PhillyDude Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 Just want to know what to be on the lookout for any signs since i have to spend money wisely right now. So besides decreased calling and no response to texts what other signs are they? Only thing I noticed lately is she doesn't iniate texts or phone calls like she did in June and July.
Star Gazer Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 So besides decreased calling and no response to texts what other signs are they? Only thing I noticed lately is she doesn't iniate texts or phone calls like she did in June and July. If you're not seeing her regularly in person, these are pretty much the only signs you have to go on, and they're pretty strong signs.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 If you're not seeing her regularly in person, these are pretty much the only signs you have to go on, and they're pretty strong signs. What is your defintion of regularly? I know it was a HUGE GAP between our 4th and 5th date because of the layoff. About a month. We still talked but I wasn't ready to go out when the layoff was fresh
Star Gazer Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 What is your defintion of regularly? I know it was a HUGE GAP between our 4th and 5th date because of the layoff. About a month. We still talked but I wasn't ready to go out when the layoff was fresh I mean like not seeing her at school, work, parties, etc., in circumstances where you'd be able to pick up on other signs.
Cypress25 Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Ask her out again. If she says yes, she's still interested. If she says no, she's lost interest.
Author PhillyDude Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 Ask her out again. If she says yes, she's still interested. If she says no, she's lost interest. I asked did she want to go to a jazz concert tonight and she said she will let me know because promised her cousin that she woul take her shopping. I normally don't get that and i did ask 2 days ago so I will see what happens the next time i ask her out. I wanted to see her one more before September to make up for the gap after my layoff.
SelfControl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) Yes, these are definitely signs that she is losing interest. However, if she still does have interest you can still pull it higher. You need to change your approach though. You should be seeing this girl once a week at this point in your dating. And, when you call her (notice I said CALL, NO TEXTING) for the date have the exact plans ready. And make sure the date is at least 3 days away, so that the chances are she won't have any plans. For example, call on a Monday night for a Thursday night. When you ask her out say I'd like to take you to a jazz concert on Thursday. It starts at 7pm. I'll pick you up at 6. Can you make it? Then wait for her response. If she says yes there is still hope. If she comes up with an excuse and doesn't counteroffer with another night to go on a date, it's best if you cut your losses. If she does accept, tell her how to dress and get off the phone. Then don't contact her at all between the end of the call and the date. This is what will raise her interest if there still is some. She'll be wondering what you are doing, why you haven't contacted her, whether you are coming or not, etc. When you show up ON TIME, she'll be pleasently surprised and relieved. Then you go an have a great, fun time. After the date, wait another 5 - 9 days and ask her out again. Keep the dates to week nights or Sundays. Her wondering why you don't take her out on weekends will also raise her interest. Good Luck. Edited August 27, 2011 by SelfControl
Pierre Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Then you go an have a great, fun time. After the date, wait another 5 - 9 days and ask her out again. Keep the dates to week nights or Sundays. Her wondering why you don't take her out on weekends will also raise her interest. Good Luck. Every 5-9 days. I don't date often because I usually go from relationship to relationship. If I hit it off with a woman I am planning to see her daily or every other day. What is the point of waiting 9 days???????????? The only reason I would do that would be a luke warm date where I think there is some promise. Don't tell me daily contact is needy or intense. If a couple makes a connection that seems to be the natural flow. Unless the date was crappy, then I wait 9 days or an eternity.
Pierre Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Just want to know what to be on the lookout for any signs since i have to spend money wisely right now. So besides decreased calling and no response to texts what other signs are they? Only thing I noticed lately is she doesn't iniate texts or phone calls like she did in June and July. She is probably dating several men at the same time.
