Kageytn Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I'm lighting up the board and I apologize. I just need an outlet to think about things and bounce off ideas. My relationship was a classic push-pull with commitment issues and controlling behavior. We went to therapy but I think he manipulated our therapist to a degree. My deepest fear is not losing him but being weak and going back. I'm prideful and he broke up with me. I love him and I have already lost one man I love through death. This pain hurts and I want it to stop and he can stop it. But he can't. He causes it. I know this intelluctually but my heart doesn't. Today we lightly texted. Totally my fault-I let my anxiety get the best of me. He reminded me that he paid my bills this month and he asked what panic attacks feel like. At first, I felt sorry for him then I realized it was controlling behavior. He wants me to feel bad for him. So, what other behaviors should I watch for here? We live in a small town so he knows I'm dating. I just can't be sucked into his vortex of destruction again. I've lost my mo Jo with him and my spark. He destroyed my confidence. Encouraged me not to work. Encouraged my vulnerabilities. I gotta get my life back on track. Anyone else go through this with a manipulative man? How did you get away?
Author Kageytn Posted August 27, 2011 Author Posted August 27, 2011 I was recovering from a very deep depression and he kept telling me he would take care of me and not to work. The therapist agreed I needed time to recover but the months just rolled along. I went for job interviews and he kept pointing out I hated teaching and he would take care of me. We were his family. I allowed it and that's the issue I'm working on in counseling. Why don't I love myself enough to draw boundaries and demand authentic love in return? Why did I let him destroy my life? And how do I get stronger and learn to deal honestly and openingly with people? And it happened so insidiously..it was never don't work. Just casual statements meant to prey on my vulnerabilities.
dreamingoftigers Posted August 27, 2011 Posted August 27, 2011 There is a book out called The New Codependency. It was really helpful in establishing what is healthy and what isn't There is also Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin. Both were great. You don't fall back in by making a really solid deal with yourself and then sticking to it by remembering that violating it is like picking up hot coals.
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