jordjones Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 I am 26, she is 24. I started dating this girl in July of 2010. We lived in the same town at the time and she was always more into me than I in her. I was honest from the beginning about my being a little "jaded" about love, due to a previous relationship, but treated her extremely well. In late-October, I moved 1500 miles away to pursuit a job opportunity. She was crushed; by this point she fell in love and told me regularly. I expressed that I didn't want a long distance relationship because I didn't think they worked, but we kept in close contact - basically every day on the phone. I saw her over Christmas and a trip home in February. We were intimate on my trips home and she continued to tell me she loved me; I knew she did. By February 2011 my feelings for her began to grow stronger. I was working a lot, and her devotion to me meant more and more. Plus, I was getting to know her better. I knew I was in love. I didn't tell her though, even while our long distance communication picked up. We started to engage in phone sex and she seemed to know that I was more interested in her than I was previously. I no longer desired intimacy with anybody else. Best of all, by this point, she had become my best friend. Through March, April, and May she continued to tell me that she loved me on a regular basis, even though I didn't return the three words. Her school year then ended (she is a school teacher) and she went on a vacation. That's when things really changed. She had no cell phone service and we hadn't spoken for 10 days - the most time we had been without speaking to each other. This led me to tell her that I loved her, because I realized by this point that I wanted her in my life for the long term. She acted kind of weird when I told her saying, "Are you just saying this to keep me around..." She changed her tune by that evening and seemed excited that I had finally told her. The next day I offered to fly her out to see me, she balked, saying she needed “some time to think”...Distance, distance, distance, was her reasoning for not wanting to see me. She said she still loved me and upon my asking, she swore that no other guy was in the picture. I believed her. We continued to speak and I flew back to town on July 1st to see my family, but I really wanted to see her. We met on July 3rd and here she told me that she simply “didn't feel the same way anymore.” She mentioned that the distance was mostly to blame and insisted that no other guy was in the picture. I was crushed and asked her point blank if she loved me anymore. She shook her head no and cried. I went NC until the day I left, when I called her and said that things were all right between us, and that we should see each other before I headed back. She agreed to take me to the airport. We had a nice lunch and afternoon and as I played it cool, as if I was moving on, she started to come on to me. She cuddled against me, kissed my arm and cheek, and as I left to board the plane, she kissed me and said, "I love you." She then texted me about 4-5 times and left three voicemails on my phone by the time I arrived back. The next day, I called her and asked if she really did love me or if it was just an emotional high. She said she really did love me, to which I replied, "If you love me, then we need to spend some time together..." At first, she seemed fine with the idea, but later that day, she went against it. She said it wouldn't work and that seeing each other would just bring more pain. By this point I was confused as hell. But I was also convinced that with time together, we would end up together. So, I went on the chase...I drove back, all 1500 miles. She initially seemed pissed off when I came back, since she "told me not to..." But she agreed to a few dates. Our first date was July 18th and I went all out: absurdly nice restaurant, after hour piano bar, really swanky all around. During the evening, which included a lot of drinking, she kissed me passionately on multiple occasions – indeed she initiated 90% of physical contact. She talked about our possibly getting married and even asked me what she felt our kids would look like. When I asked her what her favorite part of the evening was, she said, “When we kissed.” We stayed at her cousins house and had to sleep in the living room. Before we went to sleep, we made out, and she apologized for us not being able to have sex due to the setting. I was fine with that. Two days later, she invites me over to her apartment for the evening. She tells me that she wants to cook for me and for me to stay over. Obviously me expectations were sky high at this point. When I arrived, however, she seemed tired and distant. Conversation was a little dry. We went to bed early, and when I made a move, she said, “We can’t have sex, because then you’re just going to go back…” The next morning we went on a walk. She held my hand and told me that she just didn’t want to have sex with me because “she had lost passion.” I again was crushed. Two days later, we went out one last time. We had a great time with excellent conversation, but now she refused to kiss me, and kind of acted like a tease i.e. showing me her breasts when we were alone. I couldn’t handle it anymore, so the next day I drove back without saying goodbye. She texted me several times that day and I ignored them all, though she found out that I went back from my mom on Facebook. We had one final phone conversation where we finally were very angry towards each other (she was very upset that I left without saying goodbye). I didn’t say anything too harsh, but I was so fed up with the mixed signals, and obviously the chase had taken a great toll on my psyche. That evening, she blocked me on Facebook. She contacted me on August 4th to talk about some job issues she was having; didn’t ask how I was doing or anything (emotional tampon). BUT HERE IS THE KICKER!!! My job situation wasn’t working out as planned, so I just moved back to town (she lives about 50 miles away now). I let her know with a 2 sentence email (technically breaking no contact, but whatever). She responded, “That’s great news if that’s what you want to do!” So, this situation is obviously messed up and I am sorry for all the details, but here are a few summary points: 1. Distance is no longer an issue 2. She said she “lost passion” due to distance (maybe other factors?) 3. She swears that no other guy is in the picture; that she has been with only be for the past year; and from what I know this is true; she is still single on FB 4. I will marry this girl 5. NC for about a month after chase Since I will marry this girl, I want to know what my chances are. If anyone has a playbook for this situation, I am all ears. BTW, I’ve only told three girls my whole life that I love them. So, when I say I love this girl, it’s a big deal (I will marry her).
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