fishin32 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) I'm in college and for around two and a half months I dated my first love earlier this year. I've always struggled with girls as I have social anxiety disorder. She was so sweet to me and she made me feel like I was on top of the world. She was my first kiss, my first dance (would go clubbing), Everything was going great and then all of the sudden she thought "we weren't meant to be together" and basically acted like I didn't exist. Anyway, I took this really really hard and made the mistake of almost begging to get back together and this lead to a rough end. She really wanted space and I had a very difficult time giving that to her for a month after. I was absolutely crushed. I had spent so many great memories with her in those couple of months and I didn't want to just forget them. What really helped is leaving the area to go back home for the summer. For 70-80% of that summer I was depressed but in the end it was great for me to get away from the area she was in and work on myself! I really improved my social anxiety problem as well, as well as some other minor things I improved. During around the end of the summer, she occasionally creeped to the back of my mind and got me down a bit, but I was beginning to feel free, more confident about myself and even somewhat happy! Toward the end of the summer I sent her a message on FB basically saying that I was really sorry for having a hard time letting her go, but I've finally let her go and doing much better (which I thought was true at the time). She said said she was glad I was doing okay and to not worry about the past. Then I moved back down to school and now things for me seem to have gone in reverse! My friends and I have gone out clubbing a couple nights recently, which includes her unfortunately! Some small talk between us on these nights has gone OK. She obviously doesn't act like she used to be around me, but she doesn't really act distant either. There is pretty good eye contact with a couple of smiles during the conversations but they are pretty short. Part of me was hoping she would notice how I've changed which I don't think she has. This is starting to hurt my new found confidence. I know I shouldn't give a care in the world if she notices me or not but it does. She is a natural flirt and she really likes being around my buddies and occasionally dances with them. I'm not 100% for sure but I don't think she has any feelings for them, she loves dancing and chatting all the time for fun, but this bugs me to see and distracts me from having any kind of fun. When I approached a couple other girls at the club I just wasn't into talking to the other girls because I was distracted. It's like whenever I try to do something fun with my friends, she is there. Even when she is not there her name might occasionally come up and even that messes me up a bit. I am going to try and work on the non-mutual acquaintances I know in the area and become better friends with them to try and get away. However, these friends of mine are roommates and I just can't get away from her or talk about her. So the big question I have is how can I cope with being around her and do away with jealousy of my friends around her? This is really starting to eat me up and depressing me all over again. She and mutual friends cannot be avoided so tips on how to cope with my situation (how to still have fun with her there & completely let her go even in her presence) would be sooo useful to me. Thanks in advance!!! Edited August 27, 2011 by fishin32
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