SelfControl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 (edited) Pierre...the point of waiting 5 - 9 days is to let her wonder about you. Women think differently then men in the early stages of dating. Men think they have to do, do, do things with her to get time in. Women on the other hand like to do ONE thing and then reflect upon it for a while. It builds their interest. Look at it this way, if you really liked ice cream and ate it every day you would tire of it quickly. However, if you woke up this morning and thought about having ice cream three days from now as a treat to yourself, the anticipation of having that ice cream would last for three days, making having that ice cream more enjoyable. That's the way she thinks. Let me point out that the 5 - 9 days waiting is only for the first 60 days of dating. After that, assuming you make it that far, you can back off a bit and call to ask he out a little more frequently. What you want to do with the 5 - 9 days thing is mix it up. One time call her after 5 days and ask her out, the next time wait 6. Then go back to 5. I agree that waiting 9 days is a bit long, but since you want this girl to think you have a life on the weekends you never want to call on a Friday or Saturday, so sometimes it just ends up being 9 days based on timing. If things go well for the first 60 days, she'll start asking you why you don't ask her out on weekends, either directly or indirectly. At that point it's ok to back off on the 5 - 9 days and call her more frequently, say every 2 - 3 days to setup dates. Personally, I would only call a woman every day AFTER we were married (after two years of dating), and even then it would be just to talk about everyday things, not dates. Plus, by being married I am going to see her when I get home, and I prefer face to face disucssions rather than phone calls. The point is not about being needy or clingy by talking everyday, its about making things boring and predictable. On top of that, if you talk everyday there will be little to talk about on your dates. And, trust me, when you become boring and predictable and the conversation lacks on your dates she will be looking for something else to keep her interest. You can NEVER go too slowly with a woman early on. I know the concept of doing the 5 - 9 days seems counter intuitive to a man, but it works with clinically sane women. On top of that it weeds out the bad women, i.e. the professional daters, the mecenaries, etc. On top of that it builds her interest, like discussed above, so it is a win-win for you and for her. To understand how talking every day has worked for you, what happened in your previous relationships? How long did they last? Who broke up with who? What do you think the reason(s) were for the breakup? Edited August 27, 2011 by SelfControl
carhill Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 For me, three-fold: 1. Use of the word 'busy', even if seemingly innocuous 2. Reduced proactive communication 3. Less to no proactive interest in my life
Cee Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 I think Pierre hit upon the fundamental difference of just dating vs. dating toward a relationship. When I have dated, I might have a date once a week and there is only contact to set up the date. That method has led to more dates, but nothing more. When I'm dating for a LTR, I typically go on several dates within a short time (maybe 2-3 times a week) and then within a month, we are boyfriend/girlfriend. My advice to PhillyDude is to winnow his dating prospects through phone/text contact. If he's have flirty and interesting conversations on the phone, then it sounds like there is a spark there. I am relatively low-income so I think it's normal to go on a "cheap" date. Philly is cheap date heaven. Rittenhouse Square Park and Logan Square are very romantic. They have recently redone Clark Park and it's lovely. There's a bookstore across from Ritt Square Park and I have been on a lot of dates where we'd browse the books and grab coffee in the cafe.
Star Gazer Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 If a guy waited as long as Pierre suggests to either contact me or see me again, I would think he's not that interested and I'd move on FAST.
alphamale Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 So besides decreased calling and no response to texts what other signs are they?. decreased frequency in sex...(assuming you're having it)
Pierre Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 If a guy waited as long as Pierre suggests to either contact me or see me again, I would think he's not that interested and I'd move on FAST. I was sarcastic. I certainly don't wait 9 days if there is a good thing going on.:love: I disagree with the people that date by those strange rules to supposedly make the other person think they are too busy to call or perhaps dating others. If someone plays that game on me they never see me again. I only approach women that show interest and when I know my rate of success is almost 100%.
OliveOyl Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 Pierre...the point of waiting 5 - 9 days is to let her wonder about you. Women think differently then men in the early stages of dating. Men think they have to do, do, do things with her to get time in. Women on the other hand like to do ONE thing and then reflect upon it for a while. It builds their interest. Let me point out that the 5 - 9 days waiting is only for the first 60 days of dating. After that, assuming you make it that far, you can back off a bit and call to ask he out a little more frequently. What you want to do with the 5 - 9 days thing is mix it up. One time call her after 5 days and ask her out, the next time wait 6. Then go back to 5. I agree that waiting 9 days is a bit long, but since you want this girl to think you have a life on the weekends you never want to call on a Friday or Saturday, so sometimes it just ends up being 9 days based on timing. If things go well for the first 60 days, she'll start asking you why you don't ask her out on weekends, either directly or indirectly. At that point it's ok to back off on the 5 - 9 days and call her more frequently, say every 2 - 3 days to setup dates. Personally, I would only call a woman every day AFTER we were married (after two years of dating), and even then it would be just to talk about everyday things, not dates. Plus, by being married I am going to see her when I get home, and I prefer face to face disucssions rather than phone calls. The point is not about being needy or clingy by talking everyday, its about making things boring and predictable. On top of that, if you talk everyday there will be little to talk about on your dates. And, trust me, when you become boring and predictable and the conversation lacks on your dates she will be looking for something else to keep her interest. You can NEVER go too slowly with a woman early on. I know the concept of doing the 5 - 9 days seems counter intuitive to a man, but it works with clinically sane women. ? Wait 5-9 days? To set up the next date? Avoid the weekends? Umm no. Don't do this. This is terrible advice. Yes you CAN go too slowly with a woman early on. I'd completely lose interest and move on to the next guy who appeared to be actually interested in me.
Recommended Posts