the world of good. Now is the time to reassess where you've been and where you are going, even if you are going there together. You will need to take stock of yourself and the relationship so that you can figure out what went wrong and what needs to go right in future. Until communicate ends (and it should end for at least 60 days and until your ex reaches out (you should never be the one that reaches out) it is impossible to do that. Even if you do reconcile, the relationship you knew has ended, so you must grieve for the relationship has passed and move on from what once was. Because if you do reconcile (and the odds are long against) it has to be different than it was before or it will just fail. Again.

 

5) I just need to give this stuff back...People become very creative in finding ways to stay in contact with their exe's. One of the most innocent ploys you hear about is when one person insists on retrieving something - a piece of clothing, a household item that belongs to him or her. Think about how important the item really is. If you need to return it, put it in a box and mail it. No note, no nothing. If you are the one who wants it, think about it. Is it worth more than your sanity?Probably not. Making a clean break is important, so clear up loose ends immediately. Avoid keeping anything or leaving anything that can be asked for later on. If you still have things return them. If there are things you have left behind ask for them once more (if its important to you) otherwise forget it and move on.

 

6) Im just so Horny! Continuing a physical relationship after giving up the committed relationship and its inherent respondsibilities is a prescription for trouble. Do not buy into "friends with benefits" scenarios. Benefits must have corresponding respondsibilites and if they don't you are using each other. So stop it and grow up. There is no such thing as "friends with benefits". There is only friends who have no idea what they're doing to the detriment of themselves and each other. Don't do it with your ex or anyone else for that matter. Conduct your life with dignity, and don't give away anything unless the person you're giving it to takes some responsibility toward you, especially if he or she is an ex lover. If it's dead bury it. Don't sleep with it.

 

7) We run in the same circles. There are many situations where full NC is impossible. In this case, NC means that you don't speak unless it's necessary and you don't use bumping into each other as an excuse to call, email or text later on. Work/College breakups are very difficult. It is hard to be prefessional when everyone knows your business. You might need to draw some lines with your ex and agree on saying nothing at work/college about the breakup. The last thing you need at the office/class everyday is all your colleagues gossiping about you. Try to talk to your ex about the ground rules for discussing the relationship at work before the rumour mill gets going. Agree to keep it very business like, and only share your personal pain with close friends who do not work/study with your ex. Keep the boundaries very clear. Focus on you not him/her, keep your side of the street clean even if your ex doesn't.

 

I am now nearly 2 months NC. I have nearly broke NC quite a few times. Happily I didn't. Here are a few things I did when I was close to breaking NC

 

1) Write a journal/diary first thought that was in my head. Don't edit it..

2) Write Letters to my ex that I am never going to send..

3) Call a friend of family member for support and Vent on LS..

4) Take a long hot bath..

5) Picked up some new hobbies or really focused on the stuff I love doing. During my relationship and the afermath, I lost my passion for alot of things I used to love. I went out and got my passion back..

6) Go for a long scenic walk..

7) Go to the gym..

8) Pampered myself. Went off to a hotel for the day in the country with 2 bottles of cheap champagne. Happy days!

9) When I started to overthinking about my ex and her faults/behaviour, I reeled myself back and focused on me again..

10) Wrote short term and long term goals and tick them off one by one..

 

Remember continuing to seek contact or respond to contact just keeps you stuck and adds to your hurt. It's counterproductive to building a new and meaningful life. We all deserve better...

[Mack05]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=3276536&postcount=1

[Buttercup84]

Than you Mack you are just too kind taking your time to help me.It means a lot.

I never thought the aborrtion affected me so much.He wanted the baby and so did I but I got very sick and chickend out.It broke his heart and from then he changed a lot.

 

My doctor already has given me a health care plan I just have to find a professional now.I think I am just an emotional person and beat myself up too much.

 

Despite him being really good at times he also swore at me a lot and I was a bit scared of his temper sometimes.Not healthy !

 

I am pushing myself to study and go to work , meeting friends and going to the gym.

 

I know I post here a lot , if I didn't I would contact him and get worse.It is funny but he was more into me at the beginning . I didn't feel that much for him but then fell madly in love.Now I am the one with the broken heart. I know I will be happy one day , it is just the healing that is so hard and painful. But talking to people like you is keeping me sane.

 

I have that book best I have read really thanks for posting that.I am so thanful that you helped me.Believe me , it really means the world to me.