latexyankee Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Hey, haven't posted in awhile I've honestly been straying away from here since it kinda moves my present focus back to her/sadness. So 76 days but I have a few issues now. I can't seem to severe that last thread of hope. Part of me really wants to call I keep pushing it back a week then another week etc. I'm not sure if this is some type of "closure" I'm looking for or exactly what the point of taking action would be. I'm not sure what I would even say. Then I contemplate an email but fear I'm just looking for some type of response. This is most likely me getting closer to acceptance, the fear that she is completely forgetting me/us and I'm freaking out. I have been taking very good care of myself, exercise, strength training, diet, alcohol only 2 or 3 times a month, lost a few lbs and looking much better in my major muscle areas, people have even complimented, saying I'm looking really good. A few women even asked ME for my #, cant remember the last time that happened. While all this is good, and does make me feel better I'm still struggling. I have pretty much ignored one of our semi mutual friends (more mine than hers) for more than a month because of the answers I never got from the ex. I feel embarrassed like she (my friend) knows all the answers, talked to my ex and knows more about my breakup than I do. It's a tough feeling to explain, but I almost feel "cheated on" by my friend, and I'm ashamed to see/talk to her. I know this is not the correct way to behave, she has been a VERY good friend to me for 10+ years and I owe it to her to contact her. So i just wanted to vent, any ideas or comments on my or your experiences is always helpful. Does anyone think breaking this NC will enable me to let go? I'm getting close but feel as if I need a "push" off the ledge. Love you guys...as always;)
ja123 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Breaking up is just plain tough - and that's what it comes down to. You are doing all the right things though by getting out and taking good care of yourself. In my case, I didn't stay in touch with mutual friends. I always felt like talking or asking about my Ex, or dreading that they have new news about him that they might unwittingly share. Maybe with time you can contact that mutual friend of yours. It depends how you're feeling and the possibility of hearing that that person has moved on. How long had you been in the relationship with her? I've heard it takes about half as many years to fully get over someone as you were with them. My breakup was 3 1/2 years ago. We were together for 8 years (living together common-law), so I'm almost at that point. Although, I don't miss him per se, and I'd never want to get back with him. I felt very different at 2 years after ... like I'd crossed a threshhold of it's really over. Though, I dated a bit here and there, nothing was serious (and if anyone would've tried to get serious, then I would have run in the other direction.) Now, I feel my heart is opening again and I feel ready to love someone else. I'm slowly entering the dating scene again. In terms of any residual sadness, well I feel it's not having him I feel sad about, it's the longing for someone special to share my life with. I don't know if I answered your question. Just know that you are not alone in the world with these types of feelings. And if you can plan a bit of a vacation for yourself, then that might not be a bad idea if vacations are your thing. A temporary change of scene can be helpful. Learning a new skill or taking a class can be helpful too. The rest is just time. Take care! All the best!
ja123 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) Your question: "Does anyone think breaking this NC will enable me to let go?" If you don't feel addicted to your Ex, if you are clear in your mind that it's over, and that you don't want her back, and that she's not a manipulator who will try to reel you back in to her emotional drama, then you may consider breaking NC just to see how you feel talking to her again. You might feel like OK that's her, but now that we've talked I really know that I don't want her back, she's just a part of my past now. And in that case it could be helpful in terms of putting the past to rest. However, if you want to get back with her and she doesn't or there's been too much water under the bridge - then contacting her could be a set-back to you. You also need to be ready for 3 types of reactions on her part: 1) negative: why are you calling me? I never want to hear from you again? 2) neutral/indifferent: Yeah, I'm fine. Just moving on with my life. By the way I met this great guy, he's a multi-millionaire, younger than you with a bigger zucchini 3) positive: I miss you. Let's get together. I've been thinking about you a lot. Or various combos of all 3 answer all in one shot! You need to know how you might react with these scenarios. Sometimes contact with the Ex can really set you off your game! And I'm talking derail you from your life game. If you do contact her, make sure you have a weekend or a few days off to lick your wounds after, and restabilize. And have plans to see people and do stuff to take your mind off of it whatever happens. It's important to feel your feelings - there's no way of healing and moving on if you don't - but not to wallow in them either. And to give yourself optimal conditions if you do decide to break NC. Good Luck! Edited August 27, 2011 by ja123
